Secret Garden

23:31

Babe, nearly a year aku tak tulis apa2 kat tumblr. Seems like life going good? No way. There is too many ups and down. Aku je yg takde masa nak jot down kat sini. I start new job on last March. Early ramadhan. Been thinking to fully utilise my ramadhan, but, I need the money. Alhamdulillah financial got more stable now. I rent a good room in a nice house. Kat kl babe. City centre. Never imagine I am back to city centre and life there. Let's bertahan for a couple of month, then let's going back to kg. I love nature more. No doubt. But, I need the money to be financially free.

The job make more anxious and more busier. Like, I have no me time. Last week I melalak dlm kete waktu otw to tioman. Of course, without no-one knowing. That's my core kot. Stress nak mampus, the boss yg high demand. I wish I can get married, be a faithful wife, melawa, pergi gym, travel and habiskan duit shuben je. Of course, shuben must be handsome, bijak, kaya dan beriman.

Seriously penat menyara diri and jadi perempuan independent. Semoga aku dapat lah suami yg best cepat2. Nk ibadah dan travel sesama.

This week less workload. Maybe because I already terrer and catch up everything. So, keje jadi cepat siap. Tapi suddenly, I got flu today. Badan dedor. I is so gerammmmm. Kenapa time weekend mesti demam. Weekend lah time nk gi berjimba dan jalan2.

Aku tengah amek short course. Data analyst. Hopefully can broaden my career for better financial. I need to see aurora dan go for hajj with my parents soonest possible.

Weii, aku geram..aku dah jumpa someone yg pandai, hensem, alim, umur baya aku, good family background, tapi tulah dia dah kahwin. Toooo late. Memang bukan jodoh lah. Tapi tulah, wife dia pun sekufu, doktor and sangat cantik. Alim juga. I have a huge gap. Takpelah, Alhamdulillah. Seronok tengok orang lain seronok. Tak jeles pun. Alhamdulillah dah matang. Like seriously, ikhlas. I okay je tau babe. No worries. I think sebab nk reach 40 ni, memang hidup tenang skit. Tak huru hara maxam dulu.

Cumanya, aku berharap dapat ti mngkatkan ibadah. Skrg ni sgt lah jarang, menjaga ibadah dgb baik. Tahajud tu..lagilah sedih.

Ni pun, tak solat isyak lagi. Jomlah mengadu dgn Allah. See you soon babe.

Semoga aku rajin utk tulis tulis lagi next time. Aku sayang betul tumblr ni. Dah lama dah aku join. Since 2010 rasanya.

It's like macam ada lopong ruang kosong. Amnesia maybe. Tapi aku bukan jenis lupa pada memories dan masa. Okey, clumsy hilangkan lupa letak barang kat mana, tu lain. Itu perangai lewa aku. Lain. Totally Lain with what I'm feeling rigth now.

Semalam, aku terjaga dari tido, and I'm looking something beside me, buat I don't know what it is. Usually I put my precious things/book around my bed. But, seriously aku tak ingat apa benda aku cari tu.

And before going to Pakistan, around May, ada benda yang aku looking forward, my driven motivation, but also, I don't know what it is. Aku jenis, akan tulis keep it in my notes, sebab aku tahu aku kadang2 pelupa untuk benda yang remeh, tapi dalam notes pun takde. Takkan lah ada orang delete notes aku.

Ya Allah, please return back my memories.

😭😭😭😭😭😭

19 July 2024

01:13

Bila aku stressless aku akan

1. Shopping barang kat shopee

2. Riki riki tiket flight.

3. Beranngan route travel

Spender pun kedekut nk beli,

Tp beli tiket flight ada duit pula kat ko.

In the earlier phase, I've been contemplating to get treatment because I know I can hold the ache.

Kitonyo bukan manja, skit skit nak gi klinik. But, right now, after several montah it's getting serious. Sometimes, I burst out because it too hurt..

Tambah sedih, minta tolong urut skit pun tak boleh. Its a back of my body where my hand can't touch it. Kat tulang belikat tu hah. Kalau tangan ku panjang, ku buat sendiri lah. All of this time pun, kalau sakit ke apa, I handle myself kot. I can't afford to wait until someone else care for me. Gi hospital sorang sorang pun dah banyak kali to get the treatment. Saja je nak rant kat sini. I need to write to release the sadness...and as a memori gak lah. Supaya one day nanti, I will remember this too shall pass gitu if u got another iman test.

18 Jan 2024

00.59 am