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an excruciatingly long ramble about the ā03 turtles and the enneagram š¢š§” pt5 (end)
[ intro + disclaimers post ]
[ pt 2 - raph ]
[ pt 3 - leo ]
[ pt 4 - don ]
mikey, 7 with a 6 wing
intro
we've reached the final entry, lads, but we've still got a lot to talk about. there's also, of course, the chance i might have future things to observe and build on and, if i do, they will be posted and linked as addendums. for now, however? let's blow this popsicle stand.
you might remember way back in the intro post that i said i was excited to talk about mikey because heās a complicated combination of a lot of moving parts and almost stupidly self-aware. i had a reason i wanted to start this project off with raph and, similarly, i have a reason i wanted to end it with mikey. thereās a chance that some of you might have noticed or caught on, and iāll give you a moment to think about it.
done? okay cool.
mikeyās 7 is linked to each of his brothers. all three of them have a 7 somewhere in their enneagram web:
raph has a 7 wing. leoās security number is 7. donās stress number is 7.
mikey and raph share a lot in common, which is why they both get along so well and also butt heads frequently. i think a detail that may contribute to the latter is that their 7 link is in a wing on raph's end. mikey can see and understand where the 7-wing is influencing and coloring raph's core number, but he himself doesn't share an 8 as a wing. so, when it comes to getting what makes raph tick as an 8, mikey may fall a little short. but if mikey allows himself to chill out enough to access his 5, he might even be able to help raph understand his own temper and process his thoughts objectively.
as for the other two, mikey knows how to coax out leoās playful side and get him to be kinder with himself and relax, shut his inner critic the hell up. mikey can empathize with don when heās struggling in silence, bring him out of isolation and back to the present. stress and security numbers are stronger ties than a wing (they will always be attached to that core type, whereas the wing may differ), so mikey can see his strengths reflected in leo when leo's healthy and empathize with don's weaknesses when he's going through a dark spot. mikey would also have a taste of what it's like to live with an inner critic (leo's 1), and be capable of stepping back, slowing down, and being more open to clarity, innovation and insight (don's 5).
bare basics of the 7
7s are one of three assertive types (the others being 3s and 8s), and theyāre members of the head triad (made of 5s, 6s, and 7s).
to reiterate: members of the head triad are concerned with anxiety; they carry a great deal of fear and are driven by it. they feel they experience a lack of support and guidance, and because of this they often engage in behaviors they believe will enhance their safety and security. they take in and relate to the world through the mind, and they tend to think and plan carefully before they act.
iāll also mention again what i said about assertive types in raphās post: assertives can be described as moving 'against peopleā. they respond to stress or difficulty by building up, reinforcing, or inflating their ego; they will expand rather than back down or seek protection. assertive types will often have issues processing their feelings.
unlike the previous posts, i think we need to pause here in the basics section for a second. because this is where mikey is different than his brothers.
if you look back to mikey's brothers, each of them have their core number in one triad but their wing in another: raph is in the gut triad, but has a head wing; leo is in the gut triad but has a heart wing; don is in the head triad, but has a heart wing. mikey, however, is fully in the head triad. but wait!: thereās more.
his brotherās core numbers and wings are all the same ātypeā: raph being an 8w7 means heās fully an assertive type; don being a 5w4 makes him fully a withdrawn type; leo being a 1w2 makes him fully a compliant type. mikey, however, is a 7w6, which makes his core type assertive, but his wing compliant. so while his core number might cause him to inflate his ego, expand rather than back down, his wingās influence could soften that or even nullify it. remember that compliant types like to be in service of the people around them and move toward others, and they have internalized principles and other dictates they've learned from childhood.
something else iāve noticed while working on this project is that every triad has one type that seems like they donāt belong in their triad by surface-level observation. 9s are in the anger and gut triad, yet theyāre peacemakers, think before they act, and are 'fine' with discomfort so long as everyone around them is happy. 3s donāt appear to be engaged with their feelings despite being in the heart and feeling triad, and they often struggle to connect with those emotions as well as their own identity. 7s are in the thinking and head triad, seeming to be carefree, joyful, and spontaneous in a triad so concerned with fear and anxiety. but where 5s externalize that fear and 6s internalize it... 7s forget it. or, they sure do try to.
a 7ās basic fear is being deprived or trapped in pain
their basic desire is to be happy, satisfied, and to find fulfillment
they believe theyāll be okay so long as they get what they need
childhood take-aways
yāall know the drill. letās visit that quote from master splinter one final time.
āyour path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.ā
itās not uncommon for a 7ās childhood to be colored by an unconscious feeling of disconnection from their protective and/or nurturing figures, and in response to this 7s choose to nurture themselves. thereās a wide variety of reasons for this perception: another sibling came along and required attention, or there was illness in the family, or the family is living paycheck to paycheck and the protective figures are stressed. but, one way or another, the young 7 unconsciously decides theyāre not going to sit around feeling sorry for themselves; if no one will take care of them, theyāll take care of them. this is NOT to say that 7s werenāt close to their protective/nurturing figures, just that on some emotional level they unconsciously decided they had to take care of their own needs.
young 7s will quickly seek out what psychologists call ātransitional objectsā: toys, games, and sometimes playmates. so long as they can find and move toward interesting ideas, experiences, and people, they can repress their underlying feelings of frustration, fear and hurt. where 5s reduce their need to depend on anyone and 6s try to anticipate every possible disaster, 7s create a pain-free world in their mind where they can hang out and think happy thoughts.
like i said back in leoās post their lives had toāve been some level of chaos since the word go. master splinter had a LOT to manage and balance and pay attention to, whether it was his own grief/newfound intelligence and change, finding them all a safe environment, or the four boys themselves. we have young leo earnestly doing his best to meet and surpass expectations--going to splinter for advice and approval and more lessons. we have young raph questioning splinterās authority and glimpses of his temper starting to surface more often. and we have young don choosing to tinker instead of play with his brothers or fully engage in training, and maybe needing a bit more attention during said training because this isnāt the area heās chosen for his expertise. thatās a lot of attention spread real, real thin. this poor rat is doing his best, man.
while i wouldnāt say this strained or damaged mikeyās relationship with splinter, it wouldnāt surprise me if mikey unconsciously realized heād need to find the nurturing he wanted elsewhere. much like leoās 1 would have recognized his protective figureās responsibilities and expectations, and received them in earnest, mikeyās 7 pulled him toward distractions to better tolerate his own anxiety: toys, trinkets, music, games, comic books, artistic expression. in mikeyās story during tales of leo (s1ep19) we see him wander-dancing around the lair with his headphones on, (allegedly) looking for his gameguy. he pauses to talk to leo, but leo is concentrating and won't engage with him. this leads to mikey deciding to break young leoās concentration because he, quote: āhates to be ignoredā.
mikey as a 7
7s are sometimes nicknamed: āthe enthusiastā, āthe generalistā, āthe multi-taskerā, āthe wunderkindā, āthe dilettanteā, āthe connoisseurā, or āthe energizerā.
7s are masters when it comes to the art of reframing; they can take a bad situation and turn it into a positive light in a blink. itās a defense mechanism thatās instantaneous, unconscious, and impressive. in his official profile, mikey states that āthe other guys seem so down sometimes, they need me around just to lighten things up! lifeās a beach!ā. heck, thereās a ton of this, here. that happiness is a way of life, life is what you make it, and that "knowing how to take care of yourself in times of trouble is neat... it's like being in a movieā.
if you continue to doubt mikey's place in the thinking/head triad, then you've yet to watch a 7 start to rationalize. should you call them out for acting selfishly or attempt to caution them on making a dumb decision, theyāll defend to the death the reasonableness of their position or provide a million good reasons for doing whatever it is they want to do.
a small example can be found in trouble with triceratons (s2ep2) while the turtles are trying to retrieve honeycutt from the triceratons, resulting in don piloting an alien vehicle while mikey rides sidecar. mikey begins pressing all the buttons--just all of them--and don says āleave the shiny buttons alone, mikey!ā. to which mikey responds ābut it might be something really good!ā (and then he is promptly jettisoned from the car. rest in pieces, king).
a better example could be found in a wing and a prayer (s4ep7). while don, leo and raph are training, mikey's standing by reading a newspaper. leo breaks away from the others to cut through the newspaper in order to get mikey's attention, and he tells mikey. theyāre supposed to be training. mikey's quick to say that he is training! heās doing mental exercises⦠reading! leo presses ādidnāt you learn anything from your battle nexus rematch?ā. and mikey has an answer for this, too, in the form of a quote from master splinter about worry, fear and anger... and pin that up on the board--pin it--because we're gonna circle back to that.
much like 8s, 7s donāt like being told what to do. but where an 8 might outright pick a fight with an authority figure, opponent, or leader, a 7 will attempt to manipulate them with charm and charisma. while it wasn't OUR mikey who sweet-talked his way out of sliver's containment in reality check (s3ep19), it was still a version of mikey who pulled it off, and it was our mikey's plan.
7s are crafty lil stinkers. much in the same way they can quickly think to rationalize their wants and behaviors, they will be quick to notice and remember how those around them respond to things, what buttons to press they might need to press to garner the results they want. a prime example of this is his match against raph in the battle nexus.
raph goes into this match confident and eager. he thinks that heās going to give mikey a life time's worth of get-backs, but⦠never considers that no one in this tournament knows how to work him like mikey does. ... ... *leans in and lifts microphone closer to my mouth* and we're gonna circle back to that, too.
7s are (for better or worse for those around them) exceptionally bright and quick learners. their minds move fast from one idea to the next, making them fantastic brainstormers and great at synthesizing information; they tend to have excellent mind-body coordination and dexterity. all this can cause them to develop an inflated sense of their own 'giftedness' and cause them to come off as or actually be: arrogant.
i think itās safe to say that mikey is the most āāānaturally giftedāāā out of the four when it comes to ninjitsu. master splinter draws attention to this in touch and go (s3ep8) when he says mikey has an affinity for the martial arts. but one of the best āshow-donāt-tellā examples, in my opinion, can be found in what a croc (s2ep12) where mikeyās the one who holds his ground the longest against stockmanās turtle-bot. and afterward, when they swap weapons, heās the only one of the four who uses an improvised weapon (two pipes).
it cannot be stated enough times that 7s donāt want to experience unpleasant emotions. sure, no one enjoys feeling frightened, bored, disappointed, sad, frustrated or angry, but emotions like this are downright intolerable for 7s. they want to avoid pain, and they believe they can think their way out of it. things like worry or stress are easier for them to deal with because they can mentally work with them and rationalize a way out, but things like sadness, grief or disappointment are harder. those emotions actually have to be felt to be dealt with. whenever 7s sense theyāre getting too close to a painful topic, they might crack a joke or tell a funny story--they're the types who will sneak a wince-worthy pun into a eulogy--anything goofy or distracting to redirect the topic and skirt around those negative emotions. this avoidance can cause them to appear callous or lacking in empathy. mikey? cracking jokes when he āshouldnātā? maybe coming off as insensitive to the situation around him? more likely than you think.
7s with a 6 wing are sometimes nicknamed āthe entertainerā. theyāre fast-talking, witty, and they're excited by new ideas and highly engaging people with a lot of energy and high spirits. theyāre productive, but they can easily lose focus and become scattered. these 7s are sensitive and a bit more anxious than 7w8s, but theyāre experts in using charm to disarm. theyāre dutiful and loyal to their family and friends, and theyāre often funny, entertaining, and highly accepting of others. in healthier states, theyāre curious and creative with an excellent sense of humor and a more positive outlook on life than a 7w8. theyāre quick-thinking, have cooperative spirits, and organizational abilities that enable them to accomplish a great deal with little effort.
stress & security numbers
mikeyās stress number is a 1, so in times of high stress and downed spirits heāll begin exhibiting the negative traits associated to 1s. stressed 7s become pessimistic, argumentative, and judgmental. more and more, theyāll begin blaming others around them for their problems, and their thinking will become more black-and-white. theyāll begin to feel the need to restrain themselves but then become frustrated with the structures and limits, and their usual vivaciousness may give way to a grim seriousness.
what enthusiasm they had for their own ideas and opinions will quickly shift into a tendency to critique the views of others; they might become short, impersonal, and impatient--with both themselves and others--attempting to 'teach' those around them why their ideas and opinions are better or correct. and under high stress, their underlying resentment will begin to show. they might begin scolding, nitpicking, and cutting down those around them with withering, sarcastic comments, and they'll adopt a 'hit-and-run' approach to conflict.
the examples of mikeyās 1 could include:
in tales of leo (s1ep19) after mikey finishes telling his story and raph says āif you ask me, leoās not coming back because heās afraidā, mikey--quite literally--180s on him and retorts āno one asked you!ā
in return to the underground (s2ep13) mikey says don's plan to get the crystal moon back up came from "whackos-r-us", and toward the end when theyāre all webbed up and surrounded by monsters, he mocks don and āhis big ideasā and does a nasally impression of him
his behavior in most (if not all) of same as it never was (s3ep21); the way he snaps at don right out the gate is radiating with a 1ās anger and, more notably, resentment
in grudge match (s4ep6), he makes a very pointed dig at raph when challenged about his status as the battle nexus champion; iāll touch on this a bit more later
mikeyās security number is a 5, so when mentally and spiritually healthy heāll begin to show the positive traits associated with 5s. these 7s grow more comfortable with silence and solitude and are willing to be more serious; they begin to think about the meaning and purpose of their lives. an 'average' health 7 might be creative, but a secure 7 no longer wants to just consume, they want to contribute. 7s on the positive side of a 5 can finally experience satisfaction in the truest sense of the word.
they learn to slow down and quiet the activity in their minds so impressions affect them more deeply, and they become able to stay with their observations and experiences long enough to realize all the amazing things about themselves and the world around them. they can recognize which experiences have real value to them. rather than worry about making the wrong choices or missing out on the best--most exciting--course of action, 7s will simply know what to do. it doesnāt cause 7s to lose their spontaneity or enthusiasm, they just become more free to savor the moment. as 7s learn to quiet their minds and tolerate anxiety that arises, they can access the clarity, innovation, insight, and knowing qualities of a healthy 5.
examples of mikeyās 5 surfacing could include
in the unconvincing turtle titan (s1ep12) after watching the silver sentry interview at the end, while his brothers are asking questions, you can see him just kind of quietly basking in the moment instead of hyping himself or the moment up
in contrast to dipping into his 1 throughout return to the underground, while theyāre on their way back home mikey pauses to take a moment to let don know āhe may be a pain in the shell, but iām proud that youāre my broā. (this back and forth reaction to don's decisions/plans could also be his assertive type expanding in defense early on only for his compliant type to fall back to childhood lessons in doing the right thing, recognizing and appreciating that they've done that here)
in christmas aliens (s3ep1) itās his idea to go to the childrenās home, granting others an exciting and warm holiday experience rather than being concerned with his own. contributing, not consuming.
in grudge match (s4ep6) he takes the time to seek leo out at the end of the episode and thank him
there is an aspect of his 5 surfacing in what he says about leo in samurai tourist (s4ep13) but i hesitate to say that his 5 is fully in the driverās seat; iāll get to it when we get there
cardinal sins - 7 and gluttony
once again, as with raph and with don, mikeyās cardinal sin is more than its surface-level explanation. yeah, he eats a lot and enjoys food, but⦠who doesnāt? i, also, would like pie.
