[to the tune of uptown girl] im that bitch…catch me dying in a roadside ditch

so there i am, depression all over my titties 

i hate making tea cuz i feel bad for throwing out the teabag. i’m always like i should eat this

The weirdest thing I’ve learned while working for pest control is that snails love rat poison and will actively eat it but hate seseme seeds

I should add that rat poison has NO effect on snails, and they just get super fat cause they gourge themselves in boxes of rat poison

absolute units

please keep me in your prayers guys, nothing happened i just want a fatter ass😔

the timestamp says 2017 but every fiber of my being is saying 2003

top 5 plastic chairs i'd love to die in

A good sax solo be like that.