i said i wasnt gonna do this here and MAYBE I STILL WONT but like for smth maybe. Maybe

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@bioscode-blog
i said i wasnt gonna do this here and MAYBE I STILL WONT but like for smth maybe. Maybe

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> 1000YD:
nothing casual comes naturally to barry, least of all casual sex. heโs built too goal oriented to fully wrap his mind around the fact that physical intimacy doesnโt always beget emotional intimacy. he thinks heโs a person who can separate the two, but heโs fooling himself. even in this, deciding whether or not to leave, he needs direction.ย
he twists on his side to look at elliot, but the eye contact drifts out of focus as soon as it begins.ย nerves? yeah, nerves. elliot, with the first word, has the air of being put together. barry feels like he must be imploding by comparison.ย
ย ย ย โ not really. i haveย smoked, iโve done it before, i just donโt do it regularly. i think iโm like, one of those people whoโd get really addicted if i did. thereโs antidepressant drugs in them right?ย โ
i donโt know what he means by that and iโm not sure i want to ask. there are drugs in cigarettes, sure, but if theyโre antidepressants then theyโre definitely not working. it almost makes him smile, a hard little curve that wicks away after a second.
barry isnโt really looking at him, but that doesnโt bother him much. he pinches a cigarette between his teeth to light it. the conspicuous lack of the blinking red light on the ceiling that signifies a smoke alarm is, if he were feeling particularly self-critical, an indictment of his instability. heโs usually feeling pretty self-critical, but right now he can pass it off by saying that he doesnโt sleep when itโs on, that he doesnโt even cook that much anyway, so thereโs no real chance that heโll leave something burning and wake up with the entire building on fire.
โyeah. i dunno if you can get like โ really addicted.โ this from an addict. i canโt tell if narcotics anonymous would kick me out or be happy to have me. is it motivational to hear that your addiction is no worse or better than anyone elseโs? that itโs all the same, synapses and signals, ineedthisineedthis? i donโt know if i need cigarettes so much as i just want them.ย โlike, either you are addicted or you arenโt, right? thereโs no, like, sliding scale.โ
we are loudly avoiding the topic of staying. thatโs okay with me.
> RIPPEDFUEL:
It really does sound like thereโs no recognition there, and thereโs something off to his voice, itโs too clear, like Snafu has been stricken with whatever the opposite of a cold might be.ย โI like to think you can.โ Sledge had been sitting in enough of a slump to play footsie under the table, now he sits up and tries to peer over the laptop.
โYou just tryinโ to surprise me?โ
elliot hitches the laptop right to his edge of the table on a maybe embarrassingly strong impulse, feeling like heโs put his foot in it the same way you feel when youโre fucking around playing solitaire at work and you tab back to excel a half-second too slow as your boss approaches. he makes eye contact for a second and drops his gaze almost immediately. who the fuck is this guy? why is he talking like he knows me?
โno.โ if thereโs one thing elliot does not do, itโs surprise people.
am i forgetting again? i should be honest.
โi donโt know you.โ
โIf you need anything, just holler.โ from nadia(:
.meme_response{ source: the-mist;status: accepting; }
elliot likes nadia. itโs the kind of thought he doesnโt have often. itโs not that he doesnโt like people, at all, ever. itโs just that liking them is hard when you know more about people than they tell you, know their scars before theyโve healed enough to show. he knows more about her than sheโd be happy for him to know. maybe it doesnโt matter that he knows what her discover weekly on spotify looks like right now. all the same, he shouldnโt know. he scratched the itch and now he misses it. she has facebook but doesnโt post there, but she scrolls like everyone else. i know this and there are other people who know it too. people complain, sometimes, they make statements, but at the root of it nobody cares, not enough to change anything. the success of any protest is dependent on how long you can stomach before you have to start tweeting about it.
โ but i like nadia. she has a presence. itโs not hostile, not in the way that some people can be hostile. elliot wants to talk to her, and he couldnโt โ wouldnโt โ say that about everyone.
โi will.โ the tail end of fall is maybe not the best time to visit coney island โ itโs brisk and chilly and the wind is whippet-sharp, cutting like flint, like glass โ but elliot doesnโt mind. is that a smile? maybe. he digs his hands deeper into the pocket of his hoodie. โthanks, nadia.โ thereโs a space on the bench between them. he makes it smaller. (she posts art on her instagram. i could have read her text messages, but i didnโt.) โdo you want these?โ on the boardwalk heโd been accosted by someone from a candy store and had a small paper bag of fudge stamped with the storeโs name pressed into his reluctant grip. heโs been fidgeting with it in his hoodie pocket ever since; he offers it to her now, slightly more crumpled than it had been when it went in there. โdonโt really have - uh, a sweet tooth.โ if i was a different person, maybe iโd say, you look like you do. or maybe i wouldnโt. is it flattering to be told you look like you like candy? is it flirting? presumptuous? rude?
the bag crinkles.
someone: (asks elliot a question) elliot, internally: (6000 word monologue) elliot, externally: (buffering) elliot: idk

