Biseishinglomper

It all started because I saw an animal communicator on Facebook. And then I found a spiritualist reverend lady talking about all sorts of secrets of the universe.

I've always been interested in Supernatural and Psychic things.

I'm in this psychic/medium group and they have this weekly "post your pet pics so our animal mediums can practice"

So I posted Beau. Saying I knew he had issues but would like clarity on what or how to help.

Someone answered. An approved reader. So one of the legit pros.

She said his tummy was inflamed and he was in discomfort. And that diving deeper, he had a chicken/eggs allergy. (Tbh I was hoping for insight on mental health)

But anyway. This lady doesn't know weve been having trouble deciding on a dog food because sometimes he just won't eat it. Or he's super gassy.

So I told mom. Told her it came from a medium. She asked what we could do. They said to switch to no chicken and corn. Take out treats. Suggested dandelion tea. And if he didn't feel better to get him checked out.

My friend makes her own dog food. I think she suppliments it with dry food for grazing in between meals. We've had to feed Beau 2x a day though because he's become obsessed with food. He makes the rounds after we eat, making sure there's no crumbs. 😬

But anyway. I don't have any dandelion but I thought maybe I could pick up some tumeric. Give him a little each day for inflammation until we can find a new dry food. And I'll learn what friend makes in hers this weekend. I know it's ground meat, rice, quinoa and veggies. Might be other stuff. Well experiment. I know rice and meat. We have turkey or pork we could use for him.

Honestly I'm glad mom didn't bite back with "lots of dogs can't handle dry food" something or other, or say something like she's not buying groceries for our dog. So I'm happy. Didn't even snark about it being from a medium. Just a "well what do they say to do?"

Yay 😌

Also, a synchronicity.

Friend just passed me 2 bags of peanut butter dog treats because someone else passed them to her, and neither of her 2 dogs liked it.

Beau eats them. He doesn't seem thrilled but he eats them.

I looked at the ingredients. No chicken or corn.

So yeah I think the universe may have been trying to help. Friend has only been making homemade food for a couple months. Keeps telling me about it 😅😅 and now the treats. And an actual reading.

Dad's having some scary stuff going on, I'm not sure what but it involves an artery in his groin and it having an aneurysm. The last I heard it was dissolving though.

But then a video came across my feed about warning signs for blood clots and I started freaking out. So I found my cards.

I asked if I should be worried. I got the hanged man upside down. I mostly took note of the selfishness like yes I'm financially dependant it's one of my biggest fears that we don't have his income anymore 👀 but anyway.

I was yelling at them like "I know you want me to get my shit together. I know you're calling me. I don't know how to make my brain and body do the responsible things because I'm sure once I get right spiritually ill get more functional in other areas, or vice versa.

(queue "...fuuuuuuck I forgot the laundry today") 💀

Btw I'm not doing spreads in literally just pulling a card. Or two.

I got to a stopping point and two pulled away. Queen of cups and the world.

I felt like that was a "I gotchu; you got this" kind of encouragement.

The queen of cups reminded me of something.

I suddenly noticed I had seen this name I had never seen before, and I've seen it twice this week. I took note the first time cause I thought it was really pretty and also it felt like I should remember it. Like I was being told "stare at this name, bishi."

The second time I saw it I definitely was like "hey. what!?"

I was wondering if it was my third guides name because I got the first and I'm PRETTY sure, but not positive I got the second. Stopped trying before I could get my third. 👉👈💦

But I know I have 1 man and 2 women. Because when I asked, I pulled a king and 2 queen cards. And when I asked who I annoyed, I pulled one of those again. 🤣 Queen of wands? I remember fire. Heh.

So I asked. "Do you have something to do with this name? Are you Ellyana?"

And guess what card i freaking pulled.

Also I pulled from the back which I don't normally do.

Queen of cups.

I would say I could take a hint but I'm autistic, I need straightforward clarity before I claim it as fact 😂

Maybe I should be asking for things like "please show me this specific thing" and then just wait for a sign. 💀 I've heard some wild stories. Sprit doesn't disappoint with some people.

Like someone asked for a "green bird" sign and they were forced to stop at a road. With a road sign called green bird.

