bi faq

I think I'm tired of the idea that you can appropriate a community (and this doesn't go against you, but the people who spread this idea). Guess what?

A community needs PEOPLE, and if we keep policing ours, it's only getting weaker.

Anyways, welcome!

I'm sad to say so, but it's time for me (mod platypus) to leave the team. There are just a few too many things going on in my life, so I am going to have to say goodbye to you all.

Which means we will be looking for new people to join this blog! If you are bi or on the multi-attraction spectrum, like getting involved in other people's business (in a nice and respectful way) and have a bit of time to spare, this is your chance!

Below is a link with a short questionnaire about you and a practice question to show us how you would handle responding to asks. Have a look and leave us a response - we're looking forward to hearing from you!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc302JDDzubkBg9R_jr681bwjKT7oslZdn-rE55gnD_AHzsvQ/viewform?usp=sf_link 

[insert shrug emoji]

Maybe it's attention seeking? Humans are social animals and need attention. If you need attention for this specific thing, there may be something there that you have to process.

If you can figure out what it is, or even put into words that you just really feel like you need to talk about it, that may help talking to people who are now uncomfortable with it. Otherwise I suggest finding people who are willing to figure this out with you - friends, people from a queer community organization, or even a counsellor/mental health specialist. No shame in seeking attention when you need it. Water your brain plant!

So... Compulsory heterosexuality is an academic concept meant to describe the experience of women in a patriarchal heteronormative society. As such, I'm not sure how useful it is for individual women for analysing their situation. Obviously, it's useful for women who aren't attracted to men, but have felt that attraction in the past, if it helps them explain what happened there. But feelings are so messy, I'm not sure that this concept could help you work out whether your attraction is real or enforced.

I guess my question is... Does it matter? Even for people who are 100% certain about their identity, there is some amount of working out whether they are into a specific person or not. Even if you are into men, you shouldn't force yourself to stick with someone you aren't into as a person.

My advice would be to continue to pay attention to your feelings, but more to ask "how do I want to proceed with this person" than "what does this mean for my identity." Hopefully that'll help you figure out your feelings and find a label that feels good to you.

Hope this helps!

yes <3

it’s only internalized if u urself are part of the oppressed group. so, for straight ppl it’s just the bi or homophobia

never be afraid of communication bc it will pretty much always solve any uncertainty or vagueness. there’s nothing to be embarrassed or worried about wanting to talk and clarify things with someone!

always talk. communication truly is the key!

It sounds like you are both on the same page when it comes to putting your friendship first. So I think an honest conversation could only help. I don't know whether you'll end up at 'lets give this relationship a try' or at 'we're better off as friends', but that way you can figure it out together. Just make sure that you're both completely clear that there is no pressure to be in a relationship if one of you HAS moved on.

I'm not an expert by any means, but my friendships who HAVE ended have not ended because of a (mutual or one-sided) crush. It was usually because we weren't interested in each other any more, and occasionally because one of us felt they couldn't be honest with the other.

All the best!

JESUS i am really glad u got away from her bc yeah what an exhausting, smelly person. esp going thru ur phone like who the hell ??? ugly, ugly person indeed.

stay safe and know u continue to be valid and are mucho loved <3

ive been questioning if im bi for years now and it hasnt gotten any easier. ive identified as gay for almost the same amount of time, but the fear never leaves my mind. i suspect i have hocd, but im not sure. Obviously you cant diagnose me or give me a definite answer on any of this, im just including that stuff as context. so here are the real questions i guess:

Is it ok/possible/etc to feel a potential attraction towards girls, but not want to date them and identify is gay, or is that internalized biphobia?

Am i doing something wrong if i identify as gay and am attracted to nonbinary genders as well? i myself am a nb guy. i feel like no matter how i look at this im technically bi, yet it upsets me to view it that way. is that wrong?

im sorry for such a subjective set of questions. i know you cant give me any definite answers on any of these, and you dont know me, and you arent a mental health professional… i think im just looking for advice. or maybe permission. i dont know 😔

i don’t know a lot about HOCD and a brief google seems to show that there’s yet to be much research and studies done about this specific type of OCD. 

i did want to share this case report for the discussion section as the specific case report most likely will not reflect your personal life experience. but the discussion section talks about OCD and how the HOCD intertwines with the symptoms and such, and i wonder if it might help you navigate your feelings a bit?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4347158/

(cissexist language included in the report, also the case report section has mention of sex briefly)

so, for your questions

i mean, imo the first question i would say yeah u can have that kind of experience and still be gay bc u set the parameters for ur identity and if ur majority desires for relationships for urself is with similar genders then ya. i would also wonder if the attraction towards girls might be echoes of compulsory heterosexuality? like being expected by society or w/e to HAVE to have attraction to a specific gender? i’m not very good at explaining this particular concept bc i find it difficult to verbalize the feelings but i just wanted to mention it for u to think about if it has any weight in ur life rn

also no being an enby means we are in a lovely grey area and we can shape our identity however tf we want tbh? bc there’s no real right or wrong way to be an enby and have an identity. like, i’m enby myself and if i’m being specific i ID as biromantic but i typically just refer myself as gay bc i have no gender and i feel like sometimes using a large umbrella term feels more accurate than a specific set of labels. idk if that makes sense but what ur saying about being enby and ID’ing as gay rang familiar for me 

just know that ur feelings ur experiencing rn are valid and i would definitely suggest researching a bit more into HOCD if ur able to, as well as OCD in general bc the overall disorder will have a lot more information about symptoms and intrusive thoughts/feelings that might help u navigate the specific type u feel u might have. 

i personally don’t think ur experiencing biphobia or anything bc like idk, the way i’m understanding HOCD seems more like an internal struggle with oneself rather than outward hatred/disgust/etc towards other people, other people’s identities, etc. 

trying to understand ur feelings esp when it comes to mental illness things is difficult and frustrating at times but u’ve got a good start here and i just want u to know, from one enby to another, our grey area can be very very confusing as much as it can be a place of comfort. just try to find ur space in the grey that feels right to u and try to remember to have compassion for ur internal struggle bc it is what it is my friend.

best luck!!