The problem is that we see social media as "real" instead of a million tiny tv shows. But no one making a cooking tiktok is going to do it with a cluttered, dirty kitchen on camera. No one is going to roll out of bed and record a video with their dirty laundry all over the floor and a stale half donut on their desk. Its fake in the same way we are all fake when we have guests over, or go on a date, or make a presentation at work. Its putting on our best selves instead of our typical selves. But we have been taught that is real, and now we are comparing our typical selves against a million different best selves and obviously we can’t measure up.

I think part of the problem is that every social media site is functionally Front Stage*, now, for reasons including but not limited to lack of anonymity/expectation of ID disclosure. So it's not just that people are being fake, performative,or perfect; it's that they're like this on every form of social media, which leaves no space to perform other, less rigid kinds of identities. Which is kind of a hellish situation tbh. Like yeah nothing on the internet is real, but there are genuine sociological reasons that this particular kind of unreal is especially gross-feeling.