sincerely

Oh wow I somehow missed this ask until right now, sorry about that! I hope you haven’t been waiting too long for a response (and extra hope you haven’t given up on getting one).

I think this is an important question, because I think a lot of people have trouble wrapping their head around it. Partly because in a cisnormative society, we’re not given the skills by society to handle trans issues (AKA: the existance of trans people in general) well. We have to teach ourselves this stuff, or seek out information that isn’t easily or readily available, and that can be hard. It’s great that you’re asking because that means you want to learn.

There’s a lot of ways to go about introducing trans characters as trans without it being a big deal. 

The most common, I think, is to show the audience another character being transphobic toward the trans character, but that method is pretty cheap and feels shitty to trans people observing the story. I think we can do better than that.

A quick list of options off the top of my head:

Have the trans character bring up the fact that they’re trans in a conversation, such as 1) saying they need to go to the other end of the mall because that’s the only unisex restroom available, or 2) their friend going with them into a restroom/locker room in case people get shitty. 3) Having a man join in a conversation and share his own personal experiences about how dfab kids are treated or 4) what it’s like to go through puberty as a dfab person. 5) Bringing up that it was especially hard for them to get the job they have because they are trans, or 6) mentioning that they’re lucky because their parents are accepting. 7) Having a friend go out of their way to tell them they look feminine/masculine/ambiguous depending on what look they’re going for, because the friend knows they may be self conscious.

Honestly, though, the best way to do it would probably be by having a point of view character think about the trans person and simply state that they are a trans person and move on. We’re conditioned to think about trans people as being this weird OTHER type of person, and the best way to counteract this is to address it the same way you’d convey to the audience any other significant character trait. You can really address it as casually as you would anything else, including hair color, hobbies, sexuality, race, religion, etc. 

It’s obviously not the SAME as those things, but addressing it as casually as you would address those things helps to normalize how trans people are viewed. 

Let’s talk about this bullshit I just got sent to me. Let’s talk about this. Because it’s about me. Let’s clear this up RIGHT NOW. 

You have this giant victim complex that is hilarious. You think I am the only person in the universe that does NOT like you. I’m not sugar coating this. I do not fucking like you. I tried to avoid you. But you wouldn’t leave me the FUCK ALONE. It all started when I made a TARDIS blog OVER A YEAR  AGO  and you were so sure I copied you and made an OOC about my rules. I called you out and you denied it. From that point on I knew I did not want to be your friend. But you continued to badger me. You tried to get into my friend group and suck the literal shit out of my ass because I was ‘popular’. This is what you do. You befriend people because they are ‘popular’. You are not genuine, you are not kind. You are all about getting people to join your army instead of genuinely caring about people. And I wanted not a damn shady thing to do with it. But you just wouldn’t FUCK OFF. I was at a miserable time in my life. Working my ass off and having low tolerance for internet bullshit because I have shit to do. This was over a YEAR AGO. I couldn’t make you go away. All of my friends could not see through your bullshit and I did not want it. You had buried yourself deep into my friend group and I just left it. It wasn’t until I called you out in private that I became public enemy number one. Oh no!! Someone seeing through my bullshit and not sucking my ass and telling me how great I am?! ROT IN HELL, CASS. Everyone would always come crying to me about how fucking mean and hateful you are because they knew I was the only one who stood up to you. You’re a twisted bitch. Even now. I was convinced people can grow in a year. But it seems I still stayed fresh in your mind. Me and a few others who had dealt with your shit found friendship and support through your disgusting ways. Because it was just AMAZING to us how horrible someone could be and NO ONE see it. You’re like a germ. You multiply until you were just everywhere and all of us who wanted nothing to do with you could not find peace. 