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โYou donโt have much faith in humanity, do you?โ - mickey
.meme_response{ source: the-mist;status: accepting; }
is it that obvious?
faith is blind, or at least itโs supposed to be, isnโt it? itโs the kind of thing you can walk into with your eyes shut. thereโs that story in the bible about the disciple who didnโt believe jesus was back from the dead, and had to touch the lacerations in his skin to know it was him. youโre supposed to learn from that, something about how you donโt need proof to believe. the first time i heard it, i wanted to ask for proof too.
faithโs a neutral word, anyway. it means just about anything in a world where people care more about whatโs happening on twitter than what the government is doing with the data collected from their tweets. people will always fall back on that, groupthink, breathing at the same time under the ticking of the same metronome. it doesnโt matter who started it swinging.
maybe i do have faith in humanity. not the way mickeyโs asking.
โi guess not.โ thereโs a scuffed mark on the knee of his jeans and when he tries to scratch it off with his fingernail it digs in further.ย โentropy, right.โ
โDonโt worry, Iโm not gonna punch him in the nose.โ from darlene also
.meme_response{ source:ย the-mist;status:ย accepting;ย }
she says it with a tone of sarcasm thatโs so familiar itโs bordering on sense memory. she makes sense to him the way few other things โ people โ do. if she was anyone else, being this way would grate at him. even when he forgot, being around her meant being safe, having someone who knew him, who understood. understands. kind of. not everything.
โhe was just a guy.โ she probably would punch him in the nose given half an excuse. sheโs got a mean right hook and low impulse control. we have some things in common. โitโs not like youโre gonna get a chance. heโs probably not coming back.โ
THE MIST (2007) SENTENCE STARTERS modify as necessary! trigger warnings for violence, death, threatening language
โAll the foodโs gonna go bad.โ
โIโve gotta start over from scratch.โ
โWell, sweetie, you couldnโt exactly know that a tree was gonna come flying through the window.โ
โItโs just stuff.โ
โWeโre safe. Thatโs all that counts.โ
โI really donโt want you running all over the place.โ
โYou have incredibly low standards.โ
โDonโt worry, Iโm not gonna punch him in the nose.โ
โIโm sorry. I mean it. Sincerely.โ
โYouโre not heading into town today by any chance, are you?โ
โโFriendsโ might be stretching it a little.โ
โThereโs something in the mist.โ
โItโs death out there. Itโs the end of days.โ
โStop it, okay? Stop it.โ
โLetโs just stay cool. Letโs just try to figure out what happened.โ
โI hope you all rot in hell.โ
โIf you need anything, just holler.โ
โFirst thing we need to do is keep our wits about us and find out whatโs happened.โ
โItโs Judgment Day and itโs come round at last.โ
โYouโve done that to yourself by a life of sin and dissolution.โ
โYou donโt seem to understand, or youโre trying real hard not to.โ
โWould you just shut the fuck up already?โ
โThe next time youโve got something to say, you count your teeth, because Iโm sick to death of your bullshit.โ
โYou shouldโve said what you meant better.โ
โWhat we saw was impossible. You know that, donโt you?โ
โItโs not my blood. Iโm fine.โ
โWeโre in the deep shit here. People need to know.โ
โIโm just not that stupid. I mean, what do you take me for?โ
โWeโve got real problems to deal with here, and this pathetic attempt at a joke has gone far enough.โ
โWell, donโt I feel foolish?โ
โI actually thought you were being kind to me today, so thanks for setting me straight.โ
โIt appears we may have a problem of some magnitude here.โ
โTheyโre not all bad. They canโt all be bad.โ
โThe day I need a friend like you, Iโll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.โ
โYou canโt convince some people thereโs a fire even when their hair is burning. Denial is a powerful thing.โ
