Wise Girl

me:

“Is that mistletoe?”

“Are you- are you pulling down mistletoe?”

“I don’t care about tradition, you try and get me to kiss you under the mistletoe and I will punch you”

“If I hear one more Mariah Carey song I will riot”

“Remind me why I can’t kill the carolers?”

“Hum one more note of that carol and I will stab you”

“My house, my rules. The Christmas music stays on” 

“If you throw that snowball you’re declaring war”

“You’re kidding, right? I’m not going out in that snow storm!”

“I don’t care what you say, The Nightmare Before Christmas works for Christmas and Halloween”

“I can’t believe you did all this, for me”

“You don’t have to go to all this trouble, you know”

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?”

“You’d make a really terrible Santa”

“It’s a time of good will, not whatever the hell you’re doing”

“Aren’t you just Santa’s Little Helper?”

“You call this decorated?”

“How on earth did you get tinsel there?”

“Wow, you really go overboard with decorations, don’t you?”

“It looks like Santa threw up here”

“What are you doing to that poor wrapping paper?”

“Exactly how much more hinting do I have to do?” 

 “Have I told you how much I hate Christmas shopping?”

“Secret Santa is bullshit”

“Tell me what you want for Christmas”

“Why are you so impossible to shop for?”

“Can’t I just give you $20 and you can buy something for yourself?”

“Please tell me you aren’t searching my room for where I’ve hidden the presents”

“I thought we weren’t doing gifts!”

“I got you a Christmas sweater!”

“How many Christmas sweaters do you own?”

“You’re wearing the Santa hat, whether you like it or not”

“One normal Christmas, that’s all I wanted”

“I’m sure what ever threat is out there can wait until after Christmas dinner”

“You invited how many people over for Christmas dinner??”

“You really can’t cook, can you?”

“Who the hell turned off the oven?!” 

“This calls for eggnog” 

“I can’t believe no one has spiked the eggnog yet”

“Just how much eggnog have you had?”

“I’m starting to regret having taught you about gluhwein”

“Oi! That’s my hot chocolate”

“Spam is not a suitable replacement for turkey”

“No offence meant, but I do not trust you to carve the turkey”

“I don’t care about anything else, the pudding is all that matters”

“Hey, binge eating at Christmas is totally justified!”

“You made gingerbread zombies?”

“Step away from the cookies.”

“Who ate all the advent calendar chocolates?!”