I WAS GONE FOR SIX MONTHS. UNLIKE YOU, I HAVE DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS AND A CAREER. I moved out and started my training for movie makeup. And even when I was away, I still got sent that you were so convinced every little anon every little burn book was from me. I WASN’T EVEN  AROUND, YOU PSYCHO. IT. WASN’T. ME. DO. YOU. GET. IT?  Even so, why would someone like me, who works with professionals and celebrities stalk some low life internet hermit who sends her own friends anons because she was jealous over a ROLEPLAY FICTIONAL SHIP like you? Take a step back and look. You fucking wish I was just oh so obsessed with you like you dream every night that I’m your abuser/stalker when you are CLEARLY MINE. And here I have been for the past six months, NOT GIVING A RATS ASS BECAUSE YOU ARE IRRELEVANT. And I should have been irrelevant to you. But I guess you have a hard time letting people go who dare stand up to you.

I checked your blog because you came back and I was damn well pissed. I didn’t want you to come back because I basically left because of you. My mom died and I deal with that, my life was hard, and you just made it x10 worse. A right sour taste in my mouth.  But now things are grand. I have an awesome job and I could give fuck all less if anyone listens now. But in case anyone is reading this, and I have been in this community a lot longer than you have, I just need to cast them a little warning. Because what the fuck have you done for people on here besides make everyone make graphics for you and just constantly complain?  You can tell by how finished I am with how much I’m cursing in this post. You are beating a dead horse. A horse that had been dead for 8 months on my end. I had no idea it was still active to you.

I want people to know you’re a monster. And I’m the one who should be taking legal actions against you. You tried to get people to find out where I live. That’s very fucking strange. But I don’t care. It’s the internet. For fucks sake.

It was a fucking accident I reblogged your post. As soon as I saw the source I deleted it so fast. Blowing shit out of proportions here. JUST CLASSIC YOU.

Before, I didn’t care that much. But now I do. Fuck you, Lulu. You’re a terrible person and you can rot in hell for all the pain you’ve caused everyone else on this website. Ones who aren’t like me, and it actually hurts them and upsets them. Just fucking stop. Stop trying to convince people everyone is out to get you when you’re the one causing trouble and being a toxic mother fucker for everyone. I am so tired of this shit. You are a grown woman. Get your shit together and just fuck off. 

TL;DR

shes still going guys

so the lulu thing is just this ongoing fucking drama because this girl is a fucking bully. she’s attacked cass repeatedly over the course of months and has been a general scourge for years

but hi i was the original victim basically. lulu messaged me about rping like two weeks after she joined tumblr. i turned her down, because she didn’t have any ideas at all, and she…didnt like that. at all. she went off her fucking head at me for turning her down. i published her message because like hell im going to let people treat me that way, and it blew up

since then, dozens, and i mean dozens of people have come forward to tell me about similar things. People have been bullied into rping with her, shipping with her, and basically forced into this gross fucked up abusive friendship with her. I know like a good two thirds of the active rp community, and have not met anyone who actually likes her.

you know who i have met?

tens and tens of people who roleplay with her because if you don’t, she sends you messages. she complains constantly. she starts drama. drama like this. drama like she started with michi, john and dawn.

she is a vicious, cruel little girl with a massive sense of entitlement. she has made people leave. she has made the community unsafe, especially among younger users who unlike cass and me, aren’t mature enough to recognise these tactics and aren’t able to escape this kind of manipulation.

Let me lay down some things before I get into what she did to me.

It was about two years ago that I met Lulu. Originally, she based her Idris’ story on the Interfector, and from the beginning, she wanted a ship with the Interfector. Everyone who follows Dawn (Interfector’s mun) pretty much knows this as fact. Dawn herself can tell you this as well based on private conversations with Lulu herself. I’ve seen these conversations.

She befriended myself and John (mun of the-tenth-will-see-you-now). She added us to Skype, sent us the nicest asks, and made super positive posts about us. She did this quite frequently. So frequently that I actually started to think she genuinely liked us– that she genuinely liked me.

It was nice. Besides with Dawn and John, I’d never felt so appreciated on a blog before Lulu came around. I genuinely believed the nice things she said about me as things she felt. I bought it.

For a time.

