Shane and Ilya are definitely the kind of couple who text each other while they're in the same room as a bunch of other people, and sometimes they'll look up from their phones like "Aw, baby... 🥹" or "My Shane 😭 that is so sweet of you to say."

Shane Hollander is

Look me in my face and tell me that a week or so before their wedding Shane didn't look at Ilya and say, "But Ilya...we can't have sex before we're married..." and it took Ilya exactly five seconds to travel through the stages of grief before he fully picked up what Shane was putting down and leaned over to put his hand hiiiiigh up on Shane's thigh and say, "But baby, I need it. Please, just the tip."

I hooked up with ilya at the club, we went back to my place, solid 8/10, he has my number if he wants to hook up again when he’s in town. is that the situation with you?

Ik Shane is canonically Cosmo’s hottest man in the league and in fanon he is widely agreed to be the most attractive player by other players and fans alike. But I think Shane loses his mind a little bit over this. Like he’s by no means insecure about his looks and knows he’s attractive. But he is baffled that Ilya is not viewed as the most attractive player. He is happy to use it as chirping material against Ilya but the longer it goes on, the more ?????? he becomes.

myilya got cancelled because at age 19 he genuinely mixed up the english words “forgot” and “f*ggot” by accident, because they sounded too similar to him, and a clip got posted of him holding up cliff’s forgotten water bottle and yelling across the rink “MARLY YOU F*GGOT!”

Absolutely yeah this is the cornerstone of my Shane masochism theory. He's humiliated by his own desire but also loves it pointed out!

like not to be a doomer because shane and ilya literally do get married and shane is the one who proposes first (based).