Nutshell.
pairing: scientist!bucky barnes x experiment!reader
warnings: 18+ NSFW, smut, daddy kink, dark!bucky, slight steve x reader, dubcon bordering noncon, stockholm syndrome, emotional manipulation, drugs, masochism and sadism, obsessive and possessive behavior, verbal abuse, mental illness, isolation, self-harm, mentions of the word "rape", angst, fingering, praise kink, innocence kink, medical malpractices, surgical inaccuracies, pet names, spanking
word count: 11.3k main masterlist
a/n: please read the warnings listed before reading. i am not responsible for your media consumption. thank you to @danysdaughter and @iamthatonefangirl for giving me the courage to write this. clutching my shovel real close tonight â„ïž
synopsis: You are Buckyâs most prized possession. Your mind, body, and soul were crafted by his own handsâhe gave you life, and he could just as easily take it away. He never imagined heâd feel threatened by his own creation, until the day you began to have desires of your own.
If you were to ask James Buchanan Barnes for the definition of âinsanity,â he would tell you âInsanity is a severely disordered state of the mind.â
If you were to ask him what the cause of insanity is, he would say âItâs triggered by a combination of many things. For example, if one becomes too fascinatedâtoo fixatedâon something to the point that it takes a toll on their mental health. It can shift their reality and potentially drive themselves to the very brink. It is a common denominator, Iâve noticed.â
If you were to ask him if insanity was correlated with craziness in any way, he would reply with âThatâs exactly what it is.â
If you were to ask James Buchanan Barnes if he was crazy, he would say no.
Bucky never thought he was crazyâas a matter of fact, he was far from it.
From the day he found your corpse and brought you back to life through grueling experimentation, to the long months he kept you tucked away in the shadows of the hospitalâs hidden basement laboratoryâup until now, as he stood before you with a tray of cold hospital food in his hands.
No, he never thought he was crazy. Not then, and certainly not now.
âDarling? Daddyâs here,â Bucky murmured, knocking gently on the door.
He pressed his ear to the wood, waiting for a soundâthat soft, gentle âcome in!â he had taught you to say every time he arrived.
There was no sound.
Bucky smiled softly. He figured you were just asleep.
After looking around to ensure the coast was clear, as it always was, he pushed the door open quietly. As it shut softly behind him, a relieved breath escaped his lips at the sight of you.
There you were, lying on the cot on your side with your hands tucked beneath your cheekâsound asleep.
He couldnât help his smile as he set the tray of food down on the table next to you. He sat at the edge of the cot, running his hand up and down your arm in a hauntingly slow motion. âI brought you dinner,â he whispered.
You only let out a sleepy moan. Bucky ran his hand down your hair, pushing it behind your ear. He frowned at how it felt beneath his fingertips. He had just brushed it this morning, and yet it was already a knotted, tangled mess.
âCome on, baby. Wake up. Your foodâs not getting any warmer.â
He nudged you gently, but you still didnât wake. He was beginning to grow impatient.
âOpen your eyes for me,â he commanded, kneeling down as his voice rose.
When you still didnât stir, his jaw clenched. Both hands found your shoulders, shaking you hard as he yelled in your face, âI told you to wake up!â
You jolted awake with a startled gasp, your eyes hazy with sleep as you stared back at the man in front of you. His grip on your shoulders was so tight it hurt.
He had yelled at youâwhat had you done wrong? Did you misplace something? Or was it simply because you had slept in?
Your masterâs chest was heaving as he glared at you with wide, crazed eyes.
After finally getting your attention, Buckyâs breathing calmed slightly. Your eyes were wide with fear and your body was shaking, curling in on itself as if trying to make yourself as small as possible.
Your eyesâsunken, swollen, and bruised from his experiments a few days agoâwere still prominent, and the sight of them made him feel even worse.
Slowly, he let go of your shoulders. âI⊠fuck,â he muttered, running a hand through his hair as he sat back on his heels. âIâm sorry, doll. I got ahead of myself.â
Your shoulders eased slightly, though not entirely.
âI just had a bad day,â Bucky went on with a sigh. âThese idiots at the facility⊠theyâre working me like a dog. They have me running all these labs, all these data sheetsâŠâ He rubbed the crease between his brows. âIâm just so tired. And all I wanted was for you to be waiting at the door to greet me.â
You felt your heart thump in your chest. You had to react carefullyâotherwise, Buckyâs mood would only sour further.
âIâm sorry,â you said, pulling yourself off the short cot to meet him on the floor with a hug.
Your arms wrapped around his neck, your chest pressed against his. Bucky let out a sigh, his eyes fluttering closed in satisfaction as his large arms wrapped around you. His hands splayed across your back, pulling you in even closer as his nose nuzzled the side of your head, breathing in your scent.
Rubbing alcohol, acetonitrile, and just a slight hint of lavender. His favorite.
âThatâs it,â Bucky cooed into your ear. âYou can be so forgetful, but at the end of the day, you always know how to make Daddy happy.â
He pulled away slightly to look you in the face. âLook at you, your hairâs a mess.â His frown deepened again as he tucked the stray hairs away from your eyes. âWhat did you do all day while I was gone?â
âIâve been readingâor⊠trying to read the papers you told me to read.â
Bucky smiled, reaching for the hairbrush on your bedside table. His hands found your hair, dragging the bristles through the tangled heap.
âYou mean the books?â
You nodded.
He sighed wistfully. âI wish I could hear you read them out loud to me, but I havenât had much time these days.â
âI know,â you said, sounding a little more solemn than youâd like.
Bucky heard the disappointment in your voice, and his heart broke. âTurn around for me.â
Still sitting on the floor, you scrambled around until your back faced him. His hand bunched your hair from behind as he did his best to fix the mess you created.
âTell me more,â he prompted, encouraging you to continue.
âThe words make my head hurt,â you explained, staring at the floor. âItâs all just⊠a jumbled mess of text. I donât even know what half the words mean.â Your finger traced the cold, laboratory tile. âMy head has been hurting a lot, and the books just make me feel worse.â
Buckyâs brush went still for a moment.
Every time the headaches came, you would start pulling and tugging at your hair, crying in frustration. You would roll around on the cot, hit your head against the wall, or yank at your own locksâanything to rid yourself of the pain. But you didnât know that those things only made it worse. All you knew was to hurt the things that hurt you.
âSorry, darling,â he said gently. âI need to operate on your brain to help fix this problem. Maybe this next experiment will help you remember words betterâhelp you gain some of that reading memory back. Iâll find the time for it, I promise. Iâve just been soââ
ââbusy,â you completed the sentence for him, a bitter bite in your tone. âI know.â
He paused again, and it dragged out longer this time. âExcuse me?â
âI already heard how busy you were the first time,â you mumbled. âI donât need to hear it again.â
Buckyâs eyebrow twitched. He couldnât believe this was happening. You were talking back to him?
He grabbed your shoulders, roughly spinning you around and making you yelp as you were forced to face him again. Before you could compose yourself, he pressed his face against yours, his hands cupping your cheeks with a hard squeeze.
âWhere the fuck did this new attitude come from? Who the hell do you think youâre talking to, huh?â he seethed. âDid you forget your place? Did you forget who brought you here? Who took your sad, cold body from the grave and gave you a new life?â
You winced as he squeezed your face even harder.
âI gave you life. I made your heart beat again. I gave your brain a mind and your body a purpose. And if you disrespect me one more time, I can take it all away just as easily.â
That tone of his made your heart start to race. It was like a trauma response buried deep in your nerves he had rewired. Your vision started to blur as tears began to well up, spilling down your face before you even realized you were crying.
âIâm sorry,â you gasped, the words tumbling over each other. âIâm sorry. I didnât mean it! IâIâm sorry, Bucky.â
You were apologizing profusely now, your hands hovering near his, not daring to touch him. You just wanted the pressure on your face to stop.
Buckyâs expression softened, just barely. He loosened his grip, his thumb brushing over your cheeks to wipe away the tears. He let out a long, weary sighâthe sound of a man burdened by⊠whatever it was you were to him.
He set the brush on the floor and pulled you back into his chest, hugging you once more.
âIâm sorry, doll,â he murmured into your hair. âIâm so sorry I had to do that. I hate when I have to talk to you like that, I really do.â He squeezed you tighter, his chin resting on the top of your head. âBut I have to make sure you understand. How else am I supposed to get through to you? You know I only do it because I love you. I canât have you forgetting who takes care of you.â
You stayed frozen in his arms, hiccuping between sobs.
When Bucky pulled back slightly to look at you, the small gap made you whine. He smiled in satisfaction. Of courseâdespite everything, you still needed him.
âThereâs my girl,â he whispered. âCome here. Give Daddy a kiss.â
You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, pushing yourself up from the floor just enough to press your lips to his in a soft, gentle kiss. That was all you wanted, reallyâjust a kind gesture to remind you that Bucky cared for you as much as he claimed.
But then his hands found your face again, locking you in place before you could pull away. His lips began to explore yours hungrily. He pushed his tongue against the entrance, sliding in to dance against yours.
A moan of satisfaction vibrated in his throat, then to his lips where you felt it.
He always kissed you like he was starving. He kissed you until your lips were swollen and wet, until you were panting and your heart was racing. When he was finally satisfied, he pulled away, catching his own breath as he trailed his thumbs over your bottom lip.
âBeautiful,â he praised breathlessly. âAbsolutely beautiful.â
Despite how he had treated you just seconds ago, you couldnât help but smile. Being praised by him always made the pain worth it.
But your salvation didnât last. Bucky pushed himself off the floor with a grunt. He extended a hand to help you up, but you remained where you were on the floor.
âW-where are you going?â you asked softly, staring up at him with wide, hopeful eyes.
He checked the watch on his wrist. âItâs getting late, doll. I need to head home and get some sleep. Iâve got a long day tomorrowâgotta be up bright and early for some projects at the facility.â
Your eyes widened. He had left you alone all day, and he was leaving already?
âNo,â you protested weakly.
Bucky tilted his head. âNo?â
You couldnât imagine another night of silence. âPlease,â you whispered with a voice crack. âPlease donât leave me yet. Itâs so quiet and lonely here.â
Buckyâs hand paused halfway through his hair as he let out a sigh. He looked down at you, his eyes looking almost mournful. âYouâre breaking my heart, darling,â he murmured. âYou know I hate leaving you, but Daddyâs got to work. I do it all for you, remember?â
When he took a step away from you, thatâs when panic started to flare in your weak heart and desperation took over completely.
You scrambled across the tile, your fingers digging around the fabric of his trousers as you clutched his leg.
âDonât go!â you begged, looking up at him through another round of tears. âIâll be good. Iâll read the books. Iâll do the experiments without cryingâjust stay. Please, just stay a little longer!â
Bucky froze, eyes widened in surprise. He looked down at your hands wrapped around his leg. A part of him wanted to laugh at this little attempt of yours. You were a just a weak, fragile thing. He could push you off and leaveâitâd be so easy.
But instead of doing that, he just stayed put and smiled. He liked this. He liked the way you were anchored to his feet, reduced to a trembling mess at the mere thought of his absence.
Slowly, he sank back down to his knees until he was eye level with you again.
âYou really donât want me to go, do you?â he mused with a taunting purr. He reached out, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to look at the hunger in his eyes. âYou want me to stay here with you? In this cold, dark basement? Keeping you warm?â
You nodded frantically, a sob catching in your throat.
âTell me then,â he prompted, his thumb tracing your jaw. âHow bad do you want it? What are you willing to do to keep me here tonight?â
âAnything,â you admitted desperately. âIâll do anything.â
âOh,â Buckyâs smile grew wide. âYou shouldnât have said that.â
You tried to keep a brave face, to hold your ground, but the relief was too great.
Bucky let out a short, amused huff as he reached down, hooking his hands under your arms to haul you up from the floor. âOkay, fine. You win.â
He stood back and reached for his neck, slowly loosening the knot of his tie. You watched, mesmerized and trembling, as he pulled the silk from his collar and draped it over the back of the lone chair in the room. His fingers moved to the top button of his white shirt, then the next, and the next, until they were all unbuttoned.
Then he moved to his belt. The sounds of it making you shiver.
âIâll stay with you,â he promised, his tone as sweet as honeyâdesigned to make you feel safe, even when you shouldnât.
He folded the leather belt slowly. Painfully slow, his eyes never leaving yours.
âAnd before I head to the facility, Iâll do a quick experiment on you tomorrow. Weâll fix those headaches and get your reading memory back on track, okay?â
With one hand still gripping the belt, he stepped closer. His free hand cupped your face, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.
âThink of it as my way of apologizing for my little outburst earlier,â he murmured against your skin. âI just want you to be perfect. I want you to be happy.â
He wasnât leaving.
He was going to fix you.
You leaned into his touch as a small, fragile smile broke across your face. The tears you had shed before were no longer born of frustrationâthey were tears of relief.
âI love you, Bucky,â you whispered.
Buckyâs hand settled behind your head, rubbing gently to soothe youâthe way a master might pet a loyal dog. He nodded towards the small cot in the corner.
âLay down, doll.â
The light in the basement was always the sameâartificial and blinding through the fluorescent tubes. After several blinks, you managed to force your eyes open against the piercing white light.
You let out a garbled groan. Your limbs felt extremely heavy, as if you were trying to move through deep water.
âEasy, doll. Easy.â
A deep, gentle voice cooed nearby. The cot creaked slightly as he sat beside you. As your vision cleared, you saw Bucky. He was already back in his professional attireâwhite sleeves rolled up his strong forearms. The room already smelled like he had his morning coffee.
He looked refreshed, while you felt like you had been disassembled and put back together again.
Which⊠in a way, you had.
Your fingers drifted up to the pain that throbbed in the back of your neck. You shuddered at the feel of the surgical tape and the fresh incision.
âThe experiment went perfectly,â he said gently, his fingers replacing yours to check the bandage. âYour reading should be much sharper once the grogginess fades.â
You couldnât even find the energy to be upset about him drugging you in the middle of the nightâeven if you should have spent those hours cuddling instead. The only thing that mattered was that he actually stayed.
âYouâre still here,â you rasped, your throat scratchy and dry. A weak, hazy smile pulled at your lips.
Bucky smiled. He reached for a glass of water on the tray, holding it to your lips so you didnât have to lift your head.
âI told you I would stay, didnât I? Iâm a man of my word.â He watched you drink, smiling as your dried lips softened from the liquid and the delicate column of your throat bobbed as you swallowed. âI even stayed through the morning to monitor your vitals. Iâm going to be a little late to the facility, but for you? My baby? Itâs all worth it.â
You leaned your head against his leg with a soft, content sigh. âThank you for staying with me.â
âAlways,â he whispered back, his thumb tracing over your cheek. âI have to go nowâbut when Iâm gone, I want you to go back to reading your books.â
Disappointment settled in your chest, but the chemically induced state you were in made it too straining to fight back.
âIâll be back soon with your breakfast.â
You didnât care about food. All you cared about was Bucky. He was your true sustenance.
âHow long?â you rasped, blinking up at him.
âI donât know,â he admitted. âBut Iâll get back to you as soon as I can. Alright?â
He leaned down to press a kiss to your temple. The cot creaked again as he stood up, and the sudden loss of his warmth made your heart clench painfullyâmore painful than the throb in your head.
âI love you, baby,â Bucky said, grabbing his blazer from the chair and heading for the door. âBe a good girl while Iâm gone, okay?â
You nodded, and he offered a handsome smile. Then, he pulled the door open and shut it softly. The click of the lock on the other side finalized his goodbye, leaving you alone once again.
Bucky walked quickly from the hospitalâs sub-level entrance, hurrying across the grounds toward the main facility. He looked like any other dedicated researcher running late for a briefing, but every time he left you, his mind remained back in the basement.
His mind was always on you.
His fingers fumbled with the middle button of his blazer as he forced his breathing to level out. He couldnât afford to look ruffled. He turned a sharp corner near the east wing, head down as he adjusted his cuffs, and bumped squarely into another man.
âWoah, easy there, Buck.â
Bucky didnât need to look up to recognize the voice.
âSteve,â Bucky exhaled, finishing the last button on his blazer with a tug. âDidnât see you there. Youâre up early.â
Steveâs gaze focused on the dark circles under Buckyâs eyes. âThe shift change was a while ago,â Steve explained quietly. âI tried to page your office, but you werenât there.â
Bucky waved a hand dismissively, stepping around Steve to keep moving towards his designated workstation. âDead battery. I stayed late last nightâlost track of time in the mounting data sheetsââ
Steve extended his hand, landing on Buckyâs shoulder and forcing him to halt.
âYou smell likeâŠâ Steve scrunched his nose. âRubbing alcohol? Acetonitrile? Thatâs some heavy duty solvent for someone just looking at paperwork.â
Buckyâs heart let out a traitorous little thump. He gave Steve a deadpan look. âItâs a research hospital, Steve. What else am I supposed to smell like?â
Steve let go, but the look he gave his friend was anything but convinced. âYou look exhausted. Youâve been spending every spare second in the south wing,â he sighed. âYouâre my friendâand I worry about you, is all.â
Bucky averted his gaze. He didnât have time for small talk. He had to review the latest labs and then fetch your breakfast. The longer he stayed out here, the longer you went hungry. Especially after the surgery, you needed to eat to recover properly.
âIf thereâs anything I can do to help loosen your load, even just a little bit, you know Iâm always here.â Steve stepped closer, his voice lowering. ââTill the end of the line, right?â
Bucky clenched his jaw. âThanks, Steve. But I donât need your help. Iâm perfectly fine working alone,â he said, moving past him. Without looking back, he added, âIâll let you know if my projects call for additional assistance.â
A few hours had passed, and ever since that interaction, it felt as though the universe had cursed Bucky with a jinx.
It was supposed to be a brief meetingâa few papers to peer review, perhaps a few charts to sign off on.
Christ, you were probably starving.
He could already picture itâyour stomach curling in on itself, groaning and painful. He imagined your fragile arms wrapped around your belly as you cried in hunger. With the desperation that hunger brought, you might be clawing at your own skin. And since your body wasnât being supplied with the nutrients it needed to recover, the post surgery throbbing in your head must be unbearable.
You could be pulling your hair or banging your head against the wall at this very secondâand he wasnât there to stop you.
He stared at the man sitting across from him. His bossâs frames kept slipping down his nose. His hair had more grease than the fast food joints across the street. His grimy hands shifted through the pages slowly. Painfully slow.
Bucky sat rigid, his foot tapping impatiently against the floor. He couldnât dismiss himselfâthis was his superior, for fuckâs sake. But the longer he sat there, restless and useless, the more his mind spiraled.
His eyes flickered from his boss, to the clock, to the door.
âIs something bothering you, Barnes?â
Bucky swallowed hard. âJust⊠need to use the restroom.â
The manâs eyes rose sluggishly to meet Buckyâs. He pausedâa silence long enough for Bucky to have gone and returned already. âMake it quick.â
Bucky pushed himself out of the chair, the legs let out a loud creak. He lunged for the door. He thought about sprinting to the canteen to fetch you something, but it was all the way across the facility. He didnât have the time.
âFuck, fuck!â Bucky hissed to himself, pacing the hall just outside the office.
The sound of approaching footsteps echoed nearby. Then, salvation appeared.
âBucky? You doing alright?â Steve asked, glancing up from his papers to find his friend in visible distress.
Bucky froze, his breath getting stuck in his throat. Steve. The very man who had been with him through everything. Before he even came to the facility. Before he even made you. Steve was the one person he could trust with his life.
So why not trust him with yours? Just for the time being?
âSteve,â Bucky started with a frantic voice. The words tumbled out in a breathless ramble. âI needâI need your help. Iâm stuck in a meeting with that grease trap Henderson, and sheâs starving. She hasnât eaten before the procedure and I canât leave, but if she doesnât get nutrients now, the rejection levels will spike and Iâll lose all progressââ
Steve blinked, his brows furrowing in confusion. âWait, what?â He shook his head. âWho are you talking about? What procedure?â
Bucky stepped closer, grabbing Steveâs forearm with a grip so tight, it made him grunt.
âThe south wing, sub-levels. Level four. I have her there, Steve. A womanââ Bucky glanced over his friendâs shoulder, making sure the coast was clear before continuing. âIâve been⊠helping her, fixing her. But I have her locked in for her own safety, and I canât get to the canteen and back without Henderson noticing Iâm gone.â
Steve looked at Bucky as if he were seeing a stranger instead of a friend. âLocked in? Bucky, what the hell are you talking about? There are no active patients registered in the sub-levels. If you found someone who needs medical attention, we need to report this to the board immediatelyââ
âNo!â Bucky hissed, eyes wide and wild. âNo reports, and absolutely no boards. Theyâll take her away, Steve. Please. I need you to help me. You said âtill the end of the lineâ, didnât you?â
Steve stood there, frozen with the papers in his hands.
âA woman,â Steve repeated quietly. âIn the basement.â
âSheâs my everything,â Bucky pleaded with a vulnerability that Steve has never seen before. âJust get a tray. High proteinâsoft foods. Use your clearance to bypass the canteen line. Sheâll try to talk to youâbut donât entertain her. Just⊠give her her food, make sure she didnât hurt herself while I was gone, and then leave quietly, okay?â
Steve let out a long breath.
He looked around the hall, checking for witnesses, before turning back to Bucky with a grim, reluctant nod.
âFine,â Steve whispered. âIâll get the food. But Bucky⊠we are talking about this the second you get out of that meeting. All of it.â
âThank you,â Bucky exhaled, a sob of relief nearly escaping him.
He quickly shoved the keys to your room in Steveâs hand.
âThank you, Steve. I knew I could trust you.â
It had been hours since Bucky left. You were curled on the edge of the cot, arms wrapped tightly around your growling stomach, trying to breathe through the nausea of starvation.
The grumbling was unbearable. You couldnât have slept the hunger away even if you wanted to. It felt as though your stomach were eating itself from the inside out. Had Bucky forgotten you? He had broken his promiseâbut he said he was a man of his word. So where was he?
The sound of keys and the lock being undone sounded like music. Your heart gave a hopeful leap. Bucky always knockedâthree soft, gentle taps that signaled he was coming to take care of you.
Unless you were asleep, he always waited for you to call out âcome in!â to let him know you were ready to be his good girl again.
But this time, there was only silence before the door creaked open.
You didnât care about the lack of a knock. You were too desperate, too hungry, and too lonely. You scrambled off the cot, your legs feeling like jelly as you rushed towards the door.
âBucky! Youâre back, Iââ
You stopped.
The man standing in the doorway wasnât Bucky. But he was as tall as Bucky, dressed in a white button up similar to Buckyâs, but it wasnât him. He held a tray of food, but the strangerâs presence made you too terrified to reach for it.
Your breath hitched, a panicked wheeze leaving your lips as you scrambled backwards. Your heels dragged against the tile floor until your back hit the corner of the wall.
âWho are you!â you gasped, your bandaged hands coming up to shield your face. âWho are you? Where is he? Whereâs Bucky?â
The man froze, his blue eyes widening in horror as he took in the sight of youâthe surgical tape on your neck, the oversized gown, and the way you were cowering like a wounded animal.
Steve knew he shouldnât speak to you, that had been Bucky's direct order. But he couldnât fight his own instincts.
âHey, hey⊠easy,â Steve cooed. He stayed by the door, slowly lowering the tray to a nearby table to show his hands were empty. âIâm not going to hurt you. I promise.â
Despite the manâs kind and gentle tone, you couldnât help the panic flaring in your heart.
âYou shouldnât be here,â you sobbed, pressing yourself harder into the corner. âHe said⊠he said Iâm not supposed to see anyone. Heâs going to be so angry.â
âBucky sent me,â Steve explained softly, taking a cautious step. âMy name is Steve. Iâm Buckyâs friend. Heâs stuck in a meeting and he was worried about you. He told me you needed to eat.â
You sniffled. â⊠Worried about me?â
He reached for a piece of bread from the tray and held it out toward you, not moving any closer. âI know youâre scared. And I know youâre hurting. But you need to eat, okay? Then Iâll be on my way.â
You swallowed hard, glancing at the bread. He had spoken you so kindly, so soft and gentle, and to you, that felt like salvation in this lonely and cold room. Even if it wasnât Bucky.
You took a hesitant step forward while Steve stayed still. He didnât move until you approached him, treating you as if you were a stray cat. You grabbed the loaf with trembling hands, gave him a wary look, and he smiled.
âNot poisoned. Trust me.â
He tried to joke, but you didnât laugh.
After a few seconds, you bit into the bread, letting the taste linger on your tongue.
Then, you started scarfing it down like a rabid animal.
Steve stood there, staring at you dumbfound as you ate. Without looking at him, you began to ravish everything else on the tray with your bare hands. He could only stumble back and watch in horror.
As you were occupied with the food, he took a mental note of your state. Your legs were marked with rows of stitches. Your skin was tainted with burn marks and various scars. You had bandages wrapped around your hands, wrists, ankles, and neck. Bruises decorated your body.
You looked exactly like a woman who had been plucked from the grave and brought back to life, but you were hardly living.
It didnât take long for you to finish. When you finally looked up, you stared at Steve, waiting for him to disappear back through the door.
âI know I said Iâd be on my way after you ate,â Steve explained slowly. âBut Bucky also wanted me to check on yourâŠâ
He paused. He didnât know what Bucky wanted him to check on exactly, but looking at you, it seemed as though everything needed to be checked. For now, he pointed to the freshly wrapped bandage around your neck.
âHe just wanted to make sure you were okay.â
When you didnât respond, he took it as a sign to step closer. You scrambled back immediately, and his gaze softened.
âI know this is scary for you. You havenât seen or spoken to anyone besides Bucky, isnât that right?â
You stayed silent.
âHave you ever been outside this room?â
Your eyes flickered to the door, then back to Steve. You slowly shook your head no.
âWell, the outside world is beautiful,â he began, speaking in a gentle tone. âThere are lots of trees, flowers⊠animals. Like squirrels. Youâd like the squirrels, theyâre just like youâalways scurrying around, especially in the courtyards.â
With each word, he moved closer.
Mentally, Steve was cursing himself.
He was a man of honor, yet he was currently violating his best friendâs trust while feeding a captive womanâBuckyâs womanâempty promises he wasnât sure he could keep. He was falling back on his own medical training, using the standard practices heâd honed over years of patient care, hoping the routine would calm you as it did his other patients.
âMaybe Bucky will let you see it for yourself one day,â he lied. âBut right now, your body is in no state for it. Youâre fragile.â
He was close enough now to see the faint blossoming of blood staining your bandages.
âThatâs why Iâm hereâto check on you,â he said, reaching out a hand slowly, palm up. âI just want to see how the stitches are holding up. If Buckyâs friend helps you, youâll get stronger faster. And the stronger you get, the sooner you can go outside. Doesnât that sound nice?â
You hesitated, your back still pressed against the cold wall.
âBucky wouldnât want you to touch me,â you admitted softly. âHe always calls me his perfect girlâhis good girl. He likes that Iâm untainted and untouched by anyone else.â
Steve paused, his eyes widening slightly.
Ah. There it was.
That was how he could get through to you.
Against his better judgment and his friendâs wishes, he brought his hand up to your cheek. It was a gentle, steady touchâthe kind of contact you had been waiting for all day.
âJust a quick look,â Steve whispered. âJust so I can tell Bucky you were being a perfect, good girl for him.â
You shuddered under his touch, your eyes closing slowly as you leaned into his palm.
That was all you wantedâto be Buckyâs good girl.
âOkay,â you nodded. âYou can check me.â
You reached for the hem of your oversized gown and lifted it, baring yourself to Steve.
To you, this was simply the natural sequence of events. There was no shame in your movements, only the ingrained memory of how your sessions with Bucky always concluded.
The check up was just a prelude. The intimate inspection that followed was the reward.
Steveâs breath hitched, his face turning a bright shade of red when he realized what you were doing.
âNo! No, no, no. You donât have to do that!â he stammered, wrenching his head away. âI just⊠I just need to see the bandages. Just the neck and wrists. Keepâkeep your clothes on, please.â
He was trying so hard to be a gentleman, his movements jerky and awkward.
âBucky always tells me to undress so he can check me properly,â you said softly.
That concerned Steve. He let out a sigh. It wasnât as if he hadnât seen naked patients before, but this was different. He told himself all he had to do was check your stitches and leave. Quickly.
âFine,â Steve rasped. His eyes tried his best to stay focused on your neckânot the curve of your breasts or hips, or the innocence of your bare slit between your thighs.
He stepped closer and his fingers traced the stitches of your neck.
His eyes met yours briefly, and his heart raced.
You had such a hazy, expectant look in your eyes.
âOkay,â Steve choked out, his voice cracking as he stepped back to put a safe distance between you. âIâm done. The stitches look... they look clean. Iâm going to go now.â
As he turned to grab the empty tray, you moved.
You cupped his face the way Bucky always did with yours and pressed your lips against his.
Steve froze, his eyes nearly bulging out of his skull. His hands found your shoulders, giving you gentle shove that forced you back onto the edge of the cot with a yelp.
âNo,â he panted, his chest heaving as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. âNo, we canâtâIâm his friend, Iâm not... why did you do that?â
You tilted your head, your brows furrowing in confusion.
âBecause the check up isnât finished,â you explained softly, your voice small and defensive. âBucky says the examination isnât over until heâs had his fill. He says thatâs how I show him I'm getting better.â
âHis fill?â Steve looked concerned.
âHe says itâs part of the treatment,â you added, leaning forward slightly, searching Steve's face for the approval you were used to receiving. âDonât you want to see if Iâm better, Steve? Donât you want your fill?â
The air left Steve's lungs.
His eyes traced down your body shamelessly this timeâbut not for the reason you expected. He took note of the faint bruises around your waist and thighs, and he felt sick.
Quickly, he crouched until he was eye level with you from where you were sitting on the cot. He clutched your shoulders, and you winced.
âTell me,â Steve urged. âWhat is Bucky doing to you? Why are you in this state? How long have you been here?â
âIâI donâtââ
âDid he rape you?â
Steve expected a reactionâthe typical trauma response to a word that heavy. Most victims would never confess it outright, but he could make out the answer from your reaction if you gave him one.
But all you did was blink at him as if he were speaking a foreign tongue.
âWhat does that mean?â
Steve didnât know what to say. He let out a breath of exasperation and stood up. He couldnât help you now, not with the risk of Buckyâs meeting ending at any moment.
âI have to go, but Iâll be back, okay? Iâll be back to get you the professional help you need.â Steve grabbed the tray and hurried to the door, his hand trembling on the handle. âDonât tell Bucky what I told you. Please.â
The door shut quickly as he left.
But the lock didnât click.
The hours following Steveâs departure were the longest of your life. You tried to do as Bucky askedâto sit on your cot and lose yourself in the pages of your booksâbut you couldnât retain anything.
Your mind kept drifting back to Steve.
You liked the way he touched your cheek. He spoke of squirrels and trees and a world that Bucky never mentioned. Your gaze drifted to the door, and for the first time, it didnât look like a shield protecting you from the worldâas Bucky liked to call it.
It looked like an obstacle.
You knew you needed to stay put and wait for Bucky, but you couldnât. You stood up and pushed through the door, moving carefully and slowly.
The hallway was bright, and as you wandered out, your bare feet felt freezing against the tiles. You didnât know where the trees were, but you followed the hall, hoping it would lead to the courtyard Steve had mentioned.
You could already imagine itârunning through the grass with Bucky, chasing the squirrels. A smile ghosted over your lips despite the tremor in your heart.
Then, a shadow fell over you.
âGoing somewhere?â
You spun around at the familiar voice, a smile on your face so wide it made your cheeks hurt. âBucky! Youâre back! I was looking for the courtyard, Iââ
The smile died the moment you saw his face. Bucky wasnât happy. He had that scowl, the look you recognized whenever he was displeased, except now it was multiplied tenfold. His gaze was harsh enough to kill, and you could only imagine what he would do to you next.
His hand clamped around your upper arm, forcing you to cry out.
âBucky, youâre hurting me!â
He hauled you back, dragging you down the hall towards where you had come from. He was breathing like an animal, his eyes darting around crazily to ensure the corridors remained emptyâno witnesses.
He threw you back into the basement room, the door slamming shut as he locked it from the inside. He approached you as you collapsed onto the cot.
âWhat the fuck do you think youâre doing?â he hissed in your face, his hands tugging at his hair in frustration. âWhatâs this talk about a courtyard? What was the plan, huh? To just walk out? To show everyone in this facility what Iâve been doing?â
âI just wanted to seeââ
âAfter everything Iâve done for you!â Bucky roared, lunging to grab your shoulders and shaking you once, hard. âI saved you! I rebuilt you! I spent every cent, every hour, every ounce of my goddamn soul making sure you were perfect. And youâre choosing to run? Youâre choosing to escape me?â
âNo, Bucky, Iââ
âYouâre ungrateful!â He was spiraling, his eyes glazed with paranoia. âSomeone saw you. Someone must have seen you. Who was it? Did you talk to someone? Was it the security feeds? Iâll have to wipe them. Iâll have to start over.â
You flinched at his cruel words. The pain in your arm was unbearable, but his accusations hurt more.
âNo one saw meââ
âYou canât be certain!â he screamed in your face.
When he saw the tears welling in your eyes, he backed off slightly. His heart was beating furiously, and he didnât foresee his temper cooling anytime soon. He let out a heavy sigh, releasing your shoulders. He couldnât believe Steve had forgotten to lock the doorâand now, he had filled your head with stupid ideas of going outside.
âI have to operate on you again,â Bucky said, walking to his desk. He removed his blazer and began rolling up his sleeves. âItâs a shame, really. I didnât anticipate working on you so soon after your recent experiment.â He reached for the gloves, jerking them on. âI should even lower the dosage of the drugs, just so you could feel just an ounce of the pain I felt when I found you in the hallway.â
He glanced at you quickly before looking back at his tools.
âYou did this to yourself, darling.â
You quickly scrambled off the cot, rushing to him and wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. âPlease! Iâm so sorryâI didnât mean to disobey you, I swear! Iââ
âIâve been gentle with you,â Bucky said, his voice flat as he reached for a needle on the tray. He didn't even turn to look at you. âMaybe even too gentle.â
You held onto him tighter, burying your face into the expanse of his back as the fabric of his shirt dampened with your tears.
âPlease, Bucky, please!â you sobbed. âI missed you so much. I was being so good all day. I read the books, just like you told me. I didnât hurt myself. But it was so cold and so lonely.. andâand you were gone for so long. I just needed you. I just wanted to find you.â
Bucky didnât move.
The hand reaching for the syringe hovered in the air, his fingers twitching. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was your crying. He looked down at the needle, then slowly, he pulled his hand back.
âYou broke my heart,â he whispered. âYou think your fruitless words mean anything to me now? After I found you wandering those halls like I meant nothing to you?â
âI didnâtââ
âActions speak louder,â he snapped, still facing away. âWhat will you do to make up to me?â
âAnything,â you sobbed against his shirt. âAnything, Bucky. Just donât hurt me. Donât operate on meâplease. Iâll do anything.â
Bucky stared at the wall, then at the needle, as if contemplating. Without turning around, his hands moved to his waist, the belt buckle echoing in the room as he undid the lather strap with slow movements.
âPut your hands over the bed,â he commanded. âBend over.â
Your breath hitched in anticipation. You wasted no time rushing to the cot, placing your hands over the edge and bending overâexactly as instructed.
Your heart fought in your chest as you heard Buckyâs footsteps approach from behind. You heard the clinking of the belt in his hands, and then the air hit your skin as he lifted your gown, baring your bottom to his gaze.
The cold leather of his belt dragged slowly across your skin, and you shuddered, bracing yourself.
âAre you scared?â he murmured from behind you.
âYes,â you whispered, your voice trembling so much it was barely heard. âYes, Bucky. Iâm scared.â
He leaned in closer, his chest brushing your back. You could feel the warmth, the scent of his cologne. When he spoke again, his voice was a low rasp against your ear.
âGood,â he breathed. âFear is the beginning of wisdom, darling. It means youâre finally remembering who I am to you. It means youâre remembering that the world outside is just a fantasy, and thisâthis room, this bed, and my hand on youâis the only reality you have.â
He paused, the leather belt going still against your thigh.
âI didnât want to do this,â he lied, smooth and deceptive. âBut you forced my hand. I have to drive those silly thoughts out of your head before they ruin you completely. Before they ruin us.â
The belt lifted away from your skin, then came down hard with a whack against your bottom, jolting you and making you yelp.
âYouâre so confused now, arenât you, darling? I have a friendâmy best friend come feed you, and suddenly you think youâre free to wander about? He was a fool. And so are you.â
Another whack.
âOw!â
âItâs disappointing, really. I thought we were further along, doll. I thought you understood that youâre far too fragile for the sun. Youâd wither like a flower, my perfect girl.â
Then another, and you let out a soft and shaky moan that was more breath than sound.
He leaned over you, the belt resting lightly against the back of your thighs as he watched the way your body reacted. He was being meanâhis words were supposed to make you feel small, stupid, and utterly dependentâbut to you, the condescension only felt like a caress.
With every smack, every word, you were arching your back and pressing yourself into him.
âLook at you,â he whispered, his hand reaching down to tickle the inner curve of your thigh. âIâm punishing you for being a bad, ungrateful girl, and yet..â
He paused, his fingers sinking lower and brushing against the wetness between your legs. It was slick, his middle finger gliding right through the folds. You gasped as he poked his finger against the entrance, and he could already feel you clench.
âYouâre soaking wet for me,â he voiced in a way that sounded like disgust. âEven when Iâm hurting you, youâre begging for me. Is this what you wanted when you walked out that door? To be caught and punished by your Daddy?â
Your face warmed with embarrassment. âNo! I swear, I didnâtââ
Your words were replaced by a shameless moan when you felt Buckyâs finger slip into your entrance. He was only halfway in, yet he slid into you so easily. The way you stretched to accommodate his fingers was a testament to how much you needed him.
Bucky snarled against your ear. He was disappointed. He hated your denialâespecially when your own body was betraying you, your hips rocking back to sink his finger deeper into your needy cunt.
But more than that, he hated how hard he was getting. He hated how much he wanted to rip his pants down and fuck you so hard that youâd be left crying and begging for his forgiveness.
âYou could have it so easy if you just told me the truth,â he taunted. âBut you like the struggle, donât you? You like the attentionâwhether itâs good or bad. And you especially like it when Daddyâs being mean to you.â
He withdrew his finger slowly, the loss making you whine. His hands settled at your hips, he lifted you until you were standing on your tippy toes.
âLook at how youâre leaking for me,â he mocked, his eyes dark as he examined you. âA little attention from Steve, a little walk in the hall, and you come back to me looking like this. Youâre like a little animal, arenât you? So confused, so easily worked up by the first human who shows you a bit of kindness.â
Bucky grabbed your hands, wrenching them behind your back. He worked quickly, looping the leather belt around your wrists and cinching it tight.
You winced at the pressure as he restrained you, leaving you even more helpless than you were before.
âYouâre right,â you whispered, face pressed against the cot. âIâm helpless. I canât⊠I canât function without you, Bucky. Please donât leave me again. Hurt me. Kiss me. Just do anything so I donât feel empty.â
Bucky hummed in approval.
He took a step back, and you heard the rustle of fabric and a zipper sliding down from behind. He didnât utter a single word as he freed himself, but the sudden change in his breathing told you everything.
He began to stroke himself slowly. The sound was agonizingâthat silky friction of his palm against his shaft, the shlick shlick noises of him spreading his pre-cum over and around his tip.
Every slide of his hand made you want to turn your head to look, to witness him in this state, but you knew better than to move.
You clenched your thighs together, your cunt pulsing as it reacted to the filthy noises. You were desperate to feel him, but you remained bound and helplessâexactly where he wanted you.
âFuck,â he cursed, his breathing labored as he jerked himself off faster. âI should just finish right now. Let it all my cum drip to the floorâleave it there for you to stare at while I walk back out that door.â
His breathing grew even heavier. His movements quickening as he fucked his fist.
âBut youâre so needy, arenât you?â he whispered. âYou wouldnât let a single drop go to waste, would you, doll? Youâd fall to your knees and lick it right off the tiles like my little pet, just to have a taste of me.â
You shuddered as his footsteps neared, flinching when his hand came up to cup your chin. He forced you to arch your back, making you strain to look up at him from over your shoulder.
âIs that what you are? My little pet?â He pressed the head of his cock against the curve of your ass, subtly rocking his hips forward. âMy sweet girl that only functions when Iâm inside her?â
âBucky,â you breathed, squeezing your eyes shut. âPlease. I canât take this anymore.â
âSince you wanted to wander those halls so badly, Iâm going to make sure you donât have the strength to do it again. Iâm going to fuck you so hard, doll, that you wonât be able to stand on those pretty legs for a week.â
One heavy hand landed on your hip, squeezing the flesh tight to hold you steady, while the other gripped his length, positioning himself at your entrance.
Then, surprisingly slow, he began to slide in.
The sensation was overwhelming. He was bigâfar too big. He knew you were fragile, and despite his harsh words, he didnât want to truly break you just yet. That would ruin all the fun.
The stretch was slow and agonizing, yet perfect. You let out a broken sob, your fingers clawing at the thin mattress of the cot as your body was forced to accommodate him. He was thick, filling every inch of you, stretching you until you felt like you might break, yet your muscles tightened around him desperatelyâclinging to him like a hug that refused to let go.
âGod,â Bucky hissed, his face twisting in both pain and pleasure. âSo tightâeven after last nightâŠâ
He kept pushing until he was completely sheathed inside, his dark curls tickling the curve of your ass when his pelvis finally met your bottom. He stilled there, his chest rising and falling as he waited for your body to accommodate him.
You could feel every ridge, every pulse inside, and in that moment, you wanted to cry.
You were so happy. Moments like this made your heart feel too big for your chestâbecause, despite everything, you were becoming one with the man you loved so dearly.
âLook at you,â he groaned possessively. âTaking all of it. Built just to hold me. Designed to take every inch... even if it hurts.â
Bucky began to move, his hips rocking violently as he started fucking you like an animal starvedâas if he had been starving for this even longer than you had.
His hips slapped vulgarly against yours, and your eyes widened at the sudden, cruel change of pace.
âOhâmy!â
The cot beneath you began to groan, the frame creaking and rattling against the floor and the wall with every thrust Bucky gave you.
He leaned forward until his chest was against your back, his hand reaching around to grip the belt binding your wrists, using it like a handle to wrench your arms higher and force your chest deeper into the flimsy mattress.
âOne taste of my cock and youâve already forgotten everything that fool Steve told you, havenât you?â
His pace became erratic, using your body like a sex toy. You were cock drunk for him, you were being his perfect, restrained little pet, your face buried in the cot pathetically while he claimed every inch of your body.
âYouâre so pathetic, sweetheart,â he whispered affectionately and cruel. âCompletely helpless. You canât even touch yourself while I do this to you. You have to just lie there and take whatever I decide to give you.â
He slammed into you again, his cock rubbing deliciously against your tight, wet walls as they squeezed him for dear life.
âAh, fuck... maybe if you keep being a good girl, Iâll let you suck on it later. How does that sound, hm?â
You nodded desperately against the cot, and mewling was the only answer you could manage.
The mere idea of being allowed to serve him like thatâto have him look at you with something other than disappointmentâit was all enough to make your head spin.
Bucky laughed darkly, you could feel his stomach vibrating as he was pushed up against your back.
âThatâs it,â he growled. âGood girl. Daddy loves you, baby.â
Tears of overwhelmed pleasure started to spill down your cheeks at his admission.
He loved you.
Those four words were enough to make you fall apart right then and there as his approval was far more intoxicating than the pain and pleasure.
âReally? IâI love you too! I love you so much!â you squealed. Your cunt clenched around his shaftâsqueezing him tight as if your body could prove just how much you loved him back. âI love you so much, Bucky. I love you. I love you.â
Bucky drawled out a long, tortured groan at the feel of you squeezing him. Buried deep inside you, he could feel you trembling, your body wound so tight it was nearly unbearable.
âThatâs it,â Bucky cooed, his pace losing its rhythm as he fucked into you harderâchasing that delicious, sweet release. âYouâre never going to walk away again.â
He leaned down, his pressing against your sweaty shoulder as he poured his devotions into your ear.
âI love you. Do you hear me? I love you more than anything. Iâm the only thing you need. Just me and my love. Youâre never leaving me again, doll. Youâre staying right here where youâre safeâwhere youâre mine.â
He was chanting it now, a litany of possession that made your eyes roll back as you started to see stars.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
âDonât you ever leave me,â he growled, his hand tightening on the belt and jerking your bound wrists one last time. âTell me youâre staying! Tell me!â
You couldnât hold back anymore. He was fucking you so thoroughly, telling you exactly how much you meant to him, and you were desperate to show him he was your entire world.
âIâm staying! Iâm yours!â you sobbed before you cried out in a pleasure that was so hotâit made you dizzy. Clenching your legs together, your pussy pulsed and convulsed as you let the pleasure wash all over your body.
Your entire frame shook and trembled, but Bucky didnât let up. Every shake and vibration from you was just a stroke to his own pleasure, and before long, he buried himself as deep as he could go, his cock painting your pussy with his cum.
It was hot. It was too much.
He stilled, remaining plunged inside as he fought for his breath. Silence consumed the room. Then, the sounds of his seedâspilling out of your abused pussy and onto the tile floors took over.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Like a clock.
Bucky shuddered against your neck, the heat of his breath tickling you. He stayed draped over you as he slowly began to press soft kisses to your cheek, then to the curve of your jaw.
âGood girl,â he murmured, his thumb tracing your bare lower back while you warmed his cock with your body.
âMy good, sweet girl. You did so well for Daddy. You always do.â
The atmosphere of the following morning was nothing like the night before.
Bucky had stayed the night with you. Again.
You were tucked over his arm, your head resting against his shoulder as you traced idle, wandering patterns across his bare chest. He was snoring peacefully, a soft sound that filled the quiet room.
Your heart felt full as you stared up at him with wide, adoring eyes.
His chest rose and fell in perfect time with his breathing, and you snuggled closer to his side.
âI love you,â you murmured, your finger tracing the outline of his abs. âI love you so much.â
Bucky slowly blinked awake, his eyelashes fluttering before he finally looked down at you. His eyes were clouded with the hazy, peaceful fog of a deep sleep he rarely ever got to enjoy.
âMorning,â he rasped.
A small, tired smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he took you in, his eyes softening at your adoring expression. âMy girl.â
He slid his arm further under your neck, hooking his hand around your shoulder to pull you in until you were pressed tight against his side. He tucked his chin over the top of your head, nuzzling into your hair with a contented groan.
âStay right there,â he murmured, his eyes drifting shut again as he squeezed you against him. âDonât move. Just let Daddy hold you for a minute.â
And so you did. You both lay there for a long time, soft and snuggled up in each otherâs arms.
But the peace, the silence, and the comfort didnât last long.
The doorâthe one Bucky always made sure to lock with such clinical precisionâwas suddenly eclipsed by a violent crash that you made flinch.
Bucky bolted up, his body going rigid as his eyes snapped wide to the door.
âBucky?â you gasped in fear, clutching his side. âWhat⊠what is that?â
âFuck! Fuck!â Bucky hissed, the panic in his voice only startling you more. He threw his arm across your chestânot in a cuddle, but as a barrier, pinning you firmly behind his large bodyâas if hiding you.
He turned his head to catch your eye, a look in his blue orbs that youâve never seen before. âDonâtâdonât say anything, got it? Not even a single breath of a fucking word.â
The door was kicked open, and a blinding flood of tactical lights and shouting turned your once private sanctuary into a war zone.
âHeâs here! Target identified! Get him off her!â
Men in dark tactical gear you had never seen before swarmed the room, taking over the space that had once belonged purely to you and Bucky.
Before you could even process the intrusion, several agents tackled the very man who had been protecting you. The cot creaked and groaned as he fought to stay by your side, but even his strength was useless against so many men.
âGet your hands off me! Get away from her!â he roared, his voice louder and more frantic than you had ever heard it. He was terrified. You had never seen him lose control like this.
âSheâs mine! You have no rightâsheâs mine!â
Bucky was going insane, fighting and kicking against the restraints of the officers. Everything happened so fast as the room blurred into chaos.
All you could do was sit there on the edge of the mattress and sob, reaching out for him in a confused daze.
âBuckyââ
Before your fingers could even brush his back, Steve was already there.
He pulled you into his arms, tucking your head against his chest to shield your eyes from the sight of the agents pinning Bucky to the cold tile floor.
âDonât look,â Steve cooed, using that same comforting tone from the very first day you met. He held you tightly, his hand cupping the back of your head as he rocked you slightly to still your trembling. âIâve got you. Iâve got you, sweetheart. Youâre safe now. I promise... heâs never going to touch you again.â
The sound of metal cuffs clicked in the room, accompanied by Buckyâs screams of your name.
âGet your fucking hands off of her!â Bucky seethed from the floor, his face pinned hard against the tile by a set of gloved hands.
âYou traitor!â he roared, the word tearing raw from his throat. âYou fucking traitor!â
Steve tried his best to ignore his crying friend, clutching your body tighter against his. You began to sob, your fingers clawing at Steveâs arm to let you goâto go back to him.
As the agents hauled Bucky towards the door, his feet scuffed and slid violently against the tile floor.
He twisted his head back, his hair a sweaty mess as his face was twisted in a rage that terrified you. Yet, despite the fear, his eyes stayed locked on yours until the very last second, and you couldnât bring yourself to look away.
âDonât listen to a thing Steve tells you, baby!â Bucky screamed, fighting against the agents. âHe doesnât know you! He doesnât love you like I do! Heâs just trying to tear us apartââ
Even with a dozen people there to âprotectâ you, guilt settled in your chest.
Was this all your fault?
Did this happen because you wandered the halls the other day? Because you had dared to talk to Steve?
âYou belong to meâonly me!â Bucky continued to roar, forcing you to listen to him instead of your useless train of thought. âStop ignoring meâsay something!â
All you could do was sniffle and sob, muttering broken apologies into Steveâs chest that Bucky couldnât even hear over everything else that was going on.
âIâll come back for you,â Bucky promised as they dragged him out. His voice rang through the cold hallways that had once been empty, but were now teeming with strangers. âI swear itâIâll find you!â
Bucky and the men rounded the corner, and his shouts began to fade. The basement grew quieter. Much quieter.
Everything youâve known and loved had been stripped away from you within seconds. What were you to do now? Who was going to take care of you? You wanted to hate Steve for doing thisâbut he said he was protecting you. But Bucky also promised you the same thing countless of times.
You didnât know what was realâwhat was right or wrong, and you donât think you ever will.
With the sudden and unexpected loss of his presence, your mind felt⊠lost. But deep in your gut, a feeling you tried so hard to suppress out of fear for betraying Bucky, you felt relief.
Steve let out a shaky breath, his shoulders finally dropping.
âHeâs gone,â Steve whispered, his voice partnered with a guilt he couldnât quite hide.
He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as you.
âHeâs gone, sweetheart. Heâs never going to hurt you again.â
And for some reason, those very words only hurt you more.
The interrogation light shined directly into Buckyâs face, but he had grown so used to the glare that he no longer flinched.
Heavy cuffs bound his wrists, he only stared lifelessly at the metal biting into his skin. By now, the chains wrapped around his ankles felt as familiar as socks. His eyes were sunken into dark hollows, and his hair had grown out, lank and unkempt. You probably would have thought he looked ugly.
âJames Barnes.â The man across from him sat down with a heavy huff.
His glasses were perched precariously on the bridge of his nose, and his pudgy fingers rifled through a thick stack of papers. With his greasy hair and impatient sighs, he looked exactly like Buckyâs previous boss, Henderson.
Bucky hated it.
The interrogator leaned back, watching the man across from him.
âThe woman was dead before you found her,â the man began neutrally, his voice echoing off the sterile walls. âYou robbed her grave, took her body, and performed several experiments on herâsomehow managing to bring her back to life.â
Bucky stayed quiet.
âWhere did you expect this experiment to go?â the man pressed, flipping a page in the file with a dismissive snap. âWould you have returned her to her family? To the friends she had before she passed?â
Bucky hadnât blinked in three minutes, and hadnât spoken for longer.
âWhat made you choose her, of all the other freshly buried bodies in that cemetery?â
Nothing. Not even a breath of a word.
âWhat was she to you?â
Buckyâs eyes remained hollow, his expression indifferent. He might as well already be dead.
âDid you love her?â
Buckyâs head tiltedâjust slightly.
Slowly, he lifted his eyes to meet the interrogatorâs.
âMore than anything,â Bucky replied.
He didnât look away from the interrogator, but his mind was already miles outside the concrete walls of the facility.
Behind his hollow eyes, he was already calculating. He felt the metal around his wrists, but he didnât feel trapped. He felt like a spring being pushed down, gathering all this tension until he inevitably snaps. He could see it clearlyâthe precise moment he would finally break free.
It had been years since has been held captive. Since everything was taken away from him.
He wondered what you were doing right now. Without him there to guide your schedule, were you lost?
He imagined you in a park somewhere. He pictured you chasing squirrels, or perhaps laying in the grass and staring at the sun until your eyes ached. Or maybe you were reading one of those books he used to leave by your bed. He hoped you were reading. It kept your mind active. The books were good for you.
Heâd find you.
It wasnât a question of if, only a matter of when. Heâd knock on the door of your new homeâthree times. Then, like the perfect girl you always were for him, youâd reply with âcome in!â
The interrogator cleared his throat, leaning in closer.
âJames,â he called for him, bringing his attention back. âWould you classify yourself as âinsaneâ?â
For the first time in years, Buckyâs lips quirked into a smile.
Insane?
What kind of question was that?
âNo.â
anyway how writing this fic found me
if you've made it this far, as always thank you so much for taking the time to read my work. interactions are always appreciated, I love reading every bit of them!
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I am insane





