A story from someone at women of faith was this one woman wanted help choosing who to sponsor from Africa. "Please God, just make it obvious." The attendant was like "sometimes they don't have names"

Fam, the name on this one kids card was "obvious".

I have a hamsa bracelet right. Even did an extra protection spell to beef it up.

It's whole purpose is to deflect negative intentions away from you, yeah?

A few days ago when I was struggling someone came in saying they were led to me to help and felt some negative energy attached to me.

I'm like. Okay. And what can we do about that?

I'm not even totally dubious yet, not until someone hits me with a pay wall, yknow?

Welp they disappeared the next day. Deleted their comment and their dm.

I was recently half-scammed by some asshats on tumblr a while ago. They didn't get money or anything but they did get my tumblr account. Which I got back pretty quick. But Oof.

But these people didn't even give me a follow up response to my bite

So I'm wondering if they backed off on their own thanks to my hamsa hand 👀

But last night I set my boundaries and imagined the white light around me.

But I was still uncomfortable. Like I had a dream immediately where I couldn't turn the lights on and was calling for my mom 😅

So I gave myself a night light. And comforted myself knowing my cat was right there.

At some point mom walked in to check on me and she startled me because i didn't know she was there, I just happened to roll over and look. My cat did that to me too at one point. I looked up and she was over me.

More uneasy sleep

But at some point it kind of dawned on me that this paranoia went right along with the jump scares and I wondered if I was just feeling watched. intuition also supplied a little something.

It was at this point I'm watching my cat at the end of the bed and she's not sleeping or chilling, she's watching me. Which was a little unsettling. I knew she was sleepy but why are you staring at me. Usually after I slow blink at them they disengage and go back to chilling. But she was just calmly staring. (Probably wondering wtf was wrong with me lol)

Anyway It's funny because if I'm already paranoid and suddenly think oh there's an entity wanting my attention that would just fuel my fear right

No it really was a Ohhhhhh moment. I took it more like theres an expectant child staring at me kind of thing not so much an attachment.

When I set my boundaries I don't think to add "don't bug me while I'm sleeping" because one of my intentions is yeah I want my guides to talk to me.

So then I just said uh yeah, don't bother me when I'm trying to sleep. We can try to determine what's up tomorrow or something. Now please leave me alone.

And yknow what. It helped. 🤦‍♀️I think it really was the whole "feeling of being watched" thing that set me on edge which just didn't register.

Visually. It felt like I was just watching random stuff. People at a Texas roadhouse sitting around the front and like. Doing a reading or something. Didn't know anyone

Different setting of a valentines cake. I was kinda wondering if it had anything to do with great niece. Or mom. Her birthday is 2/12. I wouldn't say it was prophetic or anything but. Made me uneasy. More images of like a teen and a toddler. Like maybe my niece will have another kid in another 10 years or something. 👀 possible I suppose. Mightve seen my 20mo niece as tweenish.

It just felt like my brain was channel surfing TV. Nothing else felt relevant.

Then I'm watching this professor reading or passing back homework. And he's kind of an asshole. Jaded. And he's telling this one guy, who looks kind of sullen but also like just get it over with kind of stoic when the professor is talking about his paper

The knowing of the situation was this student is privy to somthing only the professor really knows, somthing he's experienced personaly, like survived a Serial killer with details not in any record sort of thing. so the professor finds it really interesting how he wrote about these details. your first impression is maybe he plagiarized or did a little something to improve his paper. The kid looks a little... something. Tired. Or mayb a tinge harrowed. Also got the vibe whatever the encountered was in like a dry desert cave.

And the professor continues talking about thenropic of the paper, "Now see, Pennywise is--"

And I NOPE the fuck awake right there.

Like excuse me, what the fuck was that?

Guides, what the fuck was that!? YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IS A BAD WORD. ABSOLUTELY NOT. What's going on there. Why would you do that

Bishi saw the IT with Tim Curry when I was little and it stuck. Badly.

It's literally the only movie that freaks me out. I love it, I'll watch it. With lights and people around 👀 but

Literally Pennywise makes me paranoid AF. Definitely one of those things I avoid at all cost thinking about because as soon as I do I feel like it's just asking for him to get me like invoking a dark entity or something. Jeeeez.

