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Kara’s jealous of Lena’s relationship with James. What happens when she learns what’s really been going on?
Kara regrets ever telling Lena to date James. At the time, she thought it would be bad of her as a friend to not support Lena, but dear Rao, she hates seeing them together.
It’s been months of them dating. Lena doesn’t share a lot about their relationship to Kara, or to anyone for that matter. They seem happy, or at least comfortable with one another, but something about seeing them together irks at the Kryptonian.
And to be honest, it’s more than just Kara having feelings for Lena. At first, Kara thought jealousy skewed her perception; that she was looking for issues where there were none. She’s come to terms with the fact that she’ll always love Lena, that Lena will never care for her back, but she cannot let go of the nagging thought that something was wrong about Lena dating James.
When Kara first met Lena, James was one of the staunchest opposers to their budding friendship. Even a year later when Lena purchased CatCo, James was more than weary of not only her last name, but her presence in general.
Then, all of the sudden, James is attracted to Lena? Wanting to date her as if he had not vehemently rejected even the very idea of her, minimized her individuality, labeling her as just another Luthor.
It makes no sense. Illogical in every form of the word, but Kara bit her tongue, trying to be the best friend she could to both parties.
It isn’t until Lena starts pulling away from Kara that she actually begins to watch how James and Lena interact.
At CatCo, it’s very professional. They don’t spend extended amounts of time alone and Lena certainly doesn’t play favorites. One of Lena’s main concerns before they started dating was the fact that she is James’s boss, so this makes sense.
I assume it’s the same at L-Corp. I mean, I’ve never seen or heard James there apart from when he was supposed to look in Lena’s vault.
Speaking of the vault, damn did Kara screw that situation up. She should’ve just trusted that Lena didn’t have any more kryptonite. She should’ve trusted her reason for why she had kryptonite. The PTSD from previous exposure has certainly clouded her mind a bit. She knew Lena had never wanted to hurt her and yet, she let her emotions lead her. Sending Guardian to essentially break in was her most reckless act of jealousy to date. It drove a bigger wedge between Supergirl and the youngest Luthor that Kara fears they’ll never recover from.
It’s right after this debacle that Lena begins to cancel movie nights and lunches out with Kara. It’s gradual at first. Kara knows the CEO is much too busy to make it to every one of their plans, and on more than one occasion, Kara herself has had to call for a rain check. But when the rescheduled dates turn into cancellations and rejections, Kara does start to take it personally.
It has to be me, right? She still comes to game nights and out to drink once in a while, but it’s like she doesn’t leave James’s side.
The blonde sees an opening one evening while the brunette is refilling glasses in the kitchen. While the others are busy arguing over what game to play next, Kara slips into the kitchen, leaning against the counter next to Lena.
Kara isn’t quite sure how to start the conversation. She stands there for a moment picking at her fingers before blurting out a rushed, “Are you okay?”
The brunette pauses in her reach for another bottle of beer. It’s the only indication in her body language that Lena has heard her.
“I’m fine,” she says plainly, resuming her task.
“Are…are we okay?” Kara asks next.
“What do you mean? Of course we’re okay,” she replies dismissively.
“I dont, I mean… did I do something to offend you?”
Lena must see something she doesn’t like in Kara’s pleading eyes. Her shoulders loosen and she breathes out a soft sigh.
“I haven’t meant to be distant. It’s just…James made some comments about me not spending enough time with him. I’ve been trying to make it up, but in the process I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry, Kara. Truly.”
Lena sounds apologetic and Kara can’t really fault her. She’s been in that position before with Mon-el; wanting to please a partner can sometimes make maintaining other relationships difficult for a time.
“It’s okay; I understand. Don’t worry about it,” Kara assured her, laying a hand on Lena’s arm for a moment before helping her carry the drinks back to the living room.
I should just be patient. It’s only been a few months; everything will go back to normal soon.
It’s been two more months, and somehow Kara feels the situation has gotten worse. Lena has just become plain dodgy. She hardly accepts Kara’s calls, answers texts vaguely, and on the rare occasion she sees her in person, it’s only been with James wrapped around her.
Kara tries to mind her business, knowing it can be intrusive to listen in on people’s private conversations. Yet, she doesn’t need super hearing or x-ray visions to see how tense her friends always seem.
James puts on the cool guy exterior; calm, collected, confident. But Kara can pick up micro expressions even the most trained specialists couldn’t decipher. The looks were usually in relation to Lena. Whether it be her jobs, businesses, opinions, or her family, James always seemed to be irked by her.
