Seth

A child refusing to take a nap is resisting a rest

He pulled out a book and a lawn chair and started reading, but he just left and said he’ll be back soon

He put away the umbrella and book and stuff and now he’s measuring the grass again.

the sprinklers turned on…i’m two hours into this thing

more compelling than real tv tbh

Since most people are buried in their best clothes, a zombie apocalypse would be a very formal affair.

I take a criminal justice class and we were in partners doing presentations on drug busts so one kid brought in baking soda to use as cocaine and he put some under his nose and made a few lines to “make it more realistic”. So he and his partner are doing the presentation, he’s sitting in a chair looking into the distance pretending to be high and such and his partner is talking. Then the principal walks in to ask the teacher a question. He looked around, saw the “cocaine” lines, the guy acting high and the “cocaine” on the guy’s nose, kind of sighed a little, and walked out without saying anything. My teacher was laughing so hard she had to go to the bathroom to calm down

There’s someone who has their iPhone named “hot single horses in your area” and they airdrop people pictures of horses randomly. Nobody knows who it is. Once, during an assembly, the laptop that the projector was from had airdrop turned on, and in the middle of a presentation about bullying, it popped up in front of the entire school. HOT SINGLE HORSES IN YOUR AREA WANTS TO SHARE AN IMAGE. A picture of a horse, with text in bubble letters over it saying “available”

“Are you ticklish” is such a loaded question. If you say no they’ll test it. If you say yes they’ll test it. Just tickle me. Get it over with. Subject me to this horror soon so that I may begin my healing process. 

no human being from any period of history will ever understand this generation’s sense of humor

2016 has been shitty but at least girls are pretty

2017 has been shitty but at least girls are pretty

The fact that ‘Mirror’ isn’t a palindrome is a missed opportunity