Blackmore Remingon

But most of the time its my problem. Most of the time I'm the one who is losing something epic. Most of the times it is my loss and I grieve the very brief time I could hold you in my arms. Most of the time is when the waves come, the crippling waves that steal my breath, crush my chest, and make my bones shake.

I am a caterpillar, and you are my cocoon. You are able to see past the insect that I am. You can see the beautiful creature I will become. And you wrap me up in your soft arms and hold me up. You watch carefully, proud of my efforts.  As I struggle with my transient nature. As I battle the desire to give up. As I learn to step into who I am.  You do not do the work for me. Instead you keep me safe while I fight for myself. Waiting patiently until I am ready to spread my wings. 

You gave me all your secrets Secrets that you didn’t bother telling your significant other. Secrets that even your best friend didn’t know. You poured yourself into me, all of you, into me. And I kept myself empty for you. Then you took it all back. And you left me empty. Except for the places where I keep your secrets. 

A subdural hematoma from all the thoughts you still think of her? How about a myocardial rupture from the way she still courses through your veins? Would I discover osteogenesis imperfecta from the way she has settled into your bones? Your brain bleeds, your heart is torn, and you are broken but there is no suture strong enough to stitch you up and there is no such thing as a heartache specialist and I am not a surgeon so how can I repair you? How can I save your life?

and I will have them with you instead of on my own.

He is a vagabond on the corner, dancing She is the single flower blooming amongst the weeds They are misplaced rays of sunshine dancing across the room You can hear him in the laughter of children You can see her in smile of a stranger You can feel them in the hug of a close friend He can be heard through the song on the radio She can be felt in the embrace of the crisp air on a midnight walk They are the roots of trees and the sweet melody of song birds He is found in the “I love you mores” She can be heard in the words you speak and even in the words you do not speak You can witness them in the sparkle in the eyes of lovers and feel them between the palms of holding hands My God, Is this.  

For we were both made from this Earth So be it that the Water that flows through this River Is the Blood that flows through our Veins I am You and You are Me And we are the Earth And we are Eachother

That bittersweet moment when I fall so in love with a song That is every part of my life, yet hurts my heart so badly That it rattles the very core of my being When loin is pressed to loin, and the name that comes to the tip of my lips Is not the one I need at the moment And instead it is yours and I weep the way I should be moaning When the only thing that can get the heart inside my chest to beat Is your bright white name against the black night sky Stinging my eyes until they bleed When all I can do is inhale this remedy To forget the little parts of you that follow me around Like left behind, unloved orphans When my tongue is dry from crying your name out into the dead of night And my shoulders are too heavy with bearing the weight of the secret That I still love you When my friends ears are falling off from all the words I say about you And your name is nonsense because I say it way too often That the letters and syllables and sounds don't make sense anymore It is those bittersweet moments By which I live my life

Wine red and tangled clothes Heavy breathing, no one knows You leave me speechless, cold and naked The room, with our secrets remains inflated Quietly you dress yourself Our secrets placed upon the shelves Another dreamless night I face My broken thoughts taking up the space The filler standing between you and I My frenzied musings which about I lie That empty place has grown too wide With all the words we’ve kept inside To change it now would just be wrong This facade we keep has stayed too long So we will go our separate ways Losing ourselves inside this maze We will pretend we know not what is right And meet again tomorrow night.

Trespassers whisper at me Haunting me, choking me out But the engine doesn't rev quite loud enough To drowned out the sound I don't need this, I don't need you Or is it that you don't need me? Second best is all I've ever known He sees through my words Telling the tall tales that lie in my soul His fragrance dances around me Angst and regret, dripping from my lips I don't know greatness, I don't know Damaged and lost Being eaten alive by the demon The girl In my head

Sat high upon his perch he watched Learning how to fly Sat high upon his perch he watched The sun up in the sky She drew him in—for she was bright She drew him in—for she shone at night She drew him in—for he was blind She drew him in—for he knew her mind So his perch he left and soared up to the sun His perch he left like a fired shot gun He never once looked back He never once slow down His rushing wings never made a sound He flew so high, with no regard to the broken Both their destinies, it seem he had chosen For as he got higher, his wings got hot And the core of his being began to rot The sun smiled down out the helpless fool Letting him get closer, being so cruel The more he neared, the more bigger she sneered And before he knew it he could fly no more And the sun unleashed her fury with a fiery roar Singed and blackened he fell from the sky Just one single tear fell from his eye But it was enough to drown the canary Who sat and watched with eyes so weary.

Sometimes, I miss you. When it’s late at night and the lights are low and the world has somehow pressed the mute button on itself, it seems that that is when the thoughts of you are loudest. They scream their way into my brain and I get lost in their reverberations. Bouncing from side to side, vibrating and multiplying, crowding out any extra space. They eat at my mind, destroying any single thought in my head that is not of you. But that is only… Sometimes, I’m still in love with you. When the sun is shining its brightest and dances around me, and you’re standing next to me on the edge of the world and the only thing that separates us is a cloud of smoke and wavering inhibitions. But that is only… Sometimes, I think you’re still here. When the scent of the ocean, or the flowers, or the whiskey is just right and there is nothing for me to do except close my eyes and breathe you in and get lost in your ghost. When the cold wall against my back begins to feel like your arms and my pillow beats just like your chest. But that is only… Sometimes, I pretend it’s the future. When you realize you never stopped loving me, and the aching in your chest grows sharp enough that it carves its own creator’s name into your bones, and it’s me, and the thoughts get too chaotic and the sun is shining way too perfectly, and your entire world smells like my memory and you imagine you’re holding me instead of lying in your bed alone. But that is only…

But one day, we will be.

Time and space struggle to keep us apart But my moon is your moon. And I pray you’re falling, too.