True Randomness

It was already Thursday and you didn’t have your costume for Friday's Halloween party at Steve’s. As usual, his parents weren’t at home so he had freedom to do whatever he wanted to. You, Nancy and Jonathan promised him to help with drinks and food while Robin recorded a lot of tapes with the group’s favorite songs at the radio station she worked at with Steve.

“What do you mean you have nothing yet? The party’s tomorrow,” Robin told you while she was writing names in the tapes. You were at the station to hang out after being at the library all morning studying for your midterms. And later, Nancy and Jonathan were going to come and pick you up to go to the market and buy all the stuff for the party.

“You don’t have what?” Steve asked, coming from the warehouse with a lot of music tapes and some vinyls on his hands for Robin. 

“The costume,” answered Robin for you. “You always leave everything until the last moment.”

“I know, I know. But I’ve been busy with exams, assignments and all of that…”

“That’s not an excuse!” Said Steve.

“Mmmh, yes it is,” you snapped back.

“I work here every afternoon and some nights while I teach every morning at high school and I have my costume since a month ago,” you laughed to yourself remembering that Steve is now teaching sex education to teenagers. 

“So you better come with a good costume tomorrow or I won’t let you in,” he threatened you, leaning against a counter. You tried so hard not to look at his biceps that were beautifully showing in that grey t-shirt he was wearing.

“What’s a good costume for you? A pair of sunglasses and a black leather jacket?” You asked jokingly, also leaning against the counter and approaching him, reminding the 84’s Halloween party. 

Steve looked at you, defeated. “In my defense I’ll say that there weren’t a lot of people in costumes at that party,” he responded, looking at Robin, asking for help.

“Don’t look at me, I wasn’t there!”

“Bullshit Robin! There were like 20 or 25 people in costumes. They were wearing more than a pair of glasses.” You could see how Steve turned around, stressed and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“You weren’t wearing a costume either!” He shouted, turning at you after remembering that. “She didn’t dress up, Robin!” He pointed at you, accusing.

“But I did have a really good excuse,” you crossed your arms, walking to sit besides Robin. “I had literally been living here for three days, I didn’t know anyone yet.”

You moved to Hawkins five years ago after your father divorced your mother and Joyce, your aunt, convinced her to move to Hawkins and start over. 

“Joyce forced me to go with Jonathan. I also knew Nancy from class and she wanted to introduce me to Steve and some other friends. I didn’t have any costume at home and the only ones left at the store were Doc from Back to the Future and I refused to wear that. How I was going to meet new people looking like a crazy old man?”

“Don’t talk about Doc like that! Show some respect,” Robin asked. “And sorry Steve but I’m with her. Her excuse is understandable but yours? King Steve didn’t have any excuse.” Robin defended you and you hugged her, looking at Steve with a victorious smirk.

“I bet he thought that being the popular guy, a pair of sunglasses would make people worship him, in fact, he walked to the house with that attitude,” you told Robin, gossiping as if Steve wasn’t in front of you, listening to everything.

“Go to hell! Both of you! Always two against one,” he complained as you both laughed watching him so frustrated.

“And you,” he pointed directly to your face, “you’re no longer the new girl, so you don’t have any excuse not to come with a good costume. I’m sure there are some Doc ones left at the mall.”

You flipped at him with a smirk. You were always like that, you both enjoyed bothering each other and Robin helped you a lot of times, she also loved bothering Steve.

That’s why those funny rivalries raised suspicions and gossip between your group of friends. Nancy had sometimes asked if there was something going on between you two and you categorically denied it. At first it surprised you because you’d never thought about Steve as anything more than a friend. 

Yes, he’s handsome and even attractive, but that was all. Did you ever find yourself eyeing his biceps? Maybe. His broad shoulders? Could be. That beautiful smile? Yes. His… Well, his nice ass? Obviously, you have eyes and sometimes it’s inevitable.

But it was never beyond his physical appearance.

Until it was.

Steve was so kind, good, funny, knows how to listen to people and gives good advice. He was always protecting his friends, although he liked to call you his family, and he’s surprisingly smart. Okay, he’s maybe the best person you’ve ever known, along with your mother, and it makes you happy to have him in your life, but yet you’d never thought about Steve as something more than a friend. 

Or had you?

It has happened at least four times. You dreamt about him being your boyfriend, having date nights at Enzo’s, going to the outdoor cinema or fucking in his car. But you’d always thought you had those dreams because you were feeling lonely without a boyfriend and you forced yourself to believe that.

Then came the first signs of jealousy. 

He went on one of his monthly dates with a random girl but surprisingly it went well and they had been dating for almost a month. You weren’t sure if you were jealous or you’re feeling lonely because you couldn’t make plans with your best friend, but you decided to listen to Dustin and give his friend, Eddie, a chance.

Dustin had talked to you about him a couple of times, trying to convince you to date him at least once. So one night you told him to call Eddie and you could hear a loud “fuck yeah!! through the phone when he knew he’d got his date and you felt good and confident about it.

Two days later, Eddie picked you up and you two went to the arcade and after that you went straight to his house to fuck him all night and forget what you saw at the arcade. Or what that made you feel. You saw Steve kissing his date eagerly, you could even see from afar how his tongue was having fun with hers. 

Did you have sex with Eddie out of spite? Yeah, probably. But you liked it, you really liked it. He was really good in bed. Besides, he was funny, he had a band, even if it wasn’t the kind of music you enjoy, but seeing him playing the guitar used to turn you on. So you two became official.  

You thought you’d finally realized you were attracted to Steve because you were single and didn’t have any other boy around you. Only Jonathan and he’s your cousin.

But six months later, Eddie had to leave Hawkins to work in the city. And although you always spent the night together whenever he came to visit, you made it clear that your relationship couldn’t be anything more than sex. No one knew about that, everybody thought you ended on good terms and that you’re good friends.

Steve dated Brenda, the arcade girl, for seven months, a record for him. You were the first person to know about the break-up. The reason? He didn’t want things to become more serious and that surprised you. Steve’s always been very clear about his future plans and that he wants to get married and have six little nuggets. He even talked about that when he dated Nancy and that was years ago, so it didn’t make sense to you that he didn’t want that.

“Okay, so what are you going to dress up as? With such high standards, your costume must be the best of the party,” asked Robin.

“You’ll see tomorrow, I’m not going to ruin the experience for you,” Steve answered with a mysterious tone.

The station door opened and you saw Nancy, she was there to pick you up. You said goodbye to Steve and Robin and went out to get into Jonathan’s car. The music was playing at full volume and you had to cover your ears.

“You’re going to end up deaf!!!” You screamed at him. “And Nancy too if she spends too much time travelling with you with the music being so loud!!” Jonathan lowered the volume and you could hear Nancy thanking you.

“Hello to you too,” he said ironically, watching you through the mirror.

You arrived at the supermarket in five minutes, you and Nancy went to buy food and Jonathan to buy the alcohol at the store next door.

“Nancy, do you know anything about Steve’s costume for the party? He didn’t want to tell me,” you asked curiously.

“No, he didn’t tell us. We tried to convince him to but it was useless.”

“I see…I hate him. He told me that if I don’t have a good costume he won’t let me in. So he must have a really great one.”

“And you’ll be dressed up as…?” She asked. You didn’t answer and you tried to hide it by grabbing some snacks. “Don’t tell me you don’t have your costume yet!!” REALLY??”

“I know, I’m going to get one. Will you give me a ride to the mall? Please?” You begged. She sighed, deeply.

An hour later they left you in the mall and you went directly to the Party Shop store. And as you saw it coming, they only had some serial killer masks; Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers, and of course, Doc from Back to the Future. “No. Absolutely not, " you said to yourself.

You looked at other shelves but you only saw wigs, accessories and make up. You were getting nervous, your friends were right and you would finish wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and a shirt.

But then, behind a scientist lab coat, you found a light pink dress with blood spread all over. “Carrie” you read. You loved the idea but it wasn’t your size. Then you remembered your grandma bought you a white dress a couple years ago and you never got to wear it because you don’t like dresses. But this was the perfect occasion to wear it. You bought some fake blood, a blonde wig, a tiara and a sash that said prom queen.

You went back home on the bus and once you arrived, you went straight to your closet to find the dress. “Here it is,” you grabbed it and put it on.

“Shit!”

It was bought two years ago and you could tell. It fitted you but it was a little  tight on you. Especially on the chest area, your boobs weren’t small, you inherited them from your mother. In the movie, Carrie didn’t wear a tight dress and it was bothering you, you didn’t want to look like a slutty version of Carrie. 

“Maybe the blood tries to hide that”, you mumbled looking at the mirror, your hands covering your breasts.

You put a plastic sheet and some cardboards on your room’s floor, the dress on top of that and you started painting it with fake blood. It was looking really good and promising. Once you finished you left it hanging to dry. 

Your mom arrived from the hospital just in time for dinner. You’d prepared some beans and steak you found in your fridge. “Is it good?” you asked her.

“Actually it is. The only thing I’m thankful to your father is you and his cooking skills he teached you,” you rolled your eyes.

“Mom…”

“Sorry.”

Your parents' marriage didn’t end badly. He realized he didn’t love your mother as a lifelong partner anymore. He didn’t want her to live in a fake marriage and told her it was for the best to go separate ways. She didn’t take it very well, your father was her first and true love and she thought she would die with him when they’d be like a hundred years old. She hasn’t found a person to spend her time with, she’s been on dates, had her friends with benefits, but she prefers that. Your father married another woman last year and since then, your mother hates him a lot, so you hear her speak badly of him. You understand both sides and you can’t hate them, but you’re tired of listening to her rants about your father.

“I’m wearing the dress Nana gave me two years ago for Halloween. Do you remember it?” You changed the subject.

“Yes. It was a pretty dress. It’s a pity that it wasn’t my size, I would have worn it so many times.”

“I’ve painted it with blood, I’ll be Carrie.”

“I love that movie!” She chuckled.

“But it’s a bit too tight, my boobs look like they’ll pop out any moment,” you laughed but it actually scared you. “I don’t want to be remembered as the Slutty Carrie of the party whose boobs flashed everyone.”

“Darling, it’s Halloween, no one will stare at you because your dress is a bit tighter. And no, your boobs won’t flash anyone. And if they do, people will tell the next day how good the party was.” You both laughed at her attempt to calm your thoughts.

“You’re right, mom.”

“As always,” said with confidence. She took a sip from her glass of wine and looked at you with a smile. “And I know a guy who will definitely love to see you with that dress.”

“MOM! Not again! I’ve told you a lot of times that Steve and I are just friends. Best friends!”“Your father and I were also best friends before we started dating. Just saying.”

“ARGH!” You let go, frustrated. “Why is everyone so determined that we should be dating!?” Your mother raised her hands, a gesture of peace and stopped talking about him.

You finished your dinner fast so you could go to your room. You laid down on your bed, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t like Steve.”

“I. Don’t. Like. Steve.” You repeated quietly. 

You fell asleep around 10pm and some hours later you abruptly. You were sweating, some hairs stuck in your forehead. You moved your hand down until it reached your vagina. You were really wet. You quivered and whimpered at the touch. 

“Fucking Steve!”

Yes. You dreamt about him and it pissed you off. Why did he have to appear in your dreams? And why it had to be fucking you at the party, you wearing the dress and pulled up above your hips while he repeated how he loved it?

You opened your window, you needed fresh air to cool down. Once you were more relaxed, you opened one of your drawers and took some panties. You had to change because the ones you were wearing were soaked. You put those in the laundry basket of your bathroom and went to bed again.

2 am.

You couldn’t get the image of Steve on top of you while moaning your name, giving you wet kisses on your neck and touching your body out of your mind. “Shit,” you whispered. You got out of bed quickly and went downstairs, to the kitchen. You needed a cold glass of water to help lower your body temperature. You stayed in the kitchen, eating a handful of cereal, because you didn’t want to go to bed in case Steve decided to show up in your dreams again.

It was 7am when you woke up, the next day, on your sofa, the tv was on all night. You took a shower and had some toasts for breakfast before going to class. Hours later, when you were coming home, you could already see a lot of kids going trick or treat in your neighborhood and filling their pumpkin baskets with chocolates and candies.

You went upstairs and lied down on your bed and took a quick nap before the party. At 5pm you started getting ready. You put on the dress and it looked really good with the fake blood on it. You also did your make up and hair while listening to one of the tapes Robin recorded as a gift for your last birthday.

You tried the wig but you looked horrible, so you decided not to wear it. You put more fake blood on your hair, the tiara and sash, some drops on your face, neck, arms and neckline. You finished putting on some perfume because the blood smelled a bit too much like chemicals. 

“WOW!!” Your mom screamed when you went downstairs and saw you, camera on her hands ready to take some pictures. “You look amazing, darling!”

“Thanks, mom. It isn’t too much, right?” You asked, still worried about that. She didn’t answer as she was already taking a picture of you.

“Really, mom? Is it necessary?” You complained. You didn’t enjoy being photographed or filmed, in your yearbook you only appeared twice and one was because you happened to be walking behind the drama club when they were being photographed.

“It’s tradition. In the future, you’ll show them to your kids and grandkids.”

I laughed. “I won’t show my kids how their mother dressed for this party.”

“Their father will.” And she took the polaroid camera and made you pose with a v-sign. You knew that photo was going directly to her metal box with your name in it and where she’s been saving polaroid pictures of you since you were born.

A claxon was heard from the outside and that was your sign to grab your jacket and go. You said goodbye to your mom on the porch while Jonathan and Nancy were standing in front of the car, waiting. 

“Hi, aunt Maggie!” Screamed your cousin, or as he was going to be called that night, Beetlejuice. The costume was really elaborated, his face also painted with white make up. And Nancy was dressed up as Lydia Deetz, obviously.

“Jonathan?” Your mom asked, straining her eyes from the porch. “WAIT!!” She ran into the house and you three knew she was going to pick her camera. 

“I need to take a picture of you together, you all look amazing! Say cheese!” She ordered. You said goodbye to your mom and Jonathan drove to Steve’s.

“Carrie?” Nancy asked, turning towards you from the passenger seat. You nod. “I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“Actually… We thought” said looking at Jonathan, “that you wouldn’t wear something good.”

“None of you have much faith in me, is it?” You asked, disappointed.

“You went to buy the costume two days ago! We knew there wasn’t much left at the store,” your cousin defended his girlfriend. 

“Well, I didn’t buy the dress there. Granny gifted it to me a couple years ago and I decided to turn it into a costume,” you explained.

“Because there was nothing left,” he insisted.

“Yes! There was nothing left…Argh!” You saw Nancy’s hand on Jonathan’s arm, a sign for him to chill.

“Sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay.”

“With that dress you’re going to end the night with a lot of suitors,” he changed the subject.

“What? No!”

“I know a guy who will be the first to drop his jaw to the floor,” Nancy interrupted.

“Who?” You interrogated but you saw Jonathan shaking his head, trying to stop her from talking. “Tell me!”

“Steve,” she confessed. 

“What do you mean, Steve?” Your heart started beating faster. “I’ve told you a lot of times we are friends. F-r-i-e-n-d-s.” You remarked. 

“I know, but-”

“But??”

“We agreed not to say anything,” Jonathan muttered to her.

“I’m right here and I can hear everything. Now tell me,” you demanded.

“It started when you began dating Eddie.” Nancy started talking and you spotted Jonathan rolling his eyes. “Do you remember the party at Steve’s grandparents lake house that summer?” You nodded, curious. “You were with Eddie next to the bonfire, seated between his legs, while you kissed. Steve looked at you two and stood up to go grab a beer, but I noticed he was acting a bit strange. I went to ask him and he said he was okay. But I knew he was lying, he’s a bad liar.” You agreed. “He couldn’t stop looking at you two and he wasn’t happy at all.”

“It must have been something else, maybe the music Robin was playing,” you tried to find an excuse for the story Nancy was telling.

Nancy shook her head, denying it. “It wasn’t that. I knew it was because of you and I asked him directly. He lied again and told me some bullshit about being uncomfortable with Eddie being there because he was a suspect of Chrissy’s disappearance.”

“But that was like three years ago and Chrissy appeared a week after admitting she ran away because she had a fight with her parents and wanted to get their attention,” you remembered.

“That’s why I know he was lying! He didn’t have any issues with Eddie until he started dating you. He never believed Eddie had something to do with Chrissy. And he even went to a couple of D&D game nights.”

“But… But he never admitted it was because of me, right?” Steve was jealous of Eddie because he dated you? You never noticed anything.

“He didn’t have to, I know him very well.”

“Yeah, you do,” Jonathan interrupted.

“Hey! I thought you two were getting along!” Nancy snapped back at him.

“And we are, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you dating him.”

“Oh, god, that was five years ago. And in case you didn’t hear me, he likes her, not me.” She said pointing at you.

“Or not.” You commented.

“If I’m right, which I am, he won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”

A minute later Jonathan was parking his car on the driveway at Steve’s. You thought you would be among the first to arrive but there weren’t many spots left to park. People were excited to go to one of Steve Harrington’s legendary parties.

The door was already opened, you recognized the music playing, it was one of the tapes Robin made. You say hello to some people you knew, some from high school, others from college and to others you’ve seen hanging around Hawkins. The music was so loud you couldn’t hear any conversation people were having a few centimeters away. “The Look” was playing and you could feel your confidence growing on you. 

Jonathan took your jacket and Nancy’s and went upstairs to leave it in Steve's room. You felt someone tapping on your shoulder, so you turned around. 

“Hey, Dustin!! Guys!!” You screamed. A Batman with a big gummy smile was waving to you three. Dustin was wearing a superhero costume and he looked adorable. Next to him were Lucas and Max, dressed up as Pete and Charlotte from Top Gun. Mike and Will would arrive later because they took Holly and her friends to trick or treat and Jane was on a surprise trip to New York with Hopper. 

They went to the kitchen where the drinks and food were and you went behind them. You didn’t want to act like a mom, and it’s not like you weren’t their age when you started drinking at parties, but you also didn’t want them to get really drunk. 

Dustin hadn’t even finished his first shot when he was already refilling his glass. “Dustin Henderson!” You pointed at him with your finger. “You just arrived, control yourself!”

“Calm, Mom!” He joked. “It’s not my, well, our first time drinking.” You looked at them with nostalgia, you had a hard time accepting they’re no longer 11-year-old kids that used to spend their afternoons playing D&D and making stories about monsters at the Wheeler’s basement. Well, at least they’re still playing D&D.

“Please, when you all were our age, every Friday you said you were going to watch a movie but actually you just got together to drink and smoke,” Lucas blurted without a warning.

“And we watch them,” you said, crossing your arms.

“Did you? Or do you get so high and drunk that you can’t even make it through half the movie?” Asked Max, mimicking you crossing her arms. 

“Shut up and don’t drink too much,” you said. They agreed but you knew deep down that they’d ended up sleeping on the floor. 

“Go find Steve and leave us alone!” Dustin screamed as you left the kitchen, rolling your eyes.

You were looking for your friends while you sipped from the red cup but you couldn’t find them between all the people. You went to the next room, the living room, which was now the dance floor. Then you saw Robin, changing the music tape. 

“Robin!” You greeted her with a hug and she stood there gazing at you when you separated. 

“Excuse me??” She grabbed your hand and spun you around. “Is everybody watching her??”

“Sssht, shut up!!” You stopped, shy.

“You look incredible.”

“So you do!” She was dressed as Madonna in the Lucky Star music video.

“Yeah but you’re the only Carrie at the party. There are like three Madonnas’, 3 Batmans’, 5 Cindy Lauper and 6 Beetlejuice’, one being Jonathan.”

“But you’re the hottest Madonna!”“And you are the sexiest Carrie I’ve ever seen.” You laughed, blushing, and took a sip of your drink.

“I’m serious. Because I know you’re like boys -your loss- otherwise I’d flirt with you tonight.”

“Robin!!” Nancy laughed and cried, coming closer to you two.

“What? It’s true. I like boobies and hers are looking at me!”

“I think you’re already drunk,” you guessed.

“That doesn’t mean I’m lying!”

Someone bumped into you from behind, making your drink spill a little. “Hey, be careful!” You screamed, turning around to tell that person.

“Oh, sorry, I… I didn’t see… You.” It was Steve. Of course it had to be him. He was staring at you. No, not staring. Scanning you. From head to toe. You did the same but because you were trying to figure out what he was dressed up as. Then you saw it.

The fangs. The sides of his hair slicked back with gel and the top slightly tousled. He was wearing a black jacket with a white t-shirt, full of holes and torn, which revealed a lot of skin. Pins, chains and an earring completed the outfit.

“A vampire from The Lost Boys?” You broke the awkward silence between you too.

“What? Ah, yes.” He answered, his eyes leaving your boobs to find your eyes. “I told you my costume was perfect.”

“Well, Keith wears more makeup, white hair…”

“I bought a wig but I looked extremely ugly!!” He said, embarrassed as if he was wearing it.

“You mean uglier,” you joked, taking one last sip from your cup before leaving it on the table next to you. 

“Carrie I guess, right?” You nod. “Wow…” His mouth opened and his eyes gazed at you, stopping again on your neckline.

“Wow? Like, is it good or bad?” 

“Good, good. Really good…” You snapped your fingers right in front of his eyes so he can look at your eyes, instead of, again, your boobs. But you were enjoying it.

“Sorry, God, it’s just that you surprised me. I really thought you wouldn’t find anything good.”

“You underestimated me.”

“But you’re really good” he emphasized the really good words and you smirked at him, blushing.

“Someone threatened to not let me in. Did I earn my way in?” And without realizing, you moved a little closer to him, without taking your eyes off him.

“With honors.” You two stood there, staring at each other for a few seconds that felt like minutes. You weren’t cold anymore and yet you felt a tingling shiver all over your body. You bit your lower lip while Steve was drinking his beer, finishing it. Maybe Nancy was right, because what you were feeling wasn’t a common thing between friends.

He pointed at your red cup. “Do you want me to refill it?” You nod, and hand it to him. You could’ve sworn you felt a spark when your fingers touched. He went to the kitchen and you started to feel your hands trembling, so you turned around to ask Nancy something but she wasn’t there.

You scanned the room looking for her and you found her in a corner, with Robin, looking at the scene you and Steve gave them, gossiping and waving at you. You ran to them.

“Nancy! You left me alone!” You complained.

“You weren’t alone, you were with Steve and it didn’t bother you I wasn’t there,” she corrected you. You didn’t speak, she was absolutely right.

“Did he like the costume?” Asked Robin in a funny way.

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask,” you lied, trying to avoid the subject they wanted to talk about.

“As if that was necessary!! He couldn’t take his eyes off you, he was devouring you.”

“I saw him drooling,” your eyes widened as Robin was mimicking him as he was looking at your boobies, letting a little bit of her drink drip from her mouth. You laughed as she wiped her chin.

You were going to reply but Steve appeared with your cup, and his, refilled. “Thank you,” you said.

“Such a gentleman,” Robin chuckled.

“Me? Always.” He looked at you when he said that and you quickly looked away, feeling nervous.

“Nance, you look amazing too. I guess one of the Beetlejuice here is Jonathan?” 

“Yes, and now that you mention it, I don’t know which one is mine,” she replied, looking across the room trying to find his boyfriend. 

“We were just talking about how good the costume looks on her, don’t you think?” Robin made a gesture towards you and you mumbled to her to shut up.

“Yes, she looks amaz-”

“EDDIE!!!” Someone yelled in the same room you were. You all turned to see Dustin running to his friend, who was entering the living room with a Michael Myers mask.

After a few minutes talking with Henderson, your ex came over where you were, smiling brightly. “Guys!! Long time no see!!” He was excited and you could tell he already had a couple drinks before arriving at the party. He gave Nancy and Robin a hug and bumped hands with Steve. “How are you doing, Harrington?” But Steve didn’t answer.

“Hi, Eddie!” You opened your arms to greet him with a big hug too. And then you remembered what Nancy told you in the car, about Steve being jealous of Eddie. 

And it was true.

Steve’s facial expression changed abruptly. He couldn’t stop looking at you but his eyes were darker and his jaw was clenched. Then you looked at Nancy and Robin. “I told you” you read in Nancy’s lips.

Steve was jealous of Eddie and he was when you two were dating. But why did he encourage you to date him in the first place? He was happy when you told him you were official. Why did he lie? Or maybe he started to have feelings after… But why didn’t he tell you about his feelings? 

“I’m going to get another beer,” Steve said once your hug with Eddie finished. 

“I’ll go with you, I need alcohol in my veins to get through this music,” he joked, looking at Robin, who was giving him her middle finger. You almost laughed out loud when you saw Steve rolling his eyes when Eddie friendly patted his shoulder. If Steve were a cartoon, smoke would’ve been coming out of his ears.

“STEVE IS JEALOUS!!!” You screamed at your friends when the guys were no longer in the room.

“And now you notice it?” Robin asked in disbelief. Oh… So it was pretty obvious to everybody except you?

“I know! I told her about the lake house party and she didn’t have any idea,” Nancy answered for you.

“There was another time, too.” Robin started. “Do you remember the night we went to the outdoor cinema to watch Grease, a couple weeks after the lake house party?” You nod. “When Steve and I left earlier…”

—--------------

It was a hot night of July and you all gathered to watch Grease. Robin and you went with Steve in his car, while Nancy and Jonathan were in his. You parked in a great spot, no cars in front of you. Steve and Jonathan stayed with the cars, talking, while you and the girls went to buy popcorn and some drinks. 

You heard a car honk several times and you recognized that sound immediately. It was your boyfriend’s car. 

“Eddie?” You ran towards him and threw yourself into his arms, kissing him with passion, as you always did. “What are you doing here? You told me you had to work tonight.”

