Blair Darling

Little drummer boy, come here and play that song a little louder. Let it echo off every wall, until it seeps through our skin, so that everyone else may hear.

In the beginning.

I'd like to think we were taken from the same tree, a perfectly shaped, bright red apple. I'd like to think someone held us in their hands, and wept over how beautiful we were together. But they made the choice to split us apart anyway.

I've spent my life searching. Under every rock, in every crevice, checking every shadow, for the other half of my soul. Because for as long as I can remember, I've always known there was one. I thought I found the other half of myself once. But like most puzzles, you can't put two like pieces together, and expect them to fit.

After so many failed attempts at happiness, it's no surprise that you could become tarnished, from all the times your hands were held, and let go of. So many times i've picked my paint brush up, thinking we were going to create beautiful imagery, only to be succumbed to pure exhaustion to the point, my hands just wouldn't move.

As time went on, I changed with it, became molded by it, fueled by it, the ferocity of the flame burning inside, driving me forward, to the beat of my own drum.

I want to be happy. But all I feel lately flips back and forth, between rage and emptiness. I want to smile, but I have no reason to lately anymore.

My insides are all tangled up in knots, and no matter how many times, I try to pick the pieces free, more knots form in their place.

I don't find enjoyment in much lately. It's like i'm on auto pilot fumbling through life, I lack purpose and direction. The things I used to love doing, now feel pointless.

Gemini

I miss you, and I wish I didn’t. I don’t know why I do.

I find myself questioning moments like these, While I’m amidst all this change, And I wish I could tell you about it. I wish I could tell you things like I never told you before. But, I can’t.

I shouldn’t want to. I see your face sometimes. I see people who look like you, But they aren’t you, And I have to do a double take, To stop myself from thinking about you.

Diary of a Failed Beauty Queen