What is love? And what does it look like?

Yoongi couldn’t remember half of the names of the romcoms you made him watch since you met him, he put himself in your shoes and tried to understand How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. He didn’t like The Notebook at all, but he loved 13 going 30. He laughed watching Crazy, Stupid, Love and asked if you found Ryan Gosling attractive.

“Not really,” You answered “He’s not my type but he’s cute here.” He nodded and kept watching the movie. 

Yoongi should have known that you weren’t just his fuckbuddy when he started to invite you to his apartment just to watch movies and eat pizza. You were supposed to be naked under him as he fucked you stupid until it was time for him to take you home. You weren’t supposed to be wearing those pink pajama pants and laying on his chest as you watched some movie with Lindsay Lohan and Chris Pine. 

Did you find Chris Pine attractive?  

“Yes!” You confirmed  “He’s cute with glasses and he’s on The Princess Diaries 2”

“I don’t know that one.”

“Have you never watched The Princess Diaries?” You asked, wide-eyed.

“Do I look like someone who watched something called The Princess Diaries?” 

“You’re about to.” You threatened.

He sighed, but as soon as you woke up the next morning you made him watch the first part, and when it finished you watched the second one with Chris Pine. As he tried not to get jealous of a movie character (the fact that you sighed everytime he appeared didn’t help) he thought he didn’t know what love looked like, he didn’t know how to see it coming, no amount of romantic movies could teach him about love. 

The memory of the moment he realized he was in love knocked on his door every night since you left his apartment that weekend. He remembered your red lips and the words they spoke and wished he could read between them, wished he could relive that night one more time just to see if he missed something, a clue that could help him solve the riddle in his mind. 

Yoongi thought love looked like you and Holly sharing his bed, he thought it sounded like you saying his name in a whimper at night. It felt like your hands covering his when it was cold, It tasted like your strawberry lip gloss. 

For a while he thought he had control of things, he thought he didn’t have to worry about what he said at Nayeon’s birthday. Yoongi should’ve known that things were out of his control when you asked about his birthday. 

Yoongi didn’t like his birthday too much. When he was a kid he liked the presents and the cake but as he grew older the feeling started to wear out, presents started to disappear and his mom was far away in a different city to make him a cake. When he met Namjoon and Hoseok it changed, they forced him to go out and celebrate but he still felt that cloud of awkwardness that came with the passing of the years, like he was too old to celebrate.  

“It’s just another day.” He would say. 

Maybe it was the fact that Yoongi had to grow up quickly, not having much time for birthday cakes or colorful birthday parties, but when you noticed his birthday was just around the corner, you tried to make him say it. 

Rolling on his bed with your phone in your hands, you put your head on his shoulder as he texted Hoseok about the track they were working on. 

“You are a pisces, aren’t you?”  You asked him, knowing damn well his sign. 

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” Yoongi answered without taking his eyes off his phone. 

“Do you know your rising?” He locked his phone and looked at you like you just asked him to solve a math problem. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Your rising sign, Yoongi.” You said rolling your eyes, he was such a grandpa. 

“I don’t know my rising sign, I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Okay, what time were you born?” You asked, already looking for an internet page that could easily calculate Yoongi’s natal chart. Then, you started to explain to him what a natal chart was. 

“I don’t believe in all that stuff.”  He simply answered with his hands on his phone, typing a message to his mom that said “Mom, do you know what time I was born?”

Yoongi’s mom answered in just a few minutes, you typed his location, the time he was born and his birthday: march 9th, that was just three weeks away. 

“You’re an aries rising…” You said scrolling through the chart, he looked curious, trying to understand the weird graphic shaped like a circle that showed on your phone.

“What is that?” He asked.

“Well, you know you’re pisces, that’s your solar sign which can say a lot about you but not enough. Your solar sign represents your inner self and rising your external self, like inside you’re a pisces but outside you show as an aries.” You explained to him “Which is quite interesting, you show like you’re fiery and strong but on the inside you’re emotional and sensitive.” 

“You’re like, psychoanalyzing me now.” He laughed.

“See, it’s real.”

“I never said it was.”

“Anyway, your moon is in Virgo and Venus is in Aries, how about that?”

“Venus?” Yoongi asked again, you looked at him like he made a forbidden question, already feeling your cheeks burn. 

“Venus is the planet of love.” You almost whispered, like it was a secret “Quite complicated, you want things right away and get bored easily.”

“How do you know all of that?” He asked again, bringing you closer to him by hugging your waist. 

“I don’t know anything, but Nayeon does, she talks about it all the time and I learned some things.” 

Yoongi nodded, taking his eyes off you. Then, he can’t help but ask one stupid question:

“What’s your venus?” 

You bite back a smirk before answering.

“My venus is in taurus. So don’t get your hopes too high, we’re not compatible.” 

You heard his laugh right next to your ear but then, nothing else. Suddenly it seemed like you remembered the main goal of the conversation. 

“Your birthday is in three weeks.” 

“You’re smart, I see.”

“What are you planning?” 

“Nothing, it’s a tuesday. I have to work, you have to go to school. Probably just… I don’t know, sleep three hours more, that would be a good present.”

You rolled your eyes again. 

“You should be doing something. You don’t turn twenty-eight everyday!” 

Yoongi didn’t know, but you started to plan his birthday right at that moment.

“Come on!” You insisted. “You can say it’s just a dinner and everyone would know that after eating they have to leave.” 

“I have to feed them, too?” He asked, laughing. 

“Oh my God, Yoongi, you’re really that boring?” 

“Not wanting to feed my friends on my birthday doesn’t mean I’m boring.” 

“Yes, that means you’re boring. That’s literally the definition in the dictionary, look it up.”

He sighed again, thinking for a few seconds. 

“Okay, I’ll be inviting them to eat. But as my birthday present I want you to cook for me.”

You looked at him, happy that you convinced him, grabbing his cheeks and pressing him a short but loud kiss on his lips.

“That’s the only thing you want?”

“Mmm… Maybe you in a babydoll, too.” 

An ugly loud escaped from your mouth, making him laugh with you. 

Three weeks later, you kissed him on the cheek and whispered the third happy birthday of the day before leaving his bed. Hours later when you finished your classes you looked for him in his studio with a box full of chocolate cupcakes in your hands. 

He thanked you with a smile, grabbing your hips to sit you on his lap. As he chewed the first one he asked, 

“These aren’t yours, are they?” 

“No, these are from that lady friend of mine.”

“Grace?”

Grace was an old woman you had met in a pastry course months ago, you always envied her skills, she never seemed to struggle. Instead of hating her and her cupcakes you decided to be friends with her and steal all her secrets. 

“Yes, I asked her to make them for your birthday, you know cupcakes aren’t my thing.”

“Tell her thank you.”

“I will, she wished you a happy birthday.”

Yoongi smiled and as you shared the cupcakes he imagined your conversation with Grace. Did you tell her it was your friend’s birthday? 

You arrived at his apartment shortly after and he helped you place the food and drinks on the table and together waited for his friend to arrive. Yoongi couldn’t help but smile the whole night and towards the end of the dinner he looked at you and asked you if you were going to stay the night. 

“If you want to.” You answered. He kissed you and he tasted your strawberry lip gloss.

When everyone went home you waited for him sitting at the edge of his bed. He grabbed your chin and made you look at him. 

“Are you my present?” He asked. 

“If you want to.” A mischievous smile tugged from the corner of your lips. 

He took off your blouse and kissed your neck, you heard him scoff. 

“What?”

“I’m a bit disappointed.” He confessed “About the babydoll, you know?”

You punched his arm “You’re kidding.” Yoongi’s shoulders started to shake as he laughed. 

“Maybe for my next birthday. Or christmas.”

Yoongi felt like he was floating on a cloud for a whole week. You were next to him the whole time but he couldn’t help but feel that something was about to go terribly wrong. 

Maybe things started to go wrong way before, but he felt it for the first time at one of Jungkook’s gatherings at his house. It was just him,Jungkook, Namjoon, Hoseok, Nayeon and you, everything was okay until Namjoon asked something. 

“What about your girlfriend, when do we meet her?” He asked Jungkook.

“She’s not his girlfriend yet.” Nayeon answered for him. Everyone stared at her. 

“What do you mean?” Jungkook questioned her.

Poor boy. 

“Have you asked her?” You asked this time. 

“Well… no, but..”

“Then she’s not your girlfriend.” Jungkook and every boy in the room looked at you like you just insulted him.

“Does it matter?” He was bold enough to ask. 

“Of course it does.” Nayeon supported you. 

“It’s important for a girl to know if a guy wants the whole deal.” You said. 

Jungkook seemed to be one of the most attractive men in the world yet he still didn’t know shit about girls, but the worst thing was that Yoongi realized that he didn’t know shit either. 

Of course he knew you weren’t his girlfriend, but he thought there was an unspoken agreement about your relationship. The bad part about unspoken agreements was that you couldn’t talk about them, you can’t talk about the terms of them, you can’t discuss them, you have to act like they don’t exist. 