Fast forward to around… idk March 2014? I honestly don’t remember, I’m horrible with dates. Lulu began voicing her opinions about one of my ships publicly on her blogs. About how she didn’t like it, and one of my ships was better than the other etc.

It made me uncomfortable, and it hurt my feelings. She didn’t need to post that kind of stuff publicly. So I asked her over Skype to please keep her comments about the ship to herself from then on because I didn’t appreciate it and it hurt my feelings. She quickly apologized and stopped from then on, and deleted the post. I thought that was the end of it.

I made it pretty clear on my blog Mason isn’t a shippable character. But she persisted, and I told her we’d see how things develop between them, because why not? Unexpected things happen all the time in RP. Suddenly, there was an increase in communication with me that I found odd. Was she suddenly speaking to me so much just because she wanted a ship? Probably.

Anyway, things never got to that point so it doesn’t matter. She sent someone she called a friend anon hate, and I was done with her at that point. Michi is an amazing person who believed Lulu was her friend. She didn’t deserve the cruel hate she received. 

As stated in Michi’s post there, it was over a ship. I know she’s spinning it to people on Skype. I know she’s spinning it to people on Tumblr, but it was 100% over a ship. 

we’d been following one another for a while without interaction. when we started talking, it was immediately positive. she was a lot of fun, and very excitable. trouble really started when she and my friend, christl, became incompatible for a ship. it sounds silly to say that – it wasn’t a problem to christl, really, and it was not even a mild concern of mine. this is roleplay, that’s just what happens, and it didn’t involve me. however, as i have learned lulu tends to do, she went to people not involved in the situation and talked about her partner’s unsatisfactory conduct. in this case, the person she came to me about was christl. christl is quite clearly my best friend, and has been before the incident and since. i don’t know what she expected to gain by slandering my friend to my face, but whatever it was, it didn’t work. i had had a stressful day, lulu sent me a long essay with multiple paragraphs about christl. and when i said i didn’t want to hear it and explained the irl situation on my side, she ignored it and did two things: became highly defensive, and acted as though she were the martyr because i wouldn’t agree my best friend was a terrible person because of her behaviour surrounding their ship in her relatively recent friendship with lulu. i had a panic attack, and while i would definitely say that lulu was not the root cause of it, it was her behavior that ultimately brought the panic attack on.  after this, the conversation developed in such a way that i ended up apologizing to her for having a panic attack. later, when christl and lulu had resolved their situation, i sent the (one sided) conversation lulu and i had to christl. the slander that lulu had said behind christl’s back caused a further fight, and their friendship ended sometime around here. after this, i unfollowed lulu of my own free will because she had triggered me. her behaviour towards christl was a factor, but christl never asked me to unfollow her. lulu still fundamentally does not apportion blame to her own actions. the disintegration of our friendship has all to do with her behaviour, and nothing at all to do with how a friend of mine feels – something she still does not comprehend.

