Blind Crow

These guys would be the biggest hit at any Renaissance fair they went to.

The reason they never say that is because normal people would go “oh yeah I get why you would want to burn that”

My dad is watching this historical drama and he’s like “there’s too much kissing. I thought there would be more politics” and I said “well for every person like you there’s someone else watching a political drama saying ‘there’s too much politics I thought there would be more kissing’” and for some reason that made him laugh so hard he almost crashed the car

Dw it's just entertainment it doesn't influence how I behave or think. Dw it's just fantasy it doesn't influence how I behave or think. Dw it's just a joke it doesn't reveal anything about how I behave or think. What determines how I behave and think, you ask? Uh, my eternal goodboy niceperson soul. obviously

nature: Okay, so... Crocodiles, you're next. what's your plan for the next 200 million years? crocodiles: You're looking at it. nature: I meant, like, how do you intend to adapt to future changes in your environment? crocodiles: No need. Already perfect. nature: Are you sure? I think your previous million year review had some notes about your unbalanced bite force. Should we look into that? crocodiles: No. Bite force works as intended. I snap on prey, bite down real hard, prey dies. Done. nature: Yes, I can see that, but how do you consume it? Your jaws can't exactly open and shut easily enough to bite your prey into pieces small enough to swallow, your neck isn't agile enough to rip it into pieces, and I can't imagine you plan to unhinge that jaw to swallow your prey whole. So what exactly do you intend to do here? crocodiles: Well check this out: I call it the 'death roll'. nature: holy shit.

if you want a freaky girl she’s going to be moderately to severely mentally ill

Getting blacklisted from trading with local fae because you've been paying for their favours with stuff like childhood dreams and the memory of your mother's smile, trading their goods for what would have otherwise been absurdly highball prices, but then they found out that the things you've given them in return are worthless because they mean nothing to you. After going no-contact with your family you just wanted to get fucking rid of all of the things that are attached to them, and if you could, you'd give your memories of them away for free on craiglist.