So where did that leave the two of you?

“Wouldn’t it be dumb to ask her?”

“You are dumb for asking that.” Nayeon informed him. 

“You wouldn’t have an anniversary date otherwise.” You added. 

Yoongi could see Jungkook made a mental note of asking his not-girlfriend to finally be his girlfriend. Then, he felt himself sinking in the couch next to you, feeling like he was staying behind, dragging you with him. 

You came back to his house like every other night, laid on the bed laughing as you remembered a joke Hoseok made and how red Nayeon’s face turned because she couldn’t stop laughing. You told him that no other man was capable of getting more than a scoff from her. Yoongi managed to giggle and got in bed with you. 

There was a heavy weight on his chest again, but no actions or words from you were capable of easing him this time. He hugged you from behind like it was the last time he was going to do it, like you were about to get up and leave. He fell asleep feeling like he was hugging the ghost of you. 

How selfish he was, he thought; you woke up the next day and didn’t leave the bed until he did, it was one of those special mornings where he asked you to stay and you did. You looked at him with shiny eyes and he knew you felt the same for him, how many people could look at the person next to them and say the same thing?

Yoongi knew that people thought you were completely opposite from him, but he also knew that was not true. You both passionately loved music, you liked the comfort of silence, cooking together, every old sitcom airing after midnight that no one watched except the two of you. You liked driving around and going to the movies, you laughed at the same jokes and liked to help your friends whenever they needed it without complaining. You were similar and yet, he wished he could be a little more like you. He wished he could look at you the same way you were looking at him that morning without wanting to run away and hide forever. 

Coward. 

He was a coward, he couldn’t escape from that. 

When he left you at your apartment he came back to his own and as he walked down the hallway he couldn’t help but feel he was walking towards the guillotine, towards a home which every corner reminded him of you but you weren’t there. His sheets smelled like the soft perfume you were wearing the night before and your coffee mug was freshly washed on the counter. He looked at your slippers, asking himself when he decided that to buy you a pair of slippers was normal? And when did he let you buy those curtains for him?

The next days were like hell.

He needed some time alone to think.

Yoongi and you almost never fought. You couldn’t call them fights, it was always a misunderstanding or something silly. 

You remembered one time when Yoongi was upset with you because you forgot a date he had planned. It was okay, you thought it was a different day and you said sorry. 

Two months ago he ruined all your notes when he spilled coffee all over them while he was trying to mess around with you. You got upset but it was okay, it was an accident and he helped to save some of the pages afterwards.

You almost never fought, why would you? Maybe Yoongi barely texting in the past four days could be a reason, but not really, he was working on this big project with Namjoon and Hoseok, you couldn’t blame him. 

You texted him about it, just in case. 

[You]: Is everything alright? Just checking. 

[Yoongo]: Yeah, just tired from work

[You]: Okay, take care of yourself.

[Yoongo]: I will. 

On Friday you decided to go to his apartment before he arrived from work. Using the spare key he gave you, you opened the door and took off your shoes before realizing the mess that his place was. Was he this busy?

Holly came running to greet you, he looked at you like he knew something that you didn’t.

“What happened here, Holly?” You asked, squatting down to greet him too. 

There were a bunch of clothes in the chairs, shoes all over the place, two empty boxes of pizza on the table and those were the things you could notice at first glance. You figured you could help him, do a nice thing if he was stressed with work, he would have done the same thing for you. 

You dropped your bag on the couch and started picking up some of the clothes, throwing them in the laundry basket or folding them to put them in his room. Holly followed you around as you put Yoongi’s shoes in their place and made the bed. You saw a few beer cans next to his music equipment, you grabbed them and threw them in the trash. It was hard to remember a time when Yoongi was so caught up with his work that his place ended up looking like this, you felt bad for not checking up on him sooner.

After an hour you sat on the couch, satisfied when the place didn’t look like a mess anymore. Yoongi didn’t have candles in his house but you wished you could light one after cleaning the place, so you made a mental note to buy him one. He would laugh at it at first because he’s not the type to light candles, but with time you would introduce him to the world of candles and he would like them, you would laugh at him then. 

Holly laid his head on your lap and both of you waited for Yoongi to arrive. 

You heard him opening the door a few hours later. When he entered you saw a very pale and very tired Yoongi. When he saw you he jumped a little, surprised to see you there. 

“You scared me,” He murmured as he took off his shoes. 

“Sorry, I thought it was okay if I… dropped by.” Your voice sounded hesitant, for some reason he didn’t look like everyday Yoongi. But he did not look tired, he looked exhausted. “Have you eaten?” 

“Uhm… No…” He said as he looked around the living room, pressing his lips in a straight line, he stared at you like the mess was supposed to be there. “There’s some left overs in the fridge if you want. I’m gonna go ahead and try to sleep.” 

You frowned and got up to follow him “Wait, have you been eating lately? You look very pale, Yoongi.”

“Yes, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry.” 

“It didn’t look okay when I got here.” He opened his wardrobe and stared at it for a second. 

“You didn’t have to do this.” He mentioned in a low tone. 

“It was no problem, you said you were tired and I wanted to help.”

“Yeah but…” He said grabbing one of his tshirts “I didn’t ask you to.”

His words took you by surprise, you noticed he tried to sugarcoat them with a scoff but it didn’t work, it made it worse. 

He disappeared in the bathroom without giving you  a chance to respond to him. After a few seconds you heard the sound of the shower and then, nothing, just your thoughts.

What happened for him to be in such a bad mood? He always said thank you, no matter what. 

You wait on his bed, thinking of what to say next. 

When he came back he said nothing, you knew he was not going to. 

“Is something wrong?” You asked and Yoongi looked at you then, bare feet wearing a blue blouse he had never seen before, wearing your hair up in a ponytail like you never did, looking like a foreigner on his bed when you were supposed to feel like home. 

“No.” He answered. 

“Then, what was that?”

“I just… I didn’t ask you to come here and take care of me. I don’t need it, that’s all.” He murmured, avoiding your gaze. 

“I didn’t come here to take care of you, I just wanted to do something nice. Are you upset about something?” 

“I already told you no.” 

You take a second to think, you surely didn’t think Yoongi would be bothered by this. He was not the type of person who would be annoyed if someone touched his things, he didn’t care if someone looked into his wardrobe, certainly not you, who stole his clothes all the time. Have you done something that may upset him lately? You tried to think, but he seemed okay when he dropped you home the last time. 

“You don’t sound like nothing is wrong…” You insisted.

Maybe a rational person would get up and leave, thinking that maybe he needed some time alone, but you weren’t quite the rational person, you were stubborn and you were worried about him. 

But he just sighed as if he was already tired of the conversation, already tired of you. 

“You know, I don’t want you to… confuse things.”

A pause. 

“What do you mean you don’t want me to confuse things?” You toned changed and he noticed, but he couldn’t turn back now. 

“You know what I mean.”

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room. You stared at him but he didn't stare at you, you tried to look for his gaze but you couldn’t, he ran away from you.

“I don’t know, actually.” You murmured. 

“You don’t have to feel responsible for this.” He tried to explain “You don’t have to feel like you need to do these things, we are not, I’m… You’re not my girlfriend.” 

You felt your stomach drop, his words echoed in the room and then, a moment. Reality hit your face because he was right, he was not lying, you weren’t his girlfriend, but why did it hurt when he said it like that?

The rational person would choose to leave, but you chose to be angry and stay. 

“So you think that because I folded some of your clothes I’m acting like your girlfriend?” You spat. 

“In general, yeah.” He just said. 

“Are you kidding me?”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He retracted himself  “I shouldn’t have said that, but I mean it when I say that I don’t want you to confuse things anymore.”

Yoongi tried to act calm, but everytime he spoke it made you feel angrier. 

“No, you shouldn’t have said that. You shouldn’t tell me not to act like your girlfriend because what have you been doing these past months, Yoongi?”

It was weird to see you angry. Yoongi had seen you sad, upset, happy, disappointed but never angry. When you were sad he wiped your tears and told you everything was okay, when you were upset he tried to make you laugh and forget about it, but he didn’t know what to do when you were angry, especially if you were angry at him. 

“Well, maybe I should have been more careful and put limits to this, you’re right. That’s why I don’t want to talk about these past months, I…” You take a big step until you are facing him, his words get caught up in his throat. Maybe he knew you were right about more than one thing, but he didn’t want to admit it.

“Too bad.” You said “Because I do want to talk about these past months, like what the fuck was that whole thing at Nayeon’s birthday party and what the fuck is this?”

He raised his head and looked at you after a long time, he looked at you like you should have known, you should have been smarter. 

You weren’t smart enough. 

You sighed deeply, staring at his face you realized there’s no right answer for your questions, just a bunch of messed up, senseless reasons. It was a test and you failed. You felt it, it’s time to go home. 

You took a step forward and tried to reach his bedroom door but he stopped you, grabbing your wrist and putting you back in the place that you were. 