“I left early…”

“Eddie.” You insisted, you knew he was lying. Everytime he lies he looks to the left and bites the inside of his cheek. 

“I got fired.” He admitted. 

“EDDIE!! AGAIN!!??” You’d lost count of how many times he’s been fired the last couple of months. 

“This time was unfair, I swear!” He barked. “Jimmy was at the bar and he was so drunk he went behind the counter and tried to kiss Lucy.” He explained. Lucy was his coworker and Jimmy one of the nastiest men in Hawkins. 

“And what did you do to him?” Robin asked, grabbing two popcorn bags. 

“I smashed a bottle in his head.”

“You did right, he deserved it,” Nancy defended Eddie. “It was about time someone put that pig in his place.”

You knew she was right, Eddie was correct defending Lucy and giving Jimmy what he deserves, but you were worried about your boyfriend. “Eddie, your uncle will kick you off his home to work at the city if you screw it one more time. And I don’t want that.” You hugged him tightly. “Promise me you’re gonna find another job and that you won’t screw it up. Please.” He noticed how sad you were just thinking in that scenario.

“I promise you,” he calmed you, giving you a peck. 

Eddie helped you carry the drinks and you went inside his car to watch the movie. 

—-----------

“You didn’t see Steve’s face when we got into his car. And his humor changed and didn’t say anything about the movie. And you know how he loves to rant it,” Robin continued. 

“They greeted each other as usual, how I was supposed to know! I was that blind?” You sighed, finishing your second cup of beer of the night.

“And you’ve been, until now.” Nancy laughed.

“Wait. Did you really leave because I watched a movie with my boyfriend? That’s ridiculous!”

“Girl…” She pried at you with a raised eyebrow. “You were doing anything but watching the movie. Don’t you remember?”

No. You didn’t. 

Oh.

Shit.

“SHIT!! YOU SAW US???” You gasped.

“What? What did you see!?” Nancy was very curious.

—--------------

You’ve already seen Grease a million times. Robin and Nancy make you watch it every chance they get. You even know almost every dialogue. Even Holly, Nancy’s little sister, has made you watch it some nights you’ve babysitted her. 

So you were bored. And it was really hot inside the car. And Eddie was wearing a tight-fitting black t-shirt that was driving you crazy. The fabric stretched tight across his humble biceps were turning you on.

“I’m bored,” you let him know, stroking his arm. He looked at you. “Really bored.”

“And hot,” you pulled your shirt up, just enough to reveal a bit of your black bra. “It’s really hot in here, Eddie.”

“Don’t do this to me, you know I can’t control myself,” you leaned back, your back now resting against the car door. You looked at his eyes, flirty, with a smirk on your face and your tongue already wetting your lips. 

“Fuck it!” He gave up and threw himself on top of you. You felt victorious. 

Robin was singing cheerfully to “Greased Lighting” while Steve was eating his popcorn, waiting for the song to end so he could rant about the song. But Robin knew what he was going to say, that Danny Zuko’s car wasn’t that impressive, that The Beamer was better because the ladies line up to get into it.

The song finished and Robin grabbed her drink, her mouth was dried after giving her all singing. Steve turned to look at her so he could say his monologue but he froze when he saw what was happening in the car besides them.

Eddie was taking off his girlfriend’s shirt, who was looking at him lustfully. Steve swallowed hard and he wasn’t realizing it but his fingers were sinking into his seat from squeezing it so hard. 

Robin saw him so her eyes went to the opposite side of the driver's window.

“OH!” That was all she could say. Eddie wasn’t wearing his t-shirt either and from what they could see, Eddie was pulling his girl’s jeans down and threw them to the back seat. Eddie’s head disappeared and by the way she opened her mouth and closed her eyes, they both knew what Eddie was doing right now. He was giving her a really good time full of pleasure.

“Should we warn them? If we can see them, anybody could.” Robin asked, still looking at the hot scene her friends were giving. 

Her question didn’t get an answer. She turned to ask Steve again but then she saw him. His gaze fixed on the screen, both hands gripping the steering wheel tightly and his jaw clenched. 

“Steve?”

Without a word, Steve started the car as fast as he could. The popcorn bag that was resting in Robin’s legs fell. “HEY! STEVE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” She screamed, quickly fastening her seatbelt. 

Five minutes after driving at over 120km/h, Steve slammed the breaks and Robin breathed again. She could no longer fear for her life. 

“ARE YOU CRAZY!??? YOU COULD HAVE GET US KILLED!!!” Robin smacked Steve’s arm. Steve didn’t say anything, he lowered his head and took a deep breath, hands still on the steering wheel.

“Steve… What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Nothing.

“Steve, you are worrying me.” She insisted.

“I- I don’t know. I don’t know w-what happened.”

“Are you hurt?” He didn’t say or do anything. “We were okay and then you… You snapped.”

“I’m not. I don’t know what happened, really.”

“Are you sure, Steve? Your eyes, they were scary. You looked so angry. I’ve never seen you like that.” She approached him cautiously, petting his arm trying to calm him down.

“Robin… I think I’m in love.”

“In love? Steve, we talked about this years ago… I like girls.” Robin knew he wasn’t talking about her but she had to try to make him smile and relieve some stress. And she did it, she always does. 

“Sometimes I think about how easy things would be if you were straight. We’re such good friends, we have a lot in common and we can’t live without each other.”

“I know. But the thing we two like the most is the same; boobies.” She wanted to ask him about the girl he loved but she was also trying not to insist. She knew who he was talking about, but a confirmation was needed.

But she couldn’t take it anymore.

“It’s y/n, right?”

“W-what? H-how do you k-know?” He asked, eyes wide open in surprise. How could she know?

“I’m not dumb, nor blind. I’ve noticed things; the way you gaze at her with your eyes full of love, how you smile every time she opens the station door and comes in, how you flinch when she sits beside you and your shoulders touch.”

“Oh. Have you noticed all that?”

“You’re an open book, for me at least. I don’t know if the others noticed it, I know Nancy noticed you were jealous at the lake party.”

“Fuck.”

“Hey, but loving someone is great, I-”

“It’s bullshit, Robin.” He snapped. “She has a boyfriend and she’s happy with him. I even encouraged her to go on a date with him! I’m an idiot!!” 

“Well, kind of. Why did you do that if you were already in love with her?”

“Because I didn’t realize how strong my feelings were for her until I saw them together. And she is so happy with him, I don’t want to ruin that for her. I prefer being like this to confess my feelings and lose her friendship.”

“That’s nice.”

“Thank you?” He frowned his eyebrows.

“And stupid.” Steve rolled his eyes and chuckled. “What if it is mutual?”

“I don’t know, Robin. But I’m late. I realized it too late and now I have to live with it.”

“You can always wait until she breaks up with him and you make a move,” Robin cheered him on. “Now, can we go back so I can finish watching Grease? I need to sing You're the one that I want.”

“Okay… But if they’re still fucking I’m gonna slash his tires,” Steve warned. 

“STEVE!”

……………………

You sat in the first place you saw available, a chair, trying to take in everything you were hearing. Drinking was helping.

“He didn’t tell me anything when I broke up with Eddie. In fact, he kept dating Brenda,” you said, trying to make it all sense. 

“I know, it surprised me too,” Robin said. “I asked him a couple of times pero he didn’t want to answer me and I didn’t insist. I thought…”

“That he wasn’t in love with me and it was just a crush,” she nodded. “Well, because that’s maybe what it was and you’re here driving me crazy.”

“I’ve had a lot of unattainable crushes and I’ve never got as bothered as he was tonight when an ex showed up.”

“I-I need to go out, I need fresh air,” you told your friends. You walked out through the big door in the living room that led to the backyard. You grabbed a can of beer from a bucket full of ice and drinks and sat on the edge of the pool. You thanked the universe it was an outdoor heated pool so you could put your feet in after removing your shoes.

Your heart was racing and you felt you couldn’t breathe. You needed something to calm down or you were going to have a heart attack. And as if the universe had heard you, the help arrived.

“Hi,” a hand was waving in front of your distant gaze. “Can I sit?” You looked up and Eddie was there, smiling at you without his serial killer mask. You let him. “Are you okay? I’ve called your name a couple of times but you didn’t listen.”

“Ah,” that was the only thing you said. You turned down your lips and shook your head. You moved closer to him when he sat down next to you, he opened his arm and you curled up against him.

“Tell me, I’m a good listener.”

“I don’t want to be a killjoy,” you took a big sip of your beer.

“Believe, I’ve been to worse parties. The people in the city are so boring.” You couldn’t imagine Eddie living in a big city like Fort Wayne. He took two joints out of his pocket and handed one to you. “I think you might need one.”

You didn’t smoke, you didn’t like it. You only smoked a couple of joints before, when you were with Eddie and both times were because you were having a panic attack because of your college exams. So you accepted the joint because you were at the verge of another panic attack. You put it between your lips and waited for Eddie to light it up for you.

“Today has been a day full of breaking news. It’s pretty big news and I don’t know how to process it. And if we connect that with some thoughts that had been on my mind for weeks… Thoughts that I can’t say out loud so they don’t ruin a friendship and make a special person in my life disappear. You know?” You blurted it out. 

Eddie took a drag on his joint. “Actually I don’t. It’s my second joint of the night and I’m starting to get high, so if you could explain to me again like I’m a kid, I’d appreciate it,” you laughed.

“I like Steve. And Nancy and Robin have told me they think he likes me too and that he was really jealous of you when we were together. Oh, and one time he confessed to Robin that he was in love with me.”

“Steve what?” You nodded, taking a drag on your joint and coughing when you inhaled the smoke. Then you saw the look of realization on Eddie’s face. “That’s why he changed his attitude towards me! It happened when we started dating!! I’ve always wondered if I did or said something that bothered him…”

“Well, you did,” he frowned, thinking about what you were talking about. “Last year, when we went to watch Grease, we were doing…things. He saw us. And he got really angry, Robin told me.”

“Oh, fuck. Poor Steve. It must’ve been really hard for him.”

“We had no idea. Who would’ve thought Steve Harrington would be jealous of you because he liked me?” Just saying that out loud felt unreal. 

“I mean, I get it. Look at you. I would also have been jealous of Steve if it had been him the one dating you,” you blushed and smiled at him as he scanned you, brushing his shoulder against yours. “And you’re so hot, and funny and one of the best people I know.”

“Thank you.”

“So you like Steve, huh?”

“Shut up.” You smacked his arm. 

“I’m not saying it hurts that you already like another guy, actually I’m glad it’s Steve. That hair… It’s mesmerizing,” you laughed, maybe the joint was starting to kick in. 

“Hey, I liked you a lot too. But yes, I think I like him. I think I’ve always did. How he treats me, helps me whenever I need him to, he’s really supporting… And not only to me, to everyone.”

“King Steve after all.”

There was a brief silence between you two where you were enjoying your joints and beer.

“Can I ask if you were thinking about him when we were together?”

“What? No!!”

“Are you sure? I’m not going to get mad if that was the case.”

“Well…” You wet your lips with your beer. “I did. On the first date. I saw him kissing Brenda in the arcade and I got jealous, and mad, and that-”

“That led you to have sex with me on the first date, right?” You nodded. “So it was revenge sex?”

“Yes. BUT I loved it, really. You were so good that you made me forget about Steve.”

“Thank you,” he said full of pride. “But… Did you love me?” You could see a mix of sadness and disappointment in his eyes.

“Of course I did!! What a silly question!! I loved you, a lot. I love you. I fell in love with you, Eddie, and I was really happy. I mean it. What we had was beautiful and-”

“Passionate.” You chuckled. 

“And passionate. That’s why I had a really hard time when you left, and I was so pissed at you because you couldn’t keep a job for more than a month, knowing that your uncle was going to send you away…”

“I’m so sorry, I know it wasn’t easy for you. Dustin scolded me a few times, not only for leaving him without the greatest big brother he’s ever had,” said, boasting. “But because you were having a rough time. But I was so happy we fixed it on my first visit.”

“You were happy because of the way we fixed it,” you answered, nudging him. 

“That was the best part of every visit actually.”  He smirked at you, giving a quick look to your neckline. “And what are you going to do, are you going to talk to him about your feelings?”

“I don’t know. I’m scared of ruining our friendship. What if he rejects me because he’s not into me anymore? Nancy and Robin stories were from last year…” 

You put out the joint by sticking it inside your can of beer, smoke coming out of the hole. Your legs moving inside the pool and Eddie seemed to be in another world, his gaze fixed on a couple making out in the pool. 

“I KNOW!!” He jumped to his feet, splashing a few drops of water on you. 

“You know what?” You asked a bit scared.

“We can put Steve on the test,” he sat down again, cross-legged.

“What are you talking about! What test?” You couldn’t imagine what was running on Eddie’s mind right now. 

“We’re going to try to make him jealous. If he does, it’s because he still has feelings for you and you can confess to him.”

You didn’t say a word. You didn’t like the idea but you had to admit it wasn’t that bad either. You took Eddie’s joint out of his fingers and took a drag.

“I d-don’t know. What if he thinks we’re back together and decides to move on and ends up the night fucking another girl, he likes it and starts dating her?”

“You overthink too much, you know, right?” You nodded, smiling with pursed lips.

“Well, that happened to me with you.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“Yeah. Fuck.”

“And…?” He asked, waiting impatiently.

You couldn’t take this feeling anymore. Right now you hated Nancy and Robin for telling you everything, it was easier when you didn’t have a clue about anything.

“Fuck, let’s do it!” You decided, although you weren't sure if it was the mix of alcohol and weed talking or you. “But if this doesn’t go well, I’m killing you. In a brutal way.” 

“Okay. I’ll take the risk.” He stood up and handed you his hand to help you get up. “Follow me, trust me and just go with the flow.”

“Don’t be too harsh.”

“I’ll try.”

You entered the house holding hands. Eddie looked around everywhere, trying to find Steve. He wasn’t there, but he wasn’t in the kitchen either or anywhere on that floor. So you went upstairs, Eddie walking in front of you and holding your hand tightly.

“Eddie, wait.” You stopped abruptly. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Do you want us to stop? Just tell me.”

“What if he’s in his room w-with another g-girl?” You could feel your body shaking, feeling nervous. 

“If that happens, I’ll give you another joint, you’ll smoke it and I’ll take you home. And if you want, I’ll stay over. As friends.” He calmed you, caressing your arm. 

You took a deep breath. “Okay. Let’s go.”

And you saw Steve coming out of a room at the end of the hallway, with a beer in his hand. It wasn’t his room, or his parents. It was the bathroom and he was alone, because he turned off the light. 

He didn’t see you, so Eddie prepared himself for the plan. He put one of his hands on your waist and pulled you until your back hit the wall. You shivered because it was cold. The other hand rested on the wall, close to your head.

“Now we’re going to pretend I’m telling you some dirty words, okay?” He whispered and you laughed at his silly plan. “Try not to look at him too much, we don’t want it to be too obvious.” 

Eddie leaned close to your ear and started to tell you what you had to do while you peeked to Steve. He was standing still down the hallway, staring at you. Eddie told you to smile like when someone is flirting with you and wants to take you to bed. So you did.

He told you to bite your lower lip, slowly, and to nod as if you were accepting what Steve was thinking Eddie was demanding from you. So you did.

“Now I’m going to touch you. Can I run my fingers along the edge of your neckline? Or is it too much?” He whispered. You didn’t look at him but you nodded. You fixed your eyes in Steve’s, they were darker than ever. You saw his Adam’s apple bobbing as he drank furiously from his can.

“I think it’s working,” you let Eddie know. He then stood in front of you, his forehead resting against yours while his finger traced your neckline, going from side to side.

“Please, let this work quickly, I’m getting horny,” he broke the tense moment and you couldn’t hold your laugh. You were about to tell him to stop but before you could, Steve rushed past you, bumping into Eddie.

You both watched Steve rushing down the stairs, skipping the last steps. You looked at Eddie. “Did it work?”

“I think so. Oh, God. I feel terrible right now,” he ran his hand through his hair, moving back and forth. 

And you were feeling as awful as him. “We’ve screwed up.”

You felt like shit, because of a stupid plan you accepted you pissed Steve, he didn’t deserve any of this. You went downstairs as fast as he did, looking for him. You saw the front door was opened and walked out through it. Steve was already inside his burgundy BMW, started the car and sped up.

“STEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!” You screamed as loud as you could but it was too late. “FUCK, FUUUUCK!!!”

You turned around fast and saw Eddie on the porch. You ran towards him asking for his car keys. You’ve had your driver license since you were sixteen but you haven't driven since a minor accident you had a few years ago. And now you were willing to do it again for Steve.

“Are you sure you can drive? You’ve been drinking and smoking…weed,” he worried. 

“Just give them to me, please!!” You begged, almost kneeling in front of him. He handed them to you. 

“Be careful!” He said as he watched you running to his car. 

You slammed the door shut and started the car. You rolled down the windows, you weren’t hot but Eddie’s car smelled awful, a mix of alcohol, cigarettes, food and sex. 

You were going faster than you’d like and yet you couldn’t see Steve’s car on the road. He was driving faster and that worried you. You couldn’t bear the thought of him having an accident because of you.

But you knew where he was going. After ten minutes you stopped the car outside the radio station, where his car was already parked. Steve liked to go there every time he wasn’t feeling okay and both Robin and you knew about it. He goes inside a room, turns the music up full blast and he starts screaming or crying.

When you opened the front door, you started listening to a metal song coming from the room down the hallway. You walked a few meters and saw the light blue and red lights through the door slot. You knocked on the door a couple times with your knuckles but it was useless. He wouldn’t even hear a bomb from inside. You opened the door and saw him lying on the couch, his forearm covering his eyes.

You stood there, the panic and nerves already taking hold of you because you didn’t know how to make him know you were there. 

The song ended.

“Steve?” You whispered. Steve jumped on the couch, scared. He sat, wondering what were you doing there.

He didn’t say a word, he was just staring at you. You saw he had a smudged line on his makeup, he cried. He didn’t look mad but disappointed, depressed. And that was worse than him being mad. You took a few short steps toward the sofa.

“May I?” You pointed to the empty seat beside him and he nodded. You sat, carefully, biting your inner lip. You didn’t know what to say to him or how to even start the conversation. Your hands were shaking, your breath troubled. 

“I’m sorr-”

“So you-”

You spoke at the same time and that made you smile, but not him. Not even a muscle of his face moved and your expression turned serious again. You wanted to tell him the truth but at the same time you didn’t. How would he react? What if he gets too mad and never speaks to you again? 

You would die without him in your life.

Literally.

He got up to stop the next song that was playing on the cassette player. But he didn’t return to the couch, he stood there, turning his back to you. He took out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket’s pocket. He didn't smoke, only at parties or when he’s nervous. He offered you a cigarette but you shook your head. 

“Steve, I…”

Silence.

“You? Go on," he demanded.

“I…” You felt a gag rising in your throat. “I-I need to go to t-the bathroom.”

You ran to the room a few meters away and locked the door. You lifted the toilet lid and threw up. Everything you drank and ate at the party left your body. You wet your face to clean some of the vomit that was on the sides of your mouth. 

“You’re pathetic” you said to your reflection in the mirror. “Go back and tell him the truth. He deserves it. It’s your fault he’s mad.” You encouraged yourself, taking a deep breath.

You always thought that coming clean to a friend should be the easiest thing to do, but it isn't.

You walked to the room and sat again on the sofa. Steve was now sitting on the chair in front of you, his arms folded and his veins showing. You shook your head, you couldn’t believe that in a really tense moment you were just gazing at them.

“I didn’t know you and Eddie were back together,” he said, breaking the silence, looking at you with sadness and jealousy in his eyes.

“Steve, we’re not,” you answered with your head down, you couldn’t look at him. 

“No? You were really close and affectionate at my place. I’m not saying it’s my business but I thought friends were supposed to tell everything to each other.” You could tell by the way he was talking to you that he was being defiant. 

“I haven’t told you anything because we’re not back. What you saw there was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.” Steve frowned, confused and silent, letting you keep talking.

“I wanted to make you jealous,” you finally confessed, covering your face with your hands.

“What?” He asked, leaning forward slightly, his elbows now resting on his knees.

“I…I wanted to m-make you jea-”

“I’ve heard you. Why?” He was getting angry.

“Okay, fine. I’ll tell you everything but please, don’t interrupt me or I won’t be able to finish. Okay?” You warned him. Steve nodded while you sat on the edge of the sofa, also leaning your body a little.

“In the last few weeks I’ve realized that I have feelings for you. And not only as a friend,” Steve’s eyes and mouth were now wide open, surprised. You could tell he wanted to speak but promised you to not interrupt you.

“And maybe I’ve had these feelings for a while, maybe a couple of years? I don’t know. But I always thought I was just attracted to you because I was single or something, and you’re handsome and hot. And when I started dating Eddie those feelings disappeared, which made me believe in my theory. But I was completely wrong, of course I was, because a while after breaking up with him the feelings came back. And the fact that everybody thinks we like each other and that we’re flirting all the time, is not helping me at all. And that made me think of all the times my heart skipped a beat because of you.” 

You stopped to breathe and swallow hard. You could use a glass of water right now.

“Like every time you announced you were having a date with a new girl, or when I saw you kissing them… Or when on my first date with Eddie I saw you kissing Brenda at the arcade and that really pissed me off. Oh, and that’s why I fucked Eddie that night too, it was like a personal revenge. It was stupid, I know, or not because I liked it after all. But yes, very stupid,” you saw Steve’s face, he couldn’t believe anything he was listening to.

“And today I found out you were also jealous of my relationship with Eddie and I was skeptical because I’ve never noticed any sign from you, but then I saw your face when Eddie showed up to the party and we hugged. God, the girls were right.”

“The girl-”

“Sssht,” you shut him, closing your eyes. “Shit, sorry. Let me finish, I’m almost done.” You got up from the couch and paced back and forth across the room.

“I told Eddie all of this while smoking weed and he had this idea of testing if you were actually jealous or not. Then we did that stupid thing you saw in your hallway, all that flirting right in front- OH GOD!! I don’t even know why I accepted!! As soon as I saw how you reacted, I regretted it. I felt so bad that it was me who caused that reaction. I took Eddie’s car and I came here.”

You stopped walking in a corner, you didn’t have anything else to say and now you were waiting for him to say something.

“Steve? Say something, please…” You took short steps towards him.

He raised his gaze, his eyes, now darker than ever, fixed on yours. He was taking deep breathes, his nostrils flared as the air passed through them.

“So you’re telling me that instead of talking about this like two adults, you decided to make me jealous without caring how that would make me feel?” He said bluntly and with a serious tone. You felt a heavy and sudden weight on your shoulders, the anxiety was kicking out. You have ruined your friendship.

“I’m so, so sorry,” you begged. “I was scared of telling you the truth and that what the girls-”

“Told you wasn't real, I know. I’ve heard you.” He stood up and walked to the other corner of the room. “I prefer having a conversation than being used.”

“Steve, I-”

“STEVE!!” Robin screamed outside. You both freaked out, you didn’t expect anyone else to show up. “Steve, are you there?” She asked, opening the door, leaving you hidden behind it. “Dustin told me he saw you leaving in your car and I was worried.”

“Robin, we were just talking.” He answered, making a small gesture with his hand to let her know you were also there.

“Hi,” you waved at her.

“Oh, jeez! I didn’t know you were there. Oh, the other car outside, that makes sense. Shit! I’ve interrupted you, sorry. I’m leaving so you can finish.” She blurted out, smiling at you. She must have thought you were having THE conversation and that it was going well. You shook your head, telling her to stop.

“I think it’s time we leave too,” Steve told Robin, following her to the hallway.

“Steve, wait,” you grabbed his arm, trying to stop him, but he kept walking. “Steve!” You screamed softly, you didn’t want to draw Robin’s attention.

“I don’t wanna talk right now, y/n. I need to think about this. Can you at least respect that?” You nodded with teary eyes. You’ve never seen him like that and it was destroying you. 

You went inside Eddie’s car and drove back to the party. Robin and Steve’s cars were ahead of you. You wanted to go home but you needed to return the car to Eddie. 

When you arrived at the house, there were only a couple of cars parked outside. You look at the car's clock, it wasn’t late so you didn’t understand why it seemed everyone had left. You stayed inside the car until you saw Steve enter his house. Nancy waited for you, leaning against the porch column. 

“What happened?” She asked directly the moment you put a foot near her. 

“I’m an idiot. That’s what happened.”

She grabbed your hand and led you upstairs to Steve’s parents room. Downstairs, the kids, Eddie and Jonathan were helping clean everything after Mrs. Jenkins, the neighbour, threatened them to call the police if they didn’t stop the party. She wasn’t handling the divorce really well and she turned into the meanest woman on the street. 

You both sat on the bed and you explained everything to Nancy.

“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t do it with any intention of hurting Steve but I understand his reaction. I would’ve reacted the same way. And I also understand your fears…”

“What do I do now? He doesn’t want to talk and I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me either.”

“Give him space. Maybe in a couple of days he’ll be ready to talk.” Nancy was right, as always did. He needed time and you owed him that.

“Thank you, Nancy. You’re the best. Now I think it’s time for me to go home, I’m really tired.”

“You won’t stay over? The boys are preparing everything downstairs,” that was the plan. Stay over after the party, as you’ve always done in every party or after a movie or game night.

“Not tonight, it’s better this way. He won’t be comfortable with me staying. I’ll tell Eddie to take me home. See you,” you hugged her. You’re really stubborn so she didn’t try to change your mind.

You went downstairs looking for Eddie but he wasn’t in the living room or the backyard, so you went to see if his car was still outside. 

It wasn't, Eddie had left. 

