Growing Pains

Until the pain starts seeping through 

Then I take another and another 

'Til I forget what I saw in you 

I spent months running 

From one doc to another 

You spent them running 

I know that I’m alive -

I notice when it hurts.

Your name the pain echoes,

In my sleep I hear the words.

You leave when you get lonely,

Like a father you run far.

Know it must hurt to wreck,

In the way that you got scarred.

When the night‘s relief evades me,

I fight with you in my head.

Hours upon hours, 

Of relentless play - pretend.

If I had been more a woman, 

There’s no world I would have begged.

There’s a piece of me in shambles, Po

You didn’t care enough to mend. 

Your hands used to hold mine steady, 

Now I picture them on her, 

Wondering what was wrong with my skin, 

that gentle ease,

you don’t spare a thought on -

until it evades you and only exists,

in your mind like a fragment,

a mythical creature from an old tale.

something in the corner of your eye, 

you’re not quite sure you really saw,

or if it was the wind playing tricks.

just a rustling of leaves, far off,

You do not treat me as you love me -

For if I felt loved, 

may it ring boldly -

The way that you unloved me 

So quick, borderline mean 

As long as I’m not dead to you 

You left so devastatingly gentle