7s embody sunshine and joy and a boundless love for life, always curious, always excited about the next thing to come. but if you scratch those surface appearances off, youāll find an almost desperate need to avoid pain. the cardinal sin of gluttony isnāt so much about mikeyās passion for pizza as much as it is a need to devour positive experiences, stimulating ideas and fine material things in order to avoid suffering, hurtful memories, or feelings of deprivation. 7s cope by gorging themselves. they jam their calendars with activities and adventures to look forward to, absorb interesting ideas and stories, collect material possession--all in an attempt to fill up an inner emptiness with items and experiences. we all have our ways of defending against pain, and for 7s itās keeping things lively and positive. they must have more, so they never run out.
one of my books state that 7s are often caught in a cycle of anticipation known as 'the chocolate syndrome'. one of the most exciting things about a box of chocolates is the anticipation of the first bite (you never know what you're gonna get inside, after all). it's often less the experience itself that excites 7s, it's the anticipation OF that experience. a small example of this could be found in the lesson (s3ep13) when young mikey is teaching casey about the importance of having a battle-cry. he hypes up how having a good battle-cry will get foes to flee like cowards, and before casey even has a chance to respond, mikey exclaims "oooOOH, i really wanna see that!! come on, let's try it!". the payoff of this is, obviously, not great. but it didn't lessen the thrill of getting there.
unfortunately, due to their cardinal sin, 7s have a tendency to be the most vulnerable to some form of addiction, both due to their love for anticipation and need of escaping negative feelings. i see a lot of people going to raph when it comes to this topic (especially in terms of substance abuse), i guess because heās the āproblem childā? and his 7 wing might open a vulnerability to that but for the most part⦠eh. mn.
i bring this subject up in regards to mikey, however, because we actually have a brief example of it in-series.
in the big brawl - part three (s2ep25), raph and mikey pass gennosuke while wandering the battle nexus market. gen is a gambler (it thus needs be remarked that gambling can be as much an addiction as a substance), and he asks them if they want to place a bet on him winning the tournament. raph immediately turns him down and tells him to āfind some other suckerā while walking away⦠but mikey hangs back and asks what the odds on himself are. once he gets those odds he says āi gotta get in on that action!ā and asks raph to help him out. raph proceeds to grab mikey by the arm, tell gen to fuck off a second time, and physically removes mikey from the interaction. you might remember me saying back in raphās post that raph, being an 8, might be the most āworld-wiseā out of the four. he sees this for what it is, what it could be, and heās gently peeling mikey away from it.
and as before, letās look at the other sins in the circle. mikeyās 6 wing, 1 stress and 5 security would give him: fear*, anger, and greed respectively.
*i mentioned in raph's post that seven of the enneagramās cardinal sins are in line with the traditional ādeadly sinsā; 3s and 6s are the exceptions, with 3ās cardinal sin being deceit and 6ās being fear.
same as it never was with a touch of darkness within
before we dive in, letās pause to examine 7s at their healthiest and unhealthiest. at their healthiest, 7s can be described as: joyful and satisfied, anticipating and enthusiastic, realistic and productive. at their unhealthiest, 7s can be described as: insatiable and escaping, manic (depressive) and reckless, overwhelmed and paralyzed.
mikey is kind of unique throughout the series in that we donāt really get a lot of heavy episodes with him that would latch onto his more stressed state of mind and drag it out. at least, not in the way that we do with his brothers. sainw, unsurprisingly, is when we get to see a version of mikey in his worst state, and i think thereās a lot of interesting things to examine here with his enneagram type in mind, one of which will carry into the next section.
right off the bat, something to notice about sainw!mikey: he is the ONLY person who doesnāt greet our don warmly. april hugs don. raph also hugs him (that 2 shooting to the surface for a split second). leoās smiling widely, and he sounds relieved. but mikey? itās "where the shell have you been?? how could you just abandon us like that?!". it's instantaneous, and he doesn't hesitate to take it a step further, because the first thing he decides to do after is take don to master splinter. that's exactly how he words it, too: "i'm taking you to master splinter". ...--like, i need you to realize how cold of a move this is in hindsight. because script-wise, it's obviously there to do an emotional reveal not just to don but also the audience. but in character context?
this master splinter died after don disappeared. which could mean that his death is information sainw!don doesn't have. but whether itās our don or sainw!don it doesnāt matter, because mikey presents this information to don much like you drop a bucket of ice water on someone. he takes him to splinterās grave. itās not gentle, it's not kind, itās harsh. as though to say: you left, the team didnāt work, and look what happened. i want you to look at it.
as i said in the stress section--as well as back in donās post--mikey is leaning hard into his 1. the gang's all here: we got cutting remarks, we got 1ās cardinal sin in anger (resentment), we got blame, we got grim seriousness. i think we can go a bit deeper into the fact that don āabandonedā them, too. for that, we need to look to the darkness within (s3ep14).
jenn (@/plantdonut) brought this to my attention a while ago; i donāt remember the context of the conversation, and iāve searched our discord chats to no avail--i can only assume she mentioned it during a call. but her point stuck with me, and it will be heavily pulled from in the next paragraph.
mikeyās nightmare in the darkness within features leo joining the lovecraftian entity and attacking him. looking at the themes of each of their nightmares: donās centers on loss and helplessness, leoās was about failure, and raphās was giving into his worst self. mikeyās seems to be about betrayal. itās an interesting one, because i donāt think the boys have really experienced real betrayal up to this point. their companions have always been their companions, and the people who have 'turned on them' to some degree never fully gained their trust in the first place. but whatās one of the things mikey seeks out when he needs distractions? comic books. superhero comic books. a genre where betrayal is almost laughably frequent and expected to the point of parody. the concept of being betrayed by someone you trust or love is no doubt hovering around in mikeyās subconscious. he already thinks of himself and his brothers as superheroes--he IS a superhero. so, here in this nightmare, heās experiencing his first "real" betrayal.
and it's not lost on me that... out of the four of them who almost joined the foot? leo. leoās the one mikeyās having the nightmare about.
take this knowledge and move back to sainw. don disappearing on his family, in a time when mikey needs him most? ā¦thatās a betrayal. sainw!mikeyās world is not only crumbling around him, but if we were to assume that his deepest fear is the same as our mikeyās, then his worst fear has also come true: someone close to him who he loves has betrayed him. don left. the team didn't work anymore. splinter died. raph and leo separated, they "aren't with anyone" anymore.
i think the only smile we get out of sainw!mikey is after don pleads to leo and raph to help him, and leo and raph shake hands. just this... brief blink-and-you-miss-it smile. it's so fleeting.
sainw is probably the most blatant example of mikeyās 1 being active, but there is one specific example we get with our mikey.
mikey beat raph that one time aaaaand uuuh--
originally this was going to be a part of the season four discussion, but it became its own thing. i donāt think iāve ever seen anyone really take note of this, let alone acknowledge it, either. but me sitting here and putting everything through an enneagram filter while rewatching episodes made a light go off.
for starters, i need to reiterate what i said back in raph's post in the season four section: i don't agree with master splinter when he says that all of the boys except leo have healed from their wounds after defeating the shredder. i know what was more a script-thing to emphasize the journey leo's going on, but i really need to restate that i think all of the boys are on the unhealthy end of their enneagram spectrums. their stress numbers are present and active, and this is going to be one time, i think, we see our mikey lean into his. with intent.
grudge match (s4ep6) feels like the episode where the change in leoās demeanor is beginning to have an actual effect on the family unit. the first three episodes of the season were more an adjustment and āāāhealingāāā period in their post-shredder lives, the fourth was leo and casey, and the fifth episode we can see leo's change isn't going away but the 'ripple effect' hasn't quite kicked in yet. it's grudge match when raph begins confronting leo on his shift in attitude and don remarks on the increased intensity of the training.
between the end of the battle nexus arc (s2ep23-26) and grudge match, mikey will sometimes boast about being the battle nexus champion (as is his god given right), and i think it's fair based on dialogue and his family's reactions that he does it off-screen, too. but.
the only time (i'm pretty frickin sure) he brings up that he beat raph is at the very, very end of the last battle nexus episode (s2ep26) and right here in grudge match. itās no secret that mikey enjoys playfully antagonizing his brothers from time to time, and that he has a tendency to target raph with shenanigans and teasing. but the exchange in grudge match, both due to context and the energy feels⦠different.
at the end of the big brawl - part four, raph says mikey won on a technicality. to which mikey responds "um. TECHNICALLY, i kicked your sorry butt in one of the bouts. remember?". the energy and body language behind it is much more passive, playful and, overall, good-natured. raph doesnāt respond to it well and tackles mikey to the ground (this would be the first time leo and don are learning this specific information as well), but i think itās safe to say the remark from mikey was meant to be more competitive ribbing than it was anything else. in grudge match, though?
before this exchange even happens, raphās temper is already set off--heās not starting from a more neutral, calm state like he did at the end of the big brawl. leo's insistence on more intense training has him heightened, angry, and wound up. mikey uses his win as a reason to blow off training, and this just fans the flame. raph challenges mikey's status as the battle nexus champion and states he won on sheer, dumb luck. and when mikey says āwell, if i remember correctly, i beat YOU fair and squareā, he doesnāt just physically lean in once, he leans in twice and that second lean is to emphasize the 'you'. we donāt get to see how raph responds because master splinter interjects, but given that immediately following mikeyās remark don visibly winces, states āooh i donāt wanna see thisā, and removes himself from the space? i think it's fair to say the result would have been... explosive.
8s are competitive. and when it comes to their competitive nature, itās important to remember they hate losing more than they love winning. winning is good because it cements their capability, but losing is awful because it risks affirming their basic fear. 8s believe they'll be okay so long as they are strong and in control of their situation. i think raphās feelings toward his loss go beyond just the fact that he lost to mikey. itās less that he lost to mikey⦠and more how he lost to mikey. because mikey beat him not by out-fighting him, but by drawing out raph's temper and letting it get the better of him, wear him out, and ultimately be his own undoing. in a way, raph didn't lose to mikey, he lost to himself. and he did that publicly. this wasn't in the privacy of his own home during a training session, or a one-off with some purple dragons in a dark alley-way. this was public. with thousands of eyes watching. when he realizes he lost in that episode, raph says the line "i'll never be able to live with myself!" and while it's most likely dramatics, i feel like there's just the smallest sliver of truth to it. the fact it was mikey, at the end of the day, doesn't really matter. he lost agency to his temper again.
iām bringing all of this up to say that: given the atmosphere of āthe roomā, raphās already heightened state⦠this was a very bad time to dig the knife in, and mikey did it anyway. much like sainw!mikey chose to break the news of splinter's death to don in a harsh way, mikeyās choosing to defend his status in a harsh way. this could easily be an example of that 'hit-and-run' tactic i mentioned in the stress section; mikey's hitting raph with something he knows will further set him off, possibly as a way to redirect his family's frustration with him onto someone else. but, master splinter sees through it. he interjects and keeps attention focused on mikey before raph has the chance to explode.
now. i think itās more than fair to say that mikey would know raph hates losing and that his temper is a strategic weakness, considering their fight in the battle nexus showcased he knew exactly how to work raph into being his own worst opponent, defeating him without even touching him. but remember at the beginning of the post where i said there's a bit of a disconnect between them, as their only link in the 7 is through a wing rather than a core number?
mikey may know that this is a dig at raph, but it is possible he doesn't know how deep it runs or that raph losing his temper isn't JUST a strategic weakness, it's directly tied to an 8's fear of being controlled/losing control. mikey may not know it was a bit more targeted than he intended it to be, but he doesn't pause or slow down to consider this. the 5's not here right now, the 1 is.
the first half of season four, for the last time
iām certain thereās already been some observation about mikey and leoās relationship throughout the first half of season four, and how--out of the brothers--mikey is the most attentive toward leoās shift in attitude. itās also interesting to see mikeyās assertive core and compliant wing sort of swing back and forth. iām both going to talk about mikeyās interactions with leo, here, but toward the end, also his interactions with raph.
as discussed in raphās post, in cousin sid (s4ep1) raph at first responds positively to leoās shift in attitude and goes as far as to make a joke he probably shouldnāt have (ye ol' 7 wing). leo turns on him, but mikey gets between them and shuts the interaction down before it can become anything bigger. and, be it for leoās benefit or his own, he takes charge of getting raph somewhere he wonāt be a danger to himself.
in the peopleās choice (s4ep2), mikeyās the one who pauses when he notices leoās not following them to the mill and asks if heās coming or not. it's a small moment, but he wanted leo to be included in their fun adventure.
as i said in leoās post, we get a great exchange between leo and mikey in grudge match. to reiterate the exchange:
leo: ā¦no. like pushing yourself beyond your limits. to a place where there are no limits. to be so focused, so ready that nothing and no one will ever catch you off guard again!
mikey: um. ā¦we still talking about me, here?
7s will do almost anything to avoid engaging in painful emotions, so when mikey picks up on the fact that leoās projecting he points it out indirectly. leo doesnāt engage with this observation⦠so, mikey defaults to making a joke that he could still forfeit. but, as with this episode feeling like the first time leo's shift is shown to have a ripple effect on the family, i think this is the episode where mikey starts to engage with this shift. both in regards to leo and to his brothers.
in wing and a prayer, as i said earlier, leo tries to tell mikey that they need to train so that theyāre ready for anything. mikey retorts by quoting master splinter... kind of:
āworry leads to fear. fear leads to anger. anger leads to worry. ā¦--no, hold on. fear leads to anger. anger leads to hate. hates leads tooooo⦠a dark and moody leoā.
that pesky 7 of his is once again preventing him from communicating directly, but i do think mikey is trying to communicate here. and not JUST to leo. don and raph are also present, and raph even steps into frame as mikey finishes talking. they are, unfortunately, interrupted. and i hope all those pigeons are okay.
in dragons rising (s4ep10) while leoās training at the beginning of the episode, he has a brief interaction with mikey (and klunk). mikey tries to ask him āhow's it going?ā but leo doesnāt respond and carries on. mikey then turns to klunk and states that āleoās mister personality these daysā and that āheās getting tired of it, himselfā. this could be his core's assertive type at play. it's expanding a bit, pushing what leo's going through away for mikey's own protection. but toward the end of the episode, after leo chews them all out and storms off, we see raph, casey and mikey in the back of the battleshell. raph verbally expresses agreement with leo, and mikey⦠kind of nods. i think he not only listened to leo, but also took raphās acknowledgement/agreement into consideration. i think raph and mikey value each other's opinions a lot more than they let on. we have direct evidence of mikey looking up to raph (he asks himself "what would raph do?" in christmas aliens), and i'll get to raph in a second. back to mikey's handling of leo.
in all hallows thieves (s4ep12), mikey makes a leo-o-lantern. he could be trying to make leo laugh or smile or just⦠tap into the nostalgia that comes with halloween for them, but he doesnāt get much of a response.
when we finally reach samurai tourist (s4ep13), we have a small collection of things that have happened: mikey has acknowledged leo was projecting onto him in grudge match, mikey has potentially tried to communicate leoās position and mental state to the other three in wing and a prayer, and mikey has now heard leo express his frustration that they keep losing and that he feels like the rest of them are treating it like itās all a game. meanwhile, raph is still keeping leo at an armās length and is fighting with him and don still seems to be choosing not to engage with leo if he can avoid it.
at the start of the episode, raph and casey discuss leo's behavior. raph's irritated, and casey's treating the whole thing quite flippantly. likely getting antsy about the direction the conversation's heading, mikey makes an attempt to derail it: he jokes that he COULD be training, but it's free comic book day. ...it doesn't work, though. and the conversation continues. as the camera jumps around, mikey starts to look a little irritated, and this time he speaks up for real:
i think all of you should just lay off the poor guy. i mean, it canāt be fun. always being the responsible one? and weāre the ones who really benefit! raphās free not to think because leo does all the thinking for him. donās free to dream. and iām free to take it easy! all because leonardo is busy being responsible enough for all of us!
i hesitate to say that mikey's 5 is doing the driving because heās not slowing down to engage with his OWN negative and painful emotions. this is much more his 1 at play, taking the moment to 'teach' the others (and even if it is being triggered from an unhealthy state, he's right). it could also be a bit of that 6 wing, that compliant type, trying to be more directly 'in service' to leo rather than tap-dancing around the problem in wing and a prayer.
he acknowledges that the position leoās in āis not funā, which is a simple but important line coming from him because 7s will FLOCK toward anything 'fun' in order to avoid pain. this is a way of saying he knows leoās in a lot of pain, and he then points out how each of them are benefiting from leoās responsibility (including himself is some of his 5 engaging, as heās at least embracing some of this guilt rather than denying it by virtue of expressing it).