The new one doesn't feel like that. I binged some of the new series last month, that was fine. The desert bits might have been influenced from there.

I seriously had no idea where that scene was leading. I'm glad I still have the super power to YEET myself immediately from dreams when I get scared 😅

I tried asking my cards.

It felt like I got some encouragement with my current spiritual issues. But nothing about my dream. (2 of swords, queen of wands, strength. I've gotten those recently, but they were upright this time. So yay. Pulled 2 of cups reversed when i tried for clarification. Hmm 😒)

Seriously tho I can't go back to sleep with that. 😮‍💨

I was sleeping for less than an houurrrrr uuuuugh

I don't think I wrote about it but I had a weird fear response earlier when I was about to get ready for bed.

I had come across a post in a fb group where someone heard their name whispered just before they woke up. And that they had read that that was a negative, from dubious sources sort of thing.

News to me. I only sat with that for a moment becase the other night I woke up to someone saying my name. I knew it was in my head, I just didn't know from who. Like me or spirit. But I got up and did a life check just to be safe and went back to bed.

But I'm getting ready for bed, and I had taken off my hamsa charm bracelet just long enough to get a drink and come up to bed. I was feeling too aware and overstimulated so I just gave my wrist a 5 minute break.

Anyway I'm standing there pondering "so yall don't do whispering of my name, huh? Is that a thing or no?" Was genuinely just wondering, and I stood there trying to feel open and receptive for an answer either way.

So what happened was I slowly started to feel fear.

I was confused like. But for why..? And it got so bad I was fumbling with my charm bracelet to get it back on as fast as possible. And then tell myself I was protected. Even made my bracelet jiggle like "We good? *nod* A'ight."

I was prompted to actually put a protection spell on it when i made it, and I don't do spells so. 🤷‍♀️ Imma trust it works. I'm kind of waiting on the day my bracelet breaks. I don't think I used a good wire so it feels like it might be a tad fragile. And if it breaks, it'll probably be because I snag it. But also I'll be redoing the spell when I construct a whole new one 🤪

But yeah that was freaky.

I'm a super pragmatic. I look for reason in how things are happening or how to approach them. I think it's a thing I'm good at and it's good for me.

But also my cards have told me, okay, now be a little more emotional about it. Lol

But anyway. When my body feels a certain way I always try to figure out why.

Usually it's to determine what symptom I'm dealing with.

Like before I had a continuous glucose meter, and I would suddenly start feeling anxious, that uncomfortable vibrating in my chest... but without an emotional tie that would explain anxiety..? Its like. Oh. Low bloodsugar. Mystery solved.

It was like that. Just totally out of left field, seemingly nothing mentally leading up to those feelings.

It's really weird because I feel so contradictory sometimes.

Like I need to know how things work. Like trying out energy work.

Where is this exactly. Am I picturing it right. Is this further down or... is this light intense enough 🙃

Did a meditation on clearing the pineal gland but it also did third eye, but those don't appear to be the same spot, so do I focus on the gland, which more sensibly aligns with the chakras, lining up with the spine, or literally at my forehead where they say the third eye is. Because different spots cause different tingles and tension.

I've always been quiet and chill and always tried to be a kind person. People have been calling me a hippie since middle school. (It was mostly thetiedye.. now I've added bandanas) I've always been interested in psychic and Supernatural things. So a lot of this was easy to accept. I was so psyched when I learned about spirit guides. That was my whole impetus going into this...

Well, the original lure was animal communication. And before I even tried meditating, I worked on clearingthe extra chatter from my brain. The background songs and such. It took a few days. Then I'm like omg what are these layers of consciousness I never noticed them before

But now I can quiet my mind pretty easily. The main layer. At least for short spurts. I only lose focus when I'm about to fall asleep..

I tried to do a reading for something else. I was trying to look it up and some key words kept popping out, which made me feel like they were saying it was "rude and direct" and also I was "abusing my intuition".

Trying to interpret it again I think they're commenting on where I am as far as spiritual growth. I was having trouble figuring it out on my own so I did what I already promised I wasn't ever gonna do and threw it in AI. 😔 I know. I'm sorry.

