Paradigm Shift

WHAT TRUE LOVING ENTAILS Learning a respected artist in the music industry was marrying a woman involved in a sex video, I told myself: “I admire that man.” Looking back on the first advisory period of my final year in high school, my class adviser, Ms. Samatra, asked us a question. “What if one day, you fell in love with a woman and gave your all for her. You left your friends, your career, your family because you know it’s all worth it. And then, you learned she was a prostitute; or she’s been used by so many man; or she has a sex tape with other guys. Raise your hand if you would still push through with it?” I didn’t. "Who falls for that kind of woman, anyway?" I said. All my friends then from Brian, Joeriel, Jonel, Niño, and Cocoy had the similar response. I could even hear some girls say "grabe naman ‘yon" (that’s too much). All other guys in our class didn’t raise their hands as well, except one - Mark. Ms. Samatra smiled and asked, "why?" All of us, knew he’s an asshole, but at that moment, I was surprised with him raising his hand. However he ruined the moment by saying "Laman parin ‘yon." (It’s still good for pleasure.) Ms. Samatra was so upset and pointed her finger on mark, on me, on all other guys. She said “That’s the most disgusting attitude. More disgusting than the woman I’m trying to describe.” At first, I was thinking, “Are you that woman?” But in the stretch of that year, when we learned more things about her, she’s just a person of sound philosophies. After a while I realized what she was trying to point out. Maybe I was just immature then to handle such magnitude of a question. But it all makes sense to me now. Most of us might ask, “where will a person get the energy and clarity of mind to accept these things that you can never change?” Just to know things of lower extent about our partner’s past such as their previous relationships, the places they’ve been to, or even the songs they sang for each other gives us a very silent and deep prick in our hearts. Human by nature is selfish. We prefer what will make us comfortable, what will make us feel secure, what will make us feel we own our partner. With that, I guess I’m really selfish. But how do we deal with it? Is it suppressing the idea? Ignoring it? Is it having the talk once and for all? Talks which usually ends up in a blaming game, both parties try to justify their actions. Is it trying to take a deep breath and fool yourself you’re fine with it, when you really aren’t? Putting the blame to yourself is yet another way to deal with it, if you’re as masochist as I am. And for what end are you even trying to think about these? Trying to understand these things better, normally puts you in a zone where nothing makes sense, where things you learn gives you more questions. But then again, where did he, the artist, get his energy? How do you get that solemnity and purity of the heart? Some couples are clearly more fortunate to find each other at an earlier age. They don’t have to undergo such difficulties. Some are unfortunate to be with the wrong person first. But, when can we say that this is the right person anyway? How do we draw the fine line between being stubborn to find love somewhere else in the grounds that nobody is perfect and being brave to say quits because of the idea of an empty promise of a better one ahead? Obviously, I’ve been dealing with this dilemma. Demon’s inside my head puts wanton images in my head. Moments later, when I think about how happy I am with her, when I look at our pictures together, when I think about how contented I am with her, it just fades. I guess this is what true loving entails. It’s an endless question and endless acceptance. Logical or not, “loving is primarily giving, not receiving.”