a better son/daughter

I know what I like about Shane but I put that together based on inferences. Most of it can be extrapolated from the text but is not actually in the text. And many other interviews she’s done seem to contradict what I’m pulling from the text. And this doesn’t really matter in terms of viewing my own characterization of Shane as canon, because the stuff she’s saying is also extrapolation and inference and not actually in the text.

I think she’s put herself in an incredibly difficult place trying to write a 3rd book for these characters tbh b/c how does the fandom interpretation and TV versions not influence you at this point?

But Shane cares SO much about Ilya. Shane is learning Russian for Ilya. He's been doing it privately for years. When he gets something wrong he pushes Ilya to correct him even though he still understands him. That is huge to me. Do you know how many people have partners who speak English as a second language who never even consider learning the other language - or they consider and discard it because oh, it's too hard, they're so busy? Shane is so all in on the relationship, he is so committed, that he, a very busy person, is learning this very hard language not because he needs to but because he wants Ilya to be able to talk to him in his own language.

Yes, Shane doesn't want to come out and that becomes incredibly painful for Ilya and Shane ends up needing a really big external push of Ilya nearly dying to change his mind. But this is completely of a piece with ashamed, disgusted, self-hating, nervous Shane from Heated Rivalry. He is still dealing with all those feelings. Iunno.

“I forgot to tell you I have another name: Lu Fen.”

Wow. So, when? Since our, uh, rookie season. Since your rookie season? No, it's not true. Since before that. Not helpful.

I am a music historian with a PhD and the point of this poll is that the vast majority of people don’t actually know much music from pre-1500s or so, and most music that people think is ancient or medieval is actually far more recent.

There are no options before the first millennium CE because the Epitaph of Seikilos is the oldest complete work of music found anywhere in the world, and it's around 2000 years old. If you think you know something older than that, either only the text was written down (e.g. Biblical, Vedic and Greco-Roman hymns) or it only exists in fragments (e.g. the Hurrian hymns and Orestes stasimon). Which is to say, it does not count for this.

FAVS ACCEPTANCE MADE ME SAAAAD , how did you know i had this tiny snippet waiting in the depths of my divorce verse gdoc? carefully trimmed to avoid any spoilers because this verse REALLY got away from me and is absolutely silly and unpostable at this point. 

(and “tommy, cruel” really makes me want to finish my 5-reasons-lovett-wasnt-a-groomsman fic so… stay tuned ??? maybe?) 

—-

“You know you’re still the same person, right?” Lovett’s staring into the pool. “Like, your whole personality is still the same. You’re not like some kind of alien now, you’re just gay. It’s not that different.” 

For some reason Jon’s throat clenches up. He swallows hard. 

“I don’t know,” he manages to say. “It feels different.” 

“Well it’s not. And if they’re making it feel like that, that’s on them.” 

“Come on.” Jon chokes a laugh. “It’s no one else’s fault that I did what I did.” 

Lovett’s quiet for a long second. 

“You want to know what I think?” he says finally. 

Jon’s not sure. He stays silent. 

“It was weird. At first. Even for me. Not because I thought you lied. But because I had to, like, rethink so many things I thought I knew about you. And- and realize that there was something about you I was just, like, totally blind to.” 

Jon’s holding himself so tightly he can’t breathe. He feels like they just took a dangerous sharp turn in this conversation but he can’t say a word to stop it. “And I guess- I guess it made me sad. To think about all the time where- where we could have had this thing in common and we didn’t. And I-” he sucks in a breath. “It made me think of what my mom said when I came out to her in high school. That she was sad that I had been going through it alone. I guess it made me sad to think of you going through it alone for so long. Like, I know how lonely it is. I know you don’t think I get it, but I do.” 

Jon blinks and his eyes fill up, hot. He looks away. 

“And it took me a while. To like- reconcile it in my head, you know? And- and I think maybe I was so focused on it in my own head that I just, like- I just let you keep going through it alone. And I’m- I’m sorry for that. I should’ve been a better friend.” 

His voice breaks. Jon has no idea what to say. If he turns his head Lovett will see his wet eyes. He can’t stop thinking about all of it, all the months and years after the divorce he spent hating himself, wanting to change. He thought he was past it but there it is again, just as big. It fills up his throat and he coughs out a wet breath. 

“Jon?” 

SIGN UPS OPEN: Crooked Secret Santa 2019

Sign ups are open for the inaugural Crooked Secret Santa Exchange! Sign up  on AO3 HERE to create and receive a holiday stocking of podsa fandom fun. 

Timeline:

signups: October 11-19

Assignments Sent Out: October 24

Submission Deadline: December 9

Gift Posting: December 17-24

Creators Revealed: December 30

Requirements:

Fic: at least 500 words

Art: one large or two small pieces or a gif set of at least 6 gifs

Vids: at least 45 seconds

Fanmix: at least 10 seconds

Podfic: at least 2,000 words podfic-ed

Gift Basket: a mix of art, fic, and/or audio that is equivalent to the work of any singular medium option

See full rules on AO3 and below. If you have any questions or concerns, you can contact your mods at [email protected]. Happy gifting!