tranquility

Pervert

like to clarify, she published a book about the 52 men shes dated, and one of the pages was about my dad, and in it she talked about me and my sister as toddlers, and referred to me as the uglier of his children

when men say that girls only like sports because the guys are attractive what they’re really saying is that they think the guys are attractive but are too insecure to admit it so they project onto women. in this essay i will

I am crying, her fucking face killed me.

I had a dream about bakeoff except they were all cooking increasingly weird stuff until they got to the last guy and Paul asked ‘what are you serving’ and his response was just ‘these hands’ and then he knocked Paul Hollywood out on national television

Needed this today 😍

i think we should just start using this sign instead of ‘exit’

today my diet has consisted of five guys and popyes so im probably gonna live forever

u ate…… 5 whole people……..

6 counting popeye

lil guy thinks he’s in lush

showing up late to a meeting with an iced drink is a power move. like with hot drinks the cup is opaque and people cant tell the temperature so they dont know how long ago you got it. maybe its hours old. maybe you just got caught in traffic. who can say. but iced drinks. its clear. they can see the ice. they can see if its still frozen. they look you in the eye and they know you were standing in line fifteen minutes ago and made the conscious, deliberate decision to get a mocha frap instead of being on time. and then you made ANOTHER conscious, deliberate decision to bring it into the meeting with you, informing everyone in attendance that on your list of priorities, each and every one of them ranks firmly below one (1) mocha frappuchino.