No Hope, Only Possibilities

This place, everything below this post, is a graveyard of all that was once good in my life.

Never again will I be the person who wrote all those words. He is a ghost. Destroyed. Buried. Abandoned. Forgotten.

Through this healing process, I can’t help but to reflect on my past relationship, and in doing so I have begun to realize how stagnant my own personal life had become, and how that could have contributed to the breakup.

For the duration of the 3 year relationship, I chose to stay at a part-time job that didn’t pay enough to allow for financial stability, nor did it pay enough to allow myself the ability to make trips overseas whenever I wanted to. I stayed at this job because it was comfortable. Because I enjoyed the work. But I wasn’t growing. And I realize now, too late, that she deserved someone, and deserves someone, who is working at a good job and growing both personally and professionally. Someone who is working towards their goals. Someone who is working towards a stable future.

I wasn’t doing enough to create a stable future for myself, therefore how was I going to create a stable future for our relationship? If I had the opportunity to go back in time, I would do it differently, of course. But that’s impossible now. Now, I have to create that future for myself, and maybe through that process I will find love. I don’t know. But the most important thing is to focus on myself, and follow my passion, and my career goals. And I feel like I am on that path right now. I look forward to what’s ahead.

I just wish I had this drive and determination back then. From the moment I met her, and fell in love with her, I should have had the mindset to fully and truly work towards a future for our relationship, but I didn’t. And I regret that.