timshel

You know what doesn’t fuck around?

for your reading pleasure

the ratings are off to a notably curvy and rounded start.  not sure what’s going on with those eyes, but this octopus is making up for it with a very generous squish quotient.  7/10; would pet

such zazz!  such a definitive swagger!  i am particularly endeared to that ‘raise the roof’ gesture he’s got going on with his arms.  excellent octopus.  very good indeed.  10/10; would throw a party with

ah, the full-frontal approach to octopus imagery.  that classic octopus head shape is very well-represented here.  a good, solid octopus for all your octopus needs.  8/10; would introduce to my parents

to be perfectly frank, i’m ambivalent.  there’s some unfortunate shading going on here and all i can see is a rubbery pink stick-man with a disproportionate head wearing a cape.  despite it all, i can’t bring myself to say mean things about this octopus; she has a vivacious charm to her.  3/10; would give points for effort

i’m pretty sure this isn’t what an octopus looks like.  nice try.  1/10; would maybe wear as a novelty hat in an emergency

a wonderful and pleasing octopus.  htc is really shaking it up with these cool colours.  her eyes are wide with childlike wonder.  9/10; would read a bedtime story to

i cannot say a single bad thing about this octopus.  he is anatomically correct and possesses a lightness of spirit; an inexorable zest for life.  a swell guy and a fantastic cephalopod. 12/10; would leave him all my worldly possessions and wisdom in the event of my death, whenever that day shall fall

the manic pixie dream girl of the octopus emojis.  the many curls and spirals of her arms hold within themselves undeniable cosmic truths and wise tidbits of advice.  points earned for those delightful purple shades.  10/10; would go on a life-changing roadtrip with

twitter has gone for a unique twist in taking the cirrate octopod approach to octopus imagery- a roaring success in octopuses such as the dumbo and the flapjack- but have fallen short.  where are his little ears?  he needs those little ears.  give him the ears.  6/10; would fashion him a pair of little ears to wear

heavens to betsy!  what happened to his arm? why is it so long?  the poor baby looks so bewildered.  2/10; would subject mozilla to a brutal interrogation as to avenge this poor boy’s honour

remarkably angular for an octopus.  it’s lacking that important element of squish.  has a lovely, albeit biologically impossible, winning smile though.  5/10; would not criticise to their face