BlackBrokenPieces

Porque incluso cuando juran que son sentimientos sinceros, no pueden negar que la mayor razón por la que están ahí en ese momento es para escuchar toda la historia, tal vez ver algo de drama y tener de que hablar cuando están aburrid@s.

Look, dont even read this, yeah? Just me babbling about everything going in my life and not even that good.

So, we all know what this is about, right? My life the past days its been rather...shitty. Yeah I think thats just the way to describe it and not just because i spent the last week sick in bed or because my turtles just died (actually it might be contributing a lot) But also the fact that i have lost a whole week of all my classes and probably am going to fail the whole year because of fucking stupid- not so stupid- classes like chemistry, physics and math. Like, Hey! I am an aspiring writer! Not and aspiring chemist nor an aspiring bloody Albert Einstein. I know many people can write and be great in all these math related skills, but not me. AND as if it was nothing the only other aspiring writer in my classroom was offered to work with an editorial to publish her books (wich are pure cliché and certainly not as carefully planned as mine, just saying) telling everybody how its SO cool that she has that opportunity because she obviously is the best. I’m like, dude I already got the offer, thank you very much...still not my problem.

With all the bad things that happen in my life being written in this blog i shall re-name it to “welcome to depression” Anyways.

Its no new that i hate school , i mean , we ALL hate school doesnt matters if you have good grades , many friends or even spend all your time sleeping in class ; at least for me from the very own fact that i have to wake up before 12am begins my hate for this institution.

Or the way i prefer to call it: Hell (because if those bloody teenagers arent demons i am not so sure what they could be) But its not just that , i really like chemistry , the way all the elements connect and make other elements , the explanations and properties of each one making different reactions at any time...for me it could be awesome , chemistry seems awesome! But the teacher...dammit that evil woman has a soul darker mine.

The truth is that i fear her. You know the feeling of someone going through your soul with a look? That the single second you turn on your back its gonna cut your throat with the sharp of a paper?! Well thats exactky her ; and im not even gonna mention how bad my relationship student-teacher is with her.

I had to do the same excercise eleven times. Yes , eleven! I didnt understood anything , my head was killing me , wrists were bleeding , my stomach was empty and all of the looks where on me , wich i hate with all my heart. Sinceresly i was about to cry or kill someone (actually i wanted to kill the teacher but then i was reminded that i cant even kill a fly) it wasnt until one of my classmates helped me out that i could run away from the board. And when i got to my seat? Everyone commenting how stupid i was , how easy the excercise was...

I DONT FUCKING NEED TO BE REMINDED HOW USELESS I AM!!!

But the thing that hurts the most? That maybe it wasnt as horrible as i’m thinking on it. Maybe its just the depression typing , the small evil voice in the back of my mind craving my head with the thoughts of guilt and sadness.

Maybe no one in the classroom really cared but me , and all the thing is in my mind , to know i do am useless.

That’s all i’m gonna say. Ok , maybe not.

The truth is that our society is way more than controlled by social status or labels to classify people (the bitch , the playboy , the nerd) and even though i’m bored to repeat that i have never classified for any of those. Anyways , a few weeks ago one of my friends invited me to her birthday party and of course , i said yes. What could happen in a bloody 16 yesr old teenage girl party? And yes , that also was my first mistake.

Five days ago i was told that the party was on elegant dress code. And unless by now black short dresses with draws of middle fingers or band logos are considered elegant i had nothing to wear. However we went to buy dresses to the mall.

Second mistake. When you have a self-steem as low and fragile like mine you shall never hesr the “comments” that the sellers or your own parents have to say aboyt your body.

My legs were too fat.

My breasts were too small.

My skin tone was too dark.

I was too short for the dress.

My face was the wrong shape to fit with the dress’s shape.

And like so many other i’m not even gonna name. The truth is i dont even know what they thought would happen. That i would consider theyre comments to my body as healthy critics? Well then welcome to reality. It doesnt happens in real life.

Im not telling who , but that day i even hesrd that the stupid dress didnt match with the cuts on my wrists.

So guess what. I’m not going to one of those parties ever again. Not until brands clme to the realization that NONE OF US HAS A BARBIE SHAPE.