The psychology of black men is distorted, and misunderstood through different lenses. Whether it’s through society, generational wounds, slavery, the entertainment industry, or families/communities. We commonly hear about the experiences of black men through wounded black women who had failed experiences, wounded black women who fail their sons, and the societal stereotypes that have existed for decades. It’s a rare occurrence that we hear the experience of being a man through a black man himself. Mainly, due to decades of them being silenced for speaking their truth, and them having a voice would threaten their manhood.
When getting to know a black man, these are some factors to consider: their upbringing, their childhood, their personality, their character, and their spirituality. Understanding the layers of who they are gives you an opportunity to learn them. Getting to know their nature usually comes with compassion, and empathy. Missing out on the opportunity to learn them for yourself, because of the outside noise, leads to ignorance. In order to formulate your own perspective, it requires introducing yourself with openness, considering that the way they interacted with the men in their generation could differ from how you interact with them in your generation.
When communicating with black men of different ages, it requires a different perspective. Comparing him to his low quality father is detrimental to how he will view himself growing up. Talking down on him will be detrimental to how he views himself. Many women will insinuate that it’s not that big of a deal, think about it this way….
Your mother can talk down on you: cursing you out, telling you you’ll never be anything, neglecting your emotional/mental needs, being manipulative, etc.
This behavior comes with a price. More than likely, you’ll struggle with self confidence. You grow out of your hobbies/passions. Your psychological development becomes stunted because of the abuse. Although men and women are built different biologically, the impacts of how men grow up are similar.
The way you speak to a man, can make or break how receptive a man is to you. If you speak negative energy into him, that becomes a wound to his heart. If you invalidate his emotional needs, he shuts himself down emotionally. If you invalidate his concerns/vulnerability, he’s less receptive to communication. If you brag to the world about how worthless he is, he will shut you out to dissolve himself from embarrassment.
We rarely credit black men of all ages for their spiritual responses to what they experience, whether it’s good or bad. This is due to how aware + observant they are. Because of how much they’re used to being neglected, it teaches them to neglect themselves. They are then forced into survival mode to fend for themselves, even if it includes indulging in detrimental behaviors. This plays a major role in them suppressing their vulnerability, which stems from the hardships they’ve been told they needed to endure in the name of “manhood”. Because black men are adultified at young ages, it strips away the humanity of how they exist.
It’s easy for us to be frustrated with black men, simply for existing. It is necessary to open a space for compassion + understanding regarding their stories. They are human beings, who are navigating life in the most effective way they can, or think they can, in the midst of learning who they are as boys, young men, and men. Their silence is mistaken for their lives being easy flowing. Their upbringing neglecting their needs at a young age is mistaken for privilege. Their physical appearance being fetishized, is mistaken for appreciation. If we’ve been given the ability to create a narrative on who they are for the past decades, they deserve to redefine the narrative based on their experiences, their manhood, and who they are as people.
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