..𓂃 ִֶָ🦇་༘࿐

While I've had many different blogs on tumblr in the past, this one is particularly special to me, as is the anniversary of it's creation. Depression remission is not necessarily something you can place an exact date on, but I like to consider July 10th to represent an important turning point in my life. Like addiction, I consider depression something that sort of "relapses" over time. It will always be a part of me, of my biology, but I am happy to say this past year has been far less heavy. So, even if it wasn't 'perfect,' I'd like to celebrate my first year of remission today.

Admittedly, I wanted (and still do want) to tell that story in detail, but if I went through with that I don't think I'd be able to get this post done within a day. I like to be open with my mental health because I've often felt extremely lonely in these experiences, and my hope is that sharing might help someone one day. I also wish to abolish the current taboo around discussing these experiences publicly. However, I didn't realize that even after a year, talking about these things is still very painful, to the extent it would require multiple breaks and time I don't currently have.

*When symptoms of depression begin to decrease, it is referred to as Depression Remission.

Mental health aside, today's also the day I would like to shed my previous usernames. I had a bit of an online "identity crisis" there, only because I wanted a username that was 'timeless' (something I'll always like) and not tied to my personal life whatsoever. I'm very pleased with my current name, so don't worry about me changing it again any time soon.

@zeld0t was my username for a long time. However, it's tied to a lot of personal accounts. My parents have also begun to carve out a social media presence for themselves (yes, it's... a lot to take in) and I want to avoid my personal and online identities intersecting at all costs. Hence, the somewhat hasty change to @jvno-ama. Juno was a reference to Jupiter, my favorite planet, and Ama represented Amadeus, which was from an inside joke where I would tell people in highschool that if I didn't like my name I'd change it to Wolfgang (as in, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart). It's cute, but honestly, I got kind of salty because it turns out theres a lot of Junos out there.

One thing I consider when creating my usernames is that I'd like something I can apply to an actual pen name. Juno A. Jones, for example, would've been the name I used in the event I ever write a novel (Jones is a nod to David Bowie's real name). As you've likely gathered, I enjoy creating names that are layered with references only I would catch.

Bats are quite symbolic for me. Despite the fact that I don't talk much about them. They remind me of the good parts in my childhood, where my father and I would watch Batman when it was too early in the morning for my parents to be fighting. I think that show, in hindsight, stuck with me a lot. I understand the reservations towards how women are portrayed in media like that, but I remember them as having a lot of depth to them. They were educated, complex, powerful both psychologically and physically. Most importantly, they were real to me, facing problems that reflect those of women in the real world. There's also something to be said bout the concept of having to hide your true self, a part of Bruce Wayne that reflects PTSD and, in my opinion, neurodivergence. Bats themselves are impressively diverse in appearance. A bird, for example, will always have a beak despite them also coming in different colors and varying sizes. Meanwhile, I implore you to take a look at the faces of various species of bats. It's incredible. Then, on the topic once more of neurodivergence, the concept of being extraordinarily sensitive to sound and having a complex relationship with UV wavelengths, I can't help but think of sensory overload. Most notably, my first tattoo, which was bought by a former friend (who ended our friendship via a text calling me a narcissist) for thirteen dollars. Yes its off center, yes its janky, and yes it's a bat and I love it and I think the story behind it is hilarious, especially when I add that my online boyfriend got really butthurt about it and chewed me out in the car ride home.

So yeah, obviously that's part of the whole bat theme. I will not provide a detailed explanation for the references my name has related to Rohan, as anyone who's seen even one of my posts should understand how disturbingly relatable I find him. Fontaine is a reference to fountain, like Rohan's fountain pen motifs. Batlahn rhymes with Rohan (though Batla is pronounced like 'Bat-luh'). I also beleive Batlahn Fontaine tows the line between sounding fictional and real. I think it just barely passes as some obscure, old ass name (Bartholomew comes to mind), instead of the reality which is that I just made that shit up. Of course, this means my name is finally unique enough for my standards.