Haly's Circus

Batman 156 (1963) vs Grayson 5 (2014). 

Like there’s a bunch of mobsters or whatever planning an assassination and then, boom, suddenly there’s a brightly-colored child standing on the table across the room, juggling and humming ‘Entrance of the Gladiators’, doing six backflips in a row, and then balancing on one hand from the back of a chair. He does a somersault and then bows deeply. The mobsters begin to clap, impressed despite their confusion. No one even thinks that Batman might be involved—this is so not his M.O. Is this kid a joke? Hired entertainment? Is it someone’s surprise birthday party? Will there be a cake?

Fellas, is it gay to watch your team leader from a tree and silently call him beautiful?

Fellas, is it gay to still think the same thing 36 years later?

But not like, as any character other than John Mulaney? Like, let’s make a John Mulaney version of Edward Nigma. Just this socially awkward disaster man who somehow becomes a supervillain because of a misunderstanding he couldn’t correct without ‘seeming rude’. And now supposedly he’s committed to killing Batman but he doesn’t actually want to be the cause of a man’s death so he just obfuscates things with ‘clues’ and ‘riddles’ and ‘battles of wits’ until Batman inevitably defeats him and he’s just like ‘oh thank god please don’t hit me’.

Damian isn’t allowed to antagonize reporters, at least not openly. Reporters ask questions, and, well, there’s a lot they could find if they looked too closely. Damian has strict instructions about the image he should present to the press: polite, introspective child who is Not At All Suspicious

But obviously, he’s found a workaround

Damian really only encounters reporters inside the manor itself, where he’s likely to be accompanied by assorted pets. They ask the standard questions: what do you want to be when you grow up? Do you get along with your brothers and sisters? Oh, so I guess you like animals?

Yes, Damian likes animals. He also likes it when reporters leave him alone, so he answers in the affirmative and invites the offending party to meet his pets, starting with the most common animals.

Some immediately abandon ship. They were just making smalltalk, so oh no, sweetie, I’m afraid I’ll have to meet your cat another time! But it was so nice to meet you! 

The ones interested in Damian himself meet his cat, and his dog, and sometimes his cow (but not his giant bat-monster, who cannot be seen by anyone), but that isn’t the end of the list.

You see, not all of Damian’s pets are either pets or his. Some of them are animals that happen to live on the manor grounds: ducks, songbirds, deer, squirrels, and other more interesting animals. Damian keeps an eye on them. He likes to observe them in their natural habitats. 

So stubborn members of the press are invited to see the colony of hissing cockroaches, the huge spider in the pantry, or the giant garden slugs. 

“Do you like animals?” “Sure! Except for snakes. I don’t care for snakes” “I found three king snakes by the pond yesterday. Want to see?”

That tends to clear them out

Valkyrie: what do you mean WHERE’s the economy? Do you mean where are the book keepers?

Thor: ah yes, of course, i was just trying out a bit of colloquialism ! So where are the money librarians ?

Valkyrie: this is so fucking sad