My passion is finding time to read within this chaotic world we live in. To just settle down with a cup of coffee or a mug of tea and just disappear into a world of fantasies. Sadly, with my kids running amok,that isn't always a possibility.
I am a middle aged, Autistic mom of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) who are also on the spectrum. This is where my Blog gets it's name. The Cluttered Bookshelf will combine my love of reading, my experiences with learning disabilities in a non-clinical way, dealing with living on the spectrum as both a parent and a person dealing with it. So, if you see my posts get a little rambling or a little off topic...that's why.
Now on to today's introduction topic.
I don't care if you prefer real books, audiobooks or e-readers, whatever works for you. We know life can be absolutely insane sometimes, so if the only way you can "read" is by popping on an audio book and go running in the park....DO IT!
I love all genres of books, but just like most folks I have a niche. Sometimes that niche changes with the discovery of a new book and sometimes it lasts for years. Currently I have gotten hooked on "Cozy Mysteries" and even those run in many different circles.
The series that started all this? Danielle Garrett's Beechwood Harbor Series. Magic and Mayhem and absolute fun. I suggest giving her a look if you are wanting some lighthearted fun and paranormal silliness mixed with an interesting set of mysteries.
Follow Danielle Garrett and explore their bibliography from Amazon's Danielle Garrett Author Page.
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Another Book Series and Author I love; The Sweet Tea Witches by Amy Boyles.
Follow Amy Boyles and explore their bibliography from Amazon's Amy Boyles Author Page.
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Another one lol.... Mara Webb and her Wicked Witches of Spellcaster Creek.
Follow Mara Webb and explore their bibliography from Amazon's Mara Webb Author Page.
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Had a medic shift at a festival recently. People came up to me panicking, telling me that a diabetic person with a cognitive disability had just walked to the drinks stall and started drinking pure lemonade syrup. Surely this was suicidal? Should they call an ambulance???
I walked up to the person, asked them why they're eating so much sugar. Their answer: "blood sugar too low". They were self-medicating a hypo. They knew what they were doing. I hung around a bit to make sure they were okay and watched them monitor their own blood sugar by the book.
Please folks, talk to people before you assume that you know better. People with disabilities. People with psychosis, mania or hallucinations. Neuroatypical people who communicate through cards or writing tools. Try to communicate before jumping to conclusions. Most people understand more than you think about their own needs.
Don't just go to a medic or other form of help behind someones back. That's really not okay and can get people in real trouble. Bypassing someone's autonomy like that is a huge call to make. It shouldn't be the first thing you do.
EDIT: For the record, for the people in the notes: I later had a conversation with the people who came up to me and learned that they were not ignorant about how diabetes works. They knew what a hypo was, they knew that medicating it involves eating sugary foods. If the person had not had a cognitive disability, they probably would have interpreted the situation correctly.
But because the person had a cognitive disability, they saw them drinking pure lemonade syrup and assumed that this person was ignorantly putting their own life in danger. They did not see self-medication because they assumed the person wasn't capable of self-medication. And worse, they then assumed that there would be no point communicating with that person about it and talked to me instead.
Understanding diabetes is valuable and more people should learn about it, but this story is not about ignorance, it's about the ableism of assuming other people's capabilities and bypassing their autonomy.
The same goes for Autistic People. EVERYONE believes that Autistic people are what you see when you see characters like Gilbert Grape, Raymond Babbitt, Sheldon Cooper, or Dr. Shaun Murphy.
Are there people who fit those stereotypes? Yes...but they are few and far in between.
People assume we are unable to care for ourselves day to day without some sort of aide or "handler". That we all don't know how to take care of our own medical needs or that we are a danger to ourselves and others.
Are there people who fall on the spectrum who can't? Yes, of course there are, and those people will always need someone to care for and advocate for them; BUT just like any group of people, there are exceptions.
The only limits we have are those placed on us by people who refuse to see us as anything but a stereotype and a burden on society.
Even the most profound child has the ability to grow with the right treatments and therapies which are often denied to them because the moment someone says "Autism" they are written off as a lost cause. Parents and caregivers who refuse to put in the long haul legwork of OT, PT, and Speech therapies are holding their children back from ever succeeding.