unfortunately, we don't get to see the other two engage with this because leo pierces raphās punching bag with his sword and raph starts to have an outburst. but this moment is also kinda interesting.
mikey shouts āeasy, raph!ā and helps casey hold him back, but don... doesn't do anything. i know he wasnāt standing close to raph, but we've seen him cross spaces in order to help hold raph back in the past. him choosing to remain where he is (and it's not that he's not animated, he puts his bo staff back in his belt) could be that continued choice to remain distanced and disengaged from this entire ~thing~. i think itās also worth noting that raphās 5 is active and, in piercing the sandbag, leo just broke one of raphās resources. might help explain his aggressive reaction.
moving forward from samurai tourist, i mentioned back in raphās post that there's a shift after mikey shuts their conversation down with how raph responds to leoās behavior. i think, given that he values mikey's perspective and opinion, he took what mikey said to heart even if it is kind of too-little-too-late.
mikey calls leoās outburst in the ancient one (s4ep14) before it happens, stating that he thinks āthe corkās about to pop on that unopened bottleā. this is followed by raph calling leo 'a hot-head' and stating that he hates it when leo reminds him of himself (a much gentler observation and description than saying "leo's gone mental"). ā¦and right after this, we get a parallel to meet casey jones (s1ep4), with leo striking master splinter in place of raph attacking mikey. ( idk where else to put this, but while mikey, raph and don are outside splinterās room listening to splinter and leo talk, and they turn to look at each other uncertainly? mikey looks to raph.)
after the efforts in samurai tourist, itās kind of sad to see how mikey refers to leo in scion of the shredder (s4ep15). it would seem that compliant type has stepped back, and the assertive type is at the front of things again. where raph refers to leo as āa bumā (again, much gentler terms than we were getting before), mikeyās the one who asks if leoās going to come back ānormal⦠or, like⦠MORE normal. because before he left, he was acting kinda⦠yāknowā and he draws a coo-coo next to his temple. raph promptly smacks him for this. leo attacking master splinter may have not only driven up mikeyās 1 (scathing remarks and judgemental views are active) but also woke up that fear of betrayal.
i dunno. itās just interesting to see that AFTER mikey brought attention to where leoās head is at, raph started to back off. and after leo took a step too close to something mikeyās afraid of, mikeyās quick to retreat back into old habits and--for the first time since this arc started--starting to throw insults in leoās direction (and insults in the same line raph was taking from, no less). that compliant type might have been willing to step forward before and do a service to leo by bringing awareness to his condition⦠but now the assertive core has moved back into place, expanding to keep danger and pain away.
conclusion
as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:
the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson
the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile
bro i straight up do not know how to top this off. i canāt believe iām finally done with this after over a year and a half of working on it. <xD absolutely wild. and i just wanna thank anyone who took the time to read all of this, who left me something nice to say, and/or who shared it around. i really, really appreciate it. itās obviously been a lot of work.
as iāve said throughout the other posts, should i return with more things to say iāll make addendums and link them along as i go. but for now: itās been fun! time to return to art and fic writing. but later. because i'm braindead as all hell right now.
okay i'm being the bravest ever and actually sharing about the top surgery fund in my bio.
i just officially made a gofundme for my ~irl~ fund. because i don't want to give my personal info out, including my face, i am doing a separate fund using ko-fi for tumblr stuffs. the full amount i'm fundraising for is $2500 but i'm just putting the ko-fi one for $1,000 for now. that way if i end up getting a lot through gofundme, i can change the amount and keep things honest on the ko-fi side. i'm not out here trying to make extra money or anything (not that that wouldn't also be nice cause we strugglin).
if you do have the means to donate, it means everything to me <3 thank you so so much. here is the link: https://ko-fi.com/charlesjames16
if you can't donate or don't feel comfortable, i completely understand. please consider sharing this post instead!
under the cut is the exact message from my gofundme page, so you all know the story too!
so much love,
charles
Hi! My name is Charles. I'm a trans masc person and I am finallyyyy getting top surgery - a thing I have been talking about since I was 14 - this August! This surgery is going to very literally save my life, and I can't express how relieved I am that it's finally almost here.
I'm currently in grad school for social work and public health, with the goal of becoming a licensed clinical social worker so that I can offer counseling to other trans folks, primarily teens. Because of being in school, my finances are really tight. I'm unable to work very much between school and disabilities, and I'll be working even less starting in the fall as I'll be starting my social work internship.
So, I'm seeking support to help me cover the costs associated with my top surgery. I won't be able to work my job at the coffee shop for a month, so need help covering food and rent; my surgery is a 5 hour drive away so I have to stay at an airbnb for a few days and cover gas costs as well; then there's the actual cost of the surgery (which is currently an estimate). I've outlined what I roughly expect all of these things to cost below, and added it up to be about $2,500. I genuinely just don't have that money, so literallyĀ anythingĀ you're able to contribute will help me so, so much.
If you're not able to donate, please share this! That is just as big of a help. I appreciate anyone who has read this, chooses to donate, or shares this fundraiser with others. You're all contributing to trans joy and liberation! <333
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an excruciatingly long ramble about the ā03 turtles and the enneagram š¢š pt4
[ intro + disclaimers post ]
[ pt 2 - raph ]
[ pt 3 - leo ]
don, 5 with a 4 wing
intro
alright, donnie-bear, itās your turn in the spotlight. which i know you hate, so iāll try not to keep you too long.
don doesnāt really get to have like⦠a season-wide growth or 'arc' of sorts (leoās is a main focus of season four and raphās is more of a subtle thing you can notice as the series progresses). whatās interesting is, in some ways, being a 5 could explain that. IF we wanted to be charitable and say never addressing the wild shit don goes through was intentional. but i know thatās more self-indulgence or wanting to gently take the writers by their shoulders and shake them on my end.
please, flying spaghetti monster, get these boys some goddamn therapy.
letās begin.
bare basics of the 5
5s are one of the three withdrawn types (along with 4s and 9s), and theyāre members of the head triad (made of 5s, 6s and 7s).
the withdrawn types lack differentiation between their conscious self and their unconscious, unprocessed thoughts, impulses and feelings. their unconsciousness constantly wells up into consciousness through daydreams and fantasies. all three of the withdrawn types respond to stress by moving away from engagement with the world around them and into an āinner safe havenā in their imagination. in other words, they have a habit of āzoning outā.
the head triad may also be referred to as the āthinkingā, āreasonā or āfearā triad. members of this triad are concerned with anxiety; they carry a great deal of fear and are driven by it. they feel they experience a lack of support and guidance, and because of this they often engage in behaviors they believe will enhance their safety and security. they take in and relate to the world through the mind, and they tend to think and plan carefully before they act. 5s externalize it, 6s internalize it, and 7s forget it.
a 5ās basic fear is that of being helpless, useless, overwhelmed or incapable
their basic desire is to be capable and competent
they believe theyāll be okay so long as they have mastered something
childhood take-aways
as you likely expect, we return to the quote from master splinter in things change (s1ep1):
āyour path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.ā
young 5s tend to be quiet children who occupy their time with books, collecting insects or plants, learning a musical instrument, using a computer, or playing board games or with chemistry sets rather than participate in play with their peers. anxious parents might find themselves coaxing their young 5 into basic activities--joining a sports team or going to a playground--in an effort for their child to be more ānormalā; these efforts are often met with intense resistance from the 5. the 5 will sometimes feel overwhelmed by their protective figures, and they'll seek out other ways to feel secure and confident.
as children, 5s see the world around them with startling clarity. they elaborate on it in their minds, which will have repercussions later on for better or for worse. these types value independence--or, more accurately: non-intrusion. early on, 5s learn to believe that by not asking much from you, you won't ask much of them; through that, 5s attain safety and a feeling of control. as a way of defending themselves, they learn to cut themselves off from nurturance--any painful feelings of need and longing--by staying in their minds.
something i find interesting about the lesson (s3ep13) in retrospect of the enneagram is what don and leo choose to focus on when teaching a young casey. now, i know in some way the choices were kind of narrative jokes (as well as poking fun at the fact theyāre like eight-years-old and trying to teach something complex like martial arts) but i think, in donās case, thereās a bit more going on.
leo, who in his older years more focuses on strategy, went for meditation as his starting point (likely remembering where his own ninjitsu training might have begun and wanting to do it 'right') whereas don went for strategy as HIS starting point.
one could argue that out of the four brothers, don is the āweakestā fighter (in terms of technique and natural skill, NOT physical strength; i will get to that). rather than focus on where his ninjitsu training began and giving casey the chance to see if his own physical abilities can develop, don goes right into where he knows HEāS capable: the thinking aspect. planning.
splinter says āto survive, you must master these skillsā, and here is a young don already recognizing that out of the four of them, he needs to rely on something more than just ninjitsu skills alone.
donās best tool in an actual confrontation at this point--what would keep him capable and ānot uselessā--would be navigating a battlefield strategically and keeping himself one step ahead of his opponent.
in flashbacks from tales of leo (s1ep19), we can see donās built himself a little robot car. this, obviously, will serve no form of protection or security in an actual fight or time of emergency; itās a toy. heās a child with a still-developing brain and knowledge of the craft. there's no context to if this story takes place before or after the events of the lesson, but it's evident he's already pursuing other areas to (hopefully!) master outside of ninjitsu that could aid him later.
don as a 5
5s can sometimes be nicknamed: āthe thinkerā, āthe innovatorā, āthe observerā, āthe sageā, āthe specialistā, āthe radicalā, or āthe expertā.
more than any type, 5s want to find out why things are the way they are. behind their relentless pursuit of knowledge is a deep insecurity about their ability to function successfully. 5s feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. they believe in the safety and security of their own minds.
5s are highly motivated by a desire to understand. to them, gathering knowledge and mastering information are keys to survival. 5s collect and horde information like dragons to gold; they want to know at least a little bit about every obscure topic. they donāt want to appear foolish or uninformed, or be humiliated by not having the correct answer. while donās physically present at the hockey game in the golden puck (s2ep18), heās got his nose in a book about the sport's history. this could not only be his 5ās desire to collect information, but also an attempt to understand something casey (and maybe by proxy, raph) is interested in.
5s have a presentational or lecture-like ātalking styleā; if you ask them what they feel, theyāre more likely to tell you what they think. due to this, they tend to respond to problems rather than react to them. itās this ability that helps don stay as the level-head out of the four brothers. like 9s, 5s are able to remain neutral and see both sides of a conflict. but where a 9 might be worried about hurt feelings, a 5 will look at the situation objectively and shoot straight with you (a contributing reason to why raph might respond better to don calling him out than leo or mikey; don is always going to be straight-forward with him, something 8s, as we covered, value). raph and leo, being on the gut-triad, have a tendency to react to their instinct, and mikey doesnāt always slow down enough to exercise his 5 (itās his security number, and weāll get to that).
from a narrative/ātopeā standpoint, you could look at don having 'random' knowledge outside of his usual science and engineering expertise as him filling his narrative role as āthe smart oneā, but his 5 could also serve as an explanation for why he just⦠can either read or recognize an italian phrase in the darkness within (s3ep14) or why he has a pigeon puppet in search for splinter (s1ep25) that my bird-loving ass continues to be DELIGHTED over to this day. a 5 never wants to be put in a position where they have to depend on others to take care of them. the idea of losing their independence and self-reliance terrifies them. so, they gather all sorts of information and ideas and resources they deem potentially useful later.
and semi-due to this, the average 5 has a bit of a scarcity mentality. theyāre careful to measure how much time theyāre spending with others in comparison to time they spend honing their abilities to master something or expand their knowledge. this might lead to them hoarding their space, time, and even affection. itās common for a 5 to have a space that is THEIR space. this could be as small as a specific chair they always retreat to for reading (that they get a little territorial about should you find yourself sitting in it one day), a corner of the garage, or a larger space such as a study or work-room. don, of course, has his lab which seems to be a (questionably) repurposed subway car for the majority of the series. i donāt know how he got it in the lair⦠thatās a question for another day. and given a 5ās secrecy and independence it, frankly, wouldnāt surprise me if no one knows how he got it in there. we'll touch on that more in a bit.
donās wing was probably the hardest for me to pin down out of the brothers. i remember on the same site i saw raph being labeled as an 8w9, don was a 5w6. it took a lot of thinking, a lot of reviewing, but iāve decided i disagree.
itās possible he might reach for the 6ās influence from time to time, but i decided on 4 for two key reasons:
5s with a 6 wing tend to be more argumentative and will even actively antagonize people who disagree with them and their views (gives me more stockman energy than it does don; not saying stockman is a 5, tho), and
when mikeyās talking about the different freedoms they all have due to leo shouldering most of the responsibility in samurai tourist (s4ep13), he says donās free to ādreamā.
mikeyās insight and that word choice are important. again, i canāt help but wonder if the siteās decision to give don a 6 for a wing was to fully put him on the thinking triad rather than give him a foot in the feeling triad.
the 4ās influence brings with it the more surreal and fantastical; 5w4s are more creative and often seek niches unexplored by others, able to tap into the imaginative side of their brain rather than only the analytic. i think it goes without saying that several of donās inventions are outside the norm and incredibly creative and innovative. the tunneler, whose existence would even be the undoing of the shredder in another world, is a fantastic example of this. additionally, don's limited access to resources forces him to think and problem-solve more even creatively, and i wouldn't be surprised if that fueled and developed his 4 more than his 6.
5s with a 4 wing are sometimes nicknamed āthe iconoclastā. theyāre creative, sensitive, and empathetic. theyāre not always sure what to do with their feelings and prefer to process them in solitude. these 5s are more prone to experiencing melancholy, but theyāre less emotionally guarded around others and tend to be better at being kind to themselves. they tend to be more creative than the other sub-type; their tinkering with familiar forms, ideas and concepts can lead to startling innovations. theyāre often drawn to the arts, and their curiosity and perceptiveness combine with the desire to express their unique and personal visions.
stress & security numbers
donās stress number is a 7, so in times of high stress and low spirits heāll begin to express the negative traits associated to 7s. stressed 5s hoard and cling more tightly to things, make their world smaller and smaller, and will turn their attention away from the needs of others. in worst-case scenarios, they might refuse to help at all or even become hostile to the suggestion, as it would require them to use their valuable time, energy and resources that keep THEM safe. they might become frivolous, disorganized and distracted to the point of not being able to complete tasks and stop thinking about the consequences of their behavior. theyāll begin feeling even more inadequate, feel sorry for themselves, and do whatever they can to avoid pain.
these 5s become more impulsive, their minds speed up--restless and agitated--and they feel more compelled to distract themselves. under extreme stress, they might even become aggressive and insensitive in their pursuit of⦠whatever it is they want at the time.
examples of donās 7 showing up could include:
his outburst at his brothers at the start of return to the underground (s2ep13), his frustration with himself for not being able to find a cure for their friends below, and remaining confined/isolated to his lab while his brothers continue to go about their lives and other activities
straight up ripping professor honeycuttās head off in worlds collide pt1 (s3ep5) because he panicked. funny as it was, mikeyās right⦠that was kind of extreme. aggressive, impulsive, and insensitive, one might even say
we get a glimpse of one of donās workstations in bad day (s4ep8) and it's a complete mess. itās possible that leoās shift in attitude is wearing don down internally. heās not taking care of his spaces, and he might not be taking care of himself much, either.
in dragons rising (s4ep10), when leoās hanging off the back of a truck and mikeyās sliding on the hood of the battleshell, there's a pair of dragons in a truck behind them. those dragons rear-end the battleshell, and don doesnāt hesitate to shoot a fucking missile right into the driverās seat. had those dragons not thought fast enough to bail, they'd be off the census.
also in this episode, after don tries to look on the bright side (saying they stopped half the convoy) and leo snaps at him, heās turned away from leo for the rest of the scene--heās even cut out of the frame in one shot. boy has: completely withdrawn from the āconversationā while the others remain engaged and listening.
donās security number is an 8, so when mentally and spiritually healthy heāll begin to adopt the positive traits associated with 8s. with the influence of their 8, 5s become more spontaneous, outspoken and physically present. they get energetic, confident, and much more talkative. the difference can be quite striking to people, leading to playful questions like āwhatās gotten into don today?ā.
