if you don’t love me don’t tell me i’ve never asked who and i’ll never ask why (x)

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@biodomina
if you don’t love me don’t tell me i’ve never asked who and i’ll never ask why (x)

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Who hurt you? All of them.
Susan Duncan showed more warmth toward Cosmia that she ever did adult Rachel. She showed for reverence for Sarah and Cosima than she ever did Rachel. She showed more raw love when speaking the clones as whole when talking to Beth Childs than she ever did to Rachel. All of this includes Susan interacting directly with Rachel or talking about Rachel when she wasn’t there.
Ethan Duncan too showed more warmth towards Cosima than Rachel. Oh he reached out for her hand and cried and begged for forgiveness when they first reunited. But their next meeting he didn’t seem to care that telling Rachel he designed her to be sterile in such a cold matter would be hurtful. Of course he was her prisoner in a sense but he wasn’t trying to connect with her as a father at all. He gave up on her as daughter immediately without trying. He punished her in the most severe disgusting way possible by committing suicide and telling her it was her fault. Because she doesn’t deserve him anymore. He sat there dying as she crying and screaming No you can’t leave me again. Perhaps unable to answer due to the drugs in his system or perhaps to cowardly when confronted by his daughter heartbreak.
Both Rachel’s parents abandoned her and both found her wanting when they returned to her. Both preferred her sister clones over her. Cosima being the favorite of them both. Cosima is warmer, friendly, more open and loves sciences in the way they do. I can’t help but wonder if Comisa reminds them of young Rachel who seemed out going. Sarah catch the Duncans eyes as well. I think Ethan was disappointed to find the sweet loving child he remembered was gone and in her place stood a cold young woman. The monsters took her and made her one of them. So he selfishly and and cruelly abandoned Rachel again after having just reunited with her. He abandoned her emotionally before his final abandonment of suicide.
Susan on the other hand was disappointed not because she missed the child version of Rachel. She was disappointed in who Rachel had grown up to be. Not interested enough in the science side of things. Not like Susan and Cosima are. Though Rachel clearly knows a great deal about the science side. Susan is disappointed that Rachel isn’t as good of person as Sarah and Cosima. Doesn’t have the right kind of fire they have. Disappointed that Rachel isn’t leader she wants her to be. Disappointed when Rachel goes ahead on her own path. I almost think Rachel could never be what Susan wanted. Susan wanted to hurt Rachel with her words but she told her daughter regretted making her. She made sure to do damage with her words. She knows Rachel wants to hear that she regrets leaving her but instead she tells her she regrets making her.
All of these expectations that Rachel’s parents had she has no way to fill them. She was doomed to fail before she even met them and it’s entirely their fault. They set very high expectations on her. One to stay the girl sweet little girl he left behind and the other to become scientist, leader and model woman she wanted. They abandoned her to be raised in scientific glass dollhouse as self aware clone. Ethan didn’t even try to get to know adult Rachel. He didn’t try to reach out to his daughter. He tired harder with Cosima a stranger who just as easy could’ve been Neo spy trying to get his science to save herself and restart cloning.
Susan and Ethan Duncan are the worst parents in the history of Orphan Black. I can honestly say ‘blame the parents’ when I look at the damage Rachel is doing. They abandoned her over and over again. They pushed her and clawed at her instead trying to reconnect and supporting her. Look at how Susan treated Rachel when she ‘saved her’. She locked her in room for weeks without telling her where she was. Didn’t let her talk to anyone or do anything. Sure she healed her body and made her stronger but it looked a little like brainwashing her towards the Neo cause and manipulating her to be what she wanted. That worked out well for Susan.

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Caian Maroni for Carim 2016 Campaign.
4x03/4x10
there are a few things bothering me about rachel’s rise to power
1) susan’s “you have no idea what you’ve done” – actually, i think that’s pretty unlikely. i think it’s likelier that rachel has a much clearer idea of what she’s doing than anyone else does, and i think it’s probably more nuanced than anyone expects 2) “if we want to know what happens when we cut our lab rats’ tails off we will damn well cut them off and see” – i don’t buy it, rachel. this doesn’t read like something you really believe, it reads like a performance for the benefit of the board. she’s given the same performance before, at 17, to a boardroom discussing helsinki protocol – that time it worked, but not her way. (well, it did ally her with ferdinand…) she’s had a decade to refine the plan since then – basically what i’m saying is that rachel strategically leads people to believe that she is ruthless, and brutal, because ultimately it masks her motives. if everyone thinks rachel is a bloodthirsty madwoman out for pure power, they’re not going to figure out her deeper motives. 3) “who would you pick, then, to be the first face of human cloning?” 4) “you think they’ll treat you any differently? you are owned, rachel”
this isn’t news to her. knowingly, she went to the board and demanded abject brutality. it was part of her plan.
she’s not trying to pull one over on susan and clone club. i think she’s trying to bring the entire organization to conflict, go public as the face, and get them all jailed
so let’s add in the concepts of a redemptive arc, and of rachel’s journey mirroring helena’s.
a proper mirroring would end with rachel dying to save her sisters… and only afterwards do they realize what she has, all along, been doing for them
“Oh, Rachel. For all the joy and insight your sisters have given me… For every Sarah, every Cosima… I regret making you.”

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Rachel might be the absolute worst, but I don’t know how she could’ve possibly turned out any different when she had parents who pretended to die in a fire and then act like they had the authority to judge how she turned out? Ethan kills himself and his last words are “you don’t deserve me” - well, great because she barely ever had you.
As much as I loved having Susan around too, it’s the exact same thing. You people had the nerve to abandon your child - and treat her like a subject more than a daughter (save whatever memories Rachel has of you) and you don’t have the right to chime in on how much she disappointed you.
anyway can i please direct your attention to how fucking gay this is
Clone mothers, daughters & sestras
He does love this other very strange, interesting, twisted person. It’s real for him. So Rachel for Ferdinand is the original, and all the other clones are dispensable.
James Frain (Ferdinand), discussing his character on Orphan Black. (X)

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Rachel Duncan + Minimalist [insp]
How are you feeling, Charlotte? Why do you keep asking that?