to be determined

going to school in any capacity is very difficult for me. i managed to make it through with a lot of help from my doctors and the internet lol. being mentally ill makes my life different and it makes my challenges at school very different but overall i love learning and growing and evolving in an educational environment and it’s worth it for me to do the work necessary to manage schoolwork and mental illness.

i took medication to manage my bipolar disorder for a long time, i was on mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. my medication saved my life. my alcoholism affected my medication and my body in a way where i no longer feel comfortable being on the medications that worked best for me. as such, i work with a team of doctors that i trust to help me manage my mental illness in many ways. in addition i do work every day to try and manage my mood. i believe that recovering is very hard and sometimes medication is the only way to get to a place where actual healing can happen.

manic depression is the older term used to refer to bipolar disorder. people use them interchangeably, i know that carrie fisher used the term manic depression to refer to her mental illness and i know people personally who do also. case by case i would say, so if you like it better then feel free to use it for yourself

i’m so sorry, that’s a terrible thing for a professional to do to someone looking for help. medication is a personal choice and there are doctors who are willing to listen. i hope you can find someone who is a better fit to help you and who treats you with respect

me, approx. 6 hours later, speaking to no one: ,,,did you hear that...? ‘twas god herself...,.,... wHISPERING to ME..!.. be quiet!!! be careful!!! i,m l i s t e n i n g

me, the second i come home: i wonder how much of this bathtub i can fill with my blood before i die

I am not a medical professional. If you’re concerned about your medication/diagnosis I would bring that up with your doctor so they can help you find a treatment plan that works for you. I have taken medication that has done a lot of harm and I have also taken medication that saved my life. My doctors have helped me along the way and the ones that didn’t listen to or help me aren’t my doctors anymore. I believe in you, but I’m not the right person to ask.

thank you, same to you!

there definitely can be. psychosis looks and feels different depending on the person but some halmarks of bipolar psychosis is that it occurs during episodes but not during stable periods, that there is a marked distortion of perception of reality, and that those distortions cause distress or impair functioning. for me that means delusions, which is distorted beliefs about myself or others or the world, and auditory and visual hallucinations, which can range from things like hearing whispering and talking to hallucinations that seem real but are not visible or noticeable to anyone else.

I get so uncomfortable around people too, but something to keep in mind is that people use bipolar as an adjective to describe a lot of things that aren’t actually bipolar disorder. However, I was told by a lot of people that I was acting “bipolar” before I ever got diagnosed professionally. Also, being “crazy all the time” is not a diagnostic requirement and I’m not even sure what that would look like. You know yourself better than others, I would say do some research of your own and talk to someone who can support you or help guide you, I’m just a bean on the internet. Your problems aren’t fake, you’re not a poser, and mental illnesses aren’t a death sentence. Your experiences are valid and getting help in whatever way you can is something to be proud of. Hope this helped and hope you have a good day soon.

thank you! I started this blog to find some community and support and because I wanted to know that there’s other people out there feeling similar things, I’m glad I can be that for you too.

I know how that feels. I’ve struggled with my eating and with smoking for a long time. The good thing I find in not having consistency is that things will always change and that that change can be for the better. I hope you can find some peace and stay safe today.

hey, still alive, still struggling but not nearly as bad as I have in the past. thanks for the message, I’m trying to be more active but sometimes it’s better for me to step back from this and actively work on my mental health. hope you’re doing well.

me: ...has everyone tried the chicken i thought the chicken was lovely

after trauma: there’s way too many people here and if I stay I will have a panic attack it’s worth the ticket price to not be there

me manic: Maybe!!! i’ll cut myself so thaaaaat i can prove I Am Alive and do some homemade scarification tattoos!! that’ll keep the demons away!! i hope my Friends think i’m Cool and not Crazy bc im for sure Both!!!!!