Just accept the weird!

How I feel today....

Breakfast of champions lol i honestly hated oatmeal my entire life until the desire to be healthy and full over came my hate for it. I actually really love it now I get the maple brown sugar with 3 splenda and I'm good to go, plus it's cold❄❄❄so it's nice to have something a little warm in my tummy 😍

Back at work....can't I just get paid to stay in bed!

One more step away from that before picture. It’s been a little rough last few weeks. The holidays certainly knocked me off track and I have some family things that have definitely been taking up a lot of focus. I’m trying to get back into that hardcore groove I had going but with everything that’s been going on pluss a few mood swings that put me on my ass it’s been hard. I felt super pumped last week but then i missed a day and went into a tail spin of feeling like a failure. I try to remember that I’m going to fall and have shitty days and that my own brain is sometimes gonna be my worst enemy when my disorder decides to act up but I can power through and just remember every day I get a little more healthy and that I’ve had 23 years to build this body and these habits. So it’s going to take a little time to change all of that. I’ll get back to that same intensity just have to fight the little voice in my head.

Went a little crazy with my makeup today! ! ! !

Hope everyone had an amazing New Years!! Honestly still nursing a bit of a hangover.

Literally my favorite snack ever, celery and hummus is the shit!! Bonus I can basically gorge myself on it haha I had a yummy lunch but ate to fast to take a picture 😝

1. Where the fuck is this amazing gorgeous girl that I'm waiting for and how the hell do I find her? 2. Getting back to the gym is hard. 3. Eating clean after the holidays feels so good. 4. Mentally it was a good day, no mood swings count that as a win.

15 lbs difference I do a lot of cardio and a ton of strength training. I try to be very strict with what I eat not so much how much. I want to eat healthy fuel not shit. Go ahead and pound down your favorite veggie it won’t hurt you like chips. I snack alot still just in much healthier choices. I fully live by “healthy body, healthy mind ” mantra just strive for feeling healthy not just a dress size.

Walking on the treadmill trying to get back in the groove after the holidays kicked my ass. I've lost about 15 lbs and inches all over for once in my life things are working with working out. A few months ago I started coming to terms with being diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2. I just wanted to feel better my medication was only doing so much. My mood swings were curbed for the most part but I still felt sloth like and stuck in an almost depressive state. So I googled...lots of googling. I searched for foods to stop eating or to start eating and how beneficial working out would actually be. Now I've never been a small girl I was always thick but still plenty hot...well this past year my depression and issues with food peaked to an insane level. I wanted to die and honestly I think i was trying to subconsciously eat myself to the grave. I hated myself inside and out i had no hope that I would ever be more than a fat, disgusting, lonely, frizzy haired, fucked up skin, piece of shit. The more I self deprecated the more I ate and the more I thought about jumping out of that window. A few things I learned about nutrition and bipolar disorder : eating large amounts of fats and sugars mess with your blood sugar which can cause extreme mood swings, caffeine (which I downed incessantly ) will also send you spiraling, the best way to fall into the pits of mental hell is sitting on your fucking ass all day. I unfortunately suffer from mixed states a majority of the time which means I have all these desires and dreams I'm pumped about however I can't even bring myself to get out of bed. I digress, I finally joined a gym hired a personal trainer and dietician this mixed with my meds has had a tremendous affect on my life. I have good and bad days but I don't have those hopeless thoughts nearly as much. I have seen my body get healthier but nothing will out weigh feeling my brain get healthier. Nothing will ever drive me more than the fact that I literally can't stop my life does actually depend on this.

Lounging around 😋