Let me go already, you thought.

“You know I can’t make any promises.” He said. For a moment you thought you saw a glimpse of the Yoongi you knew, but it disappeared in a second.

Yoongi always talked like that, for a while it flattered you but now it just made you want to vomit. 

“You know how much I like that movie.” He would say. “You know I don’t like my coffee too sweet.” or, “You know I can’t keep my hands off you.” 

You know, you know, you know. But sometimes you didn’t, even when you should have. 

“But you did.” You answered “Countless of times you did, and now you want to act like you didn’t, like I invented everything in my head because I confuse things.” 

You felt your eyes fill with tears. You tried hard not to cry but it was difficult to keep talking.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

You wanted to scream. 

“No, Yoongi.” You stopped him “That’s exactly what you meant. I was patient, I waited after you made me meet your friends, I waited after you made me meet your brother and I waited after Nayeon’s birthday but now I realize that I looked like a fool the whole time.”

“I never asked you to!” He exclaimed, you close your eyes as if that would make him disappear. “I never wanted you to wait for me, I told you I’m not built for this and you did whatever you wanted.”

A silent sob escaped from your lips but he didn’t stop because of it, he didn’t lean forward and tried to wipe the tears falling down your face. He stood there and waited for you to say something. 

You took a step back and tried to look at him. 

“Stop talking to me like that.” You said “You’re an adult, we both are. You should talk like one.” 

Yoongi stares at you, paler than ever, not expecting what you were going to say next. 

“You told me your ex girlfriend broke your heart, that you couldn’t trust people like that. The next month you gave me the keys to your place. You told me she was an alcoholic and almost destroyed your relationship with your family and friends, then you introduced me to your brother and every single one of your friends. You told me you can’t make any promises but on Nayeon’s birthday you told me I was the only one you wanted. I tried to stay away from all of this but you keep looking for me and don’t misunderstand, I would never stay if you don’t want me here, but what was all of that? Why are you acting like I’m the one who confused things when you were the one who confused me?”

Your face was all wet from your tears but he couldn’t say anything, he was speechless because how could he explain that he was a coward?

“Were you lying on Nayeon’s birthday?” Your voice trembled. “Why?”

“I wasn’t.” He confessed “But it’s hard to talk about it right now, I need time.”

You looked around the room, you stared at the bed, the mirror, his clothes that were yours as well, the space he had made on his desk next to him for you to study and the plant you gave to him. You knew this was not forever and you were lying if you said you didn’t see it coming. How could you allow yourself to feel at home with him?

The human being is not so complex, and you thought that you were the least complex human being to ever exist. You were weak, you failed the test. 

“I can’t allow myself to wait for you anymore.” You whispered, feeling the tears falling  down your face. “Not after everything you said.”

You started walking down the hallway and tried to reach for your shoes, you heard his steps behind you. 

“No, don’t go yet.” Yoongi stopped you. 

“I want to go home.” 

“Don’t, please stay. We can talk about it later. It’s just… We don’t have to talk about it now.” He begged. 

“I’m leaving.”

“I can fix this. Stay, please. It’s late, you don’t have to leave.” There was a certain despair in his voice, but you didn’t understand it. You couldn’t connect this Yoongi to the one who told you all those horrible things. You were too tired to try.

You wiped your tears with the sleeve of your blouse “I don’t want to stay here anymore. I don’t want to stay with you, I don’t want to see you.”

In his eyes you could see that your words hurt him, but you didn’t care, he did it first. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch and I’ll leave you alone for the night if you want but please, stay. Stay and we’ll think about it and talk about it later.” 

He’s not willing to let you go, not tonight at least. You wipe your tears once again and think about it for a second. Then, you said,

“You know something? In my mind you needed to say just one thing for me to stay, and just one thing for me to leave. But not this, never this.” 

You start walking towards his room again, feeling like the dumbest person on earth, coming back to the place where he destroyed you just a few seconds ago. When you reached the door you closed it behind you. 

Yes, you stayed the night, but when the morning came you left before he knew it. 

The lights were off, the only thing that lit up the room  were the party lights that Nayeon bought to celebrate her birthday party. You were sitting on the couch around your friends when you looked at Yoongi, dressed like Tony Montana, leaned against the wall with crossed arms. He was wearing a whole white suit with a red shirt underneath, you found yourself wanting to take off his jacket, maybe his shirt and pants too, but he looked so good you might as well make him keep them on. 

You know him too well, he shot you a look that could only mean one thing. 

‘Come. Here.’ His eyes said, but you shook your head just to annoy him.

‘Come get me.’

It's his turn to shake his head in disapproval. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t thinking the same thing as him, you got maybe too intoxicated in his cologne when he arrived at your apartment and he whispered in your ear that he didn’t know if he could control himself if you were wearing that white mini skirt. Yes, you knew that Yoongi liked the angel costume and white corset you chose, you knew he got a little turned on when he saw you wearing fake angel wings and lip gloss, but he seemed to be… maybe too into you that night? He couldn’t stop looking at you from across the room, and when he was next to you he kept his hand on your waist, bringing you closer and closer to him. You saw him walking towards you, he offered his hand and you took it. You both laughed like you shared a secret and  guided you to your room as if you didn’t know the way. Then, the question you tried to avoid all night popped in your head once again, was Yoongi jealous?

It all started when he was sitting on his studio chair, his phone rang three times receiving a chain of cryptic messages sent by you.

[Baby]: Friday night, you and me.

[Baby]: My place.

[Baby]: Bring a costume.

[Yoongo]: roleplay?

[Baby]: ????

[Baby]: No??? 

[Baby]: Nayeon's birthday party, she invited you. I forgot to tell you, you have to bring a costume. 

[Yoongo]: i don't have a costume

[Baby]: Then get one, big boy.

[Yoongo]: it's not even halloween ? 

He waited for your answer but you didn’t reply. He stared at the “Seen at 4:12 pm” on his phone screen, leaving him talking alone.

Two days passed since you sent those messages when he opened the door of his apartment on a wednesday and you were already there, on his couch watching A Cinderella Story.

“Maybe giving you the key was a bad idea.” Yoongi said, taking his shoes off. Except for that night last month, he thought,  when you waited for him on his bed wearing lingerie, but that was a whole different discussion.

Yoongi walked towards you and you made space for him on the couch.

"Did you think about your costume?" You asked, ignoring him, going straight to the point. 

"Can I go without one?" 

"Nayeon is gonna be pissed at you if you go without one. You would be the only one." 

Your flatmate and Yoongi got along pretty well, Nayeon liked him as long as he treated you right and Yoongi had learnt to like her, he couldn't understand how you, two completely different people, were best friends. She was too energetic, almost chaotic, and talked all the time, when you were more quiet and timid. In the last seven months Yoongi got used to spending time with Nayeon when he was at your apartment, and he was fine with it, until that led to him to wear a costume for her birthday party. 

"Who's going, anyway?" He asked. 

"A bunch of people. Jungkook, Eric, Yongsung, Kevin..." You started to list all of your friend’s names, but Yoongi stopped listening when he heard that name. Suddenly, the idea of going to the party didn’t sound so bad.

"What are you wearing?" Getting closer to you, he put his arm around your shoulder, pressing your body against his.

"I was thinking about an angel costume." You answered, playing with the straps of his black hoodie. 

"Mmm... like a Victoria's Secret angel?" He asked, kissing you softly for the first time that night. 

"No, but if you wear a costume I can be one for you by the end of the night." 

Then, Yoongi started to think of a costume.

Now you were there, just a few seconds away from disappearing in your room with him, but the question still hung in the air. 

Earlier that night, he arrived and gave Nayeon the present you bought together. It was just a simple silver ring with a beautiful stone on top of it, but you knew your friend would love it when you picked it. Then, people started to arrive and your apartment started to get full. How many people did Nayeon invite? How were all those people going to fit in your tiny place? She didn’t care, she was already dancing in the living room under the green and purple lights, it wasn’t her fault that everywhere she went, she made a new friend. 

Nayeon was your best friend and you loved her, you agreed with her when she proposed to wear matching outfits —she was wearing a red dress and red horns, dressed as a devil—, you helped her with the snacks and to decorate the place. It wasn’t a big deal, you loved doing things for her, especially on her birthday. When she started to move her hips towards you as Super Bass by Nicki Minaj started playing, you tried to draw the line and say no to her. You failed. 

“There’s no right way to dance to this, please.” You whined in embarrassment as you tried to follow her steps, she grabbed your hands and brought you closer to her, guiding you to a ridiculous dance. You knew your face was red, but Nayeon’s happy face was enough for you  to ignore it. 

“I know you loved this song!” She said.

“I love a bunch of songs,” you said over the music. “I don’t dance to all of them,”

That didn’t stop her to force you to keep dancing, her dance moves were ridiculous, but you looked more stupid trying to follow her.  

The song was about to end when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist, suddenly you were being dragged away from your friend, who looked behind you, faking an upset grin.

“Sorry,” Yoongi’s deep voice resonated behind you. “you already got your share of her. It’s my turn now.”

“But it’s my birthday!” She complained.

“Not in South America.” He replied, making Nayeon roll her eyes. Classic Yoongi. 

He spinned you until you were facing him, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer to him. When a slow r&b song started, you remembered one thing about Nayeon: she didn’t know how to make a playlist, let alone a party playlist. It was either have her phone connected to the speakers Jungkook lent her, or pay an expensive dj (that was her excuse). But the song was fine, it worked.

“Is Min Yoongi taking me to dance?” You wrapped your arms around his neck and he placed his hands on your lower back, making you feel butterflies when he slowly started dancing with you “Are you trying to seduce me?” 

You saw his gaze traveling from your eyes to your lips and back to your eyes again, he lowered himself, you parted your lips just waiting for him, but he pulled back. 

“I don’t need to do that, I already did it” 

He swung from side to side to the rhythm of the music, grabbing your hips so you could move alongside him. Neither you or him were the type to dance at parties, both were too aware of people around you, but maybe if you pretended that it was just you and him, it wasn't so bad. 

Yoongi was taller than you and most of the time, when you were that close to him, you had to lift your head to look him in the eye. If you didn’t, the only thing you could see was his chest. And in that moment it was hard not to think of it  when it was right in front of you. 

You tried not to laugh at the thought, if you told Yoongi all the tiny things about him that turned you on he would laugh too, he would tease you about it every time he had the chance. You liked to think that you keep those things as a secret, from his exposed chest to way he pressed his fingertips on your hips, the kind of things that weren’t necessarily sexual but made your stomach flip. You liked when he stroked your hair a certain way and how deep his voice got in the morning, when he was driving or when he lay down on the bed and put his hands under his head, flexing his arms.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt his hands on your face, making you look at him. You could notice that it was hard for Yoongi to make eye contact, and you liked looking at him until he ran away from your gaze. Sometimes you think that Yoongi doesn’t like eye contact because maybe if you looked into his dark eyes for long enough, you would discover a secret. In that moment, you thought that you were about to do it. 

“You look hot.” You confessed to him, but he scoffed at the compliment. 

“Do you think?” 

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t going to make an effort. Like Jungkook.”

You looked at your best friend as he was dancing with Nayeon, dressed in blue boxing shorts and a black tshirt, his blue boxing gloves hanging around his neck. That wasn’t a costume, that was just Jungkook on a tuesday. 

“What’s up with him, by the way?” He asked, whispering in your ear in case your best friend might hear him. “I saw him glued to his phone since I arrived.”

“Oh you know…” you sighed “ladies problems, I think.” 

“Is he fighting?” 

Yoongi was one nosy bitch. 

“Not at all, I think he wanted to invite her or something, but he didn’t.” You ran your fingertips on the hair of his neck, watching how a little smile appeared on his face as he observed Jungkook typing on his phone. “Don’t you dare…” You warned him, making him pay attention to you again. 

“What?” He asked, playing dumb.

“Don’t tell him that I told you.” You clarified. Sometimes it seemed like Yoongi’s only purpose in life was to tease poor Jungkook. 

“Why do you always think bad about me?” He whined, his lips forming a pout. 

“I don’t! But I know you want to. You’re gonna get me in trouble.” Standing in your tiptoes, you kissed away that ridiculous pout on his mouth. 

When the room started getting too hot, you took Yoongi to the little balcony your place had. It was small but it had a view of the campus and the dark sky. Then again, for the second time that night you felt Yoongi’s arms hugging your back.That was maybe one of the first clues you got that night, it was rare for him to do things like that in public. Usually, you were the one who showered him in kisses or hugged him in places that weren’t his bedroom. A tiny you was dancing of happiness in your stomach, wanting to turn around and steal a kiss from his lips. But the other tiny you, the rational one, was telling you not to get used to that kind of stuff, they never lasted for you. 

You tried to shut her up, turning around to see Yoongi’s smirk plastered on his face. 

“You are going to ruin my wings if you keep doing that.” You warned him. 

“Okay… I prefer you like this anyway.” He leaned forward  to leave a short kiss on your collarbone. It was a cold night and you weren’t wearing much clothing, but that wasn’t what sent a chill to your spine. “And I like your wings.” 

“They look good, don’t they? The lady in the store thought they were for a kid! I didn’t tell her they were for me.” 

“If I have to guess, she supposed that because only kids dress up?” He tried to annoy you, still opposed to the whole costume party thing. 

“Don’t you know what fun is, Sir?” You teased him, tilting your head. 

“I know what fun is. I am a fun guy.” He defended himself. 

“Debatable. But you showed up today and I must say this, no because of the nature of the relationship we share, but because I mean it, you must have the best costume tonight.” 

“Wait, what’s the nature of our relationship?” A cocky smirk tugged from the corners of his lips, pulling you closer, if that was possible. 

“Shut up, that’s why I can never compliment you.”

“Tell me baby, will the nature of our relationship get me a pass for going to sleep instead of cleaning tonight?” He asked. 

“Don’t even think about it” You said, shaking your head. “You get no privileges, you and Jungkook are helping me. God knows how drunk Nayeon will get.” 

Yoongi laughed and didn’t argue with you anymore, but his question stayed in your head for a few seconds, and the word ‘relationship’ almost vanished into thin air, creating a cloud above your head, you blamed yourself for using it.

Sometimes you thought you were so awkward, you didn’t know how Yoongi was never capable of seeing it. You said things and then immediately regretted it, wondering if he thought you were getting too attached to him. 

You hardly ever lied to yourself, you could never escape the giant monster of your thoughts and you always had to deal with the truth. It was difficult to accept it, but carrying with the feelings you had for the man in front of you was worse. 

Seven months after meeting Yoongi you found yourself in this place, with his arms wrapped around your waist at the birthday party of one of your best friends. Almost all your friends knew him, all of them liked him, and you were happy to say that all of his friends thought the same about you.

For a second, you asked yourself how was the image that he had of you, did he really think you were built for that? You saw yourself as a person who could never go against her own feelings, you knew that if you feel something it’s better not to suppress it. Since the day Yoongi kissed you in his car you knew that if you developed feelings for him, you were screwed.

And screwed you were. 

The human being is not so complex, and you thought that you were the least complex human being to ever exist. You saw yourself as weak and if someone was staring at you the way Yoongi was doing right now, you would fall. 

You tried not to melt at his fond dark eyes, he was way too close to your face, making you nervous. Why was he making you nervous? Was it his gaze or the way his hands were tied together on your lower back? Or was it the way you were caged between him and the urging feeling to spit certain three words on his face? 

Lately you felt like you and Yoongi stared at each other from across the room like you share a secret together, and it was a matter of time until one of you screamed it. The thing was, you believed your secret was not the same as his. 

“What?” You asked when the silence and his gaze upon you were too much to bear. 

“I have something for you.” He confessed.You watched his eyes fly to another place that was not your face, escaping from it. 

“Like what?” His eyes come back to you to stare at your rosy cheeks and glossy lips curved into a tiny smirk, almost inviting him to bite them. Instead, he bit his own, holding himself back. 

“Like a present.” Yoongi answered like it’s nothing but you knew he expected you to be surprised. You lift your eyebrows, satisfying him. “What is that face? Is it impossible to believe I wanted to give my girl a present?” 

Then, your stomach turned upside down, you were sure your cheeks were burning red and the tiny you (the one who didn’t give a fuck) screamed so loud that you were afraid he might have heard her. 

“No, I just thought you were going to say something inappropriate.” You tried to play cool. You failed, making Yoongi throw his head back and laugh at you, shaking his shoulders.

“What did you say?” He teased you “Inappropriate? Do you think I say inappropriate things?” He made emphasis on the word every time it rolled out of his tongue. 

“Oh my god, shut up!”

“I don’t think you thought I say inappropriate things the other night when you told me… mmm, what was what you told me?” 

Your eyes popped open when you realized what he was trying to say, putting a hand on his mouth before he could answer his own question. “Stop it…”

“I don’t want to.” He whispered, almost daring you to make him say whatever he was going to say next. You were wrong, Yoongi’s only purpose in life was not just  to tease Jungkook, but you as well. 

“You’re mean. I want to know what it is.” 

“Just for that you have to wait.” He said and you rolled your eyes. “But I like when you use funny words.” 

Breaking news: Yoongi was soft. Was this a secret? Not to you at least, but you could tell.  Not only because he bought you a present, not only because he grabbed your face and left little pecks on your lips until he thought they were enough.

You didn’t make Yoongi vulnerable, you just showed him that it was okay to be vulnerable with you. 

Between giggles and short kisses, you felt like you were alone again, until Jungkook entered the balcony with a bottle of beer in one hand. He stared at both of you, not really looking guilty for interrupting the moment. 

“You guys should get a room.” He joked as he leaned on the railings of the balcony. “No funny business in public, that’s what I say.” 

