i search your name everywhere.

never thought I'd be so consumed by the thoughts of a man. today i stalked him on pinterest and got triggered. lately the triggers have been non stop. before this it was all crushes. there wasn't real hurt. with this the hurt is too big. there is a cleft in mg heart, i wish i could correct it surgically. but i wake up everyday with this ache. and i spend my days aching. at work the pain is muted because of how distracted i am. but every time i look at the lakes i think of him. god why did this happen and why cant i wrap my head around this ending. i need to move on. but i am stuck in the same loop. i told you I'd wait. i am still waiting. seems to me you've moved on. well you were never stuck on me in the first place. why am i hurting myself.

and i have no idea what to do with this hwavy heart, this grief, this sadness. i just sit here, waiting that maybe one day you'd come save me

and i know for a fact that im not on yours. you never even tried. no they don't come back. theg never come back because they never love with the same intensity

six months have passed and you're still the only thought on my mind, all the time, every single fucking day

mornings are the most difficult because you are the first thought in my mind but its starting to hurt a little less every passing day