Taylor Swift, why you could never let me down.
Iâm usually a Twitter Swiftie- but what I wanted to write about today was worth way more than a hundred-or-so characters.
I watched your Ellen interview yesterday, and first of all, it was so amazing to see you doing interviews again. I missed you- we all did. There was one part that really stuck out to me though (and noâŚit wasnât the leg shaving conversation!)
You were talking about fan theories, and you mentioned about the End Game theory and you said:
âI let everyone down. Again.â
I know it was in jest, and I know you were laughing about it, but I just thought Iâd tell you something thatâs pretty personal- and I hope that it encourages you to see that you have certainly never let me down. In fact, youâve done the opposite. Itâs hard for me to write about this- but even if you have a shot at looking at this post⌠it would be incredible because my goal is to make you see just how wonderful the world is because youâre in it, and how much you affect other peopleâs lives every day without knowing. So, here goes!
 Her name is Toni. Iâm her first born (Charlotte by the way, hi!) Weâve always been super close, and our bond only grew stronger and stronger as I grew up.
I live in a house with my family of five, and every Sunday we had a typical roast dinner. (Iâm not sure if this is just a British thing or not, who knows!) My stepdad is always cooking, but he has a habit of using every pot, pan and utensil in the place- which meant cleaning up after him was an absolute nightmare. It was definitely more than a one-man job. My mum and I used to take on the task, and it would have been absolutely dreadful without your music to keep us going!
Now I am the MASSIVE Swiftie of the family. I have been since I was twelve years old (and Iâm twenty five now!) However, Mum is a big fan too (mainly because she heard me blasting it out from wherever I could). So, it became a routine for us. I used to put my Taylor Swift playlist on (weâd only gone up to Red- 1989 wasnât even born yet!) Her favourite song though was always Speak Now. As soon as it came on, weâd end up marching down the kitchen floor (obviously a wedding aisle) with pots, pans and spoons, re-enacting the music video I wish weâd always had! Iâm not the biggest fan of cleaning the kitchen, but I always looked forward to those Sundays with Mum.
It all changed in the month of November, 2013. Unexpectedly, Mum woke up one morning and didnât feel well. Within twenty minutes, she was on the floor. She suffered a grade three subarachnoid brain haemorrhage, which took us all by surprise. I was at University at the time, but came flying home. We almost lost her several times, but she managed to pull through, and I was so very grateful.
The haemorrhage made us pay a price though. Mum gained epilepsy, general fatigue and weakness, sensitivity to noise, confusion and memory loss (and those are just the main ones). It took her a long time to come out of the coma that she had been put into, and she couldnât remember us for quite a while. Thankfully, that did return, but so much of her memory had disappeared that I felt like Iâd lost part of her.
 Eventually, after a few complications in which she was in and out of hospital, Mum returned to us properly in late January. It was hard, and the house was different. Everyone walked on egg-shells, scared theyâd put Mum into a seizure. We didnât want to talk about the past because we didnât want to make her feel bad if she didnât remember it (which weâd found, a lot of the time she didnât.)
We started to cook Sunday dinners again, but I would clean up alone in silence afterwards. I missed my mum, and I missed you. I still listened to you, of course. But it wasnât the same anymore. As months went by, I still cleaned up on my own, and I felt estranged from my mum because I was hurt sheâd forgotten the precious memories we had made- and I know that isnât her fault, but it still killed me.
Because the living room door was shut, I figured I could afford to have my music on really low. So switched on the playlist of all your songs and was nodding my head along. That was until Speak Now came on. I could have cried, I really could. I got through the first verse and bridge before I couldnât take much more and went to turn it off. I hadnât even noticed Mum come out of the living room.
When I turned around and saw her, I was frightened that the noise had made her head hurt. However, when I took proper notice, she was smiling. Then, out of nowhere, she began singing along. Quietly, tapping her fingers on the side and nodding her fragile head. Then I did burst into tears.
After EVERYTHING she had been through. After all the memories she had lost and the pain she had suffered, she remembered your song. You changed our lives that day.
Unfortunately, there have been many complications since. After an attempt to drain an aneurysm that had formed in her brain, Mum suffered from a stroke. She has been in hospital and now in a rehabilitation facility since January 22nd 2019. We miss her so much. However, your music is still bringing her joy. I visit her every other day, and every day I play the âMEâ music video. The stroke made her memory even worse, but she loves that video and she loves your song. She can even say âTaylor Swiftâ now, even if it is a little bit mumbled. Every time I put the video on, her face lights up- and you have done that for her Taylor, and I will always be so so grateful to you.
So, this is a big thank you from me (on behalf of me and Mum, as she canât quite manage it right now). Thank you for bringing back those memories, thank you for taking us through these dark and isolating times, and thank you especially for always putting a smile on Mumâs face, and giving me a piece of her back that I was so sure that I had lost.
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