“Fuck…” Did he leave because he felt uncomfortable too or Steve kicked him out? You decided to ask Jonathan to drive you home, so you went inside again and went to the kitchen, where you saw him cleaning the counters.

But he wasn’t alone now, Robin and Steve were there too. 

“Robin, I just don’t understand what all that nonsense was about, all that trick to make me jealous,” you heard him say while you were listening behind the half-open door.

“She was insecure and didn’t believe us.”

“I asked you not to tell anyone!” You heard a can of beer being opened, you were sure Steve needed another one.

“I know, and I’m sorry. But it wasn’t me who told her first, it was Nancy. She also noticed you being jealous but never talked to you about it. I just added another story…”

“Did she tell you why she did that?” Jonathan asked with curiosity.

“She just wanted to know if what your girlfriend and my ex best friend told her was true,” he answered, emphasizing the ex word, even though he didn’t mean that.

“She used me in a way I never thought she would. I thought we were close enough to talk like normal people.”

“Well, you’ve been pretending you don’t have feelings for her for over a year. And you’ve never been honest with her either.” Robin remembered him.

“Shut up,” he snapped at her. “It’s not the same. She was with Eddie when I realized, then I met Brenda. And when they broke up I didn’t think it was a good time to talk about feelings with her. Oh, and I don’t know if you know but she’s been fucking Eddie everytime he’s been here visiting. I overheard Dustin telling this to Lucas and Mike once. So no, it’s not the same thing.”

There was a silence, maybe they were all surprised about the news of you and Eddie.

“I think no one knew about that,” Jonathan said.

“That’s why it didn’t surprise me seeing them acting like a couple, but I didn’t like it either. I needed some space and went to the radio. What really bothered me was the fact that it was a show to see my reaction.”

“You need to talk to her, dude,” Jonathan advised him.

“I know. I want to, but not right now. I’m hurt and disappointed and I don’t wanna say anything I’ll regret later.” 

There was silence again, no one talked and just when you were going to leave, Jonathan left the kitchen.

“Oh, what are y-”

“Can you take me home? Please,” you begged your cousin,on the verge of tears. He nodded, assuming you overheard the conversation. You almost ran to his car and once you were sitting, you started crying.

“You heard him, right? Just give him some time, I’m sure once you two talk, you’ll fix this.” He started the car on his way to your house.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen him like this. God, I knew I’d ruin our friendship, one way or another,” you covered your face with your hands to muffle the sound of your crying. 

“Look, I don’t know what will happen, honestly, but I know Steve loves you so much. And once you talk again, more calmly, he’ll try to understand why you did what you did.”

“I should have talked to him, Jonathan, but I was so scared and insecure. I’ve told you about Rick, right?”

Rick was your hometown best friend.. You fell in love with him and you confessed to him. And that was the worst thing you did. Not only he didn’t feel the same way about you, but he also made fun of you, he laughed in your face. The next day he didn’t speak to you and told everyone how obsessed you were with him. You felt betrayed, he broke your heart in the most brutal way and you thank your parents for divorcing three months later because it led you to Hawkins. 

“Steve would never do anything like that to you. Or anyone.”

“I know, but that piece of shit left me traumatized.”

“I’m going to give you the best advice someone, Bob, ever told me when I told him about my feelings for Nance,” you never got to meet Bob, he and Joyce had already broken up by the time you arrived at Hawkins. But you’ve always heard nice things about him. “I was scared too because she was dating Steve and they seemed happy, but the advice he gave me worked. Pretty well as you can see,” you smiled. You love how cute they are and you can wait for the moment when Jonathan proposes to her.

“Tell me.”

“If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared it will cause problems. Even if you’re scared it will burn your life to the ground. You say it. You say it out loud.”

“Do you want me to scream I love Steve in front of everyone?”

“What, no!” He laughed. “It’s a way of speaking. What it means is you tell him without fear, with all your heart. But if you want to announce it, I think Steve has a microphone.” You both laughed.

You thought about those words all the way home. When you arrived, Jonathan left the car and waited for you to do the same so he could walk you to the door.

“Let’s go,” you said, rolling the window down.

“What? Where?” He got back into the car.

“Steve’s. I’m going to listen to Bob.”

Jonathan smiled and started the car with enthusiasm. “I told you it was the best advice ever.”

“But tell Bob that if this doesn’t work out, I’ll go find him.”

Ten minutes later you were at your best friend’s house again, your nerves flooding your body but this time you didn’t care about them. You were ready to talk to Steve.

You saw the kids getting their sleeping bags ready in the living room, there were also a couple of mattresses from the rooms upstairs so everyone would have a place to sleep. Nancy picked the mattress from the suite for her and Jonathan. Robin was lying on the sofa and Eddie was gone. 

“Eddie left,” Robin told you after you asked. “Steve stabbed him with his eyes and Eddie freaked out.” You felt sorry for him but you also smiled as you imagined him being scared for his life.

“Steve’s outside.” You didn’t have to ask her where he was, she was your best friend so she knew why you turned back to Steve’s.

You opened the sliding door that separated the living room from the backyard. You saw him lying down in one of the plastic hammocks they had near the pool, his eyes were closed and his hands behind his head.

When you were closer to him you saw the cigarette behind his ear, and even though you were a bundle of nerves, you thought it was incredibly hot. You shook your head to clean your mind.

You sat in the hammock next to him, in silence, trying not to disturb him. 

“I know you’re there,” he said two seconds after. “I can recognize your perfume from miles away.” Of course he did, you could also recognize his even in the middle of a party with a hundred people.

“I’m sorry for acting like a complete idiot. But someone gave me the best advice I’ve heard in a while and I’m going to put it into practice.”

Steve opened his eyes while his eyes frowned, wondering what you were going to do. Or say. He was now sitting looking at you. 

“I really like you, Steve. Fuck, no. I’m in love with you. I’ve been for a while now. And yes, I know it’s weird that I’ve been sleeping with Eddie sometimes when he’s visited. Sorry, I overheard your conversation in the kitchen,” you explained when you saw in his face how would you know he knew about that.

“But trust me, it was just sex and I’ve never felt anything romantic for him again. And I’m so sorry for what I did with him earlier, I deeply regret it, you have every right to be angry at me.” You looked at Steve, he was nodding while looking disappointed. 

“I’ve had feelings for you before I even dated him. And as I told you earlier, I was afraid of telling you because why would you like me? I look nothing like the girls you’ve dated and maybe that’s a reason I didn’t tell you before.” You looked away from him, pinching one of your thumbs as a coping mechanism.

“But-”

“I love you,” you interrupted him, “and I’m scared this could ruin our friendship but I needed to tell you. I love you, Steve Harrington.”

He opened his doe eyes in shocking surprise but you saw him blushing.

“I’ll give you as much time as you need to talk to me. If you want to. It would be really difficult for me but I’ll respect you if you don’t want to talk to me ever again,” you sighed deeply.

Steve stared at the floor, thinking about everything he had heard that night. He ran his hand through his hair, the cigarette falling.

“Are you done?” He asked, staring at you again.

“No, wait. There’s one more thing I need to tell you. You look so sexy as a vampire. Oh, God! It felt really nice saying it out loud!” You laugh and he smiled, blushing under the thin layer of makeup.

“Thank you for telling me all of this, and for saying I’m sexy too. But you could’ve done it before all that performance with Eddie.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you said for the nth time.

“But what bothered me the most was the thought of you and Eddie getting back together,” you bit your lip, trying not to smile at his jealous words. “I never had the courage to tell you that I liked you either, not before or after your relationship with him. I guess we’ve both been pretty stupid.”

“Totally.”

There was silence but this time it wasn’t awkward. It was a “I don’t know what to do” silence. There were no secrets between you anymore, you now knew you liked each other but you were too shy.

But then Steve got up from the hammock and came over to you, kneeling between your legs, your faces now at the same height. He was also biting his lower lip, staring at you with those big, expressive, puppy eyes you loved to gaze into.

You hid a smile behind your lips, eagerly awaiting what was about to happen. Your heart was racing and you were sure he could even hear it beating. 

“I’m going to kiss you,” he announced. You nodded, nervous but excited, asking how his lips would feel in yours. If they’d be soft or how would they taste. Although tonight’s flavour would probably be beer.

His breath was now only a few millimeters away from you so you ran your tongue over your lips to moisten them. You wanted to give his lips a warm welcome to your mouth. Steve put his hands on your tights, squeezing them a little but enough to make you melt. His nose was brushing against yours really softly when you heard a scream coming from inside the house.

“Really!?” Steve said, closing his eyes and wishing it wasn’t real.

“STEEEEEEEEEVE!!” A second scream was heard. “WE NEED YOUR HEEEELP!!” It was Dustin’s voice.

“I swear I’ll kill that kiddo if it’s something stupid. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be back.”

“Okay, Terminator.” You replied, laughing, as he got up and went inside, muttering words you couldn’t quite hear.

You started feeling a rush of tingly nerves overrun all your body again, unless this time they were kinda warm and hot because you were about to kiss fucking Steve. After all this time, your inner battles and the fight you had that night, you were going to feel his lips kissing yours.

And waiting for him to come back was taking forever. You started walking in circles around the pool, glancing at the door every three seconds wishing to see Steve walking through it.

You stopped walking where the hammocks were, facing the pool. Watching the water moving always calmed you down. 

You heard a sharp and strange noise, scared you turned around and saw Steve right behind you. You jumped a little and tripped over the beer can Steve accidentally kicked, which caused that noise you just heard. 

Two seconds later you were falling into the pool, screaming Steve’s name for help. When you surfaced and opened your eyes, you saw him laughing his head off with one of his hands on his stomach.

“DON’T LAUGH!!” You scolded him, trying not to laugh too.

“I’m… I’m not… L-Laughing,” he said, obviously laughing.

“Steve, shut- Oh shit!” You looked around and saw the water turning slightly red because it was melting the fake blood you put on your dress and yourself. “Oh shit, Steve! I’m sorry!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll clean it tomorrow. Well, are you getting out of the pool or what? You’re going to freeze,” he said, waiting with his arms crossed.

“Actually, it feels nice here. The heated pool is a dream, you should get in.” 

“That’s because you’re wearing your jacket. Come on, get out.”

You shook your head, teasing him. You leaned back, letting yourself float in the water, your eyes fixed in his, and you noticed him staring at how your wet dress was clinging to your body. To your tits. He took off his shoes and jumped into the water, splashing you.

“Steve!”

“Hey! You told me to get in. Did I get you wet?” He chuckled.

You were swimming to get closer to him. “Oh, you sure got me all wet.”

Steve smirked and laughed. “Wow, so blunt.” He was now swimming towards you and you were swimming to get away from him, playfully.

Suddenly you felt the wall of the pool hitting your back and you knew there was no escape. Steve was already cornering you between his arms, his hands resting on the edge of the pool. Your faces were just inches apart, water drops running down your cheeks. You watched a drop trickle down his neck until it disappeared into his collarbone.

“It’s a shame Eddie isn’t here,” Steve mumbled.

“Eddie? Why?” You asked, with a flicker of surprise.

“To get my revenge and get him jealous,” he responded with a mischievous smile as he was getting closer to you.

“Yeah? How would you do that?” You breathed, your hips moving seeking for his touch.

“First, I’d get really close to you, like I am now,” his body was completely pressed tightly against yours, the water no longer flowed between you two. 

“And then?” You were trying really hard not to wrap his body with your legs.

Steve tucked your hair behind your ear. “I’d whisper in your ear everything I’d do to you tonight,” he leaned closer, his nose brushing your ear. “And I’d whisper it right in your ear to send a shiver down there.”

You were quivering at his words, you didn’t know it’d be possible to feel any wetter, even though you were in a pool.

“What else?” You flushed as you felt one of his legs slide between yours. Your clit began to throb at the slightest touch with the fabric of his jeans.

“I’d take off that jacket because it must feel heavy in the water,” his hands slipped inside your jacket, pulling it down from your shoulders. His gaze was stuck in your chest, like he was being hypnotized, as it was moving up and down with excitement. He licked his lips, hungry. 

“More,” you begged and he looked at you. His cheeks were so red you felt the need to caress them.

“Then I’d begin to touch you,” his hands rested on your waist, squeezing it just enough to make you whine. “First, your waist. Then I’d slowly work my way up until I reach those pretty tits.”

You smiled, biting your lip and feeling very aroused. “So you like my… Tits.” You slide your hands in his jacket pockets, looking for something to hold onto. You wanted him to be so close to you that you could feel his bulge while grinding against him.

You pinched your brows when you noticed something strange inside a pocket and pulled it out. 

“Put them on,” you ordered, handing Steve the fake fangs he wore at the party.

“What?”

“Put. Them. On.” Steve obeyed with a little smirk on his face, knowing you were turned on because of the fangs.

“Now bite me,” you tilted your head, nipping your lower lip, leaving your neck totally exposed to him.

“Just like that, without a first kiss or-”

“Oh, Steve. Shut up and bite me,” you silenced him, your index finger on his mouth.

Steve leaned closer, bringing his mouth to your neck. You didn’t know but he was really surprised, he didn’t expect you to be so bossy. And he was loving it.

Steve gave you a few soft kisses at first and your pulse quickened, feeling it everywhere. A little moan escaped your lips, surprising Steve and feeling how he smiled against your skin. His kisses were getting warmer and wetter, his tongue wandering your neck.

“S-Steve, please.”

You felt the sharp plastic fang slowly digging into your skin, he was being careful but the subtle pain was enough for you to squeeze your legs from pleasure. It was Steve’s first time doing something like this but it was also your first time experiencing pleasure from pain.

“Harder.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, looking at you a bit worried.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know.” He nodded and returned to your neck.

Steve ran his tongue over your neck again, as if the trail of saliva would dull the sting of his fangs. This time he bit harder and smirked at the lovely sound you had made. He bit harder again but he quickly pulled away as when he noticed a metallic taste in his mouth.

“Shit! Sorry!!” He begged for your forgiveness as he took off the fake fangs while you were staring at the small drop of blood you had on your fingertip.

“Hey, don’t be, this is nothing. A mosquito takes more blood,” you reassured him. “Come here,” you grabbed him by the neck of his jacket both hands and pressed your lips against his in a hungry kiss. His lips were softer than you expected, and plumpier, and they tasted like beer. 

“Wait,” Steve stopped to remove the fake fangs, they were perfect for neck biting but uncomfortable for kissing.

You were devouring each other, the kisses getting sloppier and every time your mouths parted to catch some air, a thread of saliva held you together. Steve’s tongue was asking permission to make its way into your mouth. You opened it eagerly and let him in as deeply as he could. 

Steve groaned when you captured his bottom lip between your teeth and pulled. You smiled and did it again, you wanted to hear him doing that sound again. The water helped you hide how wet you were. One of his hands worked his way out to your chest, grabbing your left tit and squeezing it over your dress.

“You’re n-not wearing a bra?” He whimpered, smiling totally flushed as he was brushing his index to your nipple. You shook your head. “Good, that means fewer clothes to take off later.”

“Later?”

“I’m not going to fuck you in the pool, and definitely not with people in the living room who might walk out any moment.”

“Well, you have to mark a day in your calendar to fuck me in your pool so I can cross that from my hundred things to do before I die list.” 

“Oh, you’ll be crossing that out soon, now let’s go to my room.”

It was just a temporary town you were banished to after your best friend died. You had been planning a jailbreak since the chief of police drove you past the welcome sign, the hope of reuniting with your sister burning brighter than the dread of facing your greatest mistake.

But that wasn’t how destiny worked.

The town border was the line between obliviousness and enlightenment. Hawkins brought so much more than an unsteady house for you to carry out your sentence. It brought friends, family.

It gave you the truth.

Six years ago, you had been cursed by some powerful entity that shouldn’t have existed. Why it chose you is still a mystery, but it brought clarity to the voices you convinced yourself were not real. And after a long four years of struggling with the nightmares, two years of trying to control a shadow that lived within you, the curse was starting to feel like a gift bestowed upon you to ensure none of your friends would ever be hurt again.

Five years after crossing the Hawkins border, you were proven wrong.

The town you couldn’t convince yourself to hate was in ashes. Four gates to hell split open the earth after you failed to save your home from damnation. Your greatest enemy had won, and the dust you wielded proved nothing more than a display of power you have yet to understand.

The sister you fought for was comatose.

The friend you promised a life to, stolen.

So many deaths. Lillian, Barb, Billy, Jack, Max, Eddie.

You.

Max may have survived, but she wasn’t alive. You might have brought Eddie back, but he didn’t get to live.

You’re still here. Forced to feel your heart break with each person you couldn’t save, a familiar sensation that ached in your chest.

There was only so much a heart could take. You learnt that the hard way.

The soft steady rhythm of the heart rate monitor drawled lowly behind the soothing melody of Kate Bush. It filled the silence with remnants of hope. Though these days, that was starting to wear thin.

Your little sister’s hand was cradled gently between yours, fingertips gently tapping the skin like the feeling would wake her up.

Ten months, and she is still laying in this hospital bed. Trapped.

With each passing day, your eyes linger on the small white envelope at her bedside longer than they should. Your name was scribbled on the front, her handwriting clear and firm. Reminding you that even in her fear, she knew the ending all along.

It was still stained, your blood permanently scarring the last words from your sister. You feared it would have ruined it completely. But you can’t even bear the idea of sneaking a look.

You hadn’t dared read her letter. Neither had anyone else. You were all scared that tearing the seal would end the hope. She can tell you whatever she wants to say herself. When she woke up.

The boombox beside you cuts dramatically. You take a glance at it with a sigh, pressing the rewind button. The song hadn’t been working, but you weren’t going to risk anything. Lucas was the one who requested it play at all times, and you were going to keep that promise. It was the only one you could uphold.

When the track is ready to play, you take a breath, eyes trained to Max’s eyes, waiting for them to flutter open. Her big blue eyes would land on you, a smile finally breaking the curse of her emotionless expression, and you would cry so hard she’d beg for mercy through all the hugs and kisses.

The monitor just beeped. And she just laid there, breathing slowly.

“I miss you.” You whisper out to her, leaning against the edge of the bed with her hand still resting in yours. “Please, Max. I just need you to give me a sign. Anything. Please.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Nothing.

“God, you really are stubborn, aren’t you?” You sigh, wiping a tear from your cheek. “Fine, be like that. But just know I’m not going anywhere. You’re gonna have to hear every little thing I want to say. I’m gonna tell you what I had for breakfast in excruciating detail, and I’ll describe every stupid thing those boys do, even Mike, and you’ll just have to listen, okay?”

Her hand doesn’t even twitch in recognition.

“I’m not leaving you ever again.” You cry, voice drifting into the air with a sob you can’t catch.

The door on the other side of the room opens, and the cuffs of your sweatshirt wipe away any evidence on your face.

“Oh. I didn’t realise…”

Your shoulders stiffen, but you don’t move from your spot, offering a small smile to the red haired woman still holding onto the edge of the door.

“Hey.” You say, biting your lip. You still didn’t know what to call her. Mom felt a little too personal now, but Susan was far more formal than it should be.

It’s not as if you speak regularly enough to figure it out. 

Regardless, she was still the woman that raised you.

“I spoke with the doctors.” She says, clearing her throat as she lets the door go, the soft click loud in the silence. “They said they… nothing’s changing.”

Your thumb mindlessly rubs the back of Max’s hand. “She’ll come back.”

Susan’s face falls, a tug at the corners of the mouth you must have picked up by habit. There was something she wasn’t telling you.

“There’s something else.” You say quietly, looking up at her expectedly. 

She merely nods, drifting over to the bed. Her shaking hands gently stroke the side of her youngest child’s face. Her only child. By blood, anyway.

“Sometimes I convince myself she’s just sleeping.” She says, eyes glimmering with pain only a mother could bear. “And I always think how different it will be when she wakes up. How much better I will be. For her.”

Lowering herself into the chair on the other side, her eyes never leave Max, voice cracking.

“And then I remember how long it’s been. The doctors… they can’t help any more than- than this. Tying her up to tubes, keeping her stable in this awful room, and I- her eyes. I haven’t seen her eyes in so long. She doesn’t… nobody deserves this.”

The tears fall, and the image of it cracks your chest.

“What are you trying to say?” You can only whisper, trapping the air in your body like it would slow down time.

“I’m so sorry.” She sobs, covering her face with her hands as you shake your head in disbelief.

“No. No. We’re not- we can’t.” You lean forward, trying to make her hear you.

“There isn’t another choice.” Susan manages to say between the cries.

“It’s the only thing keeping her alive!” You’re begging now, on the edge of your seat as the woman you once called a mother now avoids your eyes. “You can’t do this! She’s coming back-”

“They’re giving us until the end of the week.”

Your hands slip away from Max, a rising panic echoing in your ears. You can only hear the intense thumping of your aching heart.

You think you’ve stared at her for a long time, but time seems far too short right now.

Susan looks at you with an expression of such pure grief that you want to scream. You want to leap across this bed and slap her until she realises she’s wrong. Max will come back. She has to come back. You just needed more time-

“She’s not alive, Y/n.” Her body is convulsing with her tears, but she manages to keep looking at you. Wanting you to listen. “This isn’t how anyone should live. The hospital… they could only do so much for us. She hasn’t woken up in ten months, and the money…”

“That’s never been a problem before.” You breathlessly say, mind running a million miles to try and catch up to the unspeakable reality you found yourself in. “They can’t just-”

“It came from somewhere higher up.” Susan sniffles, head lowering to her hands. “They won’t fund her anymore, and I- I can’t do anything about it.”

You can’t speak. You’re not sure you even want to. There was a rage lingering in the back of your mind, one you hadn’t felt in a long time. But it wasn’t aimed at Susan.

“They’re sending me out of Hawkins.” Susan says, and you frown this time.

“Who?”

Susan just shakes her head, a fearful look behind her eyes as she avoids the question. “I’m not… I’m not doing so well, honey. I haven’t been for a long time. I tried- I tried to get better, I really did try. But then I remember. I remember how I’ve lost everything.”

“They’re sending me to a special… hospital. To take care of me. So I don’t… So I can learn how to deal with my grief.” She catches her tears, wiping them with tenderness. “It just means-”

“Just because you’re leaving, doesn’t mean Max won’t have anyone.” Your voice is firm now, and you slowly rise from your seat. “I’ll pay the hospital bills. I’ll be here when she wakes up. And I will call you when she does. Because I will not let her go again.”

“Y/n…” Her eyes are sore and red. You can see the raw skin around her fingernails. She’s been struggling for a while, not just with this decision to let her daughter go.

“Mom.” You cry, almost dropping to your knees. “Please. I can’t- Tell them you’ve changed your mind. Tell them they can’t give up. Tell them-”

Susan leaves her chair behind as she crosses the room to pull you into a hug. You find yourself folding into it, breathing heavily with the guilt that racked through your entire body. She holds you tight, her cheek resting on the side of your head.

“I don’t want to do this.” She whispers into your hair, and you close your eyes, praying for some kind of miracle that would never appear. You weren’t the type of people who were allowed miracles.

Max was right.

“I don’t need you to reassure me and tell me it’s all gonna workout. Because people have been telling me that my entire life and it’s almost never true.”

“It’s never true. I mean, of course this asshole curses me. Should’ve seen that one coming.”

“Mayfields are cursed.”

You are cursed.

But you were also fighters.

And you were going to fight until the very end.

Your throat felt raw, eyes hot with fury.

You had screamed at the doctors. To anyone that would listen, really. Even those who pretended not to know a thing. And when you finally got the answers you were looking for… all hell broke loose.

It turned into a scene you weren’t so proud of. If the quarantine across Hawkins hadn’t been in place and left military men roaming the streets for ‘protection’, you might have done something you truly regret.

You didn’t hurt anyone. Thank god. But the threats were probably just as damaging.

Which is why you were now sitting in the police station, cuffed and angry as ever. You didn’t have the usual friendly faces of the department to calm you down.

“Miss Y/n Mayfield. That is you, correct?”

The man in front of you was dressed up in camo gear, eyes never truly meeting yours as he read the file in front of him. You supposed in the grand scheme of things, you weren’t really top of his priority list.

“Would you believe me if I said no?” You retort, and he lifts his head, eyes narrowed.

“I know who you are.” He states, leaning forward, hands clasped together.

“Well then, that question was just a waste of everybody’s time.”

You felt the sudden stillness of the room from other soldiers who clearly hadn’t been aware of your animosity. They hadn’t been there the last time you were sat here, tears streaming down your face as yet another man feasting on his authority looked at you with such indifference it made your blood boil.

“You know, you’re becoming a bit of a problem here.”

“Funny. Last time I was here you said I was merely a… what was it?” You tilt your head, squinting your eyes. “Ant. Yeah, that was it. A pest.”

“How about we focus on today’s occurrence? These notions you have in your head are somewhat… concerning.” The man smiles with whiter teeth than he should have, sharp at the edges, eyes void of life. “The hospital staff stated you were screaming about government conspiracies. They said it was alarming.”

“It is alarming.” You agree, wrists starting to ache as the metal rubbed against them. “Because they all know deep down that you’re not here because of some earthquake.”

His eyes pierce straight through you, leaning towards the desk separating you. “And what are we here for?”

To close the gates and try to take control of a situation you know nothing about because you haven’t been the ones dealing with it for the last five years. Not to mention setting up base so you can hunt down one of Brenner’s test subjects while you make horrific mistakes that lead to coverups even a toddler wouldn’t believe.

You stay silent, swallowing your words. They couldn’t know how involved you are in this. It’s not just dangerous for you, but all of your friends. For El, especially.

“Hm.” He smirks now, leaning back in his seat with a satisfied hum. “Not so smart, are we?”

“Sir.” A voice behind you clears his throat, standing in the doorway with a worn expression. “The doctor is here.”