“What’s up, kid?” Yoongi asked him, not taking his hands off you. “Are you jealous because your girlfriend couldn’t come?” 

Your eyes snapped at Yoongi the second the question slipped out of his mouth. You hit his shoulder, regretting ever telling him about Jungkook’s not-girlfriend. Jungkook’s eyes moved like ping pong balls, they went from you to Yoongi and back to you again. 

“What? Did you tell him?” Your poor friend looked at you like you betrayed him. You felt guilty for a second, but to be honest, he was a little bit… dramatic, and Yoongi laughing in the back knew it. 

“It was an accident! You never told me not to tell anybody.”

“But you should have known!” He argued. 

“How could I!?” 

“You just… should have?” Jungkook’s expression changed to a calm one, realizing you are right, he never told you to keep the secret, but he can’t help to be a little upset at Yoongi for reminding him that his not-girlfriend was at her house instead of being there with him. 

“You are like two old ladies.” He said drinking from the bottle “Always gossiping.”

You and Yoongi gasped, looking at each other like Jungkook insulted the both of you.

“We weren’t gossiping!” You tried to defend the man beside you and yourself “I mentioned it to him and he didn’t know.”

You were totally gossiping. 

“Anyway…” Jungkook said, sighing in defeat  “I didn’t know if she wanted to come.”

Yoongi and you share glanzes, knowing it was really easy to make Jungkook talk, it was really easy to make him forget that you told Yoongi at least. 

He couldn’t be mad at that though, in the back of his mind he knew that telling you something automatically meant that he was telling Yoongi too. 

“Why do you think that?” Yoongi asked,

“I don’t know, what if she is not interested in meeting my friends?”

“Oh my god, Jungkook. She’s probably right now at home wondering why you didn't introduce her to your friends already.” You said like it was obvious. Been there, done that. But it didn’t seem obvious to him, Jungkook snapped his eyes at you like he just remembered you were a girl too. In that moment, his mind made a strange connection; if you were a girl, you must know every girl’s secret. 

He took a step forward, now interested in the conversation. 

“How do you know that?”

It was difficult to make a guy understand that kind of stuff, so you took a second to think about it. 

“Think it this way, okay?” You start, Now you have two pairs of eyes paying attention to you. Yoongi listened to you like you’re about to reveal a code from the secret book of girls. “Imagine it’s friday, you don’t have any plans except for playing games until you pass out. You text your girl, ask her what is she doing tonight and she tells you she’s going to a party. She tells you everything about it but doesn’t ask you to go with her, you stay at home playing fortine with… Seokjin? How would you feel?”

“Terrible.” The answer that came out of Jungkook’s mouth was automatic, his eyes were filled with horror. Again, Jungkook was dramatic after all. 

“Well, I don’t know her to say that she would feel terrible, but I would be kinda bothered.”

“Would you?” Yoongi asks. You look at him, trying to imagine a scenario where that situation happened to you. You think of the Yoongi of the past, and the way all the pretty girls throw themselves at him at parties. But you also think of the Yoongi in the present, the one whose arms are wrapped around your waist. Mmmm… You would be bothered anyway.

“I mean… Yes, I think so” You answered. He just nodded, looking like he just did a mental note. “Next time, invite her.” You say now to Jungkook. 

He answered a short “I will” and started typing on his phone again, his presence becoming unnoticeable. Yoongi’s lips were curled in a tiny smirk when you body returned to his arms. 

“Are you sure you’re not majoring in psychology or something?”

“Are you implying that next to him I look like a psychology major? That’s kinda rude, bubba.” You said, making him laugh. “But no, men are too dumb to notice what’s in front of them sometimes, especially Jungkook when it comes to girls.” 

You remember the first time Yoongi introduced you to his friends, you had already met Hoseok and Namjoon, met Seokjin at an event that Jungkook invited you to, but you never met his other friends, the ones who weren’t  from work or famous. 

One night he invited you to meet two of them, Minho and Jinyoung. You thought about the way he introduced you, just saying your name, not “this is my friend” or “this is my girlfriend”, just your name. You never expected him to give you a title, at that time it was okay, and his friends never asked about it. They were friendly and they seemed to like you. Yoongi cooked for the four of you and throughout the night they kept sharing stories about their teen years, asking you about your years in high school too. Yoongi couldn’t erase the smile off his face, he was happy and so were you. By the time they left his apartment he was a bit drunk, so you took him to bed and said goodbye to Minho and Jinyoung. When you were on the bed about to fall asleep he slurred a sweet ‘thank you’ and told you that he could tell that his friends loved you. 

“Do you think so?” You had asked him.

“Yes.” He confirmed “You’re easy to love.” 

Yoongi fell asleep right away, but you stayed awake for another half an hour after that. The warm memory of that night came back like a sweet kiss on the cheek, feeling like you’re on top of the world. 

Yoongi stayed on the balcony talking with Jungkook, you see him through the glass as you sit on the couch next to your friends.  It was endearing to watch them together, when Yoongi took Jungkook under his label he promised all the good things to him, and in a couple months he managed to keep those promises. You appreciated that, before Yoongi, Jungkook tried so hard to make his dream of being a singer come true, but he always found complications along the way, making him come back to square one over and over again. When he told you that Yoongi had signed him, you were as happy as him. You believed that Yoongi saw Jungkook the same way that you did, both of you believed in him. 

You were talking with your friend from class, Yongsung, when your gaze got blocked by someone who sat in between you two. 

“What do you think?” Kevin asked, making you judge his costume “Do I pass?” He was wearing just a white shirt and black pants, in his collar was tied a short cape and on the corner of his lips there was fake blood, he was a vampire. You and Yongsung analized his outfit, it was simple but it worked. 

“Basic.” Yongsung answered, “But you pass.”

“Basic?” Kevin repeated like he was offended. “I’m doing my best here.”

“If that’s your best, I don’t want to see your worst.”

“I think you look great.” You said so you could stop them from fighting “At least you dressed up, I’ve seen some guys who didn’t. Nayeon said that if she saw someone without a costume she would kick them out.”

“Did she?” Yongsung asked.

“She didn’t, but she wanted to.”

You spent a few minutes talking with them, judging people’s outfits like yours weren’t the cheapest thing you could find in the store, but it was fun and you didn’t know most of them, you wondered if Nayeon did. 

You were closer to Yongsung, you had known her for a few years and you shared almost all your classes with her. With Kevin too, but he was barely a new friend. You had a suspicion that he didn’t see you like that, but a potential-something-else.

You met Kevin a few months ago, at a time when you felt like you had no control over your mind and heart. It was after you failed an important exam and he offered to help you for the next one. You appreciated it, but the only thing that made the sadness go away that week was a hug from the man in the red shirt outside. 

You remember that week, it was the beginning of winter when he gave you his number and a warm smile, promising you that no one died because of a failed exam, it was hard to believe him. Your mind was tired after studying all those weeks, your heart was tired too, but for another reason: you were in love with a man who didn’t want to be in love, how bad was that?

Transitioning those days with only questions filling your mind after admitting the truth to the mirror, wondering what you were supposed to do, tell him? leave him? stay quiet and pretend everything was okay? The last option was the one you thought was the most effective, but it was not. Everytime you looked at Yoongi you felt like you were at home, how could you run away from him? How could you stay? 

Yes, Kevin was nice, funny, charming and handsome, but the tiny you inside your mind couldn’t help but scream: He is not Yoongi!

You had already declined the subtle invitations of Kevin to hangout, you liked him but as a friend, were you clear enough? It was like you had the spot saved for another person but you weren’t sure if that person wanted that spot, it felt stupid. 

The consequences of your choice of pretending everything was okay were slowly taking over, but you didn’t realize until Kevin started to flirt with you right under the gaze of Yoongi, who stared at you from the balcony: he put his arm on the side of the couch, almost rounding your shoulders, a friendly gesture, but you knew better “You look great, too.” he said in a low voice, like no one was supposed to hear that, except you.

But let’s get things straight: Kevin didn’t know about Yoongi, unlike everyone else, your other friends knew he was your not-boyfriend and that things were… complicated? He was not your boyfriend but you were exclusive? If you were to explain that to Kevin he would laugh, he didn’t need to know, you wanted to keep things private, not everyone needed to know about your sex life, especially not the guy who joined the group two months ago. 

It was simple for him, you didn’t have a boyfriend? You were single, how could that be complicated?

“Thank you, I improvised. If it were my choice, I would have chosen another outfit, but Nayeon insisted. You know how she is, she likes to be in control all the time. Her rising sign is virgo.” You started to rant, feeling like he was getting too close to you. It was a habit of yours that you could never get rid of, if you were nervous, you started to talk to fill all the silent gaps. 

“Yeah? What’s your rising sign?” He asked curious, Kevin didn’t know shit about astrology. 

You never really had a serious relationship until your last (and first) ex, but growing up you had a large group of female friends who shared with you every single thing about their relationships with their boyfriends. If there was a secret book of girls, it would have been written by you. Somehow, you had learnt how to read men, they were basic and all of them reacted the same way to the same things, they said the same things, did the same things, and flirted the same way. It was the first time you perceived Kevin as part of those men, when he got closer and started getting bolder. Was this the same Kevin from class? Or this was the beer taking place instead of him? 

“Uh… Cancer…” You said trying to pay attention to anything except his eyes. 

Rule number one: Men have this misconception when they’re flirting, they think that if you stare at them long enough, it means you want to kiss them. If you don’t, avoid their eyes!

“What does it mean?” He kept asking. 

“I don’t really know, I’m sensitive I think, that’s what Nayeon says, she knows a lot about that stuff. By the way, did you give her a present?” 

A tip that can be useful: try to make them remember that you are friends. 

“Uh… No… Do you think that I should have…?” Accidentally, you crossed eyes with him again, he was giving you one of the most radiant smiles you’ve ever seen. Kevin was really beautiful, you know he has like a thousand girls waiting for him to take them out, but you weren’t one of them. Sometimes you wonder if your heart would have felt something for him if it wasn’t so in love with another man. 

“Maybe you should have, Nayeon loves presents.”

“What did you give her?” 

You looked at him hoping that he didn’t notice how your mind flew directly to the day you picked Nayeon’s present with Yoongi, you had the idea and he knew a place. The image of Yoongi standing outside the apartment with the present on his hands earlier that night flashed your thoughts. You smiled, and Kevin wanted to believe you were smiling because of him. You weren’t. 

“A ring, she’s into that.” 

He nodded, looking at the tiny space in the couch that separated you from him, you were a few centimeters close to make him think that you liked him a bit more than you did.

“That’s nice…” He said, hesitant. You played with your fingers, already choosing the blurt of words you were going to say before he said something you didn’t want to hear. But he was too quick “So, I know you have a few days free, huh?”

Yes, you had a few days free, but they were occupied by Yoongi’s birthday. 

The question faded in the air as you connected your eyes with the dark gaze outside. His eyes went from you to the masculine arm resting on your side of the couch. It was nothing, yet, Yoongi could notice. 

A light bulb went on in your head when you remembered rule number two: sometimes men will stop insisting when they know you have a boyfriend. Was it sexist? Yes, it was. Was Yoongi your boyfriend? No, he wasn’t. But it could work.

“Have you met Yoongi?” You answered with another question, trying not to feel bad for ignoring him. You invited him inside with a simple hand gesture, Yoongi didn’t hesitate to start  walking towards the window, he opened and entered inside, Then, you looked at poor Kevin again, who was waiting for an answer.

“Yoongi?” Kevin repeated with eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes shifted to the man next to you when he noticed his presence. 

“That would be me.” He said sitting next to you and grabbing your waist to pull you closer to him, leaving his hand in that place for so long that you felt like it was burning through your clothes.

That was another clue. 

You could describe Yoongi listing the things that he was and the things that he was not: Yoongi was  talented, funny, a little bit grumpy, passionate and kind. Yoongi was not selfish, not picky, not ungrateful, not jealous. That’s what you would answer if someone were to ask you a few days before that night, but now you were a little unsure about that last one. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kevin.” He introduced himself, as his arm dropped from the side of the couch you felt like something in the room shifted. 

“Oh, yeah. I think she mentioned you once.”  

Yoongi was polite too, but today was the exception. No hello, no nice to meet you, just a “she mentioned you once”, talking like you had to read between lines. Lucky for you, you were an expert in all Yoongi things. 

Translator of Yoongi: “she mentioned you once” meaning “She said your name once, but you aren’t important enough to be mentioned twice.”

What you didn’t expect though, was what Kevin was about to say next. 

“I see, she never mentioned you” The words came out of his mouth almost hesitantly, like he tried not to sound so bitter but he did anyway. The worst part was that he was right, you never mentioned Yoongi to Kevin. 

You expected that he would finish the sentence with something else but he didn’t, that was it. Silence for the longest five seconds of your life. But Yoongi was smart, scoffing at him like he just told a silly joke, the grip he had on your waist became firmer. You feel like you just became smaller between the two men, but most importantly you wonder, what the fuck was that?  

The moment passed when Eric and Youngsung saw Yoongi and turned to talk to him. Did you already mention that they loved him? Because they do. 

“What’s up Yoongi? Did the queen already judge your outfit?” Yongsung asked him. He looked at you smirking and then back at her. 

“Yeah, and I think I won the contest, she told me it was hot.” He said, making your friends laugh, or at least Youngsung and Eric. 

“She only said that because she wants to get in your pants,” Eric said “don’t trust women like her. The moment she gets bored of you she will say that your outfit looked like trash.”

He was talking about what you said about his costume, he was the Joker. You didn’t say it looked like trash, you said it looked cheap, but only because he said that yours looked like the kind of halloween costume they mention in Mean Girls, when you were going for A Cinderella Story. In other words, he said you were dressed like a slut. Who wants enemies with friends like that?

“I didn’t say it looked like trash, I said it looked cheap!” You repeated. 

“You’re a mean girl in real life, you know?” Your friend said. 

“She’s right, though.” Yoongi defended you with a devilish smile on his face, the words of Kevin were almost long forgotten, but something made you feel like they weren’t. You would have paid to know what was happening in Yoongi’s mind. 

“You just said that because you want to get in her pants, you’re just like her.” 

“It takes one to know one.” Youngsung joined him. 

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty, it wasn’t Kevin’s fault that you couldn't talk about your relationship with Yoongi because it was… complicated. It wasn’t Kevin’s fault that you didn’t know how to get out of situations, asking Yoongi to come and save you. You weren’t expecting Yoongi to react that way, didn’t expect Kevin to say that. Now, you were thinking how to make it up to Kevin and how to make it up to Yoongi, wondering if Yoongi even cared about what Kevin said. 

A sense of comfort wrapped you around when you saw Jungkook joining the couch in front of you, thinking that he could save you from the situation you believed you created. You looked at him, holding your gaze and raising your eyebrows, hoping that he understood what you were trying to say. Jungkook looked at Yoongi and the way he was hugging you and then at Kevin, who seemed out of place next to you. Jungkook raised his shoulders. 

‘What is happening?’ he tried to say. 

‘I don’t know’ you communicated. ‘Save me’ 

But he can’t help you, and even if he could, he wouldn’t. He crossed his arms over his chest, marking a distance between the two of you. On this side, you were between two men, the one you loved and the one you tried to push away, on the other side there was him, laughing at your situation. That’s what you got for judging his outfit and saying he didn’t make an effort. Jungkook failed to be your best friend tonight, but you deserved it a little after laughing at everyone’s costumes. 

Looking to your right you stared at Yoongi thinking of that knowledge in men you thought you had, looking at him in the eyes you realized that Yoongi was not like other men, it was harder to read when it came to those things. You knew how to tell when he was tired, when he was upset, when he was happy. You knew the look on his face when he wanted you to stay the night, you knew the smile that appeared on his face when he was about to say something snarky, but there was a barrier when it came to things like that. 

The night passed and he disappeared with Jungkook in the living room to appear again against the wall, inviting you to your room like it was his own. 

You walked through the crowded hallway, bumping into people and stepping on crunchy chips, already thinking of the mess you will have to clean after all of them left, but all the thoughts vanished when you entered the room and he closed the door behind you. 

Yoongi pushed you against the wood devouring your lips, introducing his tongue inside your mouth without permission. He sneaked his hands under your skirt, squeezing your ass cheeks in his palms and pressing you against him, he couldn’t bear to be another second away from your body. He kissed you desperately, like he waited for that moment all night. You tried to follow his pace, grabbing his hair in your fingers and making a mess of it. 

“Listen,” you said between kisses “stop looking at my boobs, you’re too obvious.” You scolded him, but he just laughed against your lips. 

“I can’t.” He confessed, catching your bottom lip in his teeth to bring your mouth closer. “How do I take this off?” You felt his large hands looking for the bow that tied the corset together, but you stopped him, grabbing his hands to guide him to your bed

“No, you can’t.” You tried to kiss him again, but he looked at you confused, furrowing his eyebrows. “It’s hard to take it off and we have to be quick, what if they start singing happy birthday?” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes but he allowed you to take his white jacket, exposing his strong arms in that tight red shirt. You put your hands on his shoulders, making him sit on the bed. 

“So I can’t eat you out?” He asked with disappointment in his voice, you shook your head. “Let me finger you, then”

“No,” You climbed your bed when he sat against the headboard, straddling him “it’s supposed to be a quickie.”

“I don’t want a quickie”  He whined, grabbing your hips and pushing them down to his own. You huffed, looking at the little pout that formed on his mouth about to give in to him. But no, you wanted to sing happy birthday to your friend, so you forced him to play along. Your hands traveled up to his chest and kissed him with urgency, feeling like time was running out of your hands. His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips to make you roll them against his crotch, the only barrier between you two were your panties and the thick fabric of his pants. 

