Young. Hated. Broke.

“Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who doesn’t know how to love you hurt you. Don’t confuse the two.”

You know what pains me? Its the fact that the first time I saw you, I knew if I got involved with you, I would break and not just break a little, but that I would shatter if I ever lost you. I knew because of the way you smiled, that knowing, sweet, heart stopping smile you do. I knew because of your eyes, that piercing, 'I can see through you' look that you have. I knew because my heart pounded so loudly in my chest, I was afraid you'd hear if I was too close. So I kept my distance. But how could I have resisted, when you walked lazily towards me with that damn smile on your face that made me weak in the knees? How could I have resisted, the way your hand wrapped so perfectly around mine. I knew you would break me, but I so knowingly walked in, lying to myself that I wouldn't break so easy as though I was fragile. I knew, and I closed my eyes...

“She was the one thing I did right in life. You see, I’m a person made up of fuck ups and flaws. I almost never do anything right but she, she was the one thing I did right. The one right person that I fell in love with, the one right thing that I fought for. I remember summer days along her side. I remember her scent and how inhaling it felt like coming home after being away for months. I had winter days with her in my bed and we’d talk as the rain hit dusty pavements. She was the one thing I did right. I had days when I just needed to cry and without judgment she would hold me in her arms. I remember losing her and how I told myself I’d fight for her, how one day we’d come back into each other’s lives and we’d fall in love again. I remember yesterday, and how I felt like me again. I can’t recall the broken promises, the lies, and the years she spent in the arms of another man. I just remember yesterday and how I knew she was the one thing I did right. I remember 4am passionate kisses as she pulled me in and my arms perfectly laid on her hips. I remember blistered feet from dancing all night against her body; I’m not much of a dancer but for her I’d dance ballets. I remember wrestling fights and piggy back rides, hand holding, and tickle wars. She was the one thing I did right because I remember car rides and how she’d nod her head back and forth to our favorite songs and I couldn’t help but smile as I stared at her. I remember the shape of her body, every curve, every bone, every wrinkle, and how she curled up by my side. I remember how she would rub my back because that was her way of saying “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” I remember her “I love yous,” and her “please don’t go.” She was the one thing I did right in my life because I remember her. There isn’t a day when she does not cross my mind; there isn’t a day when I don’t wonder if she’s okay. I remember her laugh and her shaky voice when she had the lump of fear in her throat. I remember yesterday, and how I felt. She was the one thing I did right in my life but today is a new day and I swear I search, and search, and search for her. They say I need to learn to let go, they say that everyone goes through heartache. But it’s hard to breathe at night and anything anyone says are just mumbled background sounds because her voice is all I hear in my head. I want her back because she was the one thing I did right in life but all that doesn’t matter because to her I was just another mistake, another fuck up, a bump in the road, another memory in her life.”

what's ur gender?

High like the Caterpillar and Mad like the Hatter