She hated every second of seeing them together. It reminds her of the start of her friendship with Lena; James vehemently opposed to Kara befriending the young Luthor.
Every time the thought crossed her mind, she feels her heart beat increasing and a minimal tinge of heat vision creeping behind her eyes. Many glasses have been the victim of her temper lately. More than once, she’s had to excuse herself from group settings to cool down.
Alex thinks it’s just Kara being overprotective, that she’s reading too much into it and being too sensitive. But Kara knows in her heart that James and Lena aren’t right for one another. She doesn’t want to overstep by inquiring about it with Lena (that’s if she would even give me the time of day to talk), so she watches as the love of her life slowly fades from her reach into the arms of another, praying to Rao Lena will return to her one day.
Though it has been several weeks and the Children of Liberty have gone underground for now, Kara is still reeling from her near-death experience on Shelly Island. She felt such undeniable rage at James for getting them both in that situation. She may have accepted his apology, but her trust in him is broken indubitably.
The moment James dawned the mantle of Guardian, Kara knew it would never work out. It was clear he felt inferior, that he needed the adrenal rush of danger to feel like he was making a difference.
This is exactly why I didn’t want humans acting as vigilantes.
Kara tries to keep her “god complex”, as Lena so eloquently said, in check. It’s not her place to police humans, but dear Rao, has is been more of a hassle to have another vigilante in the mix.
Not only has he been more of a hindrance in the field, now that he’s making headlines by revealing his identity and essentially co-signing the Children of Liberty, he’ll never be fully safe. If not for Lena, he would’ve been charged and arrested.
He hasn’t even thought about his friends and family. About Lena. It would be more than easy for the public to associate his alliance with the Children of Liberty and their anti-alien rhetoric with the Luthors. Hadn’t Lex put her through enough? Hadn’t he seen how his actions could be a trigger for Lena?
It’s incredibly hard for Kara to remain impartial. To keep her thoughts to herself as everyone else goes on about their lives while hers remains stagnant.
Now that she has a better handle of her duties as a reporter and a hero, she is able to better manage her time when she gets to be just Kara. With her group of friends being pulled in so many directions, and without Lena to spend a lot of one on one time with, she’s beginning to pick up hobbies she once had to set aside in favor of being Supergirl.
Kara busies herself painting at human speed. It’s a calming ritual that helps her to unwind after especially hard days as a hero, or trying days as a reporter.
She focuses on the color theory of her work, deciding which shade of maroon best complements the beryl eyes of her muse. Just as she goes to mix the next set of colors on a clean palette, there is a knock at the door.
I wonder who that could be.
Kara rises from the stool by the window, turning her easel to face the wall before crossing the room to open the door.
The sight that greets her is unexpected. Lena stands in front of her, tears streaming down her red face. Her nose is running, cheeks blotchy, and hair loose. Kara’s never seen her quite so distraught.
“Hey, what’s wrong?!” Kara asks worriedly. Lena only sobs in response, raising a hand to cover her mouth as if surprised by her own response.
Kara ushers her inside, trying to think of a reason for why Lena could be crying so profusely. Closing the door behind her, Kara reaches toward Lena to comfort her. Just as her hand makes contact with Lena’s arm, the brunette jerks away violently holding her arm across her chest. Her eyes are crazed, open wide and bloodshot.
Kara doesn’t know what to do. She’s never had to help someone so hysterical. “Lena, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
“N—no. I’m sorry,” she cries backing away until she hits the wall.
Kara takes two steps back. She hold her hands out in front of her, trying not to come off as a threat.
“Breathe, Lena,” she instructs. “You have to calm down.”
Lena tries to slow her breathing, but she can’t catch her breath. All she can hear is the yelling, the snide remarks about her name, feel the press of the wall against her back and hands tight on her arms.
“Lena. Lena! Look at me, baby, can I come closer?” Kara just wants to wrap the brunette in her arms, but she knows from experience that too much too fast can be detrimental in moments like this.
She waits for Lena to answer, to give just one sign of acknowledgment to Kara’s request. All she receives is a jolted nod of acceptance before the brunette is slipping onto the floor. Kara walks closer slowly, approaching her friend like a scared animal. When she is just two feet from the brunette, she drops to her knees.
She whimpers, face twisted in fear.
What in Rao’s name happened to her?
“Look, match my breathing.” The reporter begins a round of exaggerated breaths, trying to get Lena to breathe in and out with her. It works marginally; Lena finds the rhythm but the breaths are too shaky to be providing any real comfort.
Kara inches closer on her knees, “Good, you’re doing so well, baby. Here, put your hand on my chest. That’s it; good girl.” Her voice is low and soothing, words infused with a calm she herself doesn’t even feel right now.
Lena reaches out with a trembling hand to rest her palm against the hero’s chest. Kara notes that the arm she reached for earlier is still clutched tightly to the CEO’s chest, as if protecting an injury. Kara covers the hand against her chest with her own. She holds it there lightly to showcase the cadence of her own breathing. Her thumb rubs soothing circles against the soft skin of Lena’s hand.
They sit there, cramped on the floor of Kara’s loft for quite some time. When Lena finally catches her breath, her hand tightens on the collar of Kara’s sweater, using the hold to pull herself into Kara’s chest.
The blonde opens her arms for the crying woman, allowing her to crawl into her lap. The shorter woman tucks her head into Kara’s neck, legs pressed tightly to her own chest. She crowds herself into Kara small, small, small, as if she alone could block out the horrors of the world.
The brunette shakes her head, apparently not ready to speak. Her sobs have hushed to a silent stream of tears falling down her cheeks, but the blonde can still hear the erratic beat of her heart. Kara wraps her arms around the smaller woman, holding her close but not tight enough to constrict.
“I’m gonna stand, okay? Just going to the couch. It’s more comfortable.”
Kara positions Lena better so that she can stand. The hold is awkward with Lena balled up as she is, but it’s no real trouble for the girl of steel. Lena holds tighter, seemingly ready for the short travel to the couch. Kara lowers herself slowly, rather than plopping as she usually does. The reporter sits there, murmuring quiet assurances to Lena. Before long, she feels the body in her arms going limp. Checking her heart, the hero finds it steady, the lub-dub much calmer than when she first arrived.
Kara doesn’t dare to move, wanting to allow Lena the chance to rest after her ordeal. Many scenarios cross Kara’s mind. There isn’t much that truly shakes Lena. When the brunette whimpers, Kara starts to card her fingers through dark locks. She immediately calms under Kara’s gentle caress.
She sleeps for a while longer. Kara continues her ministrations even once Lena rouses. The hero hears her breathing change, but she doesn’t speak until Lena does.
“I’m sorry,” she says into Kara’s chest. Her voice in muffled against the soft material of Kara’s paint-spattered sweater.
“Coming here. I didn’t mean to disrupt your evening, especially after I neglected your text to hang out.”
“Lena, I don’t care about that. You are always welcome here,” Kara assures.
Lena doesn’t reply. She just lays in the safety of her best friend’s arms. Kara allows her a moments peace before addressing the obvious elephant in the room.
Her voice remains calm and even, “Lena, tell me what’s wrong.”
“Did something happen today?”
“Lena. You have to work with me here. I know something is wrong. I want to help you, but you have to let me in,” the reporter admonishes lightly, “I want to help you, in any way you need. You just have to let me in.”
A shaky exhale escapes the scientist before she removes her head from Kara’s chest. Her eyes never meet the blondes, but she can absolutely feel her pointed stare as she rolls up the sleeve of her left arm.
The purpling bruises painting her alabaster skin look worse in the hours following their placement. They trail up her arm in ribbons of finger prints. Kara is silent, but Lena feels her body tense into the hardness of a rock.
The brunette glances up at the tanned face of her friend. The first thing she notices is the absence of Kara’s trademark glasses. From her position, she can’t see the entirety of her face, but the hard set of the reporters jaw indicates a great deal of anger. Blue eyes remain focused on Lena’s arm, her free hand moving to trace one mark carefully.
The infliction of her voice, it’s so…familiar. It doesn’t sound like the soft upbeat tone the bubbly blonde usually has. The timbre is husky, a low gruff that has the potential scare Lena if it was directed at her.
“Lena. Tell me who did this,” Kara repeats, turning her head so that stormy blue meet glassy green.
Features she’s memorized over the last three years look off. There is something about Kara in this moment that clashes with the image in her mind. Lena doesn’t answer her; only continues to search Kara’s face for the inconsistencies her mind is fighting to recognize.
Kara is growing impatient, she wants to make whoever did this to her beloved pay. She moves her hand to Lena’s jaw, pulling her closer ever so gently. Only inches remain between the two.
“Tell me who hurt you, please,” she whisperers. It’s so soft compared to her tone just a moment ago. A gentle breeze following the tempest of her earlier pleas.
Mismatched eyes flutter closed, silent tears leaking slowly. The broken explanation she delivers is hushed, voice cracking and devolving into choked whimpers every so often.
“He got so upset; angry. I told him it wasn’t right. That he was endangering so many with this facade. He didn’t care; accosted me for not siding with him. I went to leave and he grabbed me. It startled me. All I could see was Lex’s angry face spitting in mine as he raved about aliens and their inferiority, Lillian slapping me for misbehaving, Lionel…”
Kara can’t bear to hear the rest. She places her forehead on Lena’s, pulling the brunette back into the safety of her own body. The urge she has to protect Lena calls to a violent part of herself that she hadn’t experienced since being poisoned with Red Kryptonite all those years ago.
“Shhh. I got you. I’ll fix it. Tell me who did this and I’ll make sure it never happens again.”
The whimpering CEO spits out the answer as if it burned her tongue with its utterance, “J—James.”
He’s finally crossed the line.
There are a lot of things Kara isn’t proud of. Not making it to Earth to raise Kal-el, hiding her alien-ness, failing to observe the all the Kryptonian rites and holidays she’s missed over the last 14 years on Earth. In this moment, she regrets two things more than all the others combined: hiding her identity to Lena, and not putting a stop to this relationship sooner.
Lena feels like her heart has stopped. Her emerald eyes shoot open to stare directly into icy blue. There was only one other time, one other person, who she heard that desperate mention from. This can’t be happening. What the fuck have I gotten myself into.
“S-supergirl?” She stutters, mouth falling open minutely. The pieces connect like a puzzle, fitting in seamlessly with countless memories and quotes: how she could effortlessly carry Lena across the room, the voice, all the excuses to leave lunch early, even “I flew here…on a bus.”
She tries to untangle herself from the hero, but Kara’s strength holds her pretty much in place. “God, I’m an idiot. You… you lied to me! Was this all fake; part of a plan? Did you know this would happen?!” Lena is crying in earnest, voice pitched high and a tremble of fear underneath the thin veil of anger.
“No! I would never do that; you know me, Lena—“
“No I don’t!” She protests, but they fall on deaf ears. She continues her struggle against the impenetrable blonde, becoming erratic at the feeling of being trapped, “Let me go! Let me go!”
Kara gently deposits the woman on the couch. She kneels before her, hands on the couch bracketing both sides of her thighs. “Okay, okay. Please, just listen to me. I was going to tell you. But I got scared. You were already so distant because of James; I didn’t want you be leave me. I’m sorry I lied. I thought I was protecting you.”
Lena immediately protests the statement, “How could you be protecting me? I was already in danger; I have been since the moment I met the Luthors.”
“It feels like every time someone else finds out, everyone who knows becomes open to more danger. I don’t want that. Especially for you.”
Tears still fall, but their flow turns from raging rapids into steady streams. “Why are you saying this? You told me you wouldn’t trust a Luthor with your name.”
“Yes you did! You were angry at me, and you said it to be cruel.”
“Lee, I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t! I was hurt, and I lashed out. I’m sorry,” Kara says placing her hands into Lena’s knees and leaning up into her space.
“Don’t lie to me.” She whispers brokenly. The day has been too long, too hard. The earnestness in Kara’s eyes is alluring. So different from the spark of hate and loathing James’s had earlier. The fight drains out of her when the Super presses their foreheads together.
“I’ll never do it again. I’ll tell you everything: about me, about Krypton, how I got to Earth. Khap vrreiahv vo rrip, i shokh nim i.”
I promise to you, my truth is yours.
Lena’s face feels wet, but she doesn’t know if it’s her tears or Kara. “I—I can’t trust you,” she whimpers, voice choked and mouth dry.
“You don’t have to. I wouldn’t deserve it even if you did. I promised to protect you, and I failed. Just let me help you,” Kara avows, running the tip of her nose along Lena’s, around her regal cheek bones and to the shell of her ear.
“I’ll fix this,” she pledges, “You are my everything.”
The brunette sinks down, holding herself to Kara with her uninsured arm as tightly as she can. “Don’t hurt me. I can’t bear it.”
Kara hugs her back, pressing kiss after kiss to Lena’s dark unruly hair, “Never again, Lena. I’ll take care of you. Khap vrreiahv.”
