Borderline Personality Disorder

1. It makes us more creative We are more creative when we take breaks, real breaks. There are two reasons. The first is that our brains get exhausted by thinking hard for long periods of time, and when that happens we stop making the connections between unusual ideas which are the source of creativity.

The second is that we are more creative when we have higher levels of dopamine floating around our bodies. Dopamine is a chemical released naturally in the body when we are relaxed and happy. The more dopamine we have, the more creative we are.So when we take ME time we actually return to work more creative.

2. It helps us make better decisions Every day we make lots of decisions, some big and some small, but all these decisions tire our brain. When our brain is tired it doesn’t work very well and it kinda runs out of decision making energy. If you keep on working and making decisions when your brain is exhausted you’ll likely make poor decisions.

So stop work, have some ME time and let your decision making brain recuperate.

3. It gets you unstuck Here’s a funny thing. The harder you try to find a solution to a problem the trickier it seems to be to find it. 

The trick is to let your subconscious find the answer to the problem. When we’re thinking hard about a problem we’re not letting our subconscious have a go. We’re actually getting in the way of solving the problem.

In fact the best thing to do when you are stuck is to stop thinking about the problem. So step away from your work, take some ME time, relax and let your subconscious whirr away in the background and find a solution.

4. It gives you perspective When we’re totally absorbed in the daily-do it’s hard to get perspective on our issues. So the little things (a nasty teacher, an abrupt customer, a snarky comment on Facebook, a phone call not returned) start to feel like a drama.

When this happens we need to get a bit of distance between ourselves and our issues. We need to step out of the detail, get a bit of clarity and remind ourselves of the bigger picture. Taking a bit of ME time is the perfect solution.

5. It gets you motivated again I think most of us get the occasional bout of slumpy-can’t-be-botheredness. Ugh, ugh, ugh. But funnily enough the best way to get back on top again is not to power on through but to take a break. Yup. Take a break. Few of us do this but it’s actually the quickest way to rediscover our motivation.

So the next time you’re feeling sluggish, take some me time and watch your energy bounce back.

6. Focus Did you know we are more productive after a break.  Our brains are not designed to focus hard on one thing for a long time so we don’t do it very well. Focussing takes willpower, and willpower depletes resulting in us making mistakes, becoming inefficient and generally feeling fed up! The only way to recharge willpower and get focussing again is to take a break. A good excuse for ME time, yes.

We. Need. Breaks. And the most productive breaks aren’t folding the studying, working, washing or making dinner, they are having a bit of ME time. Doing whatever relaxes and recharges YOU!

When your favorite person texts you first

When you get through a crisis without self harming

When you feel okay with yourself even for just a minute

Those whose voices are louder than your head - who tell you how beautiful you are more than you tell yourself you’re not

Friends who you rarely see, but when you do, nothing has changed

People who do the little things that matter - making you a cup of tea, reminding you about things you need to do, giving you change for the bus

They compliment you on things you thought nobody noticed

People who apologise when they have hurt you, and mean it

Friends who are honest with you when you have upset them, but will talk it through and forgive you instead of arguing

“Have you eaten today?” and “Are you home safe?” friends

Genuinely saying ‘I’m here if you need me’

  1 - If it feels wrong, don’t do it.

  2 - What? … Say exactly what you mean.

  3 - Don’t be a people pleaser.

  4 - Trust your instincts.

  5 - Never speak badly about yourself.

  6 - Never give up on your dreams.

  7 - Don’t be afraid to say NO.

  8 - Don’t be afraid to say YES.

  9 - Be Kind to yourself.

10 - Let go of what you can’t control.

11 - Stay away from drama and negativity.

i’ve been seeing a lot of topics like “how to deal with someone who has bpd” and it always bothers me, because there is basically no topics about how to deal if YOU have bpd. that’s why i’m making this post, in my opinion as someone who has bpd. feel free to leave other tips and comment!

buy a notepad and write about your emotions. in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), used a lot to help people with BPD, they tend to help others to regulate their emotions, basing on some principles, like:

identify and classify emotions; usually, people with BPD suffered/suffer from emotional abuse and it makes harder for us to have a knowledge about our feelings, since we never had someone to help us in this aspect. if you have hard times dealing with your emotions, you can create a special organization on your notepad, basing on: what just happened that could be a possibly trigger to your feeling? (EVEN IF IT’S SOMETHING MINOR, for example, if your friend replied to you in a different way, if you saw an image that made you feel uncomfortable); what are your physical symptoms about it? (for example, if you feel butterflies in your stomach, you are possibly anxious); what does this feeling make you want to do? (for example, if you feel like you want to hit something, you are possibly experiencing anger). and, also, try to identify your primary and secondary emotions, for example, if a friend forgets about an event that you would go together, first you may feel anger, but this anger can be followed by frustation or sadness (secondary emotions).

how to “change” your emotions; after writing about your emotions and trying to learn about them, you can add a subject in your notepad about “WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS FEELING”. your first thoughts may be pessimists, specially because borderlines are VERY impulsives, like “i should probably self-harm” or even “i should probably kill myself”, due to the intensity of bpd emotions, but right now, you have to think with your rationality. for example, if your friend is delaying to reply, you can think about the possibilities that are causing this problem: if they are busy, if they are having a hard time or if they just don’t want to talk right now. after thinking about the situation as a whole, you’ll ask yourself “okay, but what will i do?” and that’s why i think it’s important to create a list about what makes you happy and what distracts you, so everytime you have a hard situation to deal with, you can check on your list. “oh, i’m having x problem, but in my list it says that painting makes me happy, so what about painting something i saw today?”. if you don’t have anything that you like about, there is an app called Calm Harm, that can help you in self-harm situations!

increase and improve positive emotional events; i know that it’s difficult for us to focus on positive moments, but once you are feeling down, please try to write about what happened in your day that was a good thing. and when i say it, i don’t mean a BIG thing, it can be something like seeing a flower in your garden. write about your sensations when your experienced this moment and think about the possibility of living this moment more than once. for example, if i saw a flower and it made me happy, can i try to plant one, so i’ll see it more often?

apply pressure tolerance techniques; by distraction, self-care, improving the moment and considering pros and cons.

SO, in your notepad, have a space to: first, identify and classify your emotions; second, a space to write about how to change your emotions; third, a space to write about positive emotional events and fourth, write about what pressure tolerance techniqures you can apply to your life. 

practice saying no and saying what you need to the people around you; sometimes people with BPD tend to think that we are a burden to friends and family, and sometimes it’s not true. due to it, we often don’t tell what we really want. so, if you could, please, practice saying NO and what you REALLY need and want to people around you, even if it’s minor things. for example, if someone asks you to lunch with them, but you can’t/don’t want to, don’t let your abandonment fear decides what it’s the best for you, just say no, but not in the intention to hurt the other person. “i’m sorry, i really like you, but i can’t or don’t want to, since i have to do x thing/feeling x thing, but i really like you!”. when you say no, you can have a better idea about what you like and what you don’t, so you can start to let people know about it. for example, “hey! yesterday i said no when you invited me for lunch, so i realized i don’t really like going to public places, what about having lunch in my house next time?”

practice breathing techniques; intense emotions can lead us to panic situations or really bad physical symptoms. in stressing moments, we hold the air, increasing the level of carbon dioxide in our system, so the organism thinks we need more oxygen and make us breathe faster. the imbalance increases our heart beats, our blood pressure and the release of hormones such as adrenaline. i recommend ASMR videos to relax and you can breathe slowly, imagining a circle opening and closing, like the gif:

the post is getting long, so i’ll finish here! i’ll probably post a part two if you guys like! please leave a comment if it was helpful and i’m sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct, english is not my native language.

you are not evil if you are an angry borderline.

you are not manipulative if you are a depressed borderline.

you are not annoying if you are an anxious borderline.