But anyway that told me I was straight up in spiritual burnout.

Maybe that's why or how I'm so on edge lately. I mean, i did stop part of my antidepressants, but I wasn't taking them for this anyway. I added a second because if I missed a dose even by hours, I was likely to start getting weepy. Not angry. The vitriol is new. I've never been easy to rile and its happened a lot this week.

Anyway my spread was Reversed Page of wands, Reversed Page of swords, and Reversed Hermit.

And then to clarify, I pulled Reversed Queen of cups.

Hoping it means the burnout thing and I'm not like, delving deeper into chaos.

I might regret it later, but right now I'm still peeved about hypocritical Christians.

I'm kinda hoping i can just step back a few days from spirit and maybe I can start fresh in a bit.

I was getting a little overwhelmed with the idea of a perpetual peanut gallery in my life, anyway.

Like some things are super weird now 🤣 I don't know how mediums deal.

TMI for sure but I'll have a spicy dream and in it realize and be like "omg no 🫣 don't look" and they'll be like "no, no this is good visualization practice"

Welp, I just read an article about how the Satanic temple sent a letter to the senator to say they were happy to be stepping up and offering after-school clubs, where lgbtq youth can get the support and education they need.

I can't help but appreciate, nay, LOVE the irony over the Christians fearing Satan finding its way into the schools, and now they've initiated just that.

Like this is because of y'all. You needed to push your agenda. You're the one who invoked a response. You're causing this. Not the kids with rainbow hair and glitter.

All these people want is to be accepted. As their own person. To have the right to live. Because bare-bones, this is what the controversy is about.

Their demands are they want to wear the clothes they want, wear the makeup they want, wear their own body the way they want, love and marry the adults they want. To love themselves. Without being persecuted.

But y'all have never faced persecution for love or beliefs, have you? So I guess I can't expect you to understand.

It's okay though, because many of us are willing to sit down and help you learn about "love". What that is, and how that works. Because another thing many of us believe in is something called "grace".

I'm not a satanist and I never will be, but you must acknowledge that there's a problem when their argument is wrapped in more genuine love, kindness and acceptance than the Christian church's is.

I've heard and mentioned it somewhere before.

But American Christianity is not biblical Christianity.

The fear and control around sin shouldn't be taken as the overall theme of the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Love, kindness, generosity, advocacy. These are the tools Jesus gave us that will absolve us of our sins, not the guilt and fear of being punished by a patriarchal figure in the sky.

You have seriously lost the plot.

For a big bookclub, you all don't know how to use literal and inferential analysis correctly, and it shows.

I asked if they could speak something. Or use those text words, I liked that.

Then I realized

When I got Safety's name, it was in audio and text

They gave me captions

They made clauraudience accessible 🤣

So since getting into all this spirituality I Notice when there's a bit of tinnitus

What gets me is it only lasts for a moment as of late. Somtimes its literally the length of a single 'ting' of bell.

I was procrastinating on fb videos and got a "T'iiiing..."

And I'm just like

WHAT

Like stfu mom I know I need to go to bed I don't care 😤

Oof

What'chu people want from me

But like. Before humans and our contracts to do human experiences

Did we ever get to be dinosaurs?! Or other beings? I keep hearing about 'pleadians'? Something like that. But I don't know much. I categorize them somewhere in the chapter were I wanna learn more about angels and what plane they come from...

Anyway I digress

I also heard from some mediums that animals tend to stay animals and humans stay humans. But an animal communicator i follow sometimes talks about exchanges with these animals that have been humans in the past.

But mostly I wanna know if I've ever been a dinosaur.

Please, my autistic ass needs to know.

I got one and it reminded me that I wanted to try a weed gummy during a meditation sometime.

I took one for pain and fell asleep to it the other night. At the last minute I tried to play an Astral projection guided meditation but fell asleep too soon.... I just thought the spotty sensations would be conductive to that. 👀 Anyway.

So I asked if I should try a gummy to open up to spirit.

I laughed when the first card I pulled was "the devil"

Drugs are bad, mm'kay?

Then I got knight of wands and strength, both reversed.

Okay, okay. Bad idea. Won't do that.

