1. (Re)Identify yourself.

Today, take some time, and think hard about what kind of friend you currently ARE, but more importantly WILL be. Don’t be that person who wakes up in 10 years without soul-nourishing relationships. Are you the one who bakes everyone cookies just because? Are you the one who says, “We’re going out and having the time of our lives” because you know your friend needs to blow off some steam? Are you the one who will fly halfway across the world when her friend loses her mom?

Take some time.

Think hard now because in the moment you won’t have time to think.

2. Identify your friend.

There’s a lot of fluff in this world, and I blame pop culture. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we know someone if we know facts about their lives — shared interests, hobbies, history, personality. That’s some of the fluff. It’s nice to know, but it’s not the core stuff. The real essence of someone is something that takes a lot more work to understand. Every person lives for something, yearns for something, hopes for something. Examine yourself — do you know what your friends live for? Do you know what they think about themselves? Do you know what they think about the world?

3. Bring value.

This pertains to number 1, but yeah — just bring something to the table. A big, genuine, smile, interesting topics, a wicked good way of including everyone in the conversation. Bring energy if you are energized, but be honest if you’re not feeling it. Stay positive. Minimize the gossip.

4. Make time.

Maybe it’s just a short visit to your friend’s dorm room to chill for a bit, a pizza delivery at midnight, or going for a run together in the afternoon. Make time for the little things because they add up.

5. Make stories.

I recently read somewhere that you can either be responsible or have stories. However, just because you’re responsible most of the time, doesn’t mean you’re painted with a scarlet R for “always responsible”. You have a choice in each situation. So go ahead, act like a fool for the sake of making your buddies laugh. It’s entirely worth it.

6. Be vulnerable.

You don’t have to go shouting your insecurities to everyone you meet — but as a relationship deepens, you should slowly start to feel comfortable being your true, un-polished self in front of your friend. Being vulnerable is hard, because it gives someone else the power to hurt you. However, I’ve found that it when I reveal myself to the right people, we grow a lot closer and I cherish the feeling of being known to another human being.

7. Be patient.

Chances are, the better you get to know your friends, the more and more you will understand their character flaws and shortcomings. Over the years, I’ve found that relationships are the most conflict-free at the initial, shallow stages. The deepest ones are mired in long, sometimes difficult conversations because we are the partners in someone else’s growth and development. Those are the ones where we lay out our deepest-held beliefs. The ones where we get mad at each other for not being nice enough or good enough to ourselves, where we get upset that the other person doesn’t believe in themselves as much as they ought to.

My feet tap briskly to the bathroom, and I close the door.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I blink, unfocused. Knowing that this moment, as all others, shall pass — it wrings me like how I twist cool water out of a towel on a hot summer day.

This distant land where I am almost every inch of myself, sing with abandon, laugh giddily, speak my tongue, this space where I let all of me echo into the night — will soon be a fading memory, and I cannot fathom going back to the place where only half of me is alive, the place we call home.

My mind wanders. I’m distracted because somehow it’s also about you.

This place will always be about you.

The thought of you, the smell of you, your generous spirit that lights fire inside of me — of all the place and time in eternity — that we could have met and existed, and atoms collided, is breathtaking, exhausting, and brilliant all at once.

And I know I fight a losing battle. Because I don’t know how to hold on and how to let go. All of my nineteen years I have never quite learned how to capture those little pieces of magic except in a place to which there is no key.