One of the contractors at work drove past my shack on a forklift yesterday, stopped, backed up to my window and said, âhey, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?â
My knee jerk response when asked this, even if itâs by a companionable dude old enough to be my dad, is to go, âuh, nah-â and then ramble uncomfortably until someone stops me-
-which is what I started to do, only to be cut off by Contractor saying, in an embarrassed rush, âsome of the guys were asking me because you and I talk sometimes, but I didnât want them to hit on you at work, so I told them that you Worship the Devil and would Hex them if they tried. Iâm sorry.â
Which leaves me wheezing helplessly, trying to get my shit together, because this is honestly one of the nicest, most hysterical things Iâve ever heard someone say to me.
Oblivious to this, Contractor then follows up with, âand they were like âforreal??â so I was like, âyeah, sheâs probably a sadist, too, you can tell by her jewelry. Sheâll stab you or something.ââ
And tbh I canât even come up with anything witty to say in response, so all I manage to choke out is, âpleASE LET THEM CONTINUE TO THINK THAT, IâM BEGGING YOU.â
And Contractor just smiles and is like, âOkay! I just wanted to let you know!â before driving off with his forklift.
Like?? Thank god for Contractor tbh. Heâs an angel among men, and I hope the rest of his life is filled with prosperity and happiness and like, that he finds $20 on the ground every week for the rest of his life.
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