Yoongi had no problem with fucking any way you wanted, he was happy to do it either way, but he had his preferences. He liked to have his time and to be on his bed, yours was too small. He wanted you fully naked because he liked to be the only one who got to see you like that. He tried to hit it from the back a few times before and it was good, it was always good with you, but it wasn’t the same. He preferred having you right in front of his face, to feel your shaky breath against his mouth and hear your whimpers next to his ear, to kiss you until you were so lost in the feeling of his cock inside you that you couldn’t kiss back anymore. 

But when he didn’t have much time he enjoyed it too. The memory of a rainy night on his bed assaults his mind sometimes, one thing led to another and you confessed that you had a current fantasy of getting fucked on his studio chair. Yoongi opened his eyes so big you thought he saw a ghost, and even though it was the heat of the moment and he confessed some pretty nasty stuff too, your words pierced through his mind. Did that mean that every time you were sitting on his lap you were thinking about… that? The thought made him shiver like he was a teenage boy all over again. He remembers how nervous you looked when he confessed the things he would like to do with you, but it took just one confession from you to tear him apart. If Yoongi thought you were wrapped around his fingers he was wrong, you had him ten times worse. 

He decided to make your fantasy come true, even if it was slightly uncomfortable and during work hours, even if you weren’t fully naked and not on his bed. 

You knew he liked it either way, so why did he want to keep you in your room so bad?

At that point the question was still on your mind, but you wouldn’t dare to ask him, not yet. It only took a second for you to forget about it, when you felt his tongue running d0wn your neck you were already thinking about other things. 

“You’re too greedy” You said as you tried to keep up with the pace of his hips, it was enough to forget about Yoongi’s behavior that night but not enough to satisfy you or him. 

“You made me like this.” He murmured. His nose brushed the column of your neck and then he trailed wet kisses down again, you closed your fists on his shirt tightly when he picked up a  faster pace, a tiny moan left your lips. You felt like you were seventeen on the couch of the guy from school you had a crush on, making out all afternoon but never doing anything. It was different with Yoongi, you anticipated all of his movements and all of his kisses, wondering what he was going to do next, and he enjoyed watching you trying to get off on top of him, helping you grind yourself on him so he could fuck you right later. 

Then it came the confirmation that he was jealous, his teeth nipping the skin of neck with only one mission: to leave a mark. It was unusual for him to leave marks in visible places, he preferred your inner thighs or the top of your breasts, he didn't like scandalous things. He was simpler, he enjoyed knowing that you had marks under your skirt but he was the only one who knew about them. 

But he was a man too, and men were simpler than simple.

You almost let him do it, you were too focused on the pressure between your legs and the grip his hands had on your ass, until a groan that escaped from his mouth shook you back to reality for one second. You grabbed his round cheeks from the crook of your neck and made him look at you. 

“No funny business.”

“I’m trying to fuck you right now.” He whined again, trying to get back to his original plan, but you stopped him. 

“I mean it, we have to get back.” You warned him, looking down to unzip his pants, encountering a similar but better surprise: he was pretty hard. You smirked to yourself, quite proud to be honest, getting his pants down. 

“Stop smiling like that.” He caught you as his fingers found the strap of your panties under your skirt. 

“Why?” 

“Don’t play dumb.”

“You’re seeing ghosts.”.

He squinted his eyes towards you but didn’t answer the question, instead he grabbed your hips and lifted them just enough to slide your panties down your thighs. You helped him to take them off and sat back again on his lap. He wasted no time, his boxers followed his pants and with a swift motion his hands came back to your hips to push them down, pressing your wet core against his dick, making you gasp.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you? Laughing at me like it wasn’t your fault.” You bite your lips, trying to hold back a moan. “Laughing at me like you weren’t dripping right now.”

Yoongi started to roll his hips just like before, but this time it felt ten times better, it showed in your face, and even if he always tried to keep up his dominant mask, it trembled sometimes. He preferred to have you naked on top of him, with your bare tits in front of his face like you were just for him, but there was something about fucking you in you angel costume that was about to drive him crazy, especially in that white mini skirt that wasn’t long enough to hide the way you were rocking against him.

You wanted to answer him, to spit a snarky comment or to laugh on his face, but there was no time for that, his low voice made your stomach flip, your outfit started to feel hot, the two pieces of clothing you were wearing started to suffocate you. A devilish thought  was built in your mind in just a few seconds, the tiny you begged you to ask him to flip you over and fuck you however he liked, to eat you out and miss the happy birthday if he wanted, the tiny you didn’t care. 

The rational you didn’t exist anymore, she disappeared when Yoongi’s cock started to rub your clit, kissing you softly, a contradictory gesture from the way his palms on your ass were pressing you to grind on his cock.

“Now you’re quiet? Don’t you have something to say?” 

“Yoongi... Stop!” You whined quietly, but he didn’t take you seriously, he laughed at you again. 

“You’re funny like that, trying to tell me what to do.” He groaned, positioning yourself so your entrance would align with the tip of his cock. Your whole body shivered at the feeling, now you were paying full attention to his words. “Trying to tell me how to fuck you. But guess what, baby? I’m gonna fuck you the way I want, how I want, as long as I want and you’re gonna love it, okay?” He looked at you waiting for an answer, but you just nodded, enough for him to start introducing his member inside you slowly, you bit your lips hard, digging your fingernails on his shoulders. “Now be a good girl and hold your skirt up so we can watch how you get fucked.” 

You obeyed, grabbing the hem of your skirt and holding it up against your abdomen, starting to feel the slow drag of his member filling you up. Both of your moans left your lips at the same time, your bodies were aching for each other since your friend let him in wearing that fucking costume. 

He grabbed your ass to sink you deeper until you were full of him, his eyes focused on the direction where your bodies connected and then they came back to your face, catching the perfect sight of your face, you furrowed your eyebrows as you bit your lips trying  to hold back the sound that was about to come out of your mouth. He slid his hands up your clothed body, traveling up to the white corset to squeeze your boobs. Oh, how he wished to take that stupid corset off and wrap his lips around your nipples until you were creaming his cock. He could do it, he could convince you to throw it away and waste the next hour inside of your room, but if you wanted to sing happy birthday to Nayeon so badly, he would let you. 

You waited for him to move first, you feared that if you did it you would lose control of the sounds you would make, and he noticed, not really happy with the idea of you holding back. 

“Why so shy, baby?” He whispered, starting to set a rhythm with his hips.

“There’s… people outsid-…ah…” your voice got interrupted by a high pitched moan that escaped from your lips, he smiled satisfied and then, you started to move with him, pushing your hips forward to meet with him over and over again. 

“What about it? You don’t want them to hear?” he teased “You don’t want them to know how good I’m gonna make you feel? I think they already know.” 

The idea of your friends knowing that you disappeared with Yoongi in your room was embarrassing, but the urge set a pace and fuck yourself on him was stronger. Riding him always made you feel like you hadn’t fuck in months, and the last time you did was just last wednesday, when you woke up in the middle of the night and cuouldn’t go back to sleep. 

If the headboard was making any noise as he thrusted into you, you didn’t notice. Your body responded to him like it was second nature and your hands clung to his chest in search of some stability. “S-stop t-that…” you could only whisper but it was useless trying to be quiet, your whines were already giving you away, maybe the headboard too, but you convinced yourself it wasn’t making any noise. 

“That’s what you want, baby?” He asked in a sweet tone, leaning forward to brush his lips over yours “You want me to stop?” He slowly stopped his movements, gripping your hips to keep you in place. 

You shook your head in denial “N-no, that’s not what I..!” a choked moan slipped out of your lips when he thrusted his hips forward, you felt how your walls clenched around him, begging him to keep going.

Yoongi loved having you on top, he loved watching you trying to set the perfect pace so you could fuck yourself better on his cock. He knew one thing: every time you do it, you do it better. On the other hand, you were sure that riding him was just an illusion of power, there were very few ways to dominate Yoongi (one of them being pink heart shaped handcuffs, but that’s a story for another day), riding him wasn’t one of them. He always found a way to take control of things, now it was to grip your hips and sink you deeper on his cock. 

The position made you feel every single inch of him, quickly building a strong feeling down your belly and between your legs. You were a little embarrassed by how close you already were, but he wasn’t much different, the way his adam apple moved up and down gave him away. 

“Keep going, please…” 

“Are you gonna keep telling me what to do or are you gonna let me fuck however the fuck I want, huh?” You watched the way his lips moved with hooded eyes, regretting the decision of not letting him eat you out. 

“Please, just… just fuck me, I’ll stop.” you cried as you got closer to him, pressing your palms over his chest and enveloping his lips into a desperate kiss, he didn’t oppose, he was easy like that. His hands went to squeeze your ass cheeks one more time, thrusting deeper inside you again. He helped you move up and down until you caught up with his fast pace. 

How could you have a man like that and not be in love with him? No one ever kissed you with such determination, so sure of himself yet so scared to let you go, like time was about to end every second that passed. 

You never had that level of intimacy with anyone, not even with your ex, he never kissed or fucked you like that. With Yoongi everything was passionate, he made you squirm under him during the night and made breakfast in the morning. He told you how pretty you looked when you jumped into his car and listened to the songs you recommended to him. He sneaked you into your own bedroom just because he was jealous and horny. 

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight.” God, your ex boyfriend didn’t have a mouth like Yoongi either. He wanted to sit back and enjoy the view of your tits bouncing out of your corset, but if he did he would lose it immediately, he didn't know where to look anymore. You responded with a deep moan, allowing yourself to rest on top of his chest, a clear sign that you were about to cum “Are you going to be my sweet angel and cum for me?” You nodded, his thrusts starting to get sloppy yet faster.

“I-I’m... so close.” you managed to say. 

There would be time to worry about your appearance later, but the sight of him lost on his own pleasure, with his eye barely open and messy hair made you realize that you looked as fucked up as him. But he looked so hot like that, you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

“It’s okay angel, I’m close too.” The nickname rolled in his tongue in such a natural way, in the end Yoongi was not so wrong about the roleplay thing. You found it cute, in his voice it sounded sweet. 

You were too intoxicated in the way he was pounding inside you, too on edge of your climax. The worry of being heard left the room a long time ago, replacing it with the dirty sound of your wetness, your cries of pleasure and his deep groans. 

“Don’t stop, please” you whined.

“How could I when you feel this good?” You felt his cock throbbing inside you, making you arch your back and press your chest against his “Cum for me baby, want to see your pretty face when you do.” It only took one thrust of him to make you cum around his cock, he helped you ride your high as you filled the room with choked cries and the tortured sound of his name. “Can I cum inside you?” he asked as you tried to focus your blurry gaze, nodding because you didn’t trust your voice. “Okay angel, now lift your skirt again and let me see the mess you made.” His voice came out as a shaky breath, the desperation slipping out of his tongue. You rolled your hips once again to help him to reach his climax, crying out at the feeling of his cum slipping out of you, wondering how the fuck you were going to walk out of this room acting like nothing happened, Yoongi’s low moans were enough to make you forget about it. 

You felt like every muscle of your body was on fire, your thighs were shaky and sticky but something made you smile. You rested your head in his chest, feeling his fingers brushing your hair as he sighed. The room became silent, the only sound you could hear was the music outside and your heavy breathing. You stayed like that for a while, he was too content to break the silence.

But curiosity was eating you alive, so you lifted your head and kissed him on the lips, he closed his eyes and kissed you back, having no idea what you were going to say next. 

“Bubba, are you jealous?” You finally asked him. He opened his eyes like you just said a forbidden word. 

“What?” He murmured, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You laughed

“Baby, I’m still balls deep inside you, do you think this is time for a conversation?”

“Yeah, why not? I wanted to ask.” You said, playing with the chain that hung around his neck, he huffed. 

“I’m not, why would I be? Why should I be?” He started questioning, the words slipping out of his mouth like he couldn’t control them. 

“Don’t lie to me” You warned. 

“Jealous of who?” He asked, avoiding your gaze. 

“Of Kevin!”

He stayed in silence for a while, and then his eyes came back home to yours, looking at you with the funniest expression, trying so hard not to snap. For a moment you thought he was about to lie again. 

“And what if I am?” 

“I knew it!” You exclaimed before he could retract himself “But why?”

“What, I can’t? I don't want other guys to be looking at your tits. Is that so wrong?” 

Your hands came up to cover your chest, furrowing your eyebrows “He wasn’t looking at them…”

“He was, baby. I know because I was looking at them too.”

“Oh my god, Yoongi...” You complained, why did he always have to make your cheeks burn red?

“Don’t Yoongi-me...”

“He wasn’t, but that was not the point.”

“What is it, then?” 

“That you don’t have to feel jealous of him.” You almost whispered. 

“Then why did he say that you never mentioned me?” He asked. In that moment you could see a different layer of Yoongi, one that didn’t use words to hide what he was really feeling, he couldn’t find a way to ask that question in any other way than to be direct. 

“I have known him for only two months, bubba.” You explained “He barely knows anything about me, I told him nothing about me. But I’m sure he likes me and said that to upset you, don’t pay attention to him.”  

“Only two months?” He asked.

“Yes, he helped me with that failed exam that made me cry. We always talk about school, but tonight was different, I don’t know why.” 

Yoongi looked like he was thinking about it, processing your words and changing his mood. You were right, there was no need to be upset. After all, all your friends knew him and loved him. His face softened.

“And besides, I only want you.” He stared at you from above. He was face to face with you and yet  he was so blind to see what you wanted. He was the only guy who could have you like that yet he still got jealous of someone you never thought about. 

You thought about Yoongi all the time when he was gone. You thought about him when you were cooking, wishing he was there to taste your food. You thought about him when you passed by the music store, when you see a fluffy brown dog down the street or when you hear the sound of the piano in a movie. 

You thought he knew all this stuff, but he was unaware of all of it, even if he was the only person you allowed to be inside you and have a conversation at the same time. 

“You do?” He asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean, look at me, You know I don’t do these things with other boys.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Then stop pouting!” 

He laughed with you and shut you up with a short but sweet kiss. 

“Stop scolding me.” He whispered against your lips. 

“You need to be scolded sometimes.”

“Get up, let me clean you up.”

You sat on your bed before leaving the room, staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering if you were presentable to go out. Then, you remembered something.

“What did you get me?” You asked him. “Tonight you said you got me something.”  He nodded, remembering the gift. He standed up from the bed and looked for something in the drawer of your nightstand. He took out a thin but long black box and handed it to you without saying anything. “Did you hide it in my drawer?”

“Yes, when I arrived.”

You opened the box to find a golden necklace with three white pearls in the middle, it was the same necklace you were ogling in the store where you bought Nayeon’s ring. He came back and picked it for you. 

You stared at him with the sweetest look you could ever give him and jumped right into his arms to hug him. 

“You’re the cutest” You said between giggles “Thank you, it’s beautiful. I love it”

“Of course you do, I saw you in the store about to go bankrupt  to buy it. I couldn’t let that happen.” He laughed. He knew you so well. 

“And people think you aren’t sweet.”

“Don’t tell anybody about it.” He joked, hugging your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips “No one can know.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect your bad guy reputation.” 

Yoongi and you left the room acting like nothing happened, you sang happy birthday to a drunk Nayeon and ate the cake you made for her, everyone liked it, including Yoongi, who ate two pieces. 

Kevin didn’t try anything anymore, not after Yoongi kissed you in front of him, he got the idea. Nayeon gave you a funny look when he saw you again after half an hour, like she knew a secret she wasn’t supposed to know. 

Everyone left except Yoongi and Jungkook. You decided to clean the apartment the next day. Jungkook slept in Nayeon’s bedroom on a spare mattress and Yoongi followed you to yours to change into his pajamas and prepare to sleep another night in your one person bed. 

“I’m gonna buy you a bigger bed for your birthday,” He said, hugging you from behind “we can’t keep sleeping like this.” 

“I’m afraid we have to, a bigger bed won’t fit in this room.” 

You secretly loved sharing your small bed with him, there was no way for him to escape from you and the only comfortable position to sleep in was spooning. 

“That sucks.”

“But I like spooning.” You confessed.

“We can spoon in a bigger bed.”

You laughed, grabbing the hand he had on your waist and bringing it closer to your chest. He buried his face on your hair, attempting to fall asleep, only then you allowed yourself to step inside your mind. The rational you made an appearance and got informed about the events that happened during her absence.

Even pressed against him on the bed you felt like there was an abyss between the two of you and the things you wanted. The rational you did a list of them: firstly, you didn’t do “casual”, you never did, you didn’t like it. Yet, there you were, wrapped around some guy’s arms, waiting for him to tell you he was ready to be serious about you. 

You enjoyed the night, you didn’t want those thoughts to cloud your mind, but it’s almost impossible to stop them. A version of you that you never met was created in your head as you allowed those thoughts to wander in it. She looked like a nightmare, like someone you wanted to erase, a version of you who waits for someone to love her or leave her, not really sure what the man she loved was going to choose to do, not really sure of anything at all. You start to feel embarrassed, wondering if this is the view your friends had of you, if Nayeon or Jungkook saw the way Yoongi had you saving a spot he wasn’t sure if he wanted.

You were about to be dragged into one of the deepest places of your mind but then, his deep voice reached your ears, making all those ugly thoughts disappear in a second. 

“You know that you’re the only one I want too, right?” He asked, referring to the previous conversation you had.  Did you know? You felt like it was news to you. 

“Now I know.” You answered. He kissed your cheek and said something before falling asleep.

“Now you know.” 

You found it funny how Yoongi was the one to blame for all those thoughts but also the only one who could make them disappear. You fell asleep right after him, deciding not to torture yourself with any more questions, at least for tonight.