love had conducted us unto one death

whenever I'm outside the realm of total obsession (clarity mode), but not disinterest, mostly when it comes to characters/certain media, I start to get this major feeling of embarrassment that makes me want to nuke everything I've drawn/written/posted about it. not because I hate it or anything, and it doesn't feel like shame in a self esteem way per se, not about the quality or anything, but maybe it is shame/embarrassment in general for being open about it... this doesn't happen with everything either is the thing. it's such a strange phenomenon in my mind, I've been trying to figure it out for years.

my dearest and most trustworthy loyal knight, please fetch me an abstract concept that will break the curse of this horrendous malaise. now!