later, lulu ran into trouble over shipping again. this time it involved another good friend of mine. i forget exactly how i got involved as ‘moderator’ of the situation, but i know it had a lot to do with lulu seeking my approval and using my dear friend, whom i shall call X, as a bridge between the two of us. it was a conscious decision by lulu to involve me as a third party again. in retrospect, i shouldn’t have gone along with it – but i am not sorry i did, for X’s sake. i found the entirety of the situation uncomfortable and infuriating. back then, i was severely triggered by conflict and was only involved because i value X an awful lot. X and Y had a ship, lulu got involved and began shipping with X – somewhat. they’d written the whole of around three posts. Y got jealous and confronted lulu, and lulu showed this all to X. its all very long and drawn out, with ridiculous, petty details that i don’t care to remember. the point being that lulu and i were brought into contact with one another, and it wasn’t becuase X or i had pushed for that – lulu wanted this. in the utmost interest of fairness, i was nothing short of kind and polite to lulu, as i have always been. lulu misunderstood this and believed we were going to be friends again. i was only interested in being as fair and kind to everyone involved as possible. once the situation had blown over, this conversation took place :  she asked me if i wanted to watch a movie with her. after this, i wanted nothing more to do with her. i’d already been exposed to her behaviour, and i felt very uncomfortable talking to her. i turned down her offer to watch a movie together because it was christmas eve the next day, and i did not want to be her friend. however, i only listed the first reason as a cause, before guilt got to me and i told her i didn’t want to lead her into thinking we could be friends again, certainly so suddenly. she had hurt me, and she’d caused my best friend incredible amounts of distress and anxiety. irl my grandfather was dying at the time, and frankly i saw no change in her behaviour when i got involved in the second situation. she was the exact same as the destructive, jealous person i had known months before. [24/12/2014 00:52:16] ｒｕｔｈ: shrUGGITY SHURG i’m v sorry and i hope you have other people to watch movies with!! [24/12/2014 00:52:26] ｒｕｔｈ: so that you won’t be alone tomorrow [24/12/2014 00:52:39] ( ludibell ): No no it’s okay I forgot it was christmas eve tbh [24/12/2014 00:52:42] ( ludibell ): I’ll be busy as heck xD [24/12/2014 00:53:22] ｒｕｔｈ: okay! i’m glad, bc no matter what i don’t want to upset anyone. so i’m glad! [24/12/2014 00:53:30] ( ludibell ): Nah ^.^ [24/12/2014 00:53:34] ｒｕｔｈ: but you have a nice rest of the day uwu [24/12/2014 00:53:53] ( ludibell ): ^.^ tanks bae you too! [24/12/2014 01:35:37] ｒｕｔｈ: but also lulu, i really, really don’t want you to be upset, but i’m not comfortable with being friends just yet. there /was/ a lot of bleurhg, and i hope you don’t feel embarrassed or hurt, and i will understand and won’t be angry if you want to unfollow or block me on skype, but these are my personal boundaries with which i feel safe and i think it would be less fair to lead you on.  and i know this relationship isn’t as dramatic or important as i’m making this thing out to be, i just really don’t want to hurt your feelings, bc i’m sincere when i say i genuinely hope you have great friends and have a nice day – all that stuff is true. but i’m not sure i’m comfortable going back to talking or whatever, and i’ve spent the day comforting people and going to the hospital and baby sitting so if you want to shout at me i’d understand – but i’m really fraught right now and idk, this is the part where i appeal for your compassion. this whole thing isn’t a big deal, but i’m writing this big rambly thing because what IS a big thing to me that you don’t feel like i’m trying to hurt you in any way! and i’m sorry for the delay in the delivery, i just am really anxious about handling these things correctly for everybody’s sake and also :| am terrified of conflict. [24/12/2014 01:44:08] ( ludibell ): It’s fine. I’ll tell you what I told emmy when she said she was “afraid to interact with me on the dash” [24/12/2014 01:44:13] ( ludibell ): I deserve so much better than that. [24/12/2014 01:44:15] ( ludibell ): So it’s fine. [24/12/2014 01:44:25] ( ludibell ): I understand. [24/12/2014 01:44:29] ( ludibell ): I don’t blame you. [24/12/2014 01:45:30] ( ludibell ): I’m dissapointed that you’d let the conflict of something that happened between myself and another person that is a very triggering subject for me because I feel like I was just cast aside and then vilified for being upset that I was very blantanly being treated wrongly. But that’s okay, it’s neither here nor there. [24/12/2014 01:48:30] ( ludibell ): I deserve better and I’m sorry you’re great. But if you’re going to let what happened between myself and another person, a conflict that there were lots mistakes on both sides, come between us that’s choosing one person over the other and yeah it happens every day in the real world but I’m sorry, I deserve so much better than that because I felt like the whole situation with Christl was probably one of the veryworst I have ever had on tumblr. She was very mean, and inconsiderate and made me out to be something that I am 100% not. And I’m sorry you were briefly caught in the middle. But It’s cool. [24/12/2014 01:48:39] ( ludibell ): I’m going to go ahead and just move on;