Your face drops from your scowl, twisting in your seat. Shit.

An older woman walks into the room, the man in front of you practically jumping from his chair in respect.

“Dr. Kay.” He nods to her, standing straight. “I didn’t realise you were here today.”

Dr. Kay, the government’s latest conductor of bullshit. Or Major General, as you learnt she preferred to be called. It wasn’t your first encounter with her, nor would it be your last. But of all the soldiers here in Hawkins, you had to admit; she was the most intimidating by far.

“Y/n.” She greets, face stoic as she completely ignores the man beside her, nodding to a few officers at the door. “Everyone out.”

They didn’t hesitate to her orders, the door closing softly behind them. Your shoulders stiffen.

“I must say, I was hoping we wouldn’t meet like this again.”

“That makes two of us.” You reply, making her sigh.

She was an older woman with short grey hair styled to the side, voice a little husky from the years of smoke and military-drawn trauma. The way she carried herself, however, was different from the other soldiers in Hawkins. She had authority, and she knew it. She showed it.

And she was undoubtedly the reason you were losing those closest to you.

“I’m very sorry to hear about your sister.” She says, taking the seat beside you rather than at the desk, lowering her voice with fake sympathy. “It’s hard to lose family.”

“She’s not dead.” You turn your head to her, glaring. “Although, you know that. You’re the one who gave the orders to take away her life support.”

The image of the hospital director panicked in explaining their sudden change of heart regarding your sister’s admittance reappears in your mind, a paper in his hand with a familiar signature to prove it.

“Hm.” Kay smirks slightly, nodding. “That I did. You have to understand the decisions I need to make for the betterment of Hawkins. This earthquake-”

“Bullshit.” You spit, and her eyebrows raise. “I don’t know why, out of everyone in that hospital, you decided to raise the fees of my sister’s care and order her removal, but I know it’s not because you were put in a tough spot.”

“I can assure you,” Kay leans closer, eyes sharp with heat, “You have no idea what I am doing here.”

“Project Night.”

Her body stills. The rare look of surprise finally morphs into her face, a small victory for such a great price. You promised yourself you’d never let them know how close you were to discovering the truth. Desperate times.

“How do you know that name?”

Your eyes drift away from her to stare at the polished wood of the desk in front of you. “I know a lot of things. And I have evidence, too. If you kill Max, I will expose every dirty secret you have.”

The sharpness of her eyes grew to daggers, aimed straight at your throat. She attempts a sly smile, calmly reaching over the desk for the file the last guy was reading through earlier.

“The first time you were brought to us, crying wolf, I was intrigued.” She states, flipping the cover. “I did a little reading. You, Miss Mayfield, are quite fascinating.”

You don’t respond, your lungs starting to ache the longer you hold your breath.

“Lillian Mara.” She reads, noting the way your face twitched at the name. “Unfortunate circumstance, wasn’t it. The reports were… interesting. Doctors claimed you had a form of amnesia. Maybe as a coping mechanism, if you will. Apparently they wanted to send you to a psychiatric hospital, but your mother opted to send you here instead.”

The inside of your cheek is red and bloody from biting down. This wasn’t information you were aware of.

“Then we have a lot of different records here. Vandalism, minor assault charges. All of them dismissed by a ‘Jim Hopper’. He’s the one who ran off with the lab experiment, right?”

“He’s dead.” You blatantly say. “And before you ask, I still have no idea where she is.”

“Hm.” Kay throws the file back to the desk, clasping her hands together. “The fact of the matter is that you are in no position to be threatening me, Miss Mayfield. It would be a shame if everyone in Hawkins knew you were a murderer.”

You narrow your eyes, the sting of the handcuffs searing in when you lean closer, breath hot.

“I’d burn it all to the ground before I let you touch a hair on my sister’s head.”

Kay doesn’t react, smirking in her seat. “I admire your loyalty.”

“Max stays.” You repeat, voice as steady as you can make it. “Or I will release everything I have on you and your ‘Wolf Pack’- and I do not care if you take me down with you. If I lose my sister, I will have nothing left. Max stays, and any decision about her health will directly go through me.”

The woman’s beady eyes study you, a shift in her facial muscles as she considers your words. You had no power here. There wasn’t even much you could release to the public, let alone make them believe you.

But Kay knew by now that you weren’t ever one to give up.

“Fine.” She finally says, a brow cocked in amusement. “Your sister will stay in the hospital. No fees, and full protection from the government.”

Your chest deflates as she nods, but the ache was still tight around your heart. You wouldn’t believe her until her promise was executed.

“In return, I will send some of my men to your house. They’re going to confiscate any information you have on my presence here.” She leans closer again, keeping her eyes on you. “And if you utter a single word of conspiracy to anyone, I will know about it, and our deal is off.”

“You’ll remove the orders of Max’s removal?”

“I will.”

“Any tests have to be done with a guardian present.” You add, making her frown. “I want to make sure she’s safe.”

Kay finally stands from her seat. “That friend of yours wasn’t taken from the hospital, Y/n.”

You blink. “This isn’t about-”

“Eddie Munson is dead.” Her hands rests on the back of your chair, lips close to your ear. “I suggest you visit his grave. Let yourself mourn. It will do you some good.”

With that, she makes a motion with her hand to the door. It immediately opens, two soldiers entering the space and guiding you out of your chair and out of the room, your mind still spinning.

“You’ll need to call someone to sign you out.” You hear one of the men say. You mindlessly nod. You know the drill.

They relent you of your constraints briefly to let you pick up the phone. Before you start punching in numbers, you’re suddenly overwhelmed. Who the hell were you going to call?

Your first thought is to call Jonathan. He’s helped you out before, but you can’t guarantee he’ll pick up the phone now he’s technically living at the Wheelers with his mom and brother. He probably isn’t even there. And he’d be with Nancy regardless, which meant neither of them would be answering.

You couldn’t call Karen, she’d be far too inquisitive about what you’ve done to get here. You hate lying to her, especially since she’s always treated you like family. But you couldn’t just blurt out a spiel about monsters and conspiracies if you didn’t want her to think you’re crazy.

Hopper wasn’t an available option. He was supposed to be dead, after all.

You know who you should call. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to pick you up from the station, which would make it so much worse.

With a sigh, you punch in the numbers you learnt a couple of months ago, and silently beg for Robin to pick up.

She didn’t.

“WSQK, this is Steve speaking.”

You bite your lip, eyes squeezing shut.

Robin and Steve were once again employed. A decision they weren’t entirely pleased about, but to take control of the town’s radio station was a blessing. It ensured you could communicate at all times, which is what you reminded them when they groaned about how early they were getting up to start a broadcast.

You only said it should be them since they were a package deal. Something you had conveniently forgotten about when you dialled WSQK expecting to hear a different voice.

“Hello? Anyone there?”

“It’s me.” You finally say, and you hear the uplifted tone of his voice, making you feel even guiltier.

“Y/n, hey! Wasn’t expecting you to… uh… why are you calling? You’re not cancelling, are you?”

It was a Friday, which meant tonight you’d be watching a movie marathon, like you have done for the past nine months now. It was weirdly a priority to you now, a ritual you desperately needed so you could pretend for an evening that everything was completely normal.

“No, um… I actually needed to speak to Robin.”

You tried to sound casual, but he can hear it in your voice, his own dropping low.

“What’s wrong?” Steve was scarily good at reading you.

“Nothing, I just need to tell Robin something about this-“

“Y/n.”

You stay silent, eyeing the impatient glare from the soldier standing beside you, hands ready to snap the cuffs back on as soon as you relent the phone from your clutches.

“Where are you?”

“The station.” You finally say, shoulders dropping in shame.

“Wha-“

“Police… station.”

He doesn’t reply for a while, and if it wasn’t from the softness of his breath on the line, you’d have thought he’d hung up on you.

“Give me ten minutes.” He says, before the phone cuts out and you have to return it to the wall with a guilty heart, waiting for Steve to come save you once again.

He got there in five.

You get escorted out with handcuffs still around you. The soldier, the one who interrogated you, was rougher than he should have been.

“Hey, watch it.” Steve had warned, while you bit back a sarcastic remark to the man in uniform when you’re finally freed. You mindlessly rub your wrists as you follow Steve out of the building.

“Fucking hell.” He breathes out, eyes drawing to the faint red marks on your wrists. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” You quickly return your hands to your side, avoiding his eyes. “Just a bruised ego.”

He stares at you then, frowning.

“I know what you’re gonna say.”

“No you don't-"

You clear your throat. “Again, Y/n? This is the fourth time I’ve had to drag your ass out of that station because you’ve pissed people off you shouldn’t have. I thought we talked about this, I don’t wanna see you get hurt. Why do you keep doing this?”

Your impression of him is bewildering, making his eyebrows raise. He coughs. Running a hand through his hair.

“Okay. Maybe you got the gist of it.”

“I’m sorry, Steve."

“I just- I thought you weren’t…” He looks down at you, eyes filled with worry. A look you were growing to hate. “I thought you were stopping with the investigating. Or at least until the military’s off your back.”

“This wasn’t about Eddie.”

“Then why-“

“It’s about Max.”

“Max?”

Once you got into the car, you told him everything, from Susan’s teary eyes to Kay’s venomous glare. You wanted to conveniently leave out the part where you essentially went on a hospital rampage demanding answers, but there was no use keeping secrets from Steve. He’d always figure you out eventually.

“Are they-”

“Max is staying.” You say, leaning back. “I may have… threatened to leak some information if they did.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, safe to say they’re not taking it lightly.” You grimace as Steve pulls out of the parking lot. “Looks like I’m on lockdown for a couple of weeks. Maybe months, if they don’t get distracted.”

Steve’s eyes flash to yours. “But… the crawls. There’s only one gate left we can access, and we have to do it tonight. We need you.”

“I can’t let anything happen to her, Steve. Not again.”

His hands tighten around the steering wheel, a soft frown creasing his forehead. He couldn’t argue with you here. You did what you always did; you risked yourself to save your loved one. And it wasn’t as if you could take it all back.

You watch the town around you for a while, head gently resting against the window. Ten months later, and everyone was walking around like nothing had happened. As if they didn’t notice the men patrolling the streets with guns strapped to their backs, or the cameras being installed to every lampost like you were all prisoners. Which, you were. No one in and out of the border unless it was supplies or emergencies.

It made you feel sick, if anything. You were all trapped.

The ache in your chest was still present, a pressure that was slowly pushing into your lungs, soon to be your heart. You thought about Kay’s words, frowning. You would never take her advice, but it had been bugging you for a while.

“Hey, um, can you drop me off at the graveyard?”

Steve’s eyes widened at your request. “The graveyard? Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” You shrug, arms folding over yourself. “I’m not ready to go home yet.”

You could sense his hesitancy, but he turned down the next street all the same.

“I’ll pick you up in like, thirty, okay?” Steve promises, head poking out of the window as your feet hit the soft grass below, turning to his voice. “I said I’d transport some supplies over to the station. And, lucky me, Jonathan’s gonna be right there beside me.”

You roll your eyes at his sarcastic comment, smirking. “I don’t need a babysitter, Harrington.”

“Sorry, what?” He pretends not to hear you, settling back into your seat as his engine roars back to life. “Didn’t quite get that, I’ll pick you up later!”

He speeds off before you can argue, leaving a dumbfounded smile on your face.

A smile that soon saddened among the tombstones surrounding you. There were names that were aging with their final date, and some names you could never forget.

People that were buried because of the Upside Down. Some because of you.

They weren’t who you were looking for.

The dirt stains your jeans as you kneel down, staring at a name you’d read and written a million times over the last ten months. You noticed the faint red smudges that had hidden in the crevices of the engraved stone, biting your lip.

You never did manage to clear his name.

“I’ve never been able to catch them doing this.” You say aloud, brushing your fingers over the stone like you could rub away the evidence. “I just clean it up. So does Dustin. He misses you.”

The tears found your eyes quicker than expected, and you slumped back onto the soles of your feet.

“I really miss my King of the Freaks, Eds.” You cry, staring at his name. It didn’t feel real. You were sure it wasn’t.

Three months after he was taken from the hospital, his body had been found just outside of the Hawkins border.

Or, more conveniently, something that looked like him had been found. They hadn’t let you close enough to the supposed body to find out, but you already knew the truth. Another cover-up.

His uncle Wayne had to identify the body. You imagined he must have been so struck with grief that he wouldn’t have asked questions. He’d already been assuming the worst since Dustin claimed he had disappeared. 

You haven’t seen Wayne since the funeral. There were so many moments where you wanted to tell him the truth. Your nephew is alive. The government is hiding him, and I’m going to find out where. After Wayne’s eulogy, you decided against it.

But you did keep looking for Eddie. Still are, if only more covertly now. You’d been threatened more times by military officials than you can count, only evading the full heat of their powerful position because they knew people would notice if you were suddenly the one that disappeared.

Eddie Munson is alive. You’re sure of it.

