hmmm

beautiful caffeine on an empty stomach I'm going to live forever

Lets all suck on glass together and make the aquarium clean for everyone

today at football they've started eating people

measure once cut also once, no prablem

Can I please have a cappuccino but with oat milk and a big pump of sugarfree chocolate syrup and... Lol I remember your stupid ass from 2,300 years ago. We were living in seleucis on the tigris river during the same span of summers... do you rememver a red ibis bird with beautiful plumes? Yeah U were a sort of dull brown goat that didn't train and dint make milk or kids. Yeah? No? Eventually the Zoroastrian homesteaders who owned you started feeding you contaminated barley to try and kill you lol. Maybe you remember the ergotism? Anyway. also I want one of these 🫵stupid little breads in the case

*dipping a dart into an unlabelled flask and loading it into my crossbow* you better not try anything stupid because i don't even remember what this one does

weird how ppl are always like "haha i bite" and making biting jokes but when you bit them it's "what the fuck" and "you ACTUALLY bit me" like ok fake gnawing fans

I love that you can just grab kittens. old cat have achy joints and a sense of dignity that you have to play into, so you gotta be deliberate and respectful in hoisting them, but if a kitten is whirlwinding past you, you can just reach out and snatch them. and they'll be like 'mamma mia, I never did nothing :p' and writhe around and lick your fingers. highly abductable animal

Hey, no homo, but I am sitting on the broken swing set out back in the perfect, quiet, 2:00am blackness and picturing the softness of your voice and the darkness of your eyes with such perfect and terrible clarity that it feels like I'm choking on my own heartbeat.

Now I'm eating croutons straight out of the bag.

Still no homo ?

I'm gonna level with you, friend: I am eating these croutons gay style.

fuuuuuck i have needs and wants and desires :( sadly they needto put me at the bottom of a deep as fuck hole and pour cement over me because of this