secure 5s become more willing to participate rather than just observe. they feel empowered to take on major challenges, and some will even pursue or assume leadership roles. rather than fear the loss of the abilities or expertise that theyāve been careful to cultivate in isolation, they harness those skills strategically and constructively. they come out of their own heads and embrace a deeper contact with their vitality and physicality. they can take on a whimsical or dark sense of humor, and take delight in puns and wordplay. a more mischievous, lively and elfin side of them begins to show through. a 5 who wants to experience the abundance of life without worrying about what they can afford to lose is one on the high side of an 8.
examples of donās 8 surfacing could include:
whenever we see him engaging in play with his brothers; heās not only choosing to be present and share his time with them, but he also seems to--pardon the pun--come out of his shell a bit more. examples could include darkness at the edge of town (s1ep6), reflections (s2ep9), space invaders pt 1 (s3ep2), nobodyās fool (s3ep11), and time travails (s3ep17)
in the king (s1ep16) when the champions all battle cry and rush into the fight, he joins them. battle cry and all. fucking dweeb.
suggesting they all go get ice cream in the ultimate ninja (s2ep10); itās small, but donās choosing to not only remain present but to leave the lair and do an unplanned activity with the others
any time he exercises that gentlemanās snark of his, but iām going to choose a class favorite: ānighty night, dragon-boyā from cousin sid (s4ep1)
how giddy and talkative he is at the start of return of savanti (s4ep20).
donās 8 is subtle, but it breaks his habitual patterns. people who arenāt that familiar with him might think this is just him behaving ānormallyā, but those who do know him understand that he prefers being left to his projects, studies, and ideas. when he chooses to not only be present in the moment and spend his valuable time with his loved ones, itās him leaving his safe spaces, risking to use up those resources he so carefully maintains and allowing himself to feel good and be confident in areas heās normally not. his 8ās a little difficult to spot, but itās there if you know how to spot a 5 dipping their toe into gremlin-mode. and it is highly endearing.
just donāt tell sam regiel that, he lives 24/7 in gremlin-mode, sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally, none of us are safe--
cardinal sins - 5 and greed
much in the way that raphās cardinal sin wasnāt a surface-level explanation, neither is donās. because i can already hear some folks protesting in regard to how generous and selfless he is. i hear you, and youāre correct. materialistically, 5s can be extremely generous. ⦠however, as the greediest greed to ever greed once said:
āyou humans think greed is only about money and power.
but everybody wants something they don't have.ā
remember that the thinking and head triad can also be called the āfearā triad, and that types in this triad struggle with and are driven by fear. fear makes 5s shrink inward, and avarice makes them hoard whatever minimal resources they have around them. their greed, their avarice, focuses on their inner resources, their energy, and their time. theyāre greedy for knowledge and improving their expertise, and they can easily feel intruded upon and learn to protect themselves by emotionally withdrawing from people.
5s want to conserve their energy and resources in order to avoid needing others too much, trying to take as little from the environment and those around them as possible. they feel as though there is not much of them to go around, and the needs of others can deplete or exhaust them. don even laments in his official profile that he longs for the day he can be left alone to explore his interests, and that maybe someday "he'll have the time he needs".
in new blood (s3ep12) don 'cheats' at their game of ninja hide-and-seek by using nightvision goggles to quickly find his brothers. he's both making up for, in his mind, his natural skill at the game, and he's possibly looking to speed things up a bit so he can return to what HE wants to use his time doing. i think it's also worth noting that in city at war pt3 (s2ep16), donās the one who asks karai whatās in it for them should they agree to help her. in exchange for the valuable resources the turtles will give to help karai (their time, their energy, their literal safety), what do they get in return?
itās also important to recognize that 5s consider information a resource. due to this, 5s are extremely private and secretive people. itās rare for any one person to know everything about a 5; each colleague or friend might have a part of a 5ās story, but no one person or even group of people will have the whole story. 5s might even go out of their way to not introduce certain circles of friends to each other due to an underlying fear that they all might talk to each other and be able to piece together what information about the 5 they have. that information--their lives and experiences--is THEIRS. keeping that hidden away, not sharing that resource, is a method of security.
i think we get a fair amount of glimpses into this aspect of don throughout the series, and the first is quite earliy on, but small. when they meet april (s1ep3), donās not the one who introduces himself as the tech-wiz in the group. mikeyās the one who talks him up, and don even tells him to ācut it outā (even if he says this playfully or humbly, this is not technically mikey's information to share).
the way mikey reacts to don's pigeon puppet suggests this is the first time any of them have seen the silly thing. as far as we know, he never tells his brothers about the events of the king (s1ep16) or that he got tortured by triceratons (s3ep3)--FOR information, at that!--or about where he went in same as it never was (s3ep21). and the whole time heās sick in the latter half of season 4, he keeps brushing it off as just a bug bite and then a cold. heās probably in a lot more discomfort than he ever lets on, but⦠eh, no one needs to know that. itās probably nothing. this is both HIS information⦠and, also, leans into the 5ās negative trait of neglecting their own health in stressed states and minimizing their own comfort. they donāt want to have to rely on anyone for anything.
as with raph and leo, letās also peek at the other cardinal sins associated with don: with his 4 wing, 7 stress and 8 security, the others in his circle would be envy, gluttony, and lust respectively.
SaiNW and don straight up disappearing
a gentle content warning for mention of death in the last paragraph of this section. i know itās kind of a ādead dove, do not eatā situation with this being sainw and all, but just so you know itās coming.
as i mentioned in an earlier section, donās 5 aids him in being the level-head in the family. sainw!mikey even remarks on this in the episode (that "they really needed that level-head of his"). i mentioned in that same section that mikey does have access to the 5, with it being his security number, but⦠given the environment of sainw, i think itās fair to say that all of the turtles would have been in the most unhealthy state of their core number. this would mean mikeyās 5 is closed off, and heād be leaning more into his 1. they, as a team, had lost their links to any of the positive influence that could have come from the 5ās respond over react nature.
donās disappearance is left vague, not only to us as the viewers but also to his family. he just disappeared. and when his brothers finally see him again thirty years later, itās not even their don. they're just as in the dark as we are, meaning there was no big fight or blow up or otherwise āobvious explanationā as to why don would have left without a word.
i discussed leo and raph's types at their highest and lowest points, so let's pause to take a look at don's real quick. at their healthiest, 5s can be described as: participating and visionary, observant and perceptive, focused and innovative. at their unhealthiest, they become: nihilistic and eccentric, horrified and delirious, oblivion seeking and self-annhilating.
the series itself is officially twenty years old, and sainw is one of the most utilized episodes when it comes to the creation of fanworks, so iām sure just about every reason under the sun has been either touched upon or hinted at or explored to explain why don vanished the way he did. and, sadly, thanks to donās 5, they could all work in my opinion. itās painfully simple.
5s, due to their need for independence as well as their reluctance to talk about themselves, are the types of people who will leave the house without a word. if they realize the house coffee supply is running low, theyāll grab their keys and head out to the store. they have a library book that's due soon, so rather than go directly home after work like they usually do they'll detour to drop it off. maybe they just feel like taking a walk; out the door they go. no āhey, iām heading out, be back in ten!ā, no text, no post-it note, nothing. itās not a reflection on how they feel about you or anyone else, itās just how they are.
it wouldnāt surprise me at all if don was guilty of this. maybe in the middle of a project he realizes he needs something from the junkyard, flings his duffel over his shoulder and just heads out to go grab it real quick. if no one happens to cross his path between his lab and the garage door, he wonāt go out of his way to tell anyone where he's off to or that he's leaving at all. they probably wonāt know unless one of them text or call him (rip leo and raphās stress-o-meters). thereās, of course, a chance his family has caught onto this habit and requested he let SOMEONE know, but⦠that also means don would have to comply to that. be it intentionally ignoring this request or maybe just being too wrapped up in his work or creative excitement to get what he needs and continue making progress that he just plain forgets to say something, who knows.
sainw!don likely did the same thing, and his exit would have likely been paired with a more unhealthy and stressed state of being. for some reason, a reason weāll never have, he left their hideout and all dialogue/evidence points to no one happening to cross his path on his way out to learn where he was going.
maybe he just needed air. maybe he was trying to get supplies. maybe he got captured and/or killed while he was out there. maybe there are details surrounding casey and/or splinterās death that we donāt have that caused him to actually want to break off from the others and go on his own (the 7 in him stopping him from being attentive to the needs of others and withdrawing in full, hostile to helping). maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a genuine, unrelated accident cost him his life and no one knew where he was or even to go looking for him when he never came back. we donāt know and we never will. it's another layer to the tragedy of the episode.
[ryan bergara voice] what happened to sainw!donatello will always remain⦠unsolved.
iām sorry, if i donāt meme at least once in this section i will be depressed for the rest of the day, letās move on.
brains and brawn? you mean don.
this has been commented on in the fandom a handful of times over the years: donās probably the strongest, physically, out of the brothers. yeah, stronger than raph. thereās evidence not only in-series, but if you consider the enneagram aspect of don and his 5, it opens another perspective into some of the things we might not get to see on screen.
take donās independence for example. the fact he doesnāt ever want to have to rely on anyone else. sure, yeah, being in danger out on the field--heās aware of when he needs help and will ask for it in that aspect, as he has recognized that ninjitsu is not the āskillā he has mastered or has aimed TO master⦠but heās not going to ask his brothers for help moving things around in his lab (especially given that his lab is one of HIS spaces). heās going to do it himself, even if he has to spend two days building a one-use pulley system to make it happen. this is the enneagram type who just flat out leaves the house without telling anyone anything. you think heās gonna wander out of his lab and ask someone to help him move a giant tire if he can figure out a way to do it himself? hell no. god forbid.
think about all the shit don has to move on a day to day basis to build and fix and modify the stuff he does. the average weight of an eight-cylinder car engine is between 400 to 700 pounds (thatās 181kg to 317kg). and the original battleshell wasnāt just a van, either, it was an armored car they āborrowedā from the purple dragons (s1ep1). we see that he has a car engine removed and suspended while he fixes it in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) and it's fucking huge. itās so funny to think that raph is over here like āiām gonna be so strong [works out in his free time]ā and meanwhile donās out beside some abandoned car somewhere with the hood propped open like āhmm⦠i COULD call one of my brothers and ask them to help me strip this engine out and get it home⦠but i could also not do that [proceeds to not do that and gets it home himself]ā.
i acknowledge that some of these can be dismissed as "cartoon physics", but humor me for a paragraph.
given that everyone else was busy fighting, don had to've dragged stockman's robotic arm--which is bigger than him--from inside the building to the outer edge all on his own in return to new york pt3 (s1ep23) so he can cover raph from the roof. weāve seen don single-handedly lift a metal beam off his person (s2ep20), weāve seen him stop an underwater fan with his staff and force it to stay still (s3ep9), weāve seen him jam his staff into solid fucking cement cement (s2ep14), when everyone was getting sucked into the portal at the end of the battle nexus it was traximus--the eight foot triceraton--THEN don keeping the chain anchored to the ground (s2ep26), heās thrown triceratons around with his own two hands--lifted one out of a vehicle even (s2ep4), he dragged two of his unconscious brothers toward the pedestal in aprilās artifact (s2ep21), he and raph are both bearing the brunt of the weight of a slab of roof after the footās training building collapses in city at war (s2ep15), heās been at the top of the turtle chain at least twice in the series when theyāre hanging off of something (s1ep2 & s3ep26) which means heās holding up roughly 720 pounds with just his own damn hands and arms.
in his pursuit to master mechanics while being fully independent in doing so, not needing to rely on his brothers to help him move things from the junkyard to his lab to the final piece, heās unknowingly made himself the team muscle, too. my brother in bushido, do you even lift? yes.
anyway the entire point of this section is to say that whenever i see 03 don written as the physically weak one because heās the nerd and not the most skilled fighter, iām immediately yeeting myself out of the conversation. heāll scrap with you in the vacant lot behind the arbyās and win.
yet another section about the first half of season 4
since we talked about raph and leoās perspectives in this area of the show--and since i plan on dedicating a section for mikey in his post--don deserves a lookover as well.
if you were to ask me who was probably coping the worst with the outcome of exodus, itād obviously be leo. duh. but if you were to ask me who was coping the worst aside from leo, i would place my money on don. the series doesnāt allow him to process like it did with leo, and if you zoom out a bit and look at season 3⦠thereās not a lot of time, we can assume, between sainw and exodus. narratively, there are three episodes, but two of them (the real world parts 1 and 2) take place on the same day as sainw. in both sainw and exodus, don is the last man standing at the end of the fight. in sainw he defeats the shredder after his brothers have perished. in exodus, master splinter and his brothers are all downed. leo and raph are even lying beside each other again. the whole thing had toāve been too close for comfort on a variety of levels. a slap of deja-vu he didnāt ask for and that no one else in the room is going to understand.
we donāt get to see a lot of don directly engaging with leoās shift in attitude throughout the earlier half of season four and, maybe while not purposeful by the writers, i think at least some of that could be contributed to his 5 dipping into his 7. where raph is challenging leoās attitude shift and starting to push him away by becoming hostile (as a way of protecting himself), don is just straight up not engaging with leo at all if he can help it. in his head, he doesnāt have the energy or capacity to deal with this right now. his own inner resources are low, heās still healing from sainw and exodus on his own, and not only does he not want anyone to know about that, he just canāt deal with leoās needs at the moment.
his shared glee with raph over mikey having to do a rematch with kluh (s4ep6) could even be attributed to his 7ās desperate and scattered need for a distraction--a change of pace--oh, thank god, not only will this keep leoās attention off ME and heāll stop dragging me into training, but maybe itāll humble mikey enough to get him to stop antagonizing raph for a day because the air around here is already too tense.
when we get to the opening of samurai tourist (s4ep13), don points out that raphās right in recognizing leoās shift in behavior is getting worse, but he does so in a way that's uncharacteristically removed for him.
