Yo what if Tumblr was a Hotel!

slap that pussy to pieces

this is my last resort

lmao excuse my language but reese’s penis butter cups lol 

it is so wild that Samwise Gamgee is out here playing people’s greying portly stepdads and Frodo Baggins is still roughly 19 years of age

fuck me in the graveyard to show me its real

if john mulaney was gay he’d be an almost perfect comedian. in the better timeline john mulaney is gay

the amount of people responding to this surprised he isnt gay only further proves this timeline isnt the right one and god made a big mistake

“I have a girlfriend now, uh, myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave and have walked and talked for 28 years. I think I was supposed to be gay. I think, like, in Heaven they built, like, three quarters of a gay person and then they forgot to flip the final switch, and they just sent me out and it was like, “You marked that one gay, right?” and it was like, “Oh no! Was I supposed to?” and they were like, “Oh man, well this’ll be a very interesting person. This’ll be a very silly person.”” - John Mulaney, New In Town