meep

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown breakfast

who on earth is out there waking up early to get shit done??? the purpose of waking up early is to have QUIET TIME LOUNGING IN BED before the world gets LOUD & ANNOYING AS FUCK

i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep

this is my favorite fuckin comic ever I have never seen something capture the experience so well

People love simple, extremely practical things. I hope you win!

Moose at the next table: No they don't. I've been waiting here for an hour.

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

Do you guys wanna see the version of bloodymary im somewhat invested in