beux(bo)

on this particular night im thinking about someone in specific. someone who made me feel how no one else ever has, in more ways than one. theyve caused me the most strife and worry yet the most wonderful bliss and joy.

i know they dont like me back. i know theyre never going to.

but i cant help but hold out a bit of hope. a brushed knee, eye contact held a little too long, the way they look at me when i fix their hair. the way they look at me like im the only one that matters. and sometimes i feel like to them i am. most of the time i know im not.

they tell me no one else gets them how i do. that im who they talk to when they dont wanna talk to the rest of the group or when theyre burnt out. how can i be of such importance in their life and yet nothing more than a friend.

hands were held, for gods sake i was held.

still im nothing more to them than a one time kiss.

all that mattered about such acts was they were told together. done together. not lone stories with clashing details, not falsehoods of a time we have yet to dream.

it is quite an exhausting time to be young. so much expected yet so little to do.

we also made up a secret handshake.

now it's the evening, and we just finished eating Chinese food in her bed. i really couldn't think of a more cinematic night.

im laying next to her, we're each on our respective phones, and she's talking to her friend on call. in a bit we're probably going to go to sleep.

or stay up talking until 5 am again.