โThereโs none so blind as those who will not see.โ
โOpen your eyes. Let the scales fall away.โ
โYour tongue must be hung in the middle so that it can waggle at both ends.โ
โYouโll have to stop now. Youโre scaring the children.โ
โThe bill is due. It must be paid.โ
โKid, you got brass balls.โ
โYou sure thereโs no way I can talk you out of this?โ
โHey, how come you never asked me out?โ
โCan we just stay in here a while? Just you and me?โ
โMy life for you.โ
โJust sleep. Everythingโll be better in the morning.โ
โYou canโt fuck with me on this. Not like this.โ
โWe have to get out of here. I mean permanently.โ
โYou donโt have much faith in humanity, do you?โ
โPeople are basically good as long as the machines are working and you can dial 9-1-1, but you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, you scare the shit out of them, youโll see how primitive they get.โ
โIf you scare people badly enough, you can get them to do anything.โ
โAs a species, weโre fundamentally insane. If you put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion?โ
โOh, Jesus, thatโs just wrong.โ
โWhy canโt you just leave well enough alone?โ
โWelcome to Sesame Street, todayโs word is โexpiationโ.โ
โIโm not spending the rest of my life here.โ
โIโd rather die out there trying than in here waiting.โ
โYou stop your chickenshit whining or I will cut your puling tongue out.โ
โI heard stuff. We all heard stuff.โ
โDonโt you know by now? Donโt you know the truth?โ
โLetโs see how far this fuel takes us.โ
โWell, we gave it a good shot. Nobody can say we didnโt.โ
{ user: @ribleyscotch(barry); subject: starter; status: closed; }
barry has better places to be than here, now itโs all been said and done. maybe he wants to leave already. itโs hard to tell, only looking at the back of his head. if he wanted to go he would probably go, but maybe heโs being polite. itโs a long way to the door when someone is staring.
i think about saying something. do you wanna go? you can go. if you want. if you want to go you can go. you donโt have to stay. do you wanna stay? will you stay? do i want him to stay? i donโt know if i want him to stay. if he stays does it mean something? does it mean anything, or is it just staying? do you know?
staying and wanting to stay are different. itโs logic. elliot lights a cigarette. this is maybe the first time in his life heโs been compelled to break the silence. โdo you smoke?โ
{ user:ย @rippedfuel(sledge); subject: starter; status: closed; }
i like this place. itโs easier to think when the only distraction is the sound of a coffee percolator fuzzing and spitting nearby, and the wifi is faster on properties that host eduroam. thereโs an easy backdoor to get in. all the system is looking for is an austin.utexas.edu domain name. itโs like they want me to leech. heโs not leeching. leeching makes it sound bad. heโs only been here a half hour and he bought coffee. halfway into that timescale a college-aged girl came by and filled up his cup, like heโs sitting in some roadside diner at 3am. he wonders how long he could sit here, him drinking their coffee, her giving him more, before someone asked him to leave. itโs not like iโm being a nuisance.
over the top of his laptop he sees a flash of blue plaid go by. he doesnโt register it until thereโs someone stopping, turning back, pulling out the opposite chair and sitting down. there are other tables free. elliot eyes his new tablemate with a low level of curiosity that borders on indignation. heโs being smiled at. rather than close his laptop he keeps it up, a barrier between the two of them. his chin is hidden behind it. he slouches lower in his seat and everything up to his nose goes too.
i should say something. right? โ โ can i help you?โ

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i put the :// in http://
*hacker voice* iโm gay

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