THANKSGIVING (AKA NATIONAL TURKEY DAY FOR THOSE OF US WHO DON'T SUPPORT INDIGENOUS GENOCIDE) AND CHILDREN (ND AND NT ALIKE):
ANY Holiday can be especially difficult for anyone ND and NT alike; whether it's due to mental health issues, family drama, personal tragedy or just simply the stress of having people over to your house stuffing their faces with food you took hours to days to prepare. All the money, time and hassle is enough to get under anyone's skin.
BUT, this time of year is especially hard on Neurodivergent children. Autism, Sensory Processing Disorders and ARFID are the ones most likely to be affected during this time of the year. WHY? FOOD, DRINKS AND PEOPLE!!
Children with these issues aren't "allowed" the same grace that an adult would be, and it often leads to disaster. An ND adult has the luxury of walking away to a quieter space, they can choose who to hug and kiss and touch, an adult can go find a quiet place to hide when things get to be too much without risking making people mad; but CHILDREN don't have that luxury.
They're thrown into a position of dealing with possibly large get togethers with family members we only see once or twice a year. They are bombarded with Aunt Rose's perfume which reminds us of an old folks home, they're subjected to Uncle Jamal's loud obnoxious booming voice, and they have to deal with so much FOOD.
For most people, they become used to it, they become noseblind to Aunt Rose's disgustingly sweet, baby powder with bengay smell. They've learned to tune out Uncle Jamal when he gets too loud. They have a choice of eating what foods they like without a second thought to color, texture and taste.
For children on the spectrum and with other sensory processing issues and food aversions this is a nightmare. It literally takes everything they hate and lumps it together in a way that becomes a sensory overload often leading to meltdowns and ill-treatment from family and friends who don't understand because THEY are embarrassed. It's often the same for NT children too, sometimes it can just be too much!
Their feelings end up not being acknowledged, their needs go unmet and they get blamed for "causing a scene". (This also applies to NT children as well, but for various other reasons, for the sake of this I am describing things from the ND perspective even though I will use NT children as an example too.)
Children are always expected to "try everything, you won't know if you like it unless you try it" and "you need to eat what you are given or go hungry" and "you better clean your plate, you aren't leaving until it's gone".
Why is it an adult has the right to refuse food, but children don't? And this goes for ALL children, not just neurodivergent ones! I've never understood the need for adults to force feed their children.
Why give your child a HUGE plate of food and expect them to eat it all? Why give your children food they obviously dislike and force them to eat it just because "it's good for you? If Justin doesn't like green beans, why put them on his plate then yell at him for not eating them? You don't like Grandma Juliet's mashed potatoes as an Adult and yet you just slopped it on your kid's plate despite them saying "no" and are now threatening a punishment because they won't eat it??? Disgusting behavior. (Just my 2 cents)
For an ND Child this is HELL on earth, why? because for us all of this is magnified by 1000. The mashed potatoes taste like sewer sludge and feel like sand in our mouth. The green beans taste like we just licked slime mold from the fridge. Rose's perfume makes us want to barf and if Jamal gets any louder my ears might burst!
As an ND adult I know I don't have to eat something I don't like. If I need a breather I can go outside for some "fresh air". I can also leave early with a ready made excuse and no one will bat an eye, whereas a child can't do those things.
SO PLEASE, IF YOUR CHILD SEEMS OVERSTIMULATED; GIVE THEM SOME LEEWAY, EVEN IF IT'S JUST TAKING A WALK AROUND THE BLOCK OR SITTING IN THE CAR FOR A BIT WITH YOU. TALK TO THEM ABOUT HOW THEY ARE FEELING.
LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD CHOICES...IF AUNT DELILAH IS MAD YOUR KID DIDN'T EAT HER HAM, TOO BAD SO SAD, DO NOT FORCE YOUR KID TO EAT.
IT WILL ONLY CREATE A HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD. IT WILL SHOW THEM ADULTS, ESPECIALLY YOU, CAN'T BE TRUSTED TO PROTECT THEM FROM THINGS THEY SEE AS BAD RIGHT NOW. MANY ND CHILDREN GROW OUT OF FOOD RESTRICTIONS, LET IT HAPPEN NATURALLY AND DON'T FORCE IT.
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So, we went to a Trunk or Treat/Book Fair event at my oldest daughter's school...
The oldest decided she wanted to make her costume to match her little sister's. So we came up with a theme based on the Original Animated Cinderella. My oldest came up with a punk version of Lucifer using an old costume she did last year with new items added (tail and cat ears) and the youngest went full Cinderella with a store bought costume.
I am sorry for not posting much lately. It has been a massive case of Autistic Burnout this past month.
1) Political Drama affecting not only myself but people I love and care about.
2) School Spooky Season and 2 Autistic Littles who love Halloween wanting to be dressed "spookily" every day, so mornings start earlier this month.
3) COSTUME DRAMA
4) Our apartment complex has been doing building renovations and gave us two weeks notice we had to pack everything in order to move to a new building in the complex so they can start a 3-6 month reno on our place (which will probably actually be longer if the renos on other buildings is any indication).
5) The subsequent delays of our move repeatedly due to our last two "target buildings" not passing safety inspections which now leaves our real move date up in the air and us living out of boxes and bags in the mean time.
SO YES, I apologize for not posting more on both books and Autism related things. This is why, Autistic Burnout is a thing, and it can leave you stressed, overwhelmed, and in a place of extended discomfort. I have been non-verbal for the last 6 days, relying on my AAC device and sign language. My poor aid has been the only comfort the last month, helping pack and talk to the management company and helping with the babies.
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO AS I ASKED? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT? WILL YOU JUST PLEASE DO AS YOU WERE TOLD!!!! JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!!
(Or "Being NeuroSpicy and Demand Avoidance")
When the weather has got me down, and I am unable to leave the house or do anything; I like to put on an audiobook, put in my earbuds, and just start cleaning.
That way, no one can come along and ask me to do something or tell me to do something I am already doing.
Why is this a thing? Well, if you are Autistic, AuDHD, or ADHD you definitely know.
Many NeuroSpicy individuals have either disorder related Demand Avoidance issues (ADHD), or Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) or aka Newson's Syndrome (most seen in Autism and AuDHD).
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a behavioral profile that describes an extreme resistance to complying with expectations or requests. It was coined in the 1980s by Elizabeth Newson to describe children with an unusual behavior pattern.
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is often associated with autism and can also co-occur with ADHD. While both PDA and ADHD can involve demand avoidance, the underlying mechanisms differ. PDA is characterized by an extreme need to avoid demands, often stemming from anxiety and a need for control, and is widely considered a profile within the autism spectrum. ADHD, on the other hand, involves difficulties with attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, and avoidance behaviors are typically related to executive function deficits rather than anxiety.
Demand avoidance is a common experience for individuals with ADHD, though it differs from the Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile often associated with autism. In ADHD, demand avoidance is often linked to difficulties with executive functions like planning, organization, and impulse control. While individuals with ADHD may struggle to initiate or complete tasks, they may not always be actively resisting them, but rather experiencing difficulty due to these executive function challenges.
ADHD alone can lead to difficulties with starting, organizing, and completing tasks, which can manifest as demand avoidance; and heightened sensitivity to stress and emotional dysregulation associated with ADHD can exacerbate demand avoidance.
In order to avoid this; do not "Tell" (I asked you to do...! I already asked you once...!) or "Direct Ask" (Can you...? Will you...?) an ADHD person what to do; instead you kind of have to roundabout ask or tell them to do something in the form that makes it their idea to do what is being asked of them or give them an open choice for helping (also seen in PDA but more likely to achieve the results you want).
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) often associated with autism and is characterized by an intense need to avoid demands, even those the individual might want to complete otherwise. PDA avoidance is often driven by a need to maintain control and autonomy.
Pushing the boundaries and asking an Autistic or AuDHD person to do something they are already doing, will usually result in the individual quitting the already in progress action.
It can also result in "back talk", this is a completely unintentional use of our words to mirror the situation presented to us. We may say something that makes you upset in order to show you our feelings about what you have asked. We may also "back talk" when we can't fully express ourselves about something you have asked us to do.
Asking or "Demanding" an Autistic or AuDHD to do something can be tricky too; we may not like the tone of your voice or some unconscious movement when you ask and thus we perceive it as you "Bossing us around" or "Making us do something we aren't ready to do yet". This can also result in the aforementioned "back talk" or us quitting a task we started to please you.
With PDA especially you have to walk a fine line between telling us what to do and asking us to do something, and allow transition time to do the task that makes us feel like we have control over the situation.
Using a picture schedule or written schedule (if the individual can read) of tasks can help, especially if they can be planned a day ahead (cleaning their room, for example). Also, setting timers for task switches can help reduce meltdowns or tantrums. Allowing sensory spacing (the need to walk away for a minute to regulate sensory issues) or the use of fidget toys while completing tasks can sometimes help as well.
In all situations of Demand Avoidance, no matter if it is typical DA or PDA, the trick is to stay calm and allow the person a chance to make choices that they feel comfortable with. Arguing and being "Bossy" will get you nowhere, and it is through no fault of the individual you are dealing with. Our brains are just different, and we have to essentially overthink things you can do easily and take for granted with "normal" people.
How i explain PDA autism to people #autistic.
If you know someone with ADHD, Autism or AuDHD who has Demand Avoidance or Pathological Demand Avoidance issues, How do you help them or ask them to do something and get that ask done?
I ended up buying and reading the whole series... and I LOVED IT!
It offers up so much more than the Netflix series ever could, I do have to admit there are places where the story languishes a bit, but then again that seems to happen more when you watch a TV series or Movie before reading the books; you expect non-stop action because they cut out all the middle dialogue and filler of the books.
Normally, if I find a show based on books, I try to read them before watching; sadly, that's not always possible. In this case, I learned of the books AFTER watching the first season. So, I did my best to try and read the books in tandem with the show, and it helped fill in missing pieces of the plot.
Books 1 & 2: (The Last Kingdom, The Pale Horseman) are covered in Season 1.
Books 3 & 4: (The Lords of the North, Sword Song) are adapted in Season 2.
Books 5 & 6: (The Burning Land, Death of Kings) are covered in Season 3.
The final three books: (The Pagan Lord, The Death of Kings, and The War of the Wolf) are adapted into the concluding film, Seven Kings Must Die.
The 13-book series is too extensive for a five-season show, leading to storylines and characters being cut or condensed.
Character Portrayals: The show sometimes alters character details or relationships from the books, and some characters with minor roles in the books are given more focus in the show.
Depth and Realism: The books offer more detailed character development, a greater sense of the passage of time, and portray a more brutal and realistic medieval world than the show.
Narrative Style: The books are narrated by Uhtred in the first person, providing a unique perspective and internal thoughts not available in the show.
Historical Accuracy: While the show is reasonably historically accurate, the books are considered even more so, offering a deeper dive into the historical context of the time.
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THE BEST PART, IF YOU ARE PATIENT AND CHECK BACK FREQUENTLY SOMETIMES YOU CAN END UP WITH A WHOLE SERIES (NON-BOX SETS) WITHOUT SPENDING A DIME. OR IF YOU ARE WILLING TO PAY .99/BOOK YOU CAN EVEN GET SOME DEEP DISCOUNTS.
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An amazing woman who will be deeply missed. I grew up reading and watching about her exploits, and she taught me so much about the world we live in.
The very first book of hers I ever read...
In the Shadow of Man is a classic 1971 book by primatologist Jane Goodall that details her groundbreaking research and experiences with wild chimpanzees in Gombe, Tanzania, from 1960 to 1970. The book recounts her early years studying chimpanzees, the remarkable discoveries she made, and the profound connection she formed with them, ultimately exploring the similarities and differences between humans and chimpanzees and advocating for greater respect for the latter.
Key Aspects of the Book
Pioneering Research: The book chronicles the early years of Goodall's field study, which revolutionized the understanding of chimpanzee behavior and our relationship with other animals.
Personal Narrative: It offers an absorbing and personal account of her life and adventures among the chimpanzees, providing an intimate look at her scientific journey.
Chimpanzee Behavior: Goodall describes her observations of chimpanzee social structures, tool use, and mother-offspring bonds, revealing their complex individual personalities and intelligence.
Human-Chimpanzee Connection: The title itself reflects the book's theme of the chimpanzee living in the "shadow" of humans, despite their intelligence and sentience.
Scientific and Ethical Insights: The book highlights the similarities between humans and chimpanzees in areas like tool use and social hierarchies, while also emphasizing the unique aspects of human intelligence and communication. It also addresses the threats faced by chimpanzees from human activities.
Legacy: In the Shadow of Man is considered one of the most significant and influential books in the field of primatology and animal behavior.
Books & Media
1934-2025 Remembering Dr. Jane Scientist. Conservationist. Humanitarian. Dr. Jane Goodall, founder of the Jane Goodall Institute and UN Mess
She blazed the trail. The next steps are up to us.