āleoās gotten really intense. ever since our final showdown with the shredder, he just seems so⦠angry."
like... this is an extremely surface level observation for the same guy who noticed that they very well could have been in nanoās position had master splinter not been a good person (s2ep11), or who pointed out to mikey that he shouldnāt call the undergrounders āmonstersā when to most people they are ALSO monsters (s1ep14), or who connected the dots that if it hadnāt been for the shredder they never would have become mutants (s2ep9), or who didnāt hesitate to give zog a breathing aid because he knew oxygen was poisonous to him (s2ep19)--just to name a few instances.
don has consistently throughout the series been empathetic and aware of the experiences and emotions and needs of the people they encounter. now, one of the people he knows better than anyone else on the planet has drastically changed, but all he can say is that he seems angry. don isnāt in a healthy enough place to feel secure in using his inner resources to spend on leo. theyāve all likely been focused inward and on keeping himself afloat, keeping his own struggles invisible and minimized, keeping his head down while tensions rise between raph and leo.
again, i wish so badly that the series had taken the time to explore the ripple effect of leoās damage as well as any healing that the other brothers needed to do rather than simply saying ātheyāve all healed, but you, leo, have notā. because i just donāt believe that. i do like that the brothers seem to be responding in their own ways to leoās shift, with don and raph being on the unhealthier end of that and mikey being on the healthy side, but⦠yeah. wish we had a half season to explore all of them. guess thatās what fanfictionās for.
conclusion
oh my god, i canāt believe i only have one post left in this series to do. after over a year of working on this thing to finally see it come to a close is kind of wild. honestly, it was getting to the point i was wondering if iād do it at all (which is why i just FORCED myself to post the disclaimer post as a way of holding myself accountable jfdkls).
anyway, iām very excited. mikeyās the last one to go, and--as i had a reason i chose to cover raph first--i have a reason i chose to cover mikey last. the reason might be evident if youāve been paying attention, too. but iāll elaborate on that a bit more once we get into the post itself. u-u/!
thank you so, so much for reading yet again, and i hope you enjoy the warm drinks and snacks i set out for you. see you in the next one!
an excruciatingly long ramble about the ā03 turtles and the enneagram š¢š pt3
[ intro + disclaimers post ]
[ pt 2 - raph ]
leo, 1 with a 2 wing
intro
to reiterate some things i said in raphās post, where i believe raph starts the series at his lowest point, leo ends the series (in terms of this project) at his lowest point. leo seems to be in his healthiest state in seasons 1 and 2, which will be reflected in the security section of this post, and the first half of season 4 is when we see him at his worst. while i wish weād gotten to see more of a āfull arcā for each of the boys, iām glad we at least got to see it for one.
speaking of āoneā (haha, segue!), letās take a quick look at a 1's basics. iāll be following the same format i did for raphās post, so feel free to revisit his should you need a refresher on terms.
bare basics of the 1
1s are one of the three compliant types (along with 2s and 6s), and theyāre members of the gut triad (made of 8s, 9s and 1s).
i realized shortly after publishing raphās post that i never explained what i meant by him being an 'assertive type', and itās as i bring up leo that i realize i should have elaborated a bit. if youāre reading these as i publish them, itās now been added in this section of raphās post.
when i say that 1s are 'compliant types', i mean that theyāre people who move toward others. they like to be of service to the people around them. this isnāt to say theyāre blindly compliant in a literal sense to other people, more so that they feel the need to obey internalized rules, principles and other dictates theyāve learned in their childhoods.
as previously mentioned, members of the gut triad seek autonomy and theyāre concerned with control of their environment and resistance. 8s externalize it, 9s forget it, and 1s internalize it.
a 1ās basic fear is of being ābadā; defective, evil, or corrupt
their basic desire is to be good, in balance, and virtuous; to have integrity
they believe theyāll be okay so long as what they do is right.
childhood take-aways
we return to the quote from master splinter at the start of things change (s1ep1):
āyour path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.ā
i think it could go without saying that the turtlesā lives as kids had toāve been chaotic from the word āgoā.
youāve got master splinter single-parenting four boys (all while dealing with his own grief and newfound human-level intelligence), having to hide from the rest of the cityās population, living in the sewers with limited resources, knowing that youāve only got each other because the surface dwellers will never accept you, the reason youāre even learning ninjitsu is so that one day--should you ever be discovered--youāre capable of defending yourself, the list goes on.
additionally, in attack of the mousers (s1ep3) when master splinter states that april knowing they exist puts them in great danger, leo points out that she was in danger. raph then asks master splinter āyeah, arenāt you always teachin' us to try and do the right thing?ā.
from this we learn that on top of teaching the boys ninjitsu, splinter is teaching them morals. you could argue that this is obvious since theyāre aware of the concept of āhonorā, but i think itās important to distinguish that this is an unwarped version of āhonorā (karai is an example of that, but weāll get to her). theyāre not only being taught how to survive and protect themselves, but they're learning the differences in right and wrong in ways that extend beyond themselves and their own needs or goals. when it comes to leo and his 1 this is important to keep in mind.
in a similar way to 8s, 1s often grow up too quickly. young 1s might respond to chaotic conditions around them by becoming hyper-responsible or taking the place of the voice of reason in their families. they develop a sense of seriousness and adult responsibility at an early age. they understand that their parents (their āprotective figureā) expect a lot from them, and itās not uncommon for them to take on those expectations earnestly. this allows them to establish some sense of autonomy and boundaries--both of which are important to their type.
1s as children will often try to surpass what is expected of them by adhering to self-inflicted rules so rigorously that no one will be able to catch them in error. this will earn them their independence. they feel they have to come up with a better set of rules for themselves than that of their protective-figure, so they will be capable of deciding what is right or wrong.
leo seems to acknowledge his need not just for order in his profile, but also the need to make up for any āslackā left by his brothers. he states that heās not trying to be perfect, just āperfectly proficientā.
ā¦leonardo, my love, iām gonna give you a chance to hear yourself say that again. this isnāt only alliteration, itās also synonymous.
leo can be seen practicing ninjitsu outside of ānormal trainingā at least once every season, something we rarely see his brothers doing (raph exercises, mikey will sometimes 'train' but it seems more like raph or a brother was looking for a sparring partner and mikey isn't taking it seriously, and don almost never trains in his free time).
in meet casey jones (s1ep4) heās practicing his split-kick. at the start of city at war (s2ep14) heās trying to do the whole⦠spinny-stab the target thing. heās the one training at the start of the time scepter episodes (his episode being s3ep22), whereas his brothers are engaging in their individual interests. there are multiple examples to pull from in season four, but i think the example that speaks blatantly to the 1ās need to not just meet their expectations but to surpass them is found in the ancient one (s4ep14). he demands of master splinter āwhen are you going to teach me something i donāt already knowā. this is, however, a bit complicated as it occurs when leo's in his most unhealthy state.
we've seen in flashbacks, specifically mikey's from tales of leo (s1ep19) that leo has always taken ninjitsu and his training seriously (and, we can assume, those lessons in morality and honor). he feels he needs to surpass splinterās expectations, as well as pick up the āslackā from his brothers. looking back to his official profile, he states "i must be there to compensate for their lack of focus".
i feel the need to quickly point out that don, mikey, and raph pursuing interests outside of ninjitsu is NOT "bad". through the mind of a 1, however, these 'distractions' might keep them from meeting what's expected of them. not being able to meet expectations is 'bad'.
1s need to be good. if no one else will do it, they step up to the plate. even if it's not what they want to do, they believe it's what they should do. what they need to do.
leo as a 1
1s can sometimes be nicknamed: āthe perfectionistā, āthe reformerā, āthe idealistā, āthe judgeā, āthe criticā, or āthe motivatorā.
an āaverageā 1, in terms of mental and spiritual health, can be described as having a judging or comparing mind that is almost magnetically pulled to notice errors and imperfections. they struggle to accept that mistakes are inevitable, that perfection is an unreachable bar, and they fear the tyranny of their critical inner voice. because, and i cannot stress this enough, where Pinocchio might have had a nice little cricket as his voice of reason and consciousness, 1s have a critic that perches on their shoulder just beside their ear and points out every little thing āwrongā around or with them. in attempting to create their own brand of perfection, theyāll cultivate their own hell instead.
1s believe that being strict with themselves and achieving self-discipline will justify themselves in the eyes of those around them, as well as in themselves (and you need to remember that word: justify). neatness and order are often comforting to 1s; it makes them feel safe and less anxious.
1s want to be good people. they always want to do āthe right thingā. should a stranger on a stormy night board a bus and express need for warm food and shelter, any 1 aboard that bus would believe it was their responsibility to ensure that person received proper care and safety; itās the correct, responsible thing to do, and we should all expect it of ourselves.
i always get profoundly sad whenever i see people harping on leo in the 03 series or saying that his personality is just āthe leaderā or that heās boring. 1s are more than capable of being goofy, sarcastic, and playful--and we see leo tap into this part of him several times throughout the series! but that inner critic, the voice in their head warning them not to be caught slipping up, can be deafening more often than not. due to the nature of the series, we only really get to see the turtles "in a situation", NOT during downtime. leo's 1 has to be engaged... someone has to be taking things seriously, after all.
it's also important to note that being responsible, doing whatās expected of them (be it the expectations of others or of themselves), is one of the ways that 1s say āI love youā. they may not vocalize this often, nor be the most physically affectionate, but a hug from a 1 comes in many other forms. you just have to pay attention. an example from one of my books is to imagine what may have happened in your neighborhood during a major storm. after it blew over, your house was the only one with power and heat because your parent, who is a 1, bought a back-up generator years earlier and regularly checked to make sure it was properly serviced and fueled. thatās a hug from a 1. theyāll keep track of your doctorās appointments, theyāll find ways to make life work on a budget, do whatever they can to make the world a more comfortable and secure place for you.
returning to leoās 03 profile, he states that he trains diligently and reads up on strategy to better prepare himself and his family for times of stress. since this is a way that 1s express their love, itās no wonder that the events of exodus damaged leo as much as they did; him 'not being capable or prepared enough' keep his family safe means that he fell short in more ways than just skill or ability. what if they start to think he didnāt love them enough to do more?
leoās relationship with karai throughout the series can really underline his 1 and his need to maintain his integrity as well as do whatās right. there are multiple instances where choosing to do nothing would have removed her from the chess board: letting her deal with the fallout of her plan in city at war (s2ep16), from saving her from falling to her death in be-jing (s3ep15) to going out of his way to save her in hun on the run (s3ep18) despite the protests of his brothers, to--once again--catching her from falling to her death in exodus part 2 (s3ep26).
karai even remarks in that episode of exodus that heās āmuch too kindā. (youāre goddamn right he is, this boy has a fear of heights and youāre constantly falling from shit, yet he snatches you out of the air anyway even at the risk of his own safety tf).
1s with 2 wings are sometimes nicknamed āthe advocatesā. average-health 1s of this subtype are active and outgoing people. they are comfortable being alone, and do require a good deal of ādown timeā to recharge and think, theyāre energized by engaging with others and refining their ideas. when on the healthier side of a 2, they can be quite extroverted, helpful and empathetic. under the influence of a 2, these 1s are more sensitive to the needs of those around them. on the low side of a 2, however, they can be more critical and controlling. they feel strongly that they need to make a difference and try to accomplish too many tasks in one day, and they can be much more fiery and action-oriented than 1w9s.
healthier 1w2s can blend their quest for ideals and higher principles with higher empathy and compassion for others. theyāre genuinely interested in improving mankind and are more willing to get into the trenches to bring about the changes they seek. people of this subtype are persuasive and go out of their way to get others to care about the causes and beliefs they do.
i didn't do this with raph since don and mikey will serve as explanations for the thinking triad, but we don't have any turtles whose core type is on the feeling triad. since leo and don both have wings in the feeling triad, let's do just a little briefing here while we're on the subject of leo's 2 wing.
types in the feeling triad (2s, 3s, and 4s) are concerned with love of a 'false self' and their self-image. they seek attention and have issues with identity and hostility, and often times they struggle with an underlying feeling of shame. 2s focus outwardly on the feelings of others; they need to feel needed. leo may not have a 2 as a core number, but having a 2 wing means he's often influenced by that type.
stress & security numbers
leoās stress number is 4; he'll begin to adopt negative traits associated with 4s when stressed or in an unhealthy state of mind.
that inner critic gets louder and louder, and the 1's desire to āfixā the things around them goes into overdrive. they can become resentful toward those around them for having fun, become sensitive to criticism and will often become depressed. they may even begin to feel unlovable.
in times of heightened stress, 1s might not only lean into the 4ās habit of daydreams and fantasies, longing to be free from the things they consider their obligations and responsibilities, but their inner critic will ridicule them for it. theyāll begin to have profound feelings of guilt and shame, they'll garner an even deeper resolve to hold those desires at bay and deny themselves things that could bring them happiness and peace. theyāll begin to believe that no one understands them or sees how hard theyāre working. theyāll grow moody, melancholic and withdrawn. all that discipline and self-control will collapse into frustrated feelings of envy and resentment. it could lead to emotional outbursts and hostility, and should they be questioned about it theyāll only become more self-conscious and self-controlled. when a 1 finally blows a valve, someone almost always gets burned.
some examples of leoās 4 showing up are:
his frustration toward splinter at the beginning of the shredder strikes (s1ep10)
multiple expressions of hopelessness and sadness about getting home to master splinter throughout the space arc (s2ep1-4); raph is often the one assuring HIM
his nightmare throughout darkness within (s3ep14) and how it potentially, if you squint, ties into his apology to master splinter at the end of exodus (s3ep26) when he says he failed him; that nightmare came true
ā¦do i even need to mention anything from the first half of season four, or do we just already know
leoās security number is 7; in a healthier state of mind and spirit, he takes on the positive traits of a 7.
similarly to how don and raph have common ground beneath the surface, i think leo and mikey shake hands on that front as well. which just makes me all the more feral about mikey having leoās back in the first half of season four. leoās security number being a 7 means that mikeyās stress number is a 1. whether mikey knows it or not, i think this link helps him connect with leo easier than don and raph can (this isnāt so say they canāt, of course, just that it comes a little more natural for mikey).
as weāll cover in mikeyās post, 7s are much more perceptive than people assume they are. mikey not only knew leo was struggling with the weight of his self-assigned responsibility, i think he understood it on a deeper level.
in a healthier state, the 1ās inner critic will get quieter. they become more self-accepting, fun, spontaneous, and willing to try new things. theyāre more curious and optimistic, more able to relate to the perspectives of others. they learn to relax their guard, allowing themselves be affected by reality (to go with the flow) without needing to tense against it.
itās as they learn to distinguish themselves from the voice of their inner critic that a 1 will begin to experience the qualities of a healthy 7: open-mindedness, curiosity, enthusiasm and joy. āthere is a crack in everything; thatās how the light gets inā.
some examples of leoās 7 coming to the surface are:
the āyour reign of terror is OVER, stockmanā in attack of the mousers (s1ep3)
telling a foot ninja they donāt take kindly to shop-lifters in a museum (s1ep6)
throwing a vehicle-chair at a triceraton whilst telling them they look tired and should have a seat (s2ep2)
giving raph fucking SPOONS for weapons (s2ep3)⦠the absolute mad lad, he really said āhere lmfaoā and gave his brother soup utensils to fight 8 foot dinosaurs. for the meme. an entire utility closet of potential weapons⦠and he gave the boy spoons. because he knew heād be fine.
letting casey sweat while enemy GUNS were actively pointed at him in the golden puck (s2ep18) jesus christ
the rooftop race with raph in touch and go (s3ep8) and telling him to āstep it up, sNAIL BOYā
leoās 7 surfacing will never not make me violently affectionate toward him. every silly quip and one-liner and bad pun and terrible impression of professor honeycutt (s3ep5), like, bye, i need to sign the adoption papers immediately. itās not easy for him. and i love that thereās almost always an awkward quality to it because heās out of his element--heās letting himself be⦠stupid. imperfect. lame, even. and, god, is it cute. iām so endeared. i gotta lie down.
cardinal sins - 1 and anger
while the 1ās cardinal sin might be āwrathā or āangerā, a truer word to their experiences is āresentmentā.
their anger is directed both at themselves for failing to live up to their ideals and expectations as well as at others for what 1s see as laziness and irresponsibility. this could be anything from a classmate not pulling their weight on an assignment to someone 'breaking the rules' at a checkout line (this line is for ten items and under, you clearly have thirteen).
as 1s become less healthy, they begin to displace their anger onto others as they make themselves the only judge of who is right or wrong; they grow more irritable with others as they seem to be getting off the hook without consequence. they often will feel that those around them arenāt taking an equal share of the responsibility and seem to be having all the fun. but, unlike an 8 who chooses anger in place of what they're really feeling, 1s don't want you to know they're angry. because being angry is 'bad'.
where 8s externalize their anger and 9s try to forget it, 1s will hide theirs away beneath the surface, where it will begin to express itself to everyone around them in smoldering resentment.
anger is often a secondary emotion; itās a way of resisting an attack on our integrity and--when fully experienced--it is instantaneous and short-lived. however, when we resist it or hang onto it, it cultivates into obsessive thinking, emotional constriction and physical tension. 1s, seeing anger as something ābadā, will experience their anger without identifying it as such. theyāll deny their anger, stating things like āiām not angry, iām just trying to get it rightā or āiām not mad, i just donāt understandā.
in short, leo would be that dad who tells you heās not mad, heās just disappointed. [everybody disliked that]
1s will also often try to find a cause or a reason in order to justify their anger; something they can fight but in a way that is āgoodā. that way their anger āmakes senseā and isnāt 'selfish', theyāre angry for a good reason, and they have something to act on.
i think we get our first real glimpse of leoās cardinal sin as early as the shredder strikes (s1ep10). master splinter tells him that if doesn't learn there is no 'superior weapon' and that ANY weapon can be deadly in the right hands, then he will have learned nothing. leo then goes topside to blow off steam. and while verbally expressing his frustration--sorry, i mean confusion, he's not MAD he just doesn't get why he's 'in trouble' when his skill is the best it's ever been--he slices up a pack of helpless newspapers who were just minding their own business.