“Where are you?” You whisper into the stone, gripping it like it would snap in half and release his soul.

join me

Your head snaps up, the wind whistling past your ears. Something had spoken, but what?

follow me

A sharp tug pains your chest, your hand flying to fist at your jacket with a harsh gasp. You were definitely hearing voices. But it wasn’t Vecna.

There’s a strange sensation that floods your body, your bones feeling tired. It wasn’t completely unfamiliar.

The military have been working to seal the gates that split Hawkins open for a while now. They had run into some issues; sometimes monsters that attempted to escape, other times it was the confusing turn of events when the gate would change size. Nevertheless, they made progress.

With each gate sealed, you’ve noticed how different you’ve started feeling. Weaker. You figured it was the power the Mind Flayer gave you slowly diminishing as the connection strained, like it has done before.

Then the aches in your chest started becoming more frequent, and you had to get creative with the causes for that. Anxiety. Guilt. Grief.

Now, as you curl in on yourself in the middle of the cemetery, you understand it’s much more complicated than you had ever imagined.

The ache turns into scorching pain, and you can feel your heart slowing. It was getting harder to breathe. The scars on your upper stomach were burning like the wounds were reopening.

find me

The voices were starting to take control. Writhing, you stumbled forward, away from the graves, further down the hill. You weren’t sure where you were going, you only knew that the pain wouldn’t stop until you followed the voices to the end.

And when you cling onto a nearby tree for support, you start to finally understand.

The last gate beyond military borders was pulsing a bright shade of crimson. It was beckoning you, whispering softly. And you didn’t have a choice.

Reality hit before your fingers brushed the seal, a plague of dread stiffening your bones. You don’t remember much. There was a surge of energy in your hands and arms, a strain on your muscles. The red glow was slowly dimming, sealing-

The gate was closing by itself.

As it sews itself back together, the pain becomes unbearable. It felt like your entire chest was bleeding, but the blood never seeped through your shirt.

You stumble as far away from the gate as possible, back towards the graveyard, hoping Steve had already returned.

You didn’t make it far.

The legs you stood on trembled before you finally crashed into the dirt, hands shaking as you clutch at your chest. The spots in your vision were growing darker, flashes of dust swarming below your eyelids.

“Y/n!”

“Shit- Y/n!”

You can hear Steve and Jonathan’s muffled voices rushing over to you, but you never see them. Everything was far too dark, your chest blasting with bitterness every time your heart pounded. It felt like you were dying. Maybe you were. The voice whispering in your ear was all you had left when every part of your body slowly shut down.

together soon

As the last gate sealed, so did any hope for life.

chapter one: coming soon

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He slept on the couch. The first morning you’d found him there, curled under a throw blanket, his hair smashed against the cushion, you’d just stared. He’d woken under your gaze, his eyes flying open, instantly ashamed.

“The bed’s yours,” he’d said, his voice rough with sleep. “I’m fine here.”

You didn’t argue. The bed felt like a concession. The couch felt like a sentence he’d imposed on himself, and you were too tired to grant a pardon.

The kindness was the worst part. It was so gentle, so achingly considerate, it made the memory of his cruelty feel like a fever dream.

He showed up at your job on your lunch break with a bag from your favourite diner—your usual order, correct down to the extra fries on the side—muttered, "Thought you might be hungry," and was gone before you could thank him.

He re-painted the entire kitchen, because you'd mentioned offhand months ago that you hated the colour. You came home to the smell of fresh paint, the furniture draped in sheets, and Steve covered in eggshell white stains. He just shrugged, wiping his hands on a rag. "It needed it."

It's the new way he looks at you that undoes you. Not with anger or even sadness, but with a kind of hushed, desperate reverence. He watches you the way someone might watch the only source of light in a power outage, terrified it might flicker out.

If you shift, his whole body would tense, ready to fetch, to fix, to serve. He's trying to care for you by memorising you, by anticipating every need before it could become a request.

It is love translated into a silent language of service, and it breaks your heart all over again.

The nightmare doesn't start with shouting. It starts with silence.

You're back in the living room, but it's all wrong. Everything is lopsided, tilted, cold. Steve stands over you, not with anger, but with a chilling, detached curiosity. He holds out a needle and a thread.

“You’re always so loud,” he says, his voice smooth as oil. “So messy. So needy. I’m just going to fix it.”

He leans down, cradling your chin, his touch clinical. You feel the sharp prick of the needle at the corner of your mouth. A searing pull as he begins to stitch your lips together.

“There,” he coos, as you try to scream and can't. “That’s better. Now you can just… absorb. Quietly.”

You wake with a soundless, gasping scream, tears already flooding your eyes, your hand flying to your mouth. Sobs rip through you, violent and shuddering, born from a terror deeper than any monster.

The bedroom door flies open.

Steve stands in the doorway, backlit by the hall light. His face is bone-white, his eyes wide with a terror that mirrors your own. He’s heard your scream in the quiet house.

He hears you.

For a heartbeat, you just stare at each other. You're terrified. He's terrified for you.

Then he’s moving. He approaches like you’re a spooked animal, his steps slow, his hands coming up, palms open and empty.

“Hey,” he breathes, the word scraped raw. “Hey, look at me. It’s Steve. It’s just me. You’re okay.”

You can’t stop crying. The sobs are ugly, wrenching things that steal your air. You press the heels of your hands against your eyes, as if you could push the nightmare back in.

He sinks to his knees beside the bed, the floorboards groaning. He’s close enough to touch, but he doesn’t. He just kneels there, his own breath coming in shaky gusts. “It was a dream,” he whispers, his voice thick. “Just a bad dream. You’re safe. You can talk. You can scream. I promise. Nothing... nothing's gonna hurt you, baby. No one. Especially not me. Not ever again.”

You shake your head, the tears coming harder now, a frustrated, terrified sound tearing from your throat. You pull your hands from your face, your fingers trembling as they brush your own lips, checking for stitches that aren’t there.

Steve watches the motion, confusion and concern deepening the lines on his face. He doesn’t understand. He just knows you’re terrified.

He wants to fix it. He wants to make you feel better.

“What happened?” he asks, his voice so soft it’s almost lost in the dark. “Can you tell me? Please. Let me help.”

The words are trapped behind the phantom feeling of thread. You open your mouth, but all that comes out is a fractured whisper. “You… you s-sewed…”

You can’t finish. You press your fingers to your mouth again, a fresh sob shuddering through you.

He goes perfectly still. For a second, he just stares, his brain scrambling to connect the words. You sewed. Your hand on your mouth. The abject, specific horror in your eyes.

Understanding hits him like a physical blow. All the colour drains from his face. He actually rocks back, a hand flying to his own mouth as if to stifle a gag.

“No,” he chokes out, the word a shattered thing. “Oh, god. No, no, no.” He reaches for you then, but aborts the movement, his hand curling into a fist against his chest. He looks utterly destroyed. “I… in your dream? I did that?”

You can only nod, crying in earnest now, the awful image seared behind your eyelids.

A broken sound escapes him. He bows his head, his shoulders shaking. “I’m so sorry,” he rasps, the apology now aimed at this new, unspeakable crime. “I’m so sorry my… my anger put that in your head. That’s a nightmare. That’s a monster.”

Steve lifts his gaze, his eyes swimming with tears. “That’s not me. I swear to you, that’s not who I am. I would never silence you. Your voice… it’s everything.”

He uncurls his fist and slowly, so slowly, reaches out. He doesn’t touch your mouth. He gently takes the hand you have pressed there and brings it down, holding it between both of his.

“See?” he whispers, his thumbs stroking over your knuckles. “No thread. Just you. Your hands. Your voice is yours. Always.”

He leans his forehead against your mattress, his breath warm through the blanket. “Can I hold you?” he pleads, his voice muffled. "Please, angel, I'd rather cut out my own heart than hurt you ever again."

You know that. You can feel it, with all of your heart.

You’re shivering, drained, the line between the dream and his kneeling, shattered form blurring. You nod.

The relief that floods him is palpable. He moves onto the bed, not lying down but sitting back against the headboard. He opens his arms. You crawl into them, and he gathers you close, tucking you against his chest, wrapping the blanket around you both.

“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmurs into your hair, his voice a low, steady vow. “I’ve got you, honey. The dream is gone. It’s not real. This is real."

Steve begins to rock you, a slow, gentle sway. One hand cups the back of your head, his fingers stroking through your hair. The other rubs slow, soothing circles on your back.

“I’d cut my own tongue out,” he whispers, his lips brushing your temple. “I’d cut my own tongue out to take back what I said. To erase that dream from your head, sweetheart, I'd do anything."

His voice is thick with tears, but it’s steady. It’s a promise.

“You’re so brave, sweetheart. So good. And I… I hurt you. I put that fear in you. And I am so, so sorry. But I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here to keep all the bad things away. Especially the bad things that look like me.”

He holds you for a long time, rocking you, murmuring a stream of soft, heartfelt reassurances. “My sweet girl. My brave, beautiful girl. You’re safe. I’ve got you. I’ll always be here. However you’ll have me.”

Slowly, your shivering stops. Your tears slow, then stop, leaving you hollowed out and heavy. He rubs at your temple. You feel tears drop into your hair. His tears.

“Try to sleep, my love,” he whispers. “I’ll be right here. I’ll be here when you wake up. And I’ll make you pancakes in the morning. The smiley-face kind, with blueberries for the eyes. And we'll talk, okay? I promise.”

Steve presses one last, lingering kiss to your hair. “Sweet dreams, angel. Only sweet ones. I’m keeping watch.”

Exhaustion, deeper than any sleep, pulls you under. You don’t fight it. Cradled in his arms, surrounded by his whispered promises, you finally let go.

And this time, you dream of him. The boy with the soft eyes, holding your hand, building you a smiley-face pancake, loving you in every way he knows how.

———

SEASON ONE.

chapter one - the vanishing of will byers

summary: you bump into your irritating ex boyfriend and his clan of idiots, finds out will byers is missing, babysit dustin who ends up being the bane of your existence and find a little girl in the woods. overall, a casual day for you.

chapter two - the weirdo on maple street

summary: you watch your ex flirt with nancy wheeler, find out something very interesting about the little girl from the woods and have an uncomfortable dinner with the wheeler’s and the kids. your ex boyfriend calls you and you can’t help but have a conversation with him.

chapter three - holly, jolly

summary: you find out about steve and nancy having sex with ends in a blowout between you and him, but when your dad comes home with news on will none of that seems important.

chapter four - the body

summary: the kids have news on will, you bond with el, mike asks too many personal questions and you find out someone else has gone missing. you and steve have a heart to heart but it leaves you feeling even worse.

chapter five - the flea and the acrobat

summary: will’s funeral commences but the kids tell you he’s still alive, you just can’t get to him yet. you have a conversation with your old science teacher and dustin notices something’s wrong with the compasses. a fight breaks out between mike and lucas and you lose el. steve drops you home and is the kindest he’s been in months, your mom calls leaving you in despair.

chapter six - the monster

summary: you and the boys visit lucas, but he’s not up for joining you in the hunt for el. steve has some nasty things to say to jonathon and you’re not impressed. in better news, you find el safe and uninjured. now you just have to find will.

chapter seven - the bathtub

summary: lucas warns you about the ‘bad men’ and all of you meet up, el throws a van with her mind and the kids finally make up. your dad shows up saves you and all of you are finally reunited. el can find will in the bathtub so you head to the school and set up; giving her an option to leave. you find out will is alive and joyce and your dad take off to find him. nancy, you and jonathon have a plan of your own.

chapter eight - the upside down

summary: after setting up and waiting for the demogorgon, steve decides to turn up. after the fight, you head to the hospital and get to see will; but find out el didn’t make it. steve and you talk and you decide to think with your head rather than your heart.

IN BETWEEN.

the return

summary: hopper has a surprise for you hidden in his cabin and you’re thrilled with what it is. your life just got a whole lot more complicated.

movie blues

summary: you and steve bump into one another and try to be ‘friends’, you come to the conclusion that you’re not sure you can be his friend.

SEASON TWO.

chapter nine - mad max

summary: you meet the new kid, billy hargrove, avoid steve like your life depends on it and get invited to tina’s ‘halloween bash’.

chapter ten - trick or treat, freak

summary: you go tina’s ‘halloween bash’ and make some drunken mistakes, you and steve are back to not getting along and your dad for the first time ever acts soft after you’ve annoyed him.

chapter eleven - the pollywog

summary: you’re too hungover to deal with el and hopper’s arguing and gym class. you have an altercation with billy and learn just how awfully he takes rejection and then you bump into a very worried joyce byers.

chapter twelve - will the wise

summary: will’s having the worst time of his life, you stick around with joyce to take care of him. he draws what he’s seeing and your dad decides to take off on his own when he discovers what the drawings are; typical men.

chapter thirteen - dig dug

summary: will tells you some worrying news about your dad and you decide to go out and look for him on your own, but that ends up with you bumping into steve and dustin and being dragged into dustin’s problem.

chapter fourteen - the spy

chapter fifteen - the mind flayer

chapter sixteen - the gate