I See You

♬ - YES! So much music, all the time, especially while writing. Usually I listen to more punk and rock kind of bands, with my favorites being Icon for Hire, Halestorm, and Tonight Alive, but I also listen to a lot of instrumentals, especially while writing Uxie.

෴ - I’m just going to talk about today, instead of a general day. I mean, I didn’t sleep last night, so I “woke up” (gave up on sleeping) around 6 in the morning. Then, before standing up, I drank a liter of water and took my pills. Then I ate breakfast, and I’ve spent my entire day reading fanfiction on my phone, rping, watching the Rose Parade (My school band was in it this year!), and cuddling my dog. 

☢- Ummm....I don’t really go to the movies a lot, usually just waiting until I can get them at home. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was for Mockingjay Part 2 last year. (I have severe migraines and the smell of popcorn triggers them usually. Hence, I do not like movie theatres.)

No. I am merely attempting to start a romantic relationship with Tapu Lele.

“...”

So, in case you don’t know (And you probably don’t seeing as, while I casually mention how freaking unhealthy I am very often I don’t mention the specifics as much) I have a very long laundry list of health problems including, but not limited to, a Chiari Malformation, Severe Asthma, Temporal Lobe Epilepsy,  Dysautonomia (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), Sjogren’s Syndrome, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Fibromyalgia. This is, as you may gather, very bad.

However, I also have Anxiety so bad that from the time I was about 5 I started having terrible insomnia, and I’ve woken up screaming from night terrors when I do sleep for even longer.  I also have to wear gloves, because while I’m asleep I physically scratch all the skin off various parts of my body, causing it to scab over and bleed randomly, hurt horribly, and then scar. That’s not mentioning the depression and the hypergraphia (Basically I literally cannot control the urge to write. It’s a symptom of the temporal lobe epilepsy. I’m getting a lot better with this one....I no longer cut my skin open and use my blood to write when I can’t find a pen). Basically, I am very, very, very, messed up.

Despite this, I am still the one who is told to “Suck it up” while they baby my younger sister. I am the one who has to hold her and tell her “it will be okay” when she has a nightmare, even while I am sitting there fucking crying because it’s one in the morning and I haven’t slept in three days. 

When she’s sitting there scared in a pile of animals she promised she would take care of (But never does) and being babied because she constantly asks for attention and always gets it, I am writhing in pain on the ground because I’m out of pain meds.

And, I know it’s my fault. I’m the one telling everyone to put her above me. I’m the one who puts her comfort above my wellbeing. But at the same time I am so sick and tired of being strong. 

I am sick and tired of being the one who tells everyone else “It will be okay.”

But, I guess, most of all,

My Favorite Flying Type:

Sensu Oricorio!

My Second Favorite Flying Type:

Drifblim

Cutest Flying Type:

Rowlet

Least Favorite Flying Type: