Bex

I miss my tumblr friends. Life has been extremely full and somewhat challenging. My (birth) family drama has been unrelenting, but my mother’s memorial last month was really beautiful, and it was comforting to be reminded of how many lives she affected positively.

I’ve been overwhelmed, but I don’t want to miss the chance to celebrate our youngest. She is about to graduate college. I am so proud of her! She suffers from so much anxiety and gets panic attacks, but she always pushes through and challenges herself. She was event coordinator for her sorority junior and senior year, which meant planning at least three events a month for over 200 people, including budgeting, scheduling, catering, decorating, delegating, and making sure the attendees stayed sober. Not to mention she learned to write and present speeches, despite her fears.

She was surprised with an award for leadership given to one student out of a couple thousand in Greek life at her school. And then she attended a job fair and out of 7,500 students interviewed in California, she was one of 30 selected to attend a recruitment retreat in Napa Valley. In between coming home for Easter, taking two midterms, and coming home for my mom’s memorial, she had to prepare a seven minute PowerPoint presentation and sell herself to a room full of managers and executives. She called us multiple times during the retreat to tell us how she’d blown it, and yet she was ultimately offered the job she wanted. I’m so impressed by her perseverance.

Also, all three kids have now finished college in four years. And the last one is dropping off the family payroll and will be getting her own health insurance. Phew!!!

Hi tumblr friends. I just haven’t had the energy for much, other then getting work done five days a week. Turns out I’m severely anemic again, and my blood pressure’s a little low (103/56), which means I can’t even wear heavy shoes. 😆

A couple of iron infusions will make me feel better, and I’m on the waiting list for a new hematologist. I was with the last one since 2018, but they couldn’t figure out anything. My GP found and treated H. pylori, but that’s been gone for about a year now. Fingers crossed, because I am so tired of being weak, dizzy, and out of breath. This infusion place is fancy with your own room, TV, and sparkling water and snacks, if you want them.

In happier news, my oldest is back from Australia. She actually returned in May, but then she and her boyfriend spent several weeks in Europe, starting with yacht week in Croatia (less fancy than it sounds). They trekked around mostly Slavic countries, although they made forays to Paris, Amsterdam, and the Dolomites. It looked like so much fun!

The truck Bella, our oldest, has been driving has 247,000 miles on it and has rarely broken down. Until tonight.

Naturally, it’s the night that her boyfriend has to catch a flight to England to apply for his American Visa. And Bella starts a new job in San Diego (about 2 hours away) in the morning.

Meanwhile, Nick decided to drive Phia back to Chico, because he didn’t want her driving in the rain. After 3-4 hours they had to turn around, because they could barely see through the rain and they both got alerts on their phones saying, This is a life threatening weather event. Do not drive unless you are instructed to evacuate.

I called Triple A, Rhys (Australian boyfriend) caught an Uber to LAX, and Nick and Phia showed up at the parking lot where we were waiting. Nick drove Isabella to the bus station, so she can make it to work tomorrow, and Phia and I hung out till the tow truck got there. The guy was very nice and super helpful. I’ve been avoiding alcohol, because of the mess of my Irish parents and siblings, but we just got home, I’m soaking wet, and hot apple cider with a little something extra sounds really good.

All’s well that ends well. And we make a good team. I love that my kids are all cool headed in a difficult situation.

Nick’s cousin, whom we call Jerry Garcia, just said to me, “May she walk gently through your dreams.”

This was me this morning, trying to convince myself to get up and get going with a warm cat snuggled up on me.

I’m sorry I’ve been away so long. Life . . .

Here’s a nutshell update for anyone who’s interested:

1. I’ve been so down in the dumps since at least the beginning of October that it’s been hard to function.

2. But things weren’t objectively bad.

3. My 80 year old mom had an emergency colon resection the Friday before Thanksgiving.

4. We ended up having around 25 people for Thanksgiving, only finding out a few days ahead of time about 13 of them. We also had 3 extras stay with us, on top of our 3 kids. Thank goodness Nick cooks everything but the mashed potatoes and gravy! It actually was so nice - a real respite in a crazy time, in part because my parents and two youngest siblings weren’t there.

5. My mom has been super delirious off and on since the surgery, seeing invisible children everywhere and talking to non-existent or not present people out of the blue.

6. All my abandonment issues over childhood abuse and neglect and their lack of care for my kids came rushing to the forefront in a confusing jumble of emotions. I thought I’d dealt with those pernicious suckers.

7. My dad got kicked out of my mother’s hospital room, because he was drinking and smoking, and they found weed, wine, and a bottle of mixed unlabeled pills on him.

8. My feeble 80 year old father swore to do better and be there for my mom, but the next day he somehow walked to a liquor store and walked back to the hospital with two magnums of wine. He got ejected again.

9. My next sister took him in and started sobering him up. Then he got diagnosed with covid. He keeps “helping” by doing dishes and putting them away with his germy hands, despite being begged not to. Turns out he caught the rona from my mom, who picked it up in the hospital. They both have refused to get vaccinated.

10. Mom gave covid to our good friend who is a critical care nurse and managed to avoid it while working with covid patients during the entire pandemic till now.

11. Mom is so confused that she can’t understand why Dad hasn’t come to see her and take her home.

12. I came down with a bad cold, but haven’t tested positive for covid.

13. Yesterday, they warned us that we should go see my mom whether we were sick or not. We were double masked with N-95s and wore gowns and gloves. Spent all day at the hospital yesterday and somehow I managed to get her to eat a good chunk of a meal. It’s the first time she’s eaten more than a few bites of anything in two weeks.

14. I also played her hymns, and even when shaking uncontrollably, glistening with sweat, and not addressing us directly, she somehow knew the words and was able to sing along with the choruses. I have all sorts of triggers wrapped up in religious music, but it was worth it.

15. It is still touch and go. If she makes it through this current amalgam of conditions, she will have to go to a local nursing home, because my dad can’t care for her, and my 48 year old brother who lives with them free in their senior community won’t lift a hand to clean, cook, or care for her, and racks up debt on their credit card.

16. Said brother is currently in Hawaii. He worked long enough to make the money to take his wife (who lives in Australia) to Hawaii (belated honeymoon, since they got married in 2020). He refused to help even feed or walk my mom’s dogs before he left, because he was so tired from working. The rest of us were like, “Hey, we’ve been working for decades!”

(Stolen from @frenchbulldogmama)

tea or hot chocolate? cozy books or halloween movies? plaid or corduroy? foggy mornings or twinkly nights? orange or black? pumpkin or apple pie? wool or velvet? picking fruit or carving pumpkins? libraries or coffee shops? cinnamon or peanut butter? spooky or cozy halloween? candles or fairy lights?

Tea-mostly Earl Grey or Barry’s

All the cozy books and a few not-very-scary Halloween movies

Plaid forever

Foggy mornings

Black

Apple pie (but really, neither. Give me chocolate or banana cream pie)

Wool sweaters for sweatah weathah

Carving pumpkins, because we did it with neighbors for years

Libraries

Cinnamon

Cozy/vintage