Billās 1st Annual Year In Review
Note: As I read through this piece to proofread, I think I come of as arrogant in this letter. I think the cause of this is my confidence and the zealous attitude I had while writing. Both of these attributes are good for an ambitious young man or woman, but most days I donāt have the same shining confidence, and I would like you to know on most days I feel like I meander my way through life like a hobo on a train track. So cheers, hello, and forward we go.
Ladies and gentleman, friends and neighbors, bros and jabronies, and loving aunts and uncles, itās time for my 1st Annual Year in Review to you beautiful people to recap on what has been an eventful year in my life.
Perhaps itās the caffeine, or the mild nicotine buzz from the Punch cigarillo smoking at the edge of my desk that compelled me to write this yearly recap on my life, but Iām happy to have you here to give it a quick glance and/or read through. For some reason, in my fantasies, I hope somewhere inside of me there may be a writer (for better or worse) and this is an effort to express that and to try something new, a current theme for my life.
If you havenāt been following me recently, I find myself in Austin, Texas these days. I moved here 7 months ago to go on an adventure, live some life, and most of all, pursue the dream of starting a band to play music.
At this point in the writing, I would like to point out that as narcissistic and self-absorbed it may seem to write an address on a year of life, I am doing this exercise more for me, and less for you, the reader. I am reflecting on my current status and future aspirations and am writing this to serve as a reference point on the spectrum of the adventure. My point is, that I encourage you to read, but to read cautiously, and not to take anything I say too seriously or make too strong of a judgement on me. Fair enough. Onward.
I have outlined a few keys points of writing for this address for you to read in no particular order.
Points are as follows:Ā Friendships, Politics, Egotism, Music, Art, Health
If you are, or have ever been close to me, I would like you to know that close friendships mean the world to me. In the past years I have in some ways made it difficult to remain a close friend with my geographical movement, isolationist nature, and failure to respond to calls or texts. Unfortunate as this may be, I want you to know that I will forever remain your loyal friend and I apologize for the way that I am. I think of you frequently and hope to have a beer and shoot the shit with you sometime when I come back to the east coast. Cheers, and thanks for being my friend. You know who you are. All four of you.
If youāve seen any of my āpolitical cartoonsā you will know that I admittedly have no idea what I am talking about on this subject. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am dumb, in my 20s, and apologize if I have ever offended you. From my parents and hometown I inherit my Appalachian conservatism with an open heart and mind to social rights and activism.
I tend to find myself embarrassed for trying to make any sense at all of the game of politics. I have always been curious about the Presidential office since I was in my early teens. Apparently to become President you need to be a politician, and furthermore, to write about politicians you generally seems to offend and upset most people. Quite the catch.
I think I would be most aptly suited to breeze through this life without politics and take a conscientious objection to politics or anything of that matter. Unfortunately, the same fervor that inspired me to write this annual essay is the same that causes me to draw or write about politics. It happens like guerrilla warfare, I never know when, where, or to whom it will be attributed to, but it does happen. If you are annoyed by this you may always unfollow me on Facebook and never talk to me again.
This year my personal egotism has reached a climax which, strange as it may seem, has made me happy in many ways. This highpoint of egotism has allowed me to try out new things, like this piece of writing, and frankly not care what others think about it. Iām happy and blessed to have an opportunity to reflect and express myself. As lonely as nights may get after realizations that am a thousand miles away from those who matter the most to me, I find comfort in knowing that I am lucky and fortunate to have the ability to pursue a dream, and can still find it in me to happily fall asleep to sweet dreams. And after all, if my egotism fails me, I can listen to Bob Dylan or Sting, they always seem to have enough to spare me a little.
I think a healthy amount of egotism is important for trying to forge your way in life, but sometimes the egotism comes off as arrogance or superiority. I will be the first person to tell you that I have some tendency to instinctively insist that my way is right. Some of the time Iām right, other times I am wrong.Ā I apologize for this blatant douchebaggery and pray that God have mercy on my soul. It is a great fear for anyone to think that I believe I am superior or better than anyone else. I have so many flaws to potentially write about but Iām going to assume you donāt want to be my psychoanalyst. I just hope that my egotism stays at a healthy level to help guide my quest to forge my path and never isolates those who I love and friends I have known.
Music continues to be a wonderful and mysterious force of nature which shines a light in the darkness and reveals the bright vivid colors of life. Iām inspired as Iāve ever been. I will play the guitar with the attitude and confidence demanded for improving because I always need to get better. Iāve never had lessons, and think that my approach is unique and my songwriting is creative, but I hope to improve in this area over the next years. I will continue to occasionally play the banjo with the heart and enjoyment of a true Appalachian and play the melodica like it is a legitimate instrument and not care if it is somewhat gimmicky.
I may only make one album, named Bluebird, but I am working piece by piece on it and in some ways itās coming along nicely (songwriting, chord structure of songs, layering), and in other ways (production, lack of music education) itās a nightmare. I think itās important for me to keep it mind that when it comes to recording by yourself, the first efforts will always be the hardest but over time with experience and education the process will improve. Recently, I have been layering guitar riffs and light percussion on top of initial demo tracks. It is common for me to have at least 100 layers per song in Garageband, although ideally I would have about 20. Itās almost my version of aĀ āwall of soundāĀ Phil Spector approach. At some point I would like to purchase a small bass amp and bass for recording because I have been recording the acoustic guitar like a bass. This approach obviously does not have the same sound or effect.Ā
Sometimes there seems to be a cynical stigma attached to pursuing dreams, especially music.Ā I have this strange confidence that I may be able to find a way to make money with music. However, if not, the worst case scenario I moved to Austin to play music, never made money, but I was able to do what I loved the most for a few years. That is not so bad is it?Ā
My dad used to tell me that I should give up on my music, and pursue art. I will never fully do this. Instead, I will draw and sketch only when I feel inspired. The quality of the art will suffer, but as the artist and beholder the beauty will remain. When I was a kid my mother instilled the absurd confidence in me that I can do anything that I put my mind to, and she encouraged me with art. I would like to get into experimenting with pastels and perhaps even canvas painting at some point. I still mostly do pencil/pen and paper sketches right now.
Physical: I have been running off and on the past few months, but I hope to cut a few pounds. Sometime in the next 2 years I hope to run a sub 20 minute 5k to get in as good or better shape than I was in High School. I also aspire to benchpress 225 a few times, but I have really fell off lifting weights without gym access. I still lift some dumbbells and do pushups in my house, but having a bench like back in the Morgantown days was ideal. I can never be completely yolked due to my smaller frame, but I think 10 pounds of muscle gain is realistic. Iām also trying to eat better. More salads, more water, some fruits, coconut water, less pizza, less donuts/chips. This is a struggle, but I think Iām heading the right direction with it.
Mental: I remain stubborn, persistent, and somewhat diligent. With some family history of depression I feel it is important to reflect on where my head is, especially isolated away from family and people who care about me. In my current case at the present moment I think Iām doing well, as good as well gets, at least. I think balance is the key here. Never too high, never too low.
So, in conclusion, I wish you a Happy New Year and hope that you find yourself in good spirits. Remember to express your love to those that matter to you during the holidays. Cheers!
