beep beep andie

I expect that the Deadpool movies will follow the formulaic thing where after the main man has gone on his initial rampage and settled down with his girl, they kill the girlfriend so her death can fuel his angry man rampage. They’ll kill her and it will inspire him to go on another murder spree. So my suggestion for the Deadpool movies is, because they’re no doubt going to do this, that the new love interest they get him, because he always gets a new one, is Andrew Garfield playing Non Copyright Infringing Pete Parkland. Here’s why:

Definitely not Spiderman jokes

Having his name always said as “Non Copyright Infringing Pete Parkland”

Big manly Deadpool trying to impress small dweeby Pete

Deadpool can put on his signature sexy maid outfit in an effort to seduce him

“You look like Spi-” “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Deadpool’s nasty language and outlook contrasted by his excitable, innocent, boyfriend

Then they can let Pete live and be happy with Deadpool, he has a remarkable ability to blunder his way out of dangerous situations. There can be jokes about them as they live together.

Deadpool comes home covered in blood and Pete is making cookies

Pete works at charities and goes to church and nobody understands how he’s dating Deadpool

Deadpool has to meet Pete’s parents (maybe that gets them killed and Deadpool must go on a rampage)

Pete walks around their house with no pants

Pete and Blind Al sit around drinking wine and talking shit