resentment is described as ābitter indignation at having been treated unfairlyā; in leoās mind, he thinks master splinter is treating him unfairly. telling him that despite all his training and all the work heās put into ninjitsu that if he doesnāt understand the value of a weapon is in its wielder heās learned NOTHING. "master splinter just doesnāt understand how important these swords are to me!". thatās a bit of leoās 4 showing through: no one gets it, no one understands me.
as we mentioned with raph, iād like to also take a look at the other cardinal sins attached to leoās core type. his 2 wing, stress 4 and security 7 would give him pride, envy, and gluttony respectively.
city at war
ah shit⦠here we go again.gif
we talked about the build up to city at war in raphās post, so i donāt think we need to do that a second time here. both because⦠none of the facts and details of the timeline change with the shift in perspective, and because that history leading into the events of city at war donāt necessarily influence leoās 1. the most important connection when it comes to leo is the fact that the major players in the city are in a turf war because the balance of power is now unstable.
leoās seeing the effects this power struggle has on the city--and the innocent people living in it--and his 1 canāt help but draw a thick, red line from āwe killed shredderā to āwe caused this and this is our faultā.
he tells master splinter that heās confused in s2ep14; he thought things would change for the better after they defeated the shredder, but they seem to only be getting worse. he states ādonāt ask me to explain how, but it feels like our faultā. and WHO understands what heās talking about?? mikey. the other turtle with a 1 connected to his type; he's engaging with his stress number while raph leans fully into his 5.
leo decides to directly disobey master splinter, stating that he CANāT do ānothingā. it wouldnāt be right to just shrug and turn a blind eye to this.
and i just have to point out⦠for peteās fucking sake, boyās about to throw himself into a building of foot ninja. ALONE. after just last season facing them and almost DYING because of it. heās about to put himself through that trauma all over again--WILLINGLY--because he just... canāt shake this feeling that this whole thing is their fault. they have a direct connection to this domino effect as far as he's concerned, and it's his responsibility to fix it. SOMEONE has to.
weāll never know if the turtlesā involvement up until karaiās appearance in new york actually did help or if it just added more fuel to the fire, but i think leo in a lot of ways would have been doomed to just keep digging his heels in and trying to 'help'. because as things would get worse, it would just solidify his worries even more.
we canāt even really determine if helping karai was the best move because her plan BASICALLY failed, and they only made it out of there alive because raph and master splinter showed up with the element of surprise. once again, thereās too many moving parts, too complicated of a situation to play the āwhat ifā game, everyone was stupid and lucky. mikeyās not wrong when he says karaiās plan kinda stank.
ā¦speaking of.
i guess we should talk about karai
yeah, you canāt really talk about 03 leo without acknowledging his relationship with karai. iām not gonna dwell on this too much, because this post aināt about her, but for full disclosure karai is one of those characters i very much want to like but⦠girl. stop it. get some help.
karai tests leoās 1 in a lot of ways. we meet her, of course, in city at war (s2ep15). itās kind of an unsettling return to the shredder strikes in an odd sense, as leo is once again given the offer to join forces with the foot (only with the illusion of grandeur swept away). this time around, itās not only in the hopes of giving balance back to the city and its inhabitants, but also an olive branch between the foot and his own family. no revenge for the shredder's destruction.
because you know. he's totally dead. ...totally.
buuuuut. rogue in the house (s2ep19) happens. rest in peace, zog. the foot have very much NOT kept their word, as the boys intercept a fake master splinter meant to expose and destroy them from the inside. karai is tasked with killing the turtles herself as proof of her loyalty toward the shredder (and that warped sense of 'honor' meaning she's bound to serve him). and when confronted with this she even kind of blames leo for the position she's put in, stating she wished he wouldn't have come here [taylor swift's look what you made me do playing in the distance]. like... sweetheart, darling, gravy, we wouldn't be here if y'all hadn't offended our dad by trying to kill us with his likeness!
leo gives her the option to do the right thing and let him live, and she does. at the end of part two (s2ep20) she doesnāt report them having survived the ship sinking.
i canāt help but wonder if leo sees himself in karai (this is not me saying karai is a 1, mind you).
like, in the sense that chārell almost tricked him into joining the foot, chārell took her under his wing when she was young. only... she didnāt have a family to pull her out of the illusion and bring her back to reality. when youāre looking through rose-tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. no one was there to help karai take hers off after chārell took her in. she still thinks sheās fighting that greater evil instead of realizing that she's fighting alongside that great evil.
and leo keeps getting glimpses that she knows somethingās wrong. be it sparing his life and not reporting them in rogue in the house, thanking him at the end of hun on the run (s3ep18), or knowing that shredderās actions are putting the citizens of be-jing in great danger (s3ep15), itās clear she has SOME moral compass buried under everything chārell has taught her and lead her to believe.
the 1 in him canāt abandon her. it wouldnāt be the right thing to do to turn his back on her when there are still signs she can be helped. so he keeps extending her that hand. he keeps trying to get through to her and lower the bridge. until she finally burns it down, herself, when she tries to wipe out his family in scion of the shredder (s4ep15).
i know she gets a bit of a redemption arc in s5, but... as stated in my disclaimer post, the majority of my attention and weight is given to seasons 1-4. frankly, i feel the damage is done. karaiās doubled down, and leoās resentment toward her--for allowing herself to become no different than chārell, for going back on her word personally (the shredder is gone and she's no longer 'honor-bound' to his orders) and trying to kill his family herself--is going to be a hard, hard thing to mend.
it's sad. i say that genuinely.
the first half of season four and⦠yeah
so back in raphās post i listed some words to describe 8s at their healthiest and at their unhealthiest. letās take a look at 1s.
1s, at their healthiest, can be described as accepting and wise. evaluating, reasonable, principled and responsible. but at their unhealthiest, they can become self-righteous and inflexible. obsessive and contradictory. condemnatory and punitive. the first half of season four is just a slow, painful spiral of watching leo becoming more and more withdrawn, more self-punishing, and more angry.
things start relatively ālightā.
in cousin sid (s4ep1) through sons of the silent age (s4ep3), leoās less angry and more just⦠distant and sad. this is like the calm before the storm. we see him disengaged a lot, not really paying attention to the conversation around him and often times staring at his own reflection. his 4ās habit of slipping into daydreams and wallowing in melancholy has him stewing over the events of exodus--replaying them again and again in his head as his inner critic scrambles to point out everything he did wrong and invent what he āshouldā have done. he even says this himself to april, that he canāt stop thinking about it. that no matter how he tries to rationalize or, quote, āJUSTIFYā it, he wasnāt good enough. remember what i said back in the earlier sections of this post? 1s feel the need to justify themselves in the eyes of those around them, as well as in themselves. leo can't find a way to do this with how exodus played out. he wasn't prepared enough. he wasn't good enough.
dragonās brew (s4ep4) is where the calm ends and the storm begins. we start the episode off with casey confusing leo for raph. leoās anger is starting to bubble, but his 1 doesnāt allow him to just sit there and be angry. because being angry is not āgoodā. so, we gotta do something with that anger in order to justify feeling it. ā¦oh, look. thereās been a lot of crime lately. could be a new threat. donāt like that. ā¦who can i snoop around with who wonāt ask questions? who wonāt try to get in my way if i get a little excessive with burning off this not-anger i feel?
casey.
problem is, like we mentioned earlier in the cardinal sin section, anger is only short-lived when you allow yourself to feel it and let it go. when you try to smother it--try to put it away and call it something else--it contorts into something worse. as master splinter said in s1ep4, ārage is a monster that will destroy you from withinā.
⦠ā¦foreshadowing is a literary device wh--
grudge match (s4ep6) is where the storm is here, and now there's resistance to it. like i said in raphās post, this is where raph first confronts leo on his change in attitude, albeit master splinter interrupts this. at this point, mikey seems to be the only one connecting dots. like iād said, his type having connection to a 1 might make understanding leo come more naturally to him than to raph or don or even master splinter.
we get, just⦠a great bit of dialogue here when looking at them from an enneagram lens.
leo: ā¦no. like pushing yourself beyond your limits. to a place where there are no limits. to be so focused, so ready that nothing and no one will ever catch you off guard again!
mikey: um. ā¦we still talking about me, here?
this exchange is great for two key reasons:
(one) youāll remember what i said in the childhood section of this post about 1s adhering to self-inflicted rules so rigorously that no one else will be able to catch them in error, and
(two) that mikey IMMEDIATELY realizes leo is projecting. he just doesnāt address it directly because thatās not how 7s operate with heavy or hard topics (weāll get to that).
leo continues to either reframe or relabel his anger and obsessive training into something else during bad day (s4ep8). he describes it as ādoing what he has to to keep this family safeā, despite that master splinter is giving him one hell of a side-eye and radiating sure, jan energy.
in dragons rising (s4ep10) the boiling point is on the horizon. leo lashes out at his brothers, verbally, reprimanding them for taking everything 'too lightly'. they only stopped HALF of the dragons. they need to stop treating āthisā like itās all a game.
in samurai tourist (s4ep13), we get to see mikey once again being the most empathetic and understanding of leoās current mindset, directly pointing out that leo often "picks up their slack" so they can do whatever they want. things are bad enough that master splinter has reached out to usagi as an effort to get through leo's walls. usagi almost⦠ALMOST gets through to him.
heās been in something similar to leoās position, understands and empathizes with the rationale of self-blame. for the first time, leoās talking to someone he admires and looks up to who is ALSO on common ground with him. you could argue that master splinter should be able to fill this role, but if i may point out two things: not only is usagi more a peer than he is protector or mentor or parent, but splinter was also just a normal rat when he was unable to protect yoshi... i doubt leo would want to listen to that be given the same weight.
leo's even about to open up when theyāre interrupted. that interruption leads into a fight with an assassin⦠a fight that, unfortunately, only seems to affirm how leo feels about needing to protect his family, needing to be ready at any and all times, and never being caught off guard again.
the valve finally bursts in the ancient one (s4ep14).
this is leoās lowest moment in the series⦠and itās a parallel to raph at his worst moment all the way back at the start of the series. leo loses control of his temper, and he lashes out, physically, at master splinter. his rage and resentment--be it with his brothers for āātreating this like a gameāā or with himself for not āābeing good enoughāā or master splinter drawing attention to his anger, questioning it--is destroying him from the inside.
leo only begins to finally heal after he allows himself to not only feel all of that anger in its earnest, raw form, but also expresses it with every literal fiber of his being.
seeing his warped memory, interpretation, whatever you want to call it of the events of exodus is just⦠a lot. i donāt really have the vocabulary to articulate that experience, of having stewed over something for so long that youāve rewritten events so pressure and expectations were placed on you that were never there to begin with. don, mikey, raph and master splinter never said any of those things in exodus, but at this point thatās how leo remembers it.
he not only fights the golem physically, but heās verbally airing out that he did everything. there wasnāt anything else he could do, and the golem is WRONG in thinking that there was. and when he sees himself under the dirt and clay... it clicks.
in those last few moments of the episode, he acknowledges that heās been obsessed, convinced he wasnāt good enough, that he was angry, and had become his own enemy. accepting the reality that he DID do everything he could and that it was enough, and flowing with it rather than bristling and tensing against it and punishing himself for it.
the scene ends with the ancient one telling him a story of when master yoshi, someone leo has respected and possibly idolized from splinterās teachings, was also at a crossroads ānot dissimilar to his ownā. more assurance after usagi that heās not alone in this, and even someone he holds in such high regard as yoshi has also struggled but found a way to be okay with imperfection.
heās not hiding the cracks anymore. heās looking at them. accepting them. and heās letting the light shine through.
conclusion
again, i donāt really know how to end this. i may not be a 1, but i have a 1 wing, so⦠while i donāt feel what leo feels to the same intensity, i get glimpses of it in smaller doses. itās a lot of self-inflicted pressure, a lot of stress, and a lot of anxiety. i hope the next time someone catches themselves getting bored or irritated with the guy that this post opens a bit more empathy to him. kidās doing his best, and a 1ās inner critic is relentless.
if i have anything more to add, iāll include them in addendum posts and link them to this one.
weāll be moving on over to don with the next post. if you made it all the way to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading/engaging with this wild project of mine and here: please have some brownies fresh outta the oven with a splash of vanilla ice cream, if youād like. see you in the next one!
a little bee-lated (lmfao) but still in aries season, so it COUNTS. a very happy and lovely birthday to @bee-s-corner. =u= šš· congrats on another trip around the sun, my dude. PROUD OF YOU.
sorry to anyone who just started your career, bianca's about to end it.
an excruciatingly long ramble about the '03 turtles and the enneagram š¢ā¤ pt2
[ intro + disclaimers post ]
raph, 8 with a 7 wing
intro + why raph
welcome to the first of these giant posts. iām. not kidding, youāre gonna click āread moreā and see why this series is titled āan excruciatingly long rambleā. iāve done my best to section it off so you might have an easier time finding your place again if you need or want to take breaks. thereās no way iām going to cover everything there is to talk about, so i might write and link āaddendumsā to these posts later on as i think of things.
since raph is the first one, his might be a bit longer than the other three because there are a few enneagram terms that iāll define as we go. you can then take those with you to the upcoming three posts. so please bear with me, grab a snack, a drink, some nice background music, and WE RIDE.
⢠. ⢠. ā¢
i wanted to start this project with raph because i feel like we start the series at his lowest/unhealthiest point.
only four episodes into the show (meet casey jones, s1ep4) we see him lose control of his temper in a serious way: he attacks mikey. throughout the rest of the episode he's forced to āface himselfā in casey and start monitoring his anger.
while we see him continue to grapple with his anger throughout the series, this is his worst moment. he has nowhere to go but up. in contrast, we see leo in probably his healthiest state of mind at the beginning of the series only to be at his worst in the first half of season 4. but back to raph; we'll have time for leo later.
as the series continues, we see glimpses of this temper rear its head again, with some examples being at the end of their encounter with karai in city at war (s2ep16) or during his fight with traximus in the battle nexus (s2ep24). in these instances, we get a close-up shot of his eyes narrowing and, with traximus, the area around them darkening. this was something that was specifically focused on during s1ep4 whenever he began to lose control. the loss of control is still THERE, itās just less frequent now. heās growing.
i think itās also important to highlight that mikey ribs on him during the battle nexus (s2ep25) not unlike how he does in s1ep4, too. sure, they might be in an environment that shields them from danger of serious injuries, but i think it says a LOT that mikeyās comfortable provoking raph to the degree he does. raphās acted on his apology, has done work, and mikey knows this. he's watched him do it. it's time already to be The Worst⢠again.
but enough about why i chose raph to go first; let's cover the basics of an 8.
bare basics of the 8
as stated in the introductory post, the enneagram focuses heavily on the why and the motivation behind your behavior.
8s are one of the three assertive types (along with 3s and 7s), and theyāre a part of the gut triad (made of 8s, 9s, and 1s).
the gut triad may also be referred to as the ādoingā or the āinstinctā triad, as they respond instinctively and tend to be honest and direct in their self expression. iāve also seen it referred to as the āangerā triad since these types tend to have problems with aggression and repression, and they can carry a great deal of rage. types in the gut triad seek autonomy and are concerned with resistance and control of their environment. an 8 externalizes it. a 9 forgets it. and a 1 internalizes it. thereās a lot more information about the triads out there, but this is what weāll take with us for now.
an 8ās basic fear is that of being harmed or controlled by others, of violation.
their basic desire is to protect themselves and determine their own course in life.
they believe theyāll be okay so long as they are strong and in control of their situation.
childhood take-aways
at an early age, 8s begin to understand that in order to keep their environments, themselves, and the people they care about from being hurt, they have to have willpower, persistence, and endurance. 8s often āgrow up too quicklyā and focus on survival issues. theyāve picked up that āmight makes rightā.
we donāt get to see a lot of the boysā youth, but weāre given an idea in the first episode, things change (s1ep1), of the perspective they were raised under. iāll be referring back to that throughout this section of each post. master splinter states:
āyour path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.ā
8s ask themselves āhow can i--and the few people i care about--survive in a cruel, uncaring world?ā. itās possible that this way of thinking was only solidified by movies they saw growing up, or even witnessing what casey was going through during the lesson (s3ep13). if the outside world isnāt friendly to what it considers ānormalā, then surely it wonāt be kind to whatās different.
