Beyond-my-thoughts

  Because I don’t want my soulmate to be all alone out there without me. – Guest Submission

I remember once hearing a 40 year old tell me she had been depressed since 15.

I was 14 at the time. And back then I thought to myself, "it can't really last that long, can it...?"

I'm 20 now, and I'm still as depressed as I was back then. And it doesn't seem to ever stop.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

But I was lost,

If anything,

And you walked right up like you knew me all my life,

Like “Oh there you are!”

You found me,

By chance,

Exactly where I shouldn’t be,

Exactly where you didn’t mean to be,

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way