I know I gots issues! Self doubt, frustration, directionless... I am aware.

Oof.

But I had one of those moments where I thought I was managing to enter a space were I could hear spirit. Because a few dreams have started with hearing sounds like over a radio. Static and tinny.

I was hearing the ocean over the radio waves. Just hearing the water for a few moments. It was nice.

Unfortunately those radio ones are also the ones I get really paranoid in and start setting that "only my guides may speak to me" boundary. I was trying to also acknowledge my fear and tell myself it wasn't a big deal, I was safe and protected. Because I'm sure I'm just psyching myself out.

Well then I heard something like "OO-ooh, I'm a ghooost" all teasing-like and I feel like these 3 dementor looking asshats are circling above my head. (Not unlike the pulsing light i sometimes see behind my eyes.. it literally looks like 3 manta shaped gliding pulses of light circle eachother. I think it's just my visual neurons firing since it happens literally in the black of my vision, not my minds eye. But who knows.) Anyway

So then I'm scared but at the same time like offended 🤣 like you motherfucker, don't mock me! How rude.

So i do the paranoid boundary setting where I feel like a crazy eyed lady waving a broom in the air yelling 'GIT!'. cause I'm always like "only my guides and those aligned with the light can engage with me!"

So i tell em "Get the fuck outta here!" And I sit up in my bed as two of them head toward the window but the first is still kind of hesitating, deciding whether he's gonna leave too or continue to pick on me

And then I imagine the circle of light. Internally. I didn't realize it was a dream or I would have actually tried to make a visual light. I even do a little goku power up growl sort of thing 🤦‍♀️

When I see that one guy turn around like he might decide to fuck with me more though, I imagine holding this power washer tool and imagine shooting light at his face like Splatoon. Then he skedaddled. 🤣

But then the dream ends and I feel like the commotion RUINS it all and it's probably all my own fear. 🙄 I was probably at a point I could communicate but I was too busy making a fuss. Like always arrrrgh

I tried to ask if those were really trickster spirits or if I was just scared again. I got a 'maybe'. Or it could have been 'both'?

Oof I wish more dreams were this clear and aware. They usuall are but I've been finding I havent been remembering them great.

Like I have a feeling I was talking to someone during my nap. I was in this building that was big and empty and had swooping linoleum floors. That I decided to use for roller skating. It was fun. Relaxing.

I was sitting with someone and holding a little stopper or skate and they asked if it felt different. And I said yeah, they felt different. Not sure what it differed from, but it felt like I was a kid and I was speaking to an older kid. Or teen. Or heck, mightve been myself.

One of those things you only realize after you wake up..

Sometimes i wish I could study myself 😕

Also the one where I got Alex's name, I feel like the location was important. We were hovering above a stone temple for some of it (it was night and dark, i just knew it was down there), and then I had been flying through water filled tunnels in the belly of it, like a waterway, and it got pitch black which freaked me out but I knew light would make me feel safer so I went looking for it. Or tried conjuring it. It took maybe 3 swooping turns until I came out at this brightly lit, huge open temple space filled with mosaic windows. Still covered in water. Like it met there. The place was built with huge white bricks. I remember the main mosaics had a lot of purple. Maybe flecks of orange. Other colors too but I think purple is pretty so I was real impressed even though It was only for a moment, really...

I'm so rude aaa sorry 😅

I dunno if it was said but I got 'Alex'

It didn't feel particularly like an enlightened dream like the other so I wasn't at all convinced it was a spiritual guide.

So I asked the caaarrrrds. (Earlier they told me I had 1 male, 2 women. For the male I drew a knight. Of wands I think)

"Ok, Mr. Knight. It might be just been a dream but is your name Alex?"

Was cutting the deck and one popped out

Reversed 6 of wands

Goddamit 🤣 Okaay, I knooooow. (Self doubt, need external validation. Yes, I'm aware of my flaws.)

"Just to double check! Alex?"

King of wands. Which is also a yes.

This Bish is shook 🫠

Alex and Safety! Two down, one to go omg

So fucking cool

I did try to ask what roles they were but I couldn't figure it out at all. I forgot what I drew. Ugh.

I mean I think Safety is self explanatory but. Yeah.