8s were often independent, adventuresome, and assertive as children. they'd be found running ahead of the pack. theyāre the kid who will stand up to the playground bully without flinching. they might have questioned authority, trusting themselves more than most adults, which lead to being punished frequently.
8s often find themselves in the role of the scapegoat, the āblack sheepā or problem child. raph even calls attention to this, himself, in his ā03 profile: referring to himself as āthe angry young manā and āthe dark oneā.
it's brief, but i think we get a glimpse of this in s2ep23 at the start of the battle nexus arc: master splinter starts to express his disappointment in leo for following him to the nexus, but raph steps in immediately to shoulder the blame. he could have stayed quiet but, no. heās the āproblem childā here. he can take the heat.
raph as an 8
now that we've touched on the basics of an 8, as well as a few things they may have picked up early in life, let's take a look at raph and his 8.
8s can sometimes be nicknamed: āthe challengerā, āthe leaderā, āthe protectorā, āthe providerā, āthe entrepreneurā, āthe maverickā, or āthe rockā.
iāll continue to refer to raph by his numerical type because, while the nicknames that grant a surface idea of their behavior, most users of the enneagram prefer to avoid descriptive labels. one 8 might feel being called āthe providerā suits them while another 8 might not see themselves in that label at all. nicknames are quick summaries/general ideas, but itās good practice to use the number type itself.
an āaverageā 8, in terms of their mental and spiritual health, tends to be a steamroller rather than a diplomat and have a black and white way of thinking: people are good or bad, an opinion is right or wrong, the answer is yes or no, etc. this isnāt to say raph canāt acknowledge nuance (far from it), but rather that 8s believe not having clarity or absolute certainty about your position and viewpoints represents weakness or--worse--cowardice. the rest of us have opinions, the 8 has facts. they donāt have a lot of patience for indecisive people, and they might use aggression to emotionally protect themselves. many exhibit an abundance of common sense.
8s are extraordinarily tough, physically and mentally. they can absorb a great deal of punishment without batting an eye. raph has a tendency to be the one catching blows for his brothers or guarding them during fights. we can refer back to being the 'problem child' as well; he can handle the heat. heās an anchor who keeps his brothers grounded when worries spike, and he tends to be blunt, to the point, and possibly the most āworld-wiseā out of the four.
8s want to be loved but often feel rejected or like misfits, which becomes more evident in their ātake it or leave itā attitude as they get older. you can accept them as they are, or you can get out. they attempt to protect themselves by rejecting others first, and they might develop a fear of dependency. the āi donāt need you guysā sort of mentality. during tales of leo (s1ep19), raph even says āwho needs you?ā to leo before he tells his story.
it likely goes without saying that raph, like many 8s, admires strength. since their basic fear revolves so much around maintaining what power and control they have, 8s are the types of people who can walk into a room and immediately know who holds the most āpowerā. theyāll just as likely be deciding whether or not that power is deserved, and if theyāll be with or against it. it probably took raph like, what, five seconds to realize that one big alien was the head honcho in the big house (s2ep3) and he took them out first excuse he got.
raph wants people to challenge him back; an 8 can quickly lose respect for you if youāre unwilling to stand toe-to-toe with them (even if the 8 disagrees with you, they'll respect that you held your ground). they also want the truth. they donāt want you to āprotectā them from unpleasant details or facts. if they don't have all the information--no matter how harsh or unpleasant it may be--they can't control the situation or hope to reach their desired outcome.
letās elaborate a bit on what the hell a āwingā is. the enneagram is depicted as a wheel--kind of like a clock, if that helps you picture it without a visual aid (albeit iāll link one here; ignore the arrows for now, we'll return to them).
a typeās wing are the two numbers that neighbor it on the wheel. the wings for an 8 are: 7 and 9. when someone says theyāre a type āwith a wingā, that means that they feel influenced in some way by that neighboring type. since the enneagram looks at āwhyā and motives, you might find that the wing you lean toward more might fluctuate or change as you grow and experience life.
i'm confident raph is an 8w7, meaning his enneagram type is an 8 but he takes influence from 7. delightful, then, that mikeyās a 7. i think itās a nice little way to tie them together when itās time for Shenanigansā¢.
8s who have 7 wings are sometimes called āthe independentsā. along with being one of the most energetic and sociable types, people of this subtype tend to be risk-takers, adventurous, and combine the 8ās need for intensity with the 7ās love of anticipation. theyāre practical, pragmatic, competitive, and not concerned with pleasing others, but also tend to be lead by their feelings, resulting in them being impatient and impulsive. they might be more confrontational and aggressive and are less likely to back down from a fight than an 8w9.
i remember seeing a link to one of those character⦠personality across all quizzes type of wikis somewhere and if memory serves raph was listed as an 8w9. i canāt help but wonder if that decision was made because it would give him two types on the instinct/gut triad, verses an 8w7 where his core type is on the instinct/gut triad, but his wing is in the thinking/head triad. weāll discuss that one more when we get to don and mikey. *murmuring from the audience* yes, mikey is on the thinking/head triad. heās actually fully on it, wing and all. *more murmuring from the audience* iāll get to it, iāll get to it.
but, no, 8s with a 9 wing have an almost deceptively laid back quality to them and are much more willing to be open and affectionate around their loved ones. 8w9s are sometimes nicknamed āthe bearā for that reason and, while highly protective and aggressive in being so, i donāt really think of raph when i think of that (you can see where labels might cause a problem). 8w9s are more willing to let their walls down in safe spaces; raph appears guarded and careful just about every time we see him no matter whose company heās in. his walls only come down in periods of high emotion and, even then, heās either reluctant to let them show or tries to hide them immediately after the moment passes, even getting angry that they managed to surface at all.
the wing isn't the only other type that influences your core number, though. let's talk about the other two.
stress & security numbers
as i said at the beginning of this post, raphās is likely going to be the longest because iāll be introducing various enneagram terms as we go along that you can apply to the other posts going forward. bear with me, please, this information is going to help in the last three sections of the post.
i stated that the enneagram can be compared to varying colors, or even a color wheel. There can be an infinite different types of red, but they are all still expressions of the same base hue. maybe an orange-red, a violet-red, a pale pink, the list goes on. likewise, the enneagram types take influence from the other types, even ones that wouldnāt be considered their wings. these would be their āstressā and āsecurityā numbers.
āstressā and āsecurityā are meant to refer to the current mental health level of the individual, with security representing--as you might have guessed--the healthiest state of mind you can be in and stress being the unhealthier side of that. when a type is in an unhealthier state of mind, they begin to adopt the negative traits of their stress number. vise versa, when in a healthier and secure state of mind, they begin to adopt the positive traits of their security number. you may have noticed on the wheel i linked earlier all those arrows in the center. those point to a type's stress and security. letās start with raphās stress number.
raphās stress number is 5. this means that in a stressed or unhealthy state of mind and spirit, raph begins to show the negative behaviors associated with 5s.
(i love looking at raph and don from the enneagram perspective because itās a common misconception that don and raph are polar opposites. i think their link in their stress and security numbers illustrates that they have a lot more in common than seen on the surface. because raphās stress number being 5 means that donās security number is 8. but more on that when we get to don).
in times of high-stress or low-spirits, 8s will become solitary. theyāll minimize their own comfort, take poor care of themselves and may succumb to insomnia or unhealthy diets. they might spend more time brooding or strategizing to size up a situation than they might actively engage with it. they can become extremely cynical and contemptuous of the beliefs and values of others, nihilistic, and have little hope of reconnecting with themselves or those around them.
i'll cover this more in don's post but for some examples: don, being a 5, will often withdraw to his lab and overwork himself (we can see examples of this in s2ep13 return to the underground, or continuing to push himself despite being sick during the second half of season 4).
when it comes to raph, we have a few examples of the 5ās negative traits showing through in periods where he would be unhealthy mentally and spiritually:
when he realizes his temperās getting out of hand, heāll isolate himself and āget some airā (some examples, s1ep4, s1ep24)
heās the most reluctant to talk to leo during tales of leo (s1ep19), and after his story he separates from the group to stand by the window (while not fully leaving the room to isolate, itās the farthest heās willing to go from leo's side)
he spends most of the city at war arc (s2ep14-16) retreating from the conflict, where leo is actively engaging with it
in same as it never was (s3ep21), raph has isolated himself from leo and mikey. he expresses contempt toward leoās decision to leave master splinter behind. heās the one who calls the situation āhopelessā.
an 8ās security number is a 2. when in a healthier state of mind, they take on the positive traits of a 2; they have the ability to see potential in people and want to help those people recognize resources and strengths they didnāt know they had. a key word for a healthy 8 is āempowermentā. they would agree with the phrase āgive a person a fish and they eat for a day; teach them to fish and they can feed themselves for lifeā.
8s allowing their 2s to surface means learning to open their hearts to others, letting their guard down and expressing the tenderness theyāve so carefully hid away. itās important to understand that this movement is not accomplished by imitating the qualities of a 2. an 8 must have greater contact with their hearts and grow comfortable with their gentler feelings. they need to stop equating vulnerability to weakness.
i think some good samples of raphās 2 coming to the surface might be found:
the exchange with mikey as they're cornered by mousers; āwell, itās been fun, guysā āeven me?ā āespecially you, mikeyā (s1ep3)
helping leo recover in monster hunter (s1ep20) and forging a new set of swords with him
every fucking time he gasses don up, but for a specific example, return to the underground (s2ep13)
everything with mrs. morrison in touch and go (s3ep8)⦠just all of it. donāt even look at me.
throughout all hallows thieves (s4ep12) heās cheery and even a little nostalgic toward halloweens past. we get an earnest, unguarded laugh out of him.
healthy, integrating 8s make outstanding leaders; theyāre able to communicate their profound respect and admiration of others, and they better recognize boundaries and limits--especially their own.
HEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT LEADER THING. i'm sure some of you locked onto that when i listed 'the leader' in the nicknames section.
raphās temperament and unwillingness to let his 2 surface often gets in the way of him taking a leadership position. he once expressed a desire to be the ātop turtleā but made the decision to follow leo. at the end of his flashback during tales of leo, we see him eagerly asking leo what he did to stop the alligator and enthusiastically following him back out of the tunnel. not a smidge of negative feedback in sight. i believe he recognizes and respects leoās ability to lead, be it by strategy or morals, more than gives into his desire to lead. remember that as far as the 2003 series is concerned: leo is the UNOFFICIAL 'leader'; this is a role he naturally steps into, not a responsibility that was directly assigned to him (i think raph might even be the only one who refers to him as 'fearless leader' or a 'leader' at all, but i could be wrong). 8s donāt need to BE the person in control, they just donāt want to be controlled. they will follow other leaders who are decisive and have earned their respect. to anyone who wants to point out that leo and raph still argue a lot, don't forget about what i said in regards to holding your ground with 8s. they may not like it in the moment, but your ability to hold your ground will be recognized. leo more than often holds his ground when raph challenges him.
(when raph and leo butt heads itās not because theyāre at odds with each other because raph wants to lead or because leo doesnāt consider raph capable of leading, itās because theyāre both stubborn fucking idiots whoāre thoroughly convinced their way is the right way; for raph admitting heās wrong is a show of weakness and surrendering control which is a fear for 8s and for leo itās a kick to his pride and ability to be āgoodā which is a fear for 1s. simplifying it down to a power struggle between them drives me up a wall, iN THIS ESSAY I WILL--).
while a small example, a moment from the first notes from the underground episode (s1ep13) has always stuck with me when it comes to raphās potential and ability to lead: heās not only the one to throw the grapple to get them across the bridge, but when theyāre dangling from a stalagmite after the bridge collapses, heās the one who gathers them together to do ācrack the whipā. leo actually doesnāt have any dialogue in that whole sequence; raphās the one who takes charge and gets them safely to the other side.
itās also interesting that in cases where leoās not present AND raphās in the company of someone similar in behavior to him, his 2 seems to come out on its own. when running around alone with casey, raph is the one reining him in. similar case with godman falcon in across the universe (s3ep20). you could use tyler in lone raph and cub (s1ep24) as another example, but iām not fully counting that as tyler is like. ten. and stinky.
cardinal sins - 8 and lust
here's term that, on the surface, might appear a bit self-explanatory, but it tends to be a bit more nuanced than that. at least as far as the enneagram is concerned.
every type on the enneagram comes with its own ācardinal sinā; you might recognize seven of them from the traditional deadly sins. a typeās cardinal sin is less of a āsinā and more of an almost addictive, involuntary and repeated behavior that we can only be free of when we learn to recognize and manage it. learning to manage your typeās cardinal sin is one of the purposes of the enneagram as a tool.
an 8's cardinal sin is ālustā. donāt mistake this for lust purely in its sexual definition; this is ālustā as in the drive and need for intensity. 8s want to feel solid and alive; interactions must be intense, play must be intense--thereās something of a daredevil in 8s as they're looking to experience what life has to offer at 110%. itās ironic that giving into lust is the antithesis of the control raphās 8 demands he maintains; lust after a person or object is to be under its power, the opposite of what an 8 truly wants.
iām sure at least some of you are wondering about āwrathā. something that might be important to keep in mind, here, is that 8s reach for rage in place of other emotions; not only is rage easy to access, itās also an intense and overwhelming emotion. we'll talk about this more when we get to leo, but his 1 makes him a member of the 'anger' triad as well. where raph takes any emotion he feels intensely and replaces it with anger, leo will often take his anger and replace it with a less harsh explanation. but again, we'll get to that.
something else i think is interesting to consider are the cardinal sins associated with the other types that 8s are connected to. in raphās case, it would be his wing, 7, with his stress and security numbers 5 and 2. the other cardinal sins in his main circle would be gluttony, greed, and pride respectively. when it comes to raph, 'gluttony' makes more sense in application than a 9's 'sloth', which contributes to why i disagree with him having a 9 wing.
sooooo, now that weāve gone over a lot of information about 8s in general and some samplings of where i see an 8 in raph, i wanna look at three specific points in the series to just kinda pick up and turn around in my hands like a little puzzle box. iām sorry, i know this is long just--AUGH. i could sit here and run characters through an enneagram lens all day, i'm the worst.
city at war
for me, city at war is a fantastic example of an 8 and a 1 colliding. this is also an arc i see discussed frequently, and often those talking about it have an easy time seeing the perspective of one brother but not the other. for complete disclosure, iāve always been in raphās court with this one; even as a kid i'm pretty sure i agreed with raph that they should stay out of the fight (but iām also a 9, and we tend to avoid conflict of any kind however we can).
weāll be talking about raphās perspective here, obviously, and weāll return to this arc in leoās post to discuss it from his perspective. remember that one of the enneagram's uses as a tool is to grow in compassion for others and allow us to understand why they act and react the way they do.
a big thing to keep in mind when looking at this arc from raph's perspective as an 8 is that we need to look at the last time they dealt with the foot specifically. while there are five episodes between shredderās supposed death in secret origins' ending (s2ep8) and city at war beginning (s2ep14), itās important to consider the sheer weight of everything that lead up to this point and the amount of time passed as those events transpired. remember that an 8ās basic desire is to protect themselves--and the people theyāve come to care about--as well as determine their own course in life. the foot completely uprooted all of that for raph.
weāll say the shredder strikes back (s1ep17) is the starting point. the boys may have faced the shredder for the first time in shredder strikes (s1ep10), but i donāt think they fully understood what the FUCK they were doing. because theyāre fifteen year old boys. with weapons. they think theyāre invincible. theyāre very stupid, and it's a miracle master splinter hasn't developed like six ulcers.
shredder strikes back is a brutal wake up call to the fact that⦠NO, ACTUALLY, y'all are pretty fragile. this was the closest theyād probably come to having a family member taken from them. like, all things considered, leo should be dead. he was only āreturnedā to them on the brink of death to rub salt in the wound. and with the 8ās ability to sniff out who has the most power in a room, i doubt this detail was lost on raph. his brother is only still alive because shredder allowed it.
enough time passes for leo to recover, and weāre right back in new york using the fact weāre ādeadā to our advantage to take down shredder once and for all. the next three episodes all occur in the same night. but we did it! weāve defeated shredder--we thought weād gained control--but, just kidding, dadās gone and disappeared.
our search for master splinter over the next few hours sends us to space. the next five episodes are desperately trying to get back to earth and their father. the turtles are in space for a few weeks, but only a few hours have passed on earth.
all of secret origins happens in the span of another few hours and ends with the shredder dying once and for all. he's totally dead, you guys. for real this time. no way in hell he survived that. ...foreshadowing is a literary device whe--
for us, thatās eighteen episodes (which if you were watching back in 2003 in the way the episodes were released would have not only been about eighteen weeks minimum, but the waiting period between two seasons as well). as viewers, it feels like a lot of time has passed. because it has. for them? that is a LOT of shit--again--over a relatively short period of time.
for an 8, this has been a ton of shaking around their control over their course in life. itās been a huge threat to both their own security and that of the few people they hold dear. going from having to avoid their home and hiding away in aprilās apartment, to almost losing leo, to almost losing splinter, to being blasted across the galaxy, discovering their ties to the shredder⦠but now. FINALLY. shredder is dead. theyāre free! ...they should be free to once again determine their own course.
i can only imagine raph is eager to find some semblance of control and grounding again. the world has proven itself in many ways to be cruel and uncaring, just like heād learned to believe. his 5 probably has him in a bit of a choke hold. and now, as the foot and the mob and the dragons are in a turf war, for SOME GODDAMN REASON his brother--who he almost lost--wants to get involved. raph, usually the first into the ring of conflict, slams the brakes on. this isnāt our fight, and we can just let them weaken each other and eat themselves alive. we gain safety by not involving ourselves, we have control again. to throw ourselves into that is risking another loss. returning to the cardinal sins, the 5ās greed/need to protect their resources and their energy, could very much be in full swing here.
