lost

so much distracted that, mind feels like pulling its strings out just rip it out, have stopped caring about things which i cared once. having problems with understanding myself, the world, and the most important th reality. have the ability to write but cant express what is going on with me, want to do things but dont know whats stopping, i just go on self having and continuous streak of resentment. brain just feels like a rotted banana and mind feels like a locked room wjich is filled with stuff i cant remember, i just dont know what going on with me

ears deafen, mind numb, arms weak, appetite weak, legs sunken, eyes blurry, hope lost. don't know where life is going, or where it will go, all that is known is that it is going in a downturn. can't think of a satisfactory solution, becoming the person hated, developing chaterstics that don't want to obtain. life is with a little light now, only an unfinished void remains.

i feel bad today

hello again I'm going to write some bullshit that will not make sense a bit but I'm going to do it because it feels better after unhinging your thoughts which go through your mind with the speed of sound and makes you inattentive or distracted. I think your control over your thoughts is a very struggling battle. One time may gain control over your thoughts but it relapse in a very quick moment. the cognitive thinking of the mind gets weaker and weaker every the thoughts win over the mind. As the saying senses are greater than the body, the mind is greater than senses, intellect is greater than the mind, and the soul is greater than the intellect. One who has reached the soul has attained Bhrahmn. which for me means that this world is materialist and takes you in many directions of distraction and disassociation. believing or meditating towards a thing that we think is pure like the soul or making an eternal what we call spiritual journey makes our mind less attractive towards the distractions of the world. I think the world of spirituality and god is a very calculated genius math made by intellectuals who understood the very nature of society and human beings. we meditate towards a god or an entity our mind gains their ideology, their knowledge, their sense of just and unjust. so if we humans would have to make a rule book of these ethical practices knowing the very nature only a few have followed but when you make a story or a supernatural entity that implicates the difference between just and unjust, or ethical or unethical practices, human tends to follow these with a superlative story. but the only thing I'm currently having a dilemma with is that what's the difference between the god and the energy that surrounds us. I'm just in the void itself again,

dont know why i am writing but i guess its gonna do something. everything and everyone feels hopeless. at this point i am just a another lost soul if we humans have souls. brain is numb, mind is emotionless. just got no motivation at all to do what i am doing. i guess this is a weak mindset as per other people mostly youtube or insta influencres/speakers. just looking for that one thing that would help find some worthiness in me. nowdays i am looking for escape routes and distractions from the things i should put my energy into. but deep inside i know i need to discipline myself and my mind. i guess if i would get the key i am looking for i might get some things right. as far as now im just a blank person.