becoming jayce

hiya! I figured id make an informational post about the little things ive noticed about being on testosterone that I found weren’t talked about a lot when I was starting my transition and even before when I was doing my research. I think that trans sexual health is an extremely important part of trans peoples lives (and that doesnt necessarily mean sex) seeing as the physical changes that happen during transition are often foreign to us. Sexual health keeps us healthy and comfortable in our bodies, so do your best to stay attentive to your body’s changes! As always, consult your doctor if you feel the need to. These are only tips ive learned from transitioning myself and from my doctor when I asked about certain things.

Bottom growth will be overly sensitive and stick out of the hood more than usual, and anytime the inside of ur jeans rubs against it it will a) hurt and b) make u horny.

This can be a problem in general, but especially if u have bottom dysphoria and being reminded of ur junk can make u dysphoric, and/or if ur ace like me and being horny can be a very confusing and annoying experience (I know this is not every aces experience but I had never really had a sex drive or arousal before T and it was very distressing at first. Still ace tho)

Oh also: microdosing can be great for slowing changes and letting ur body adapt more gradually (It can be very helpful for more gradual and natural sounding voice changes), however, it will not let you avoid certain changes entirely. Microdosing will not prevent bottom growth from happening, or any other changes you may want to avoid. Unfortunately what changes you get are genetic and there is no way to pick and chose which you get. A lower dose of T can make it go more slowly to help you get used to it more gradually or so that if there are changes you really want to avoid you can try and stop before those advance too far, but it can’t prevent changes from happening entirely, certainly not specific ones. And certainly not bottom growth, which is one of the first changes to start and one of the least reversible.

(I don’t say this because I think that was what op was trying to say abt microdosing at all btw, I’m just trying to clarify because I remember when I started T and was researching low dose T, I saw some people on online forums hoping it would allow them to avoid bottom growth for example, and it won’t, so I wanted to clear that up)

Also re: top surgery, the first time I saw my chest post-op my brain flipped and I got so dizzy I nearly passed out. This is also relatively normal and okay. I think my brain just kind of freaked out seeing my body so different from what we were used to and also oh yeah with a big scar running across it. Its okay, that doesn’t mean you regret it either. I think sometimes ur brain just needs a minute to catch up and realize ‘oh wait this isn’t a traumatic injury this is what my chest is supposed to look like’. Once I had seen my chest a few times and let my brain get used to it I was absolutely thrilled and loved it (and still do). I also had a panic attack the night before my surgery because I was afraid of the anesthesia. Again, doesnt mean I made the wrong decision.

1) Some changes can take a lot of time. I couldn’t grow a full beard until after 5 years had passed. Now, I can grow a beard faster than most cis men I know. But wow, was I frustrated those first 5 years.

2) I’m seeing a lot of my transmasc friends having to deal with hair loss and it’s hit them harder emotionally than they thought.

You see, your relationship which your body on T is going to have both its ups and downs. Maybe your hairline shifts more than you want, maybe your voice doesn’t change as much as you expect. (Both of these for me, plus, I still struggle with ear training – transition really messed with my sense of pitch as a musician.)

Bodies are weird and every transition is unique, even though we have a lot in common.

Your expectations are going to change, and for every little disappointment, I’ll bet you have so many ways in which T has improved your sense of self. It’s normal to mourn an idealized version of yourself that you may not have been able to achieve, but be sure to balance it by reflecting on how much positive change you’ve experienced.

Six years post-op today! Yaaaay. I didn’t think I had a lot of chest dysphoria, prior to surgery, because I could, with some effort, survive without binding/go shirtless. After surgery, I realized how much of my teenage/young adult ‘weirdness’ I had about my chest was actually dysphoria, I just didn’t know the term yet. I always apologized to sexual partners for how my chest looked, as I believed they expected something more of it.

Now, I still have some issues with my chest. But, three different surgeons have indicated that this is the best I will get (I experienced some regrowth after my hysto). I am very very very grateful for being able to access surgery, and then to have Haley Raab design a chest piece for me that helped me visualize my chest as close to as I had idealized as possible.

I’m still working on self-love. ♥️🥀 I’m still growing. 🌱