8s and 1s are, unfortunately for everyone else involved, both types who unrelentingly believe theyāre correct in an argument. and to back down from said argument could mean submitting to a part of their basic fear. raphās 8 recognizes this as a moment for them to regain control of not only their own lives, but also as an opening to just let potential future enemies use up resources and wear each other out. and leoās 1, as weāll get to, refuses to listen to this on the base that it wouldnāt be right to sit back while people are getting hurt because of an imbalance āthey causedā.
karai showing up in new york to take shredderās place leading the foot (giving them a leader and direction again would be empowering them) was the final straw for raph. because what does he do? he isolates. fuck this shit: iām out.
cards on the table? iām not too keen that the narrative made it seem like leo was ārightā and raph was āwrongā, especially with casey stating that āthe way he was raised, you fix your mistakesā⦠like⦠killing the shredder was a mistake. idk. clumsy choice of words on casey's part or mishandled writing, i'm not fond of it. and raph saying he was being an idiot at the end⦠honey, sweetie, darling, gravy, you were not being a full fledged idiot. you were both right and you were both wrong and you were both idiots; the situation is complicated and they can be both at once ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ gray is a value that exists, and youāre both grounded. equality.
anyway. next topic.
darkness within
this will be shorter than the last one because itās more of a five minute encounter than a span of three episodes with a history, but i think itās an interesting thing to look at anyway.
i know that from a meta perspective, raphās nightmare in darkness within (s3ep14) was more a nod to another incarnation, but the fact his fear of becoming anything remotely like the shredder speaks to how self-aware of his anger he might be at this point in the series (note: this is not me saying chārell is also an 8; this is a warped fear that came from raph's subconscious, not a direct āpredictionā of things to come).
more in-depth views of the enneagram include the levels of development, which is a scale of one to nine how healthy or unhealthy the type is. at their healthiest, 8s can be described as self-surrendering and heroic. self-reliant and strong. self-confident and leading. but at their unhealthiest? 8s can become ruthless and dictatorial. megalomaniacal and terrorizing. sociopathic and destructive. sounds a lot like our favorite chewed up piece of stale cinnamon gum.
raph is aware that his anger--as well as his need to be strong and in control of his situation--could lead him down an even vaguely similar path. we saw glimpses of that, as i said, as early as episode four of the first season. losing grip and control of his temper and attacking mikey. his worst moment. the foot were barely even part of their lives at that point. that happened during what should have been a mundane little training session between brothers, where there was little to no outside influence. while not the shredder exactly, he is aware he has the potential to become something similar if he allows himself to give in to his anger and fears.
the first half of season four and leoās⦠gestures vaguely
i think the last thing i want to talk about is the first half of season four and just generally dealing with leo at HIS worst. specifically cousin sid (s4ep1), i, monster (s4ep5), grudge match (s4ep6), samurai tourist (s4ep13), and scion of the shredder (s4ep15).
in cousin sid raphās reaction to leoās shift in attitude is, at first, positive. he goes as far as to jokingly state that karai should stab him more often if it means leoās going to be less hesitant to fight (think his 7 wing was showing itself in that moment tbh; trying to make a joke out of something he shouldnāt have).
by i, monster, i think heās started to notice that somethingās wrong. he holds the others off as he recognizes that leo's fighting something more than just the rat king.
in grudge match, he starts to confront leo on his shift in attitude only to be interrupted by master splinter. by the time we get to āsamurai touristā, raphās had it with this 'new leo'. he goes as far as saying leo's "going mental". mikey shuts this down (and boy, we'll get to that), but it's clear that raph's standing with leo has only gotten more and more tense.
i doubt it was intentional, as the writers focused more on leoās handling of their final confrontation of the shredder, but⦠with all due respect to master splinter, i donāt agree with him when he later tells leo that his brothers have healed. i donāt think theyāre in the unhealthy zone as deep as leo is, but given raphās more negative and almost accusatory approach to leoās state, i canāt help but tilt my head and see his 5ās influence beginning to color his perception. heās having a hard time connecting. digging his heels in, becoming uncompromising. his 2 is hidden away and preventing him from showing vulnerability or gentleness toward leo's state. an 8ās antagonism can lead to self-sabotage when it comes to relationships, and leoās reacting differently to raphās attitude or not reacting at all. leoās sudden change in attitude paired with any healing raph has left to do has likely raised his walls in a place he thought he was safe in. his 8, which is so focused on protecting himself, no longer feels like it has any control over the situation--he doesnāt know how leoās going to act, how receptive leo will be to his own behavior, or even what to do to get leo ābackā. and, obviously, leoās worsening state is doing nothing to help any of this. raph's falling toward rejecting leo first so leo doesnāt have the chance to reject him. playing into that fear of dependency by continuing to push leo further away from him before leo has the chance to do the damage himself.
we see in scion of the shredder that he hasnāt completely given up; playing into his 7, mikey makes a coo-coo motion at his head in reference to leo and raph promptly smacks him for it. i think this says a few things: that raph took what mikey said in āsamurai touristā to heart and, because of that, heās now at least trying to be more nuanced about leoās state, verses basically having said the same thing mikey just did two episodes back⦠even if it might be ātoo lateā for that considering leoās already had his worst moment and gone to japan.
when we roll around to prodigal son (s4ep16), raphās likely on a big emotional ride over here. some of this i have to point at rushed writing and also the general vibe of early 2000s media, but some of it can also be directed at raphās 8. we see him very briefly express āāāweaknessāāā when leo assures him that the rest of the family is okay (he braces his hands on his knees), but upon returning to the reservoir station all the walls are right back up and he just walks right past don, whoās relieved to see him, and, boom, heās right back on the attack--angry that the foot destroyed their home. defenses up. iām not relieved, i was never worried, i was never scared, iām just MAD.
conclusion
gonna be real with you, lads, i have no idea how to properly close this out, i just looked at the page number and word count and muttered to myself "jesus christ; girl, shut up".
as i said at the start of this post, if i have anything to add/more observations regarding raph's 8 in the series i'll link them here as addendums.
for now, we're going to stay in the instinct triad and move over to leo. and from leo, we'll go to don because they both have a foot in the feeling/heart triad.
see you in the next one and, if you read all this, here's a platter of warm cookies of your favorite choice. and your favorite drink to wash it down. you're the realest.
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they also forgot the part where they only found the baby because masha was screaming her head off bc she knew this baby was in danger. she went around outside the alley the next morning and yelled at passerby until she got one to follow her to the baby. she kept him warm all night and then made sure someone found him. she was adopted after this bc she was a stray and is in a loving home and is a hero
Kittens canāt regulate their own body temperature. Thatās why they pile up.
Cats see us as colony members.
Masha saw a kitten that was on its own, no mommy, no other kittens to cuddle with. She instinctively knew that was a cold kitten. She knewĀ that a kitten alone on a cold night was very likely to die. Because a kitten would have died too.
So, all she was doing was what any good colony member does - protecting the abandoned kitten. Then when the abandoned kittenās mommy didnāt come back, she called the rest of the colony for help.
People have this bizarre idea that housecats donāt have a social sense. They do, and it saved this kidās life. And possibly Mashaās too, as life on the streets is dangerous for a kitty.
We sayĀ āgood dogā all the time, but Masha was being a very, very good catā¦not just by human moral standards but by feline ones.
There is so much more I could say about this, but there is not enough room. Remember to check with reality rather than believing conspiracy theories promoted, supported, and funded by white nationalist hate groups.
Missouri is proposing 20% of the nationās anti-trans legislation this session. Gender-affirming care for young folks is on the edge of being criminalized (so much love to trans friends in states where that has already happened).
Please keep up with the anti-trans legislation in your state and combat it. There are lives at stake.
Transphobes do not touch this post.
Image ID: a 10-image cartoon comic featuring Joey, a boy with short hair.
Image 1: Joey, upset, gesticulates towards an open laptop. Text reads: The reality of St. Louis trans kids. Last week, a former (non-medical) employee of Washington Universityās Pediatric Transgender Center was featured in a viral article about how the clinic was ārushingā kids into medical care and āmutilatingā us. Every single thing she said was a lie, but the media loves it. Footnote reads: I wouldnāt give any more attention to this, but it is immediately endangering the lives of trans people. Missouri has launched a state investigation and is actively attempting to criminalize gender-affirming care based on conspiracy theories.
Image 2: Joey points to a map of the United States where Missouri is singled out, and a map of Missouri where St. Louis is indicated with a star. The text reads: The Transgender Center, located in St. Louis, Missouri, has been the target of hateful attacks from the far-right state legislature for years. It is part of Washington University Hospital, a branch of a prestigious private university.
Image 3: A younger Joey injects his T shot in his leg while someone takes a photo. Text reads: I can tell you that everything in the article is false because I received care at the Transgender Center beginning at 16 years old. My medical transition has brought me nothing but joy. What a gift it is to be trans!
Image 4: A younger Joey sits on a couch and stims with a tangle fidget toy. Text reads: No one is ārushedā. I sat on many waitlists, had to have 6 months of specialized gender therapy and a diagnosis of gender dysphoria before even being referred to the Center, and I was denied as ānot ready enoughā by an endocrinologist the first time I finally got an appointment. Footnote reads: If youāre curious about what it looks like to be a trans kid, I did another piece on that! Check out tinyurl.com/transkidscomictumblr.
Image 5: A colorful map of the United States shows how many states have a Negative Gender Identity Policy Tally and how many states have criminalized gender affirming care. Joey holds a credit card. Text reads: St. Louisā Pediatric Transgender Center is the only one in the region, meaning the waitlists are extremely long. Plus, no one in the only industrialized country without free healthcare is getting medical care for fun. Many American trans folks have to fundraise for our care.
Image 6: Joey, distressed, sits on a couch while talking on the phone. The person on the other end says: āThatās me!ā Text reads: This former employee spoke about specific cases, and patients have been able to identify themselves. She shared our private medical info and called us horrifying.
Image 7: This is split into two panels. In the first, Joey holds up a box of condoms and a packet of birth control pills. Texts reads: She especially hated trans men such as myself, saying that trans ideology was destroying āgirlsā. She lamented about hormones making us āsterileā, which is a complete lie. We trans mascs have to actively prevent pregnancy. In panel two stands a doctor. Text reads: Every time I had an appointment at the Center, doctors reminded me: Remember: testosterone is not a contraceptive! Footnote reads: The wonderful Erin Reed wrote a breakdown debunking all the lies in the article. See tinyurl.com/erinreedmissouri.
Image 8: Joey, masked, sits at a circular table with his brother, an unmasked boy with fluffy short hair. Joeyās brother is showing him his phone. Text reads: Major newspapers continue to platform these complete lies because they bring in engagement and money. The Washington Post tracked down my little brotherās personal cell phone number to try to get in contact with our mom ā the president of an organization supporting trans kids in Missouri. Freaky, right?
Image 9: Joey, looking disgusted, leans against a door frame while talking on a cell phone. Text reads: But no one wants to talk with me, the adult who medically transitioned at this clinic as a minor and has not ādesistedā in six years. The Washington Post reporter, who didnāt know anything about trans people, talked with me for 20 minutes and used a sentence of mine in an article about āboth sides of the debateā. She didnāt mention that this former employee is being legally represented by a recognized anti-LGBT hate group, nor that all of her claims are unsupported by reality or science.
Image 10: Joey looks angry and gesticulates. Beside the drawing are two photos of Joey, one of him happy in front of a trans flag, and the other of him drawing up testosterone to take his first T shot. Text reads: There is no debate. There are trans people, and there are people who want us dead. There is truth and there are conspiracy theories. Where is my viral article in a major paper?
Heyo! This is the least amount of circulation one of these comics has gotten recently, and Iām trying to combat all of the virulently anti-trans media from almost all major publications in the US right now.
If you see this, please consider reblogging! It helps a lot!
I'm so very very sorry for your loss. This is so heartbreaking, and I can only hope that you shall find solace some day. Thank you for all you've done, and for being an amazing person throughout this blog. Please take care.
I started following this girl and her whole dash ended up these. And her last post. I canāt even say words. Anons took her life. If that okay with you, then carry on with your day. If you agree this is unacceptable and okay, then reblog and spread the word. What you say can actually change a persons life! So help out
I donāt care if this makes your dash look āuglyā, no matter what type of blog you have you should reblog it.
I donāt understand how heartless someone can be for sending something like that. If they want the thrill of changing something for someone, tell them what you like about them and watch how different they become from it.
I just⦠How? How can people do this to another person?! Iām so disgusted! How can people be heartless enough to downgrade other people?! And the fact that all of them are Anons doesnāt help one bit! Just Why!?
it is honestly sickening to see people are still like this. we are all in basically hell on earth and people still do this? i really am disgusted with these people. if you do this, actually grow a pair of balls and dont make yourself anonymous.
Yeah, I agree. If you send or condone anon hate (or any kind of hate), you are not welcome here. Get off. Idc how close I am w you, out. IĀ dont want anything to do with someone like that
Shame on people who do this. Honestly, do we really have nothing better to do than go and cyberbully someone because weāre so unhappy with ourselves? Get over yourself and leave your hateful comments to yourself. No one deserves this.
This is so horrible. I donāt understand why people say such horrible things. Thereās no reason to insult someone or tell someone to kill themselves. Thereās no reason to and thereās no justification. If you canāt be nice, just keep your thoughts to yourself so no one gets hurt. Please. You never know if the person youāre saying cruel things to is already in a dark place and even if they werenāt already in a dark place you still shouldnāt do it. You wouldnāt like it if people said those things to you, so why say those things to others?
I am aware that not all anons are like this⦠many of them are very niceā¦. but what you all have done is DISGUSTING! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO SOMEONE!? DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY MORALS!?? DISGUSTING ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! horrendous⦠absolutely horrendous. What you have done is a sin⦠you may laugh at my wordsā¦. but you are horribleā¦whoever wrote all this⦠